Better Never Than Forever: Never Say Forever, #4

By Shelley Tan

Valerie Parker and Kim Smith weren't exactly friends. Not that Kim had anything against Valerie for that matter, but Valerie was certainly not eager to begin a closeness with Kim after everything Kim had done to her best friend Char. Cheating on Char by screwing her husband? Despicable, Valerie had thought. But seeing as Valerie had moved past it (she was always so positive and mature about everything!) and the fact that there was no one else at Blue Ribbon to team up with for the Pas de Deux competition at the upcoming Dressage Championships in San Diego, Valerie decided to brush her personal feelings aside and spend time with Kim - strictly for enhancing her riding career, with a side-benefit of taking her mind off Duke, the low-life jerk of an ex-boyfriend who had recently broken her heart. It would take her mind off things, at least.

 

Kim had been reluctant to show her face at Blue Ribbon for quite some time after the entire debacle with Char's ex-husband, Jim. But at the urging of the dressage trainer, Petra, felt that perhaps it wouldn't hurt to begin riding again, as long as she kept a polite distance from Char. Kim had decided to swear off men for a while, and practicing on her horse Di Maggio was just the thing to get her mind off her troubles - not to mention her slight "transgressions"- while she focused on better days ahead. Preparing for the upcoming dressage competition would be just the thing to positively re-focus her energy. 

 

Unsurprisingly, with so much in common between the horses and the recent break-ups with their boyfriends, Valerie found herself seeing Kim more as a friend who'd made a mistake than the adultress that she'd previously taken her for. I suppose that's why getting to know someone is so important, she surmised. It wasn't a surprise for Kim either, as she had vaguely known Valerie through Char and had seen her around the barn before the big "scandal," had occurred, and always thought she had seemed nice. What did come as a shock was when Kim began to realize that she could actually have feelings beyond friendship for her new Pas de Deux partner.

 

Which only caused more confusion when Duke unexpectedly showed up again, disrupting the budding friendship- and preparations- for the all-important show. 

 

The resentment was beginning to build, and Kim wasn't sure she could handle it. Would Kim be able to get herself together and figure out her feelings before the big event? Or would she return to past habits and handle her feelings in a way that only caused more grief for everyone involved?

 

Find out in book 4 of the Never Say Forever series: Better Never Than Forever.

 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Shelley Tan
• Release date: Jan 16, 2023
• ISBN: 9798215717233

Shelley Tan

     Shelley Tan is an educator and mother of twin boys. She grew up in Northern California but vacationed on Balboa Island in Southern California as a child with her family. Balboa Island was to her the happiest place on earth. Her debut novel, Better Late Than Forever, takes her and her reader back to that place where a romance she never expected occurs, and the chance to relive her childhood fairytale. When she is not working or writing, Shelley enjoys gardening and drinking wine, but not necessarily in that order.

Book preview

Chapter 1

After a good night sleep Valerie woke up faintly remembering the dream she’d had the night before in which she had been riding expertly on her horse, muscled, shining, and his eyes soft as he felt the cues of his rider being gently communicated via a secret yet unspoken language undecipherable to anyone but them. A slight grasp of her pinky finger on the right rein signaled to him that she had wanted him to stretch down a bit and extend his reach further with his shoulders and propel himself forward. The calf of Valerie’s inside leg had pressed directly to his side a fraction of a second before his own inside hind leg had been raised to step forward, suggesting to Panache that he should lengthen his stride ever so much. It wasn’t so much of a dance as it was an ethereal connection, a rhythm of give and take consisting of years of training for both horse and rider. The result was one of almost perfect connection and understanding, a communion that couldn’t be expressed as much as felt.

At the exact moment that she’d asked for a halt, she’d bowed her head to the judges and allowed herself to glance sideways at her pas de deux partner, who was an equal match to her and her horse in every conceivable way for the first time. Therefore, the bond between horse and rider not only remained intact between each pair,

but the four of them had moved in complete synchronicity, as if all four hearts and thoughts were one.

As Valerie felt the early sunshine that threw spears of light across her bed, she lay for a while trying to separate fact from fiction. Wait a second, she wondered. Had that been…real? She rubbed her eyes gently and fluttered them a few times, trying to force her brain back to the present. She’d often had dreams of riding with perfection, her horse floating underneath her as she strode along the side of the arena. But this was different. There was something else. There was something there that she couldn’t quite put her finger on. Was it, a feeling? She asked herself, not remembering entirely. Or was it, oh wait…yes, it was becoming clearer now, as her eyes caught sight of the window just a few feet away from her bed. She let her eyes rest there on the windowsill, the sun nearly blinded her, while she searched the recesses of her mind for the information that had led to this feeling…the feeling that she couldn’t quite place.

Oh yeah, she whispered, as the thoughts partially revealed themselves to her. It had to do with Kim, in her dreams, and the horses and the pas de deux, and the music. Had the music been Bocelli, the Italian singer with a beautiful voice? Or was it the music of The Bolero, by Ravel? It was all a blur as she tried to separate the dream world from the real one. It had been peaceful. Serene. It was full of purpose and perfection…but there had also been something else.

BAM!

There it was. Fully conscious now and everything came flooding back to her, and she knew it wasn’t a dream. It was yesterday and it was…hold on…had she and Kim…?

She immediately dismissed the thought. Not that she was thinking anything sinister, never mind that anyway, not even a little...but she couldn’t quite find the

words because just like riding, she knew them intuitively yet struggled to communicate verbally, and she had felt an unspoken…attraction? allusion? Something. That was it. And that was all she knew when she was with Kim yesterday. It was in real life and not in her dream that she had felt something. Of that she was certain. And what was more, was that she could tell by looking at Kim, the awkwardness that she was sure they had both felt, that Kim had noticed it too.

Not that she would say anything, for Christ’s sake. I mean, what would there even be to say? She thought. No. She thought again. Sometimes, shit just happens, that’s all. And she shouldn’t read too much into it. That would just be weird. Valerie didn’t need to glance at her digital clock on the nightstand to know the yellow glow that had shown brightly into her room confirmed it was already late than she had intended to start her day. But she couldn’t resist, and so stole a glance at her clock, which belied the fact that she knew it was already past eight, two hours past the time she had wanted to get up. Now that her mind was fully functioning in the present once again, it didn’t take her body long to follow suit, and within moments she was kicking the pale orange sheets off of her and was pulling her jeans over her hips, feet kicking towards the ceiling, so that her pants were on before she’d even hit the floor.

As she grabbed her coffee to-go and shoved ice into the metal cup as far down as it would go, she used her free hand to swipe a lone banana from the countertop and headed out the door. It was quiet in the shared duplex with Petra and Char which meant one of two things: either they were having a late morning and sleeping languidly themselves, or they had risen hours ago and were already out at the barn, getting an early start before the heat of the day. The absence of the truck out front gave her the answer she’d already assumed, and Valerie wasn’t but a minute more when she too had jumped into her small sedan and headed out to the barn.

She never gave her crazy waking thoughts from the morning any more unwanted attention, as that sometimes happened when one was interrupted from a deep sleep and the lines between the dream world and the real world became blurred, as they often did.

She had practically forgotten all about it when she pulled up to Blue Ribbon and hustled her way out of her car and down to the barn to get Panache started for the day. It was only two months now before the Championships and Valerie had every intention of delivering a solid, if not semi-perfect, performance.

Hey, girl! Char threw a smile as she playfully sprayed a bit from the garden hose onto Valerie. The cool mist felt good as the day was already beginning to

feel stale with the heat and it wasn’t even 9 a.m.

Watch it! Valerie called back, Or you’ll be sorry later when you’re not looking! An idle threat indeed, as both knew nothing felt better than to be sprayed by

the hose after working hard in the heat and mucking about the barn. Valerie walked into the barn and saw Panache, beautiful Panache, who she felt as intimate

as she had with any partner, yet sadly he wasn’t hers. If only she could raise the money, she thought, disparagingly, he could be hers forever. Instead, he had been earning his keep as one of Petra’s show horses, and the better Val performed on him at the show, the greater the likelihood he’d be sold right out from under her. But she

didn’t have the money for a horse of her own, so that was the price she’d have to pay – with her heart- in exchange for not having the cash.

Hi, baby! Valerie cooed to him as she brought him out of his stall. She thought about turning him out to play, or lounging him before her ride, but quickly thought better of it. The sun was out, and it would be sweltering soon enough. This alone would zap any extra reserves out of him. No, she said, shaking her head. Better to conserve his energy now and we’ll ride while it’s cool.

She was putting the finishing touches on Panache, wrapping his fetlocks with light cotton, and sliding a comb through the last bit of his mane, when she looked up just as Kim sauntered into the barn looking as sharp as ever. Her cropped dark hair was too short to ever be out of place, but she was the kind of person that never would have had it less than perfect anyway. Even now, with her change in life circumstances, (since her husband’s conviction she had to work for a living like the rest of us), she carried herself in a way that suggested she didn’t have to pull her pants on one leg at a time like the rest of us.

Even though Valerie had come out to Blue Ribbon specifically to practice their pas de deux routine, Kim’s presence somehow caught her off guard when she strolled in just as Valerie was finishing tacking up Panache. Her breathe caught as her heart doubled its beat, causing little waves of adrenaline to pulse through her body at the sight of her. She coughed, trying to force her body back into homeostasis with the steady pitter patter of her heartbeat and managed to sound casual enough, or at least she’d hoped.

Heeeey…! She exhaled, allowing the word to drag on as if it had two syllables, Hay-ay rather than one. She coughed again, hoping any awkwardness in her speech would quickly be attributed to a cough that had forced its way out just as she was about to talk.

Hi, I’ll be out in just a sec, Kim didn’t miss a beat. She knew she was late and didn’t want to waste an unnecessary second on idle conversation when it was obvious that Valerie was all ready to get going.

No rush, Valerie said calmly, already leading Panache to the covered arena. Take your time.

Valerie needed a moment to check in with herself and was grateful to be able to catch her breath and have a moment to collect herself. Ok, Val, she thought to herself. 'Really? What the fuck was that just now? She talked down to herself as if chastising an old friend.  I thought you had decided that those weird thoughts about Kim were just some weird dream this morning, but now your heart is racing at the sight of her, and you can barely muster a greeting. Get over yourself! Whatever is going on, you need to get over it, and fast! You have shit to do, girl.'

Valerie took some calming deep breaths as she waited for Kim to come to the arena with DiMaggio. It’s just nerves, she tried telling herself. You are freaking out because the Dressage Championships are in two months and your mind is just playing tricks on you. Nothing more. YOU DON’T EVEN LIKE WOMEN…she reminded herself.

Where should we start? Valerie heard a voice behind her and turned around just in time to see Kim straddling across the top of DiMaggio, swinging her right leg

into the stirrup that hung down from her saddle.

"Fuck," Valerie whispered to herself one last time. Keeping her mind focused on the task at hand, it is easier said than done, she finally acknowledged. She didn’t know what had come over her, but one thing was for sure. It needed to stop. NOW.

She looked up and managed a relaxed smile as she turned to face Kim, who was now sitting up straight on top of her horse with perfect posture and leg position.

Her heels were down, and the reins were now gently being collected in her hands, signaling to DiMaggio to get ready for what would come next.

Let’s warm up a bit, Valerie suggested, so we can run through the routine. Afterward, we can work through any problems that occurred. What do you think?

Sounds good, Kim agreed. She gave DiMaggio a subtle nudge and without further delay he was off, warming up in long beautiful strides around the perimeter of the

arena.

They had been warming up for about 20 minutes and were just beginning the first part of their routine: side-by-side sitting trots down the center of the arena to a

square halt when Petra walked by and paused, watching them.

What was that? She asked, "Give him a half halt when he races forward like that, Valerie. This isn’t a race, yes? If you want to race, then we need to leave the

dressage arena and head to the racetrack. Try it again!"

Sorry, Valerie said to Kim, who would need to start over again even though she’d had a perfect entrance with the correct cadence and a square halt.

It’s okay, Kim called back, as the two horses were ridden out of the arena to try it again.

Petra’s voice was echoing now. Alright, she said. "I’m ringing the bell…you have 45 seconds now to enter the arena. Let’s go! Use your peripheral vision to stay

together! She called out, Half halt, Valerie! He wants to race! Make him listen to you! Ah! Again. Stop!" She called.

Valerie and Kim stopped their horses and exited the arena for the third time. It was 11 AM and 90 degrees already. Beads of sweat were beginning to form on

Kim’s forehead and run down her face, smudging the mascara under her eye. She took her gloved white hand and wiped the sweat, causing the salty stream to

burn her eye. At this rate they wouldn’t be through the routine until dusk, or when Petra took pity on the horses and allowed them to knock off for the day.

As for Valerie and Kim, the same amount of mercy would not be spared on them. If necessary, Petra would simply have Jose or one of the working students saddle

up two more horses, and they would come out fresh while Valerie and Kim would work until they got it right.  

It was hard-, and grueling work. And it was hot. Valerie allowed herself to sneak a quick peak at the glistening pool up at the Harrison’s, giving herself a mental

break for just a moment, before being summoned back to reality.

What’s the matter, Valerie? You want to quit? Petra asked, following Valerie’s gaze up to the pool. "You can get off your horse, right now if you’d like, and go

lay by that pool. But that’s not going to get you to the championships, okay?"

No, I, I, I’m sorry, she stammered again. No, I want to work, I just got, distracted, that’s all. It won’t happen again.

Alright then, Petra replied, her tone softening just a bit. Petra then reached into her back pocket and took out her cellphone to call Char who was down in the

lower pasture with a wheelbarrow full of manure, spreading it out in the sun to dry.

Char, she said, I need you to stop what you’re doing, and go get Zeus saddled up for me. I am going to be stuck down here in the arena helping Valerie and Kim for a while. Saddle him up and bring him to me, would you?

Char dutifully put down the wheelbarrow and wiped her forehead with the back of her arm before responding.

Yes, of course, she said. I’ll have him ready in fifteen minutes, she added.

She left the wheelbarrow right where it was, amidst a huge pile of manure, and leaned the pitchfork against it so no one would step on it, accidentally impaling themselves. While the horses