From Average to Awesome: Lessons for Living an Extraordinary Life

By Jim Smith, Jr.

Ever wish you had your own personal career and life coach, giving you advice and cheering you on? Now you do!

Jim Smith Jr.'s energy and enthusiasm are contagious. Catch them—and enjoy your own journey From Average to Awesome.

Start reading at any point because, like success, getting to awesome is not a linear step-by-step process. Dozens of uplifting, true-life stories tell how others have catapulted themselves from mediocrity to stellar achievement—despite long odds. Each chapter ends with a self-quiz to help you reflect upon your own situation, rate your level of awesomeness, and move forward.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Association for Talent Development
• Release date: May 1, 2008
• ISBN: 9781607282419

Book preview

FOREWORD

It has been said that experience is the best teacher. I think that's partially true. I believe that we can avoid a lot of pain, failure, and disappointments in life by learning from the positive and negative experiences of others to maximize our own growth and development in life. This book has been written to empower you to transform your life from average to awesome.

As you read and absorb each page, you will discover mind-expanding thoughts and ideas that will inspire you to soar to new heights. Exposure to the key turning points in everyday people's lives will give you knowledge and insights that will enable you to avoid some of the dangerous, treacherous waters of life and get in touch with your own purpose and mission.

Jim will be the first to say that this life-skills book was written in a style and language that everybody could relate to and identify with. The messages and concepts are common sense but not common practice. I believe that most people today are seeking and searching for meaning and significance, more so than ever before. Each chapter of this book will provide you with the necessary keys to unlock the door of your unlimited potential to live a life of contribution, passion, and purpose.

You owe it to yourself to take some quiet time from the noise and distractions of the world and get into this book. I guarantee you, based upon my own experience after reading it, you will never be the same again. It will change your life! Jim, you've done yourself proud!

—Les Brown

World-renowned motivational speaker,

best-selling author, radio and television personality,

and Mrs. Mamie Brown's baby boy

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I'm blessed to have so many incredible people in my life and in my corner. I refer to them as my Anchors and my Titans. Because of their unfailing strength, support, guidance, patience, love, motivation, leadership, and goal and role modeling, I'm able to thrive, come alive, and, yes, survive. They were the keys to my completing this arduous and inspiring project. They provided counsel and just in time hugs and encouragement. They also gave me feedback and space to grow, to write, to fly, and to continue my journey from average to awesome. Thank you so much!

My Anchors: Gina, Mom, Rodney, Daecia, Lauren, Jordan, and Ian.

My Titans: I have numerous Titans in my life. If I listed them all, I would probably have to title this book, Jim's Titans rather than From Average to Awesome. Let me take this opportunity to especially acknowledge several of them: Nana (Mary Lee Faulks), Aunt Venessa, Aunt Cookie, Aunt Lillian, Aunt Gail, Uncle Reggie, Cousin Carol, my sister-in-law Michelle, my nephews Donovan and Joshua, and my other wonderful family members. In addition: Anthony and Carmen Spann, Carolyn Carter, Kathy Cook, Raimond and Bionda Honig, Yolanda Rocio-Fleming, James and Veronica Gallman, Michael Thompson, Joe Boswell, Nancy Rebecca, Lynn Roman, Catherine Woods, Marilyn Massaro, Aileen Dizon, Leslie Shields, Michael Robinson, Brian and Raenonna Prince, Yvonne Reid-Sissons, Barbara Stern, Patti DeRosa, Mary Ellen Russell, Lisa Nichols, Bill and Lynn Hart, Arvon Jordan, Paul and Danielle Kallmeyer, Sherry Nottingham, John Pace, Kathy Dempsey, Deloris A. Davis, Judy Chapman, Dawn Ridenhour, Annette Stewart, Pauline Shadding, Tony Simmons, Terry Simmons, Roberta Ross, Becky Bottaro, Barry A. Callender, Fayruz Kirtzman and the other members of the Simmons team, Anthony Graham, Bruce Scagel, Kathy Gilbert, Griff and Meena Barger, Barb Kompelein, Sandi Dufault, Keith Baudin, Diane Chew, June Becker, Bobbi Foster, Jane Elliott, Steve and Judy Kane, Sonny and Meryl Elia, Sharon Gerlach, Jeanne Bray, Janae Bower, Loraine Ballard Morrill, Maria Garaitonandia, Trina Crockett, Ceasar and Evelyn Smith, Shelby Moore, Kim Reed, Tonya Murphy, Ron Mitchell, Darin and Cheryl Toliver, Wilma Williams, Della Clark, Pastor Kevin and Kemya Johnson, Jane Moses, Kim Forde, Nancy McGonigle, Kelley Cornish, John Huff, Crystal Reilly, Nancy Appleman-Vassil, Wendy Wolfe, Laura Putnam, Lynette Landing, Shelly Michas, Josh Davies, Suran Casselle, Jim Brown, Renee Russell, Allison Manswell, Mary Ann D'Angelo, and Uneeka Jay. After you read the book, if you would like, you can write your name here__________________________.

I always have room for more Titans in my life.

I also want to give a huge thank you to my friends, colleagues, clients, and supporters who contributed to the Awesome Advice sidebars and quotations that you'll be reading in the book. Along with my Titans, they are Dr. Frank Tick Johnson, Adrianne M. Winter, Priscilla Shumway, Bonnie Strand, Assunta Susie F. Marino, Roberta Salisbury, Bettina Carey, Kimberly Reynolds, Doug Waffleman McCallum, Hannah G. Gomberg, Jey Willis, Joe Sparacino, Kim Schreck, Laura Bruner, Elmer Smith, Lisa Dommer, Laura Hughes, Lisa Marzullo, Barbara Rivera, Lorainne Hicks, Rajean Bifano, Paul F. Hafner, Renne Gallart, Shannon Percy, Sheryl B. Craun, Ann Perington, Dan Kropp, Tina M. Greene, Tracie Johnson, and Les Brown.

Introduction:

From Grade School, to the School of Hard Knocks, to Awesome!

Dear James,

It has been a pleasure to teach you and to know you.

Keep your ideas, your sense of responsibility, your willingness to work, and your pleasing personality and life should be good to you.

May you have a life of service and happiness!

—MRS. AUDREY BRODIE, JUNE 23, 1979

This book project began nearly seven years ago.

I sat on the floor in a familiar position, my back leaning against the numerous authors on the bookshelf, my legs crossed, ankles overlapped. My subconscious pressed the rewind button in my brain and took me on another fascinating trip down memory lane. With my University City High School Class of '79 yearbook nestled comfortably in my lap, I turned each page in slow motion, savoring and inhaling every memory, every photo, and every signature.

Some 55 minutes later, I reached the faculty pages and there she was, beaming—my mentor, every lazy senior's nightmare, the lady who was the gatekeeper for umpteen students' diplomas or summer school plans, Mrs. Audrey Brodie.

The chairperson of the school's National Honor Society and my 12th-grade English teacher, Mrs. Brodie was a treasure. With graying hair, pristine grammar, an Estelle (Golden Girls) Getty wardrobe and as absolute as a judge demanding quiet in a noisy courtroom, she was a living institution. If educators ever created a Mount Rushmore for teachers, her face would undoubtedly be featured.

Mrs. Brodie conjugated verbs, assigned oral book reports, and jackhammered English theory into students' heads as if this would be their last chance . . . and sadly, in many cases, it was. During her 40-plus years in the classroom, she even taught former basketball legend Wilt Chamberlain.

This superteacher was the reason I majored in English in college. She was the reason my focus in graduate school was journalism. She was the reason I fell in love with Shakespeare, with poetry, with creative writing. She was the reason I knew that one day, some day, eventually, when I finally got around to it, when I stopped putting off the inevitable, I would write the book you're now reading.

While sitting there studying her words, I imagined Mrs. Brodie, propped behind her desk, directly in front of the blackboard saying, James Smith. (Yes Mrs. Brodie, I replied.) It's time to write your book.

Although I didn't know it at the time, Mrs. Brodie had given me a gift that would move me from average to awesome—a gift of encouragement, of promise, of hope, of confidence that I would someday succeed in ways I could not even fathom at the time. Perhaps you can think of someone like Mrs. Brodie who took the time to put a life-changing gift right in your lap. Did your own Mrs. Brodie move you, change you, or stop you in your tracks with a single challenging statement? Or was it the strong, proud, unflappable example of a life well lived that moved you and drove you toward change? When you think of that person and the gift of his or her life, are you still moved to tears? If so, then you can understand and appreciate what it could be like to live an awesome life. In the end, that's what this book is all about. From Average to Awesome is all about finding, savoring, using, and living with that perfect breath-stopping moment when you finally get it and understand the power of living an extraordinary life.

After that special, reflective moment, I was on a semi-mission to write this book. I say semi because for the first 12 months or so, my mission consisted solely of my telling people that I was writing a book. That became problem number one. I told my relatives. I told my friends. I told the participants in my management development and creative training workshops. I told the people who came to hear my keynote motivational speeches. I told the people who sat next to me on the plane. I told my listeners who tuned in my radio show each week. I told more people about my writing a book than Bob Barker and Drew Carey's announcer has told to contestants to Come on down on The Price Is Right.

Everyone knew Jim Smith Jr. was writing a book . . . everyone but my fingers. They waited and waited and waited, patiently, painstakingly, embarrassingly for me to begin.

When I finally decided on the angle, I got recharged. I was going to write a book that was semiautobiographical, focusing on strategies people could incorporate into their lives to be awesome at home, at work, at school, and so on. I did not care that my book would be the 2,222,222,222nd self-help book. My book, I knew, was going to be different. It was going to be a combination of Les Brown and Ellis Cose, mixed with Pat Croce, Oprah Winfrey, Richard Carlson, and Wayne Dyer and seasoned with Iyanla Vansant and Ralph Wiley.

From a motivational and from a personal standpoint, my book was going to really stretch the reader. The book was not going to be just your typical rah rah, hug everyone, eat the right foods, list your top five goals and post them on the refrigerator, promise to have a better attitude for 21 consecutive days, get on the treadmill every day and say I can do it motivational book. My approach was going to be more personable, more poignant, more revealing, and as conversational and candid as other books of this genre. Just as important, I was going to keep it real.

Because I have enjoyed many pats on the back and have endured many kicks in the seat of my personal, academic, and corporate pants, I thought my perspective might be curiously insightful, helpful, and, perhaps, surprising to all my readers. I decided to share many of the hurdles I've had to clear to move from average to awesome. One of those hurdles happens to be race. During my journey to awesomeness, I have grown accustomed to playing the Jackie Robinson role in many of my endeavors. On academic, athletic, and corporate teams, at parties, facilitating workshops, or on business trips, I've learned how to fit in and how to flourish. Elaborating on this hurdle, I thought, would undoubtedly take people on a continuous 15-inch journey—the longest 15 inches in the world—the distance between one's head and one's heart.

I knew some of my readers would wonder why I decided to even mention race. They would wonder why, because I've been relatively successful in life, I have to play the race card. I knew that some of them would not understand that race was, though significant, just one of the many hurdles I had to clear and that by mentioning it I wasn't playing the card. I anticipated that some would simply see me as just another angry black man. Nevertheless, I decided that if I omitted the race-hurdle experiences, I would be omitting a measurable part of who I am. It would be comparable to asking Ray Charles to write his autobiography or to consult on the making of the movie of his life without mentioning the role blindness played in his life. My objective was to simply share a moving, penetrating message with readers in all walks of life. To that end, I wanted my book to be on your mind long after you put it down.

During my 46 years of breathing, I've learned a great deal about what it takes to be awesome from a number of sources. I've learned from my mother, and from my diverse group of Anchors, Titans, mentors, colleagues, and friends—you'll feel their presence throughout the book.

I've also learned through my numerous experiences while attending schools and universities that were usually predominantly black or predominantly white. I've been the president of a nearly all-black student affinity group in college, and I've been a captain on the football team at that same, nearly all-white, school. Ironically, I've spent my professional life mostly with white people and my personal life (early on) mostly with black people. In essence, I've consistently lived, thrived, and at times barely survived in two unique worlds.

I've been up close and personal with stabbings, muggings, poverty, drugs, roaches, water bugs, and mice as well as with judges, doctors, business owners, corporate executives, lawyers, and professional athletes. It's been some ride! And through this book, I'm going to share my awesome trip.

By reading about my experiences from grade school to the corporate boardroom, you too can move from being average to awesome. I have used the wisdom, perspective, joy, kindness, compassion, hope, solace, and ultimately love of others to move me toward living in an extraordinary way. Because my path to understanding was in no way linear, I have not attempted to create a step-by-step path for you to follow. You will have to discover a path that's right for you. What I have provided is 25 indicators that will help you move toward living a more successful and happy life. You will have to make the positive changes in your life to achieve this worthwhile goal.

Unlike a step-by-step approach, getting from average to awesome in a nonlinear way is in some ways much easier. What if, for example, you cannot complete step 5. Do you just give up or move to step 6? What I invite you to do is use this book as one tool to improve your success and happiness in life. Whether you open up this book to chapter 7, Make Time, not Excuses, for Your Loved Ones, or chapter 2, Savor Your Meaningful Moments in Life, you are moving toward awesomeness if you apply what you learn or discover about yourself by reading that chapter.

Regardless of what you do professionally or personally, this book casually and quickly walks and talks you through lessons, keys, anecdotes, experiences, ideas, and practical steps you can take to get the most out of any situation.

Why awesome? It's powerful! Its meaning extends so much beyond material wealth, awards, and success. It's more than being the straight-A student or the first to do this or the first to do that. Its meaning goes beyond elaborate titles, too. In a nutshell, being awesome is consistently feeling fulfilled, ecstatic, positive, and energized about yourself and what you do. It's a way of life.

I hope this book moves you to make the life changes you've considered before but put off until now. I hope that it moves you to think more deeply and more consistently about things you've never given much thought to until now. I hope the book asks the appropriate questions and provides the right answers.

If you encounter any skids during your reading, remember what you were taught when learning how to drive: turn into, not away from, the skid. Upon reaching the skid, read and then reread the points that stretch your beliefs and understandings. As Stephen Covey says, Seek to understand before you seek to be understood. To the best of your ability, attempt to walk in my shoes and the shoes of others who share their experiences in the book. At the very least, ask others for their opinions. You can even email me, and we can discuss any problems you might be having relating these lessons to your own life.

To help you assess and develop your action steps after reading each chapter, I've included a simple exercise that will help you move from average to awesome. Think carefully about your answers, and be honest about where you need help and development. In addition, you should draw inspiration for moving forward by reading the Awesome Advice sidebars and quotes at the beginning of each chapter contributed by my Titans, colleagues, and friends, people just like you from all over the United States, Mexico, and Canada.

This book was originally published in 2005. I have revised it and added new tools and materials to make it even more meaningful and applicable to your own journey to awesome.

I have also provided several bonus chapters with additional stories, tips, and encouragement available for download at www.astd.org/FromAveragetoAwesome. Use these free materials to take more steps toward living an awesome life.

Writing, and then revising, this book was an exceptional experience—at times painful, at times therapeutic, at times exhilarating. I found the entire journey to be extremely rewarding, maturing, and timely. And I could not have done it without you, Mrs. Brodie! Thank you!

Jim Smith Jr.

May 2008

Chapter 1

Build Character by Persevering

Through joy and pain, patience and persistence, I have mastered the ability to keep myself in a place that gives me inner peace with everyday life changes and trials. Maturity, time, and drive are my best friends.

—LORRAINE HICKS, PHILADELPHIA

During my corporate training