Behind Silver Lienings

By Marcaila Edwards

After meeting in a life-altering accident in 2019, Actress and Supermodel Zoie Silver, developed a condition called Prosopagnosia, which took her ability to recognize and remember faces. Lost and confused, Zoie plunges into depression from losing the life she had before. The star must adjust to this major change while balancing her mental health, career and an unexpected, yet – enthralling romance. Before, Zoie walked red carpets and runways. Now, she must walk the arduous path of self-discovery. True self-discovery. 

But – what will happen when her truly ugly  past slowly pushes itself to the surface? Will the pressure break Zoie? What will happen when the glamorous silver linings of her life begin to fade? 

Whether this Hollywood sweetheart can recognize faces or not, she must face the reality of her messy life. And she must figure out who's really who…

• Language: English
• Publisher: Marcaila
• Release date: Nov 1, 2022
• ISBN: 9798215370438

Book preview

PROLOGUE: PART 1

October 1, 2019

My mind stirs from sleep and my eyes flutter open as they try to adjust to the bright light protruding them. My hand rises to shield my eyes from the blinding sun. Ugh, I hate mornings.

My eyes finally adjust to the light and I reach across to the night stand to check my phone.  15 messages and 22 missed calls, what’s happening today? I gaze upward at the clock.  9:20? Crap I’m late!

I lunge from the bed and rush into the shower, we’re gonna have to make it a quick one today.

*ring – ring – ring *

I ignore the phone as I hurriedly get ready, doing everything two times faster than usual. I jump into a pair of mom jeans, white sweat shirt and boots. My legs make long strides to the kitchen and I pour some coffee into my tumbler.

I'm so dead, it’s 9: 45.

I grab my bag, keys and phone and run to the door, locking it with urgency. I feel like I’m forgetting something. I spend 30 seconds rattling my brain and then it hits me.

Crap! The script.

Rushing inside, I quickly rummage through the papers on the desk in my home office and find the tattered script then once again head for the door. I run towards the closing elevator with as much energy I have, my phone still ringing off the hook. I spot a figure inside.

Wait! Hold the door! I shout at the top of my breathless lungs.

For a moment, I think I wasn’t heard but then I see a hand holding on to the golden doors. I sigh with relief and speedily walk into the waiting box.  I hold on to the railing trying to gather myself and regulate my ragged breathing.

Thank you, I breathe out before looking up to see a pair of kind brown eyes beaming at me.

Yeah, sure. Are you okay?

After my lungs remember how to work, yes I’ll be fine, I let out a breathy chuckle.

I haven’t seen you here before, are you new? I question, finally taking in his unrealistically chiselled face, and jaw littered with a light yet neat stubble. My eyes stay focused on the single lock of brown hair sitting on the rim of his glasses. I’m brought from my daze as he answers with a knowing smirk.

I did not just ogle this man’s face. I fail to believe.

Mmmhmm. You did and now you’re in a competition with Rudolf’s shiny red nose.

I mentally roll my eyes and terminate this conversation between me and myself. I reckon she has on her sassy pants today.

I just moved into the second penthouse unit. So, I guess we’re neighbours.

Due to my fast-paced morning, I didn’t even realize that he was on the penthouse floor and being that there are only two units he would be my new neighbour. I extend my hand in his direction and with a firm grip he shakes it, the material of his soft, navy blue cashmere sweater brushes against my fingertips.

Welcome to Le Vista. I’m Zo –

*ring – ring – ring*

Okay, I better get this before I get fired.

Yes, yes, I know. I’m late but I’ll be there in 20 minutes and yes, I read the revised script, I answer without even looking at the caller ID.

Where are you Zo? You know Monica hates it when we’re late.

I overslept but I’ll be there soon, just stall for me Vic. Love you, bye!

I hang up before I get another 10 minutes lecture from her about how one actor being late derails the entire productivity on set. She isn’t wrong though, it does.

Sorry, late for work, I turn back to my new neighbour giving an apologetic smile.

That’s okay. I’m Jaxson Hale,

Professor?

Not quite. His chuckle bounces around the walls of the elevator. Not all guys in cashmere sweaters, khaki pants and glasses are professors, you know.

Your face looks oddly familiar, he adds after a short silence and a bit of staring.

Is it? I question.

*ding*

This is my stop, he looks at me one last time before the elevator doors open to the ground floor.

I’ll see you around.

I’ll see you around, Jaxson, I reply.

Wait, I didn’t get your name, he looks back at me, a briefcase in his left hand, right knuckle folded into his khaki pocket.

I’ll tell you tomorrow, I grin at him.

Did I just grin at him?

Walks like a grin, talks like a grin, sounds pretty accurate to me. Pull it together!

He shakes his head from side to side and beams from ear to ear before leaving me. I watch as his tall frame strides out into the lobby.  I press the ‘U’ button on the elevator for the underground parking lot, and tap my feet impatiently against the wooden floor as I descend. Finally, the door opens and I get inside my car.

Okay Zoie, today is going to be a good day. Today will be better than yesterday and tomorrow will be better than today. It is good to be alive. I recite my daily mantra as I begin to pull out of the garage.

Inhale. Exhale.

A wave of tranquillity washes over me. Everything is just so calm and silent. Silence, I’ve always feared silence.  The moment all seems to go well, something happens.  I get chills as I stop at the mouth of the garage waiting for the security to lift the parking barrier.

He smiles at me, Have a good day, Ms. Silver.

You too –

The smell of burning tires fills the air, a black van rushes towards me!

SCREECH! BANG!

Silence, I’ve always feared silence.

PROLOGUE: PART 2

3weeks later...

Bright fluorescent lights help to well more tears in my eyes as I look at the image placed before me. I squint my eyes and the tears fall down my cheeks as I try to make out the image before me. I sigh before quivering out the same words for the third time.

I don’t know.

Ok, that one is me. 

What? the man is literally in front of me but as soon as he shows me a picture of himself I cannot recognize him. Firstly, that picture does not look like him, it looks like... I don’t know what it looks like but definitely not the man sitting before me.

So, you remember everything leading up to your accident. You said you pulled up to the exit of the garage then what?

I know someone lifted the barrier for me but I don’t remember who it was. I’ve been living at Le Vista for 5 years, there hasn’t been any new security guards. Why can’t I remember who opened the barrier?

I use the back of my palm to wipe my damp cheeks.

I know this is hard Zoie, but we have to take it step by step to find out what’s wrong. Symptoms like these are common after brain injuries.

Do you remember the colour car that hit you?

It was a black van.

Okay good, your memory is intact for the most part. I’m going to point to some parts on my face and I want you to tell me where I pointed to.

Ok, first one. He points to his eyes I think.

Eyes.

Very good. Next one, He points to what I think should be his ears but I’m not sure. Everything on his face is just hard to put together and some parts just seem foreign.

Ears?

Are you sure? He quizzes. I’m not sure of anything at this point.

I nod no and he begins to jot down something on his clipboard.

What am I doing right now? He asks, smiling.

Smiling, he’s smiling. What is there to smile about?

Smiling, I answer in a very annoyed and clipped tone.

"Okay, one last picture and then we’ll go from there.’

He holds up another picture and from the haircut I can tell it is a man but his face just looks, I don’t know how to explain it. I take my time trying to put the features together but they just don’t, so of course, my response is the same as the 3 times before.

I showed you this same picture less than 2 minutes ago, it’s me.

Huh? But he doesn’t look like the man on that picture, and as for 2 minutes ago I don’t remember. What is happening to me?

Ok, I’ll see you in a few minutes with one of my colleagues to run some more tests.  Sit tight and stay calm. Ok?  He rises from the chair beside my bed and makes his way to the door.

PROSOP- WHAT?

Prosopagnosia, also called face blindness.  When you met in that accident, you hit your head pretty bad on the window due to the impact and that caused brain trauma specifically to the right hemisphere.  In addition to the trauma, you suffered a minor stroke on your right side before you woke up.  There are parts in the optical and temporal lobes of the brain called fusiform gyrus. These are responsible for facial recognition and due to the damage caused, your ability to perceive, recognize and remember faces has been impaired.

So, in English, that’s why I can see everything else but I can’t remember faces?

This has got to be a joke, right?

Yes, but symptoms vary among patients.  Some patients cannot recognize any faces including their own, others can recognize some faces or sections of faces. As we’ve seen from the tests, you can identify some facial structures, others you can’t, except for your own.  When I asked you to tell me the parts of my face I pointed to, you recognized some easily and others you weren’t sure of. Based on the other assessments Dr. Lincoln has done, we’ve concluded that you are still able to detect some simple changes in facial expressions, hence the smiling.

I watch as his figure takes a seat beside my bed.

Zoie, I’m your doctor but we’ve also been friends for years, you didn’t recognize me until I told you who I was.  I’ve been doing this for 2 days since you woke up.

I’m sorry. I don’t know, I just – I pause before my panicked rant begins.

So what do I do next? Surgery? Special glasses? Eye drops? Medication?

I’m sorry, there’s no procedure or medication to cure face blindness. You can try learning to read visual cues and body language, or listening more closely to voices, but there is no –

Please do not say there isn’t a cure. There has got to be something. What about clinical trials, or ... something... I don’t know.

He says nothing. He looks at me and I can just imagine pity growing like a flowering seed in his eyes by the second.

Zoie, I’m really sorry. I- I don’t know what to say.

I turn on my side in the cold bed trying not to succumb to tears.

Zoie Silver, 25 years old face blind actress and model. Yeah, has a nice ring to it.

DAMN IT!

I hear a pained sigh from the left side of the room, I presume it’s Dr.  – whatever his name is.

I’ll give you some time before Dr. Lincoln comes with further suggestions. Would you like me to send Vic in? She’s been waiting to see you.

I’d like to be alone, please, I quiver as the cool tears waltz down my face.

Silence should bring peace but this, this is chaos. Questions swarm my mind, they scream disturbing the silence. The bouquets of flowers that line the room laugh and mock me with smiles as my whole world becomes distorted.  The once eerily quiet silence, becomes deafening.  I cover my ears in the chaos, praying for it to stop.

I’ve always feared calm and silence, until I found out there was something worse – chaos.

CHAPTER 1

Nestled in the patio sofa on the balcony, my fingertips trace the thin ivory page I’ve been ‘reading’ for the past hour, while my eyes take in the view of the California mountains before me.

My trance is cut short as my door bell rings. Reluctantly, I slowly stride to the door with my book and phone in hand. I look through the peep hole and-

Ha! How smart Zoie, as if you can see who it is.

Note to self, ask maintenance to change the door. I don't need that little hole as a daily reminder of my incapability. I go to open the door and mentally smack myself across the face.

Where's the stupid mask?

I rest the objects in my hand on the entrance table and grab one of the masks from the drawers. I open the door and my eyes meet a face. A pair of clear rimmed panto glasses sits on the individual's face, and a blue surgical mask hides the rest. As I inhale, the smell of mint and sage greet my nostrils. I take another second to scan the tall frame before me in a blue sweater over a white button-down shirt and khaki pants. His warm brown eyes peer at me through the lens of his glasses. Just as I was about to speak he begins.

Hi, I'm Jaxson, Jaxson Hale. We met last October when I moved in the other penthouse,

October 2019, our favourite month and year, yayy.

Zip it, Zoie 2.0.

Faintly, I remember meeting him the day of my accident when he moved in.  Instead of saying anything I just smile and nod.

This package was left at my door but I think it's actually yours, he continues.

In his outstretched arm I see the cardboard box and I remember that Monica said she would be sending over the last of the things they cleared out of my trailer.

Oh, thank you. I take the parcel and place it in front of the entrance table.

You’re welcome, have a nice day. Hesitantly he turns to walk away and I begin to close the door, but before I do he calls out.

You don't remember me, do you?

Well I do remember meeting him just not his face, so typically it’s a yes-no answer but; I opt for no. All the better for me, that way I won’t have to talk to him.

I lift my head and nod ‘no’ apologetically.

I'm terrible at remembering names and faces, I lie, well half lie, as a matter a fact it isn’t a lie

It's okay, I'll just make sure I leave a lasting impression next time, He says before walking into our floor's private elevator.

Good luck with that, mister.

I sanitize the box with a nearby disinfecting spray and head to the kitchen island to view its contents. When I open the flaps, there are only a few items: my travel cosmetic bag, a copy of 'The Great Gatsby', my silver crucifix, and something wrapped in white packing paper. Resting the other contents on the island, I begin to strip off the paper, which reveals my picture frame. Inside, are several pictures of people I call my family. I kept it hung in every trailer I've ever worked in as a reminder of what is real, and as time passed, my family grew and I would add to the frame.

A frame that once reminded me of what is real and what I had been blessed with is now a reminder of what I've lost. I squint looking at the frame, hoping I could make out at least one face, but nothing. My mind scans different body parts trying to piece them together but nothing. I decide to do the next best thing, look for myself in the pictures.

In all of these pictures, I only see my face and in each it looks back at me, sticking out like a sore thumb. I stand from the bar stool and walk over to the living area to put the frame in the bottom drawer of the coffee table, sitting beside the white sectional.  I really don't see the need to hang it. Before I place the frame in the bottom drawer, something catches my eye, the top right corner is empty.  I don't need anyone to tell me nor do I need to see to know who should’ve been there. My heart sighs and without sparing another second on it, I place the frame faced down in the draw and close it.

I lay on the sectional and my eyes wonder around the room. What am I doing? What should I be doing? The pandemic has settled down a bit and people are emerging from the confines of their homes for small gatherings, shopping or just for the sake of being outside for fresh air. I think about going for a jog but instead, I opt to take a shower and then we'll see what happens.

4 hours has passed and here I am, still in my bathtub, sitting in the now cold water. What have I done?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Nothing at all.

I just stared at the marble walls and momentarily my eyes would flicker to the silver rimmed mirror telling me to stay in here a little longer. Surrounded by these marble walls I feel safe. There's no one to face, there's nothing to worry about. It's just me and the water. I want to stay here but my stomach alerts me that she has no intention of being left empty again tonight.

Regrettably, I uncork the tub and dry myself off. I take the hair dryer from the cabinet and begin to blow out my tangled brunette mane, then put it in a loose pony tail. I go to the kitchen and heat up yesterday’s lasagna. Just two forks full and then I'm rudely interrupted by the phone ringing.

Hi Zoie, it's Lu- I mean Dr Myers.  How are you?

I'm good Lucas, and you?

Lucas, he pauses, you remembered my name?" he continues somewhat shocked.

I have my good moments, I chuckle.

Sorry for calling so late but you haven't had a check-up in a long time, a year to be specific.

I know, with the pandemic and all I just thought it could wait.

Well, now that it's safe for you to come to the office, I'd like you to drop by just for a routine check-up.

Do I have to? I mean, I'm pretty sure I'm fine.

I really don’t wanna go anywhere.

I just want to be on the safe side, make sure we’ve checked all the boxes.

I don't think he'll let up, so let's just get it over and done with.

Ok, When ...

I don't even have the chance to finish before he begins.

Great I'll see you tomorrow 10:00.

See you tomorrow, bye.

Or not.... Ha ha ha. Get it?

Oh shut up, Zoie 2.0!

The following morning, I wake up early and get ready for my day. Now I begin to pack my bag with all my necessities. Sunglasses, check. Mask, check. Purse, check. Alright that looks like everything. Let's go. I lock the door and head to the elevator. As the doors are about to close a hand stops it. I smell the person before I see them, it's the same sage and mint fragrance from yesterday.

Jaxson

So, you remembered this time, he enters.

Wait what? Did I say it out loud?

What shocks me even more is I remembered him, from his cologne.  I hang my head down to hide my face reddening from embarrassment.

I guess I do? I look up at him

You know, it was the other way around last time we were here

How so?

Well I was already in the elevator and there you were running towards me, out of breath. Seems you were late for work.

Ahh yes, I remember.

The day I crashed.

You know, you never did tell me your name,

I faintly remember telling him I'd tell him tomorrow.

So much for tomorrow

I'm Zoie, Zoie Silver.

Zoie Silver, as in actress, Zoie Silver?

Guilty as charged.

My neighbour is Zoie Silver. I knew your face seemed familiar. How didn’t I notice before?

I wouldn’t have recognized me either, I was pretty dishevelled.

Hey, this isn’t so bad for my first face to face conversation in a year, now is it?

Way to go, Zo!

Wait, you um... I'm sorry about your um – accident.

And just like that, my conversation becomes not so good. It's okay, I smile awkwardly not knowing what to do.

Well that went downhill really fast. 

*Ding*

Saved by the bell!

Well I'll see you around, Jaxson

No you won’t, ha ha ha !

Ok seriously I'm gonna have to gag Zoie 2.0.  I mean she's not lying but she really needs to shut it.

He gives me a tight-lipped smile before walking to his car, well shell of a car. Is it even legal to drive that thing? It's a literal death trap.  I stand still in astonishment, as after several rumbles the engine starts.  Dear God, this is a safety hazard.  I mean, where does anyone find a VW beetle in 2020?

I walk over to the vehicle that’s waiting on me and as I do, Jaxson honks his horn.  Still stunned, I slowly wave before opening the door of the black SUV.

Good morning, Patrick my bodyguard/ my everything greets.

Morning Pat, to Luke’s office, please,

You got it.

CHAPTER 2

BP is good, heart rate is good?

Told yah, I'm fine.

Judging by how thin you look right now everything isn’t all good. On the scale please, he instructs.

I remove my shoes and step on the scale.

115 pounds? what?

Zoie, you've lost 10 pounds. Your thin, very thin

It's not a lot, I futilely try to defend. Who am I kidding, 10 pounds?

Are you kidding me Zo? Look at yourself. Do you eat every day?

Yes, I whine like a child.

Liar, Liar pants on fire!

I don't know what his face is doing right now but I know he's not pleased.

Every day? he continues to press for answers he already has.

Ok Lucas, maybe some days I forget. I roll my eyes and shrug.

You forget or you just decide not to?

It’s a pandemic, who cares about food?  I’m pretty sure no one is stuffing their face around the clock. Time passes by and sometimes I just forget. It isn’t a big deal.

So, you haven't been eating enough. He scribbles something on his clipboard. Something about doctors and their clipboards always seem so intimidating to me.  I really want to get out of here, this place doesn't necessarily hold the most pleasant memories for me.

Tell me about it.

He rests the clipboard on his table and turns to look at me.

Zo, It's me, Luke. I'm your doctor but long before that I was- I am your friend. Drop all the formalities, it’s me. Talk to me.

What is there to talk about? I hit my head and now I can't recognize faces anymore, it’s not a big deal, I've moved on, I try to be as nonchalant as possible.

Of course, it's a big deal. That accident was literally life changing for you. Your whole world, your whole life, your whole career is centred around your interaction with people.  That has changed, you have changed.

What do you want me to do, Luke?  Do you want me to walk around moping every day? I have accepted it, I've moved on.

Have you?

Yes, I have! I shout at him.

Then why haven’t you told anyone? People haven’t seen or heard from you in a year Zoie, you've done no interviews and your socials are inactive.  And for the love of precious oxygen, which a lot of people need right now, don't tell me it's because of the pandemic.

I have told people. You know, Chad knows, Pat knows and Vic too. Everyone who needs to know, knows. You know I like my privacy.

This isn’t privacy Zo; this is isolation. You know it, I know it. It’s not healthy. Vic is worried sick about you, when last have you talked to her apart from you're one text every month to let her know you're alive?  And poor Chad, he’s been working double time to make sure the world doesn’t think your dead.

I remain silent.

Zoie, your circle is very small, but you still have a circle. We love you, okay?  We're only trying to help you. Tell us what you need.

I fiddle with my fingers and a dark, unexpected laugh leaves my lips.

I need my life back! Unless you can give me that, then I suggest you leave me alone.

You have your life Zoie.  Sure, it's not the same, and I could never imagine what you're going through, but I just want to help you. You're gonna wreck yourself if you continue like this.

I remain silent, I have nothing to say. I just want to go into my fortress and forget this day ever happened.

Did you ever see Dr. Lincoln for the sessions she suggested?

I’m not crazy, I don’t need a shrink.

Are you sure about the crazy part?

No, you’re not crazy but you’ve experienced severe trauma. You need to talk to someone.

I’ll be fine Luke, I’m always fine.

He sighs, Since you find it hard to eat large meals, eat 4 -5 small meals, this will help to add some more pounds.  Take your vitamins, and get some light exercise in. Call me if anything happens, or you just want to talk.  I’ll see you next month. He hands me a list of things to do, which I take and drop in my purse.

Thank you, I say and we exit his office. On my way out, I pass the nurses bay and I can feel the pity in the atmosphere.  Patrick spots me and comes to my side.

The paps are here. Do you have your glasses?  Of course, they’d be here. Not even a pandemic could stop them. Let’s just hope it’s not a lot of them, today really isn’t the day.

Yeah. I take the shades out of my bag and put them on. How many?

About 10, but we need to go before others arrive.

Use the service exit, Lucas says and Patrick leaves to bring the van around.

We stand at the back door waiting for Patrick to come get me. Soon he pulls the door and uses his hands to shelter me from the paparazzi who still found a way to make it to this side of the lot. On cue they throw questions like daggers.

Zoie are you sick, where have you been?!

Is it true, your career is over?!

Is your new movie still coming out?!

Zoie! Zoie! Over Here!

I manage to make it into the van, and Pat speedily leaves the lot. I remove the shades and look through the rear windshield to the meddlesome men and women flashing their cameras.

Welcome to my world.  

CHAPTER 3

S ure you wanna go up alone? Pat asks as he pulls into the underground parking lot.

Yeah, I’m fine.

Ok, I’ll bring some groceries by tomorrow. Just send me a list later.

I really don’t deserve Pat.  I tell him thanks and hurry into the elevator. When I reach my floor, I punch in the code on the keypad to unlock the door but it says ERROR. I try again but the red letters spelling ERROR flash again. Ugh, what is this now? I make 3 more attempts and next thing I know is I’ve been blocked.

Great, just great.

I call maintenance and apparently, I have to wait half an hour because other residents are having a similar challenge. With nothing to do, I slide down unto the wooden floor in front of my door.

Ten minutes pass,