They Couldn't See for Looking

By Jessie Ifill

Julie Crenshaw learns early in life the hypocritical nature of small townsfolk who makes everybody’s business their own.
Julie’s (at the age of ten) reactions to the death of her beloved brother who was killed in war left everyone utterly amazed and they began to avoid her as if she had been stricken with leprosy. She doesn’t understand her reactions but can’t afford to question them or tell anyone how she feels. She begins to shelter her emotions and takes on a superficial, casual attitude towards life.
She can’t wait to leave Pineland. To escape small-town life, she goes to New York City, where people mind their own business; but soon discovers that the problems of living in New York are just as complex as sophisticated.

• Language: English
• Publisher: LifeRich Publishing
• Release date: Dec 6, 2022
• ISBN: 9781489745415

Jessie Ifill

Born in Birmingham, Alabama; the seventh child of ten children. Moved to Brooklyn, New York where she married and began her family and career. Moved to Long Island, New York where she raised her three daughters and son. Received her undergraduate degree from New York Institute of Technology and her Master’s degree in education from Hofstra University. Taught elementary, junior and senior high school, adult education, and college courses in New York, Maryland, Washington (DC), and Pennsylvania.

Book preview

THEY

COULDN’T

SEE FOR

LOOKING

JESSIE IFILL

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Copyright © 2022 Jessie Ifill.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means,

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Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

ISBN: 978-1-4897-4540-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4897-4539-2 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4897-4541-5 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2022922249

LifeRich Publishing rev. date: 11/26/2022

CONTENTS

Pineland

New York

Pineland

PINELAND

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S he’ll be home in about thirty minutes.

Very well. I’ll wait.

Lee Anne, the oldest of the Crenshaw girls, who played mother with such glowing delight, gestured, welcoming the man in.

I’ll wait here if you don’t mind.

By then a circle had been formed around this unusual sight in their neighborhood wearing a gray suit (on a Saturday) and carrying an attache case. Lee Anne shooed the children off the porch and they hesitantly returned to the front yard where they had been playing.

The tall man just stood there on the porch erect and expressionless.

The minutes dragged on. His presence was soon forgotten by the other children but Julie fidgeted, glancing occasionally at the erect figure on the porch. She couldn’t play with the other children but sat under the big peach tree making circles in the black earth with her fingers.

She saw her mother get off the bus and ran to meet her with all the gang in hot pursuit. Mama, there is a man waiting for you. He has been waiting a long time, she said, studying her mother’s face.

That’s right, just standing there ... for such a long time, other eager voices interjected as they rushed home. They all filed up the steps and onto the porch.

Are you Mrs. Crenshaw?

Yes. Won’t you come in please.

The man followed Mrs. Crenshaw in. She motioned for the children to stay outside. Julie stood with her face pressed to the screen looking in.

The man meticulously took out a piece of paper and began reading its contents loudly with acute formality as if he were making a speech. They watched the words as they flowed from his pink lips.

The U. S. Army regrets the loss of your son, John David Crenshaw, who was killed in action ...

He continued reading, his words becoming louder and louder. Julie placed her hands over her ears and rocked back and forth as in a trance. The flow of incoherent words collided in her brains. The word killed ... killed ... killed trampled through her mind. Lee Anne grabbed her mother and held her close to her. My son, my son. Oh My son, Mrs. Crenshaw cried out. Lee Anne weeped and moaned loudly.

Hearing the crying, the children playing in the yard rushed in and sensing the seriousness of the situation began crying spontaneously. Julie watched. She began to giggle. Soon she was laughing louder and louder. Suddenly, there was no crying, instead her laughter filled every corner of the room, punctuated by the man’s recitation. She couldn’t stop laughing.

The man presented Mrs. Crenshaw with the letter, a medal, and some other papers. He left as expressionless as he had come.

Utterly amazed at her behavior, Lee Anne shooed Julie out of the house, as she stood over her mother who had slumped onto the couch. Lee Anne tried to persuade her mother to call her father but Mrs. Crenshaw decided not to but to wait until he got home. Julie was avoided as if she had suddenly been stricken with leprosy.

She sat under the peach tree drawing circles in the black earth unaware of the parade of neighbors conveying their condolences. She could neither laugh nor cry now. She sat in deep thought. Nobody’s favorite anymore, nobody’s knee to sit on, no more silk pajamas, no more music boxes, no one to wait on she reflected.

Old nearsighed Mrs. Alberta, the mother of the neighborhood, who lived in the adjoining house to the Crenshaws, sat on her porch rocking slowly, her chair squeaking mournfully with each rock. With her eyes affixed on Julie, she mumbled to herself God knows it’s a shame. No tears for the dead. What is this world coming to? Her glasses rested on her nose. Although her eyes were set on Julie, she didn’t see her at all.

At the time, Julie was ten years old. Day after day, she relived every instance she could remember being with her brother until it seemed that he wasn’t dead at all. She had heard the phrase lost in action and had chosen this as her brother’s fate. She expected to see him again. At any time he would walk through the door again and she would run into his arms, she would often imagine.

It took some time before the Crenshaws and the neighbors got over Julie’s shocking behavior. They tried to analyze the reasons for such inappropriate reactions. Everything from a state of shock to hysteria was talked about. And, finally it all boiled down to that foolish, no caring child as the neighbors final analysis.

Julie began to feel a certain detachment from people. Although she put up a good pretense, she couldn’t get close to anyone any more. She felt the need to shelter herself. No one suspected this need because she had become exceedingly extroverted in a casual, easy-going way.

Five years passed and she became something of a standout in the community, holding up the family’s banner that had been raised by her brother and Lee Anne. She excelled in school and was a vital part of the school, church, and community.

Joseph was the new boy in town and the main attraction. Julie first heard his name at school. He was a controversial issue between two girls Francine and Lena. He had moved to their neighborhood only a few weeks ago but his charm, wit and outgoing personality had already won him many friends, both boys and girls.

Francine was tall, slender, and light complexioned. She was pretty but had a wild, loose, untamed look about her. She always wore her hair long and flimsy. She wasn’t reserved at all. Lena was the complete opposite of Francine. She was very petite, had a small face, and wore her hair short, cut close to her face. She was by no means ugly but because of her quiet, retiring look you would never have looked at her twice and the smirk on her face accompanied by a sneaky, disguising expression always made you wonder what was really on her mind.

Everyday Julie would hear Francine’s and Lena’s stories. They were surely each other’s rival. Both in love with Joe. They talked of how charming, how handsome, what a dancer, singer, and smooth lover he was.

Neither of the girls were close friends of Julie but because she listened to their stories so attentively they clung to her.

In the morning before class, she heard Lena’s side of the story.

At lunch, it was Francine’s side of the story she heard. Everyday it was Julie who was acting as their counselor.

Day after day, after day, the name Joe entered into her ears. Not knowing Joe, she began to long to see him. She wondered how he would strike her. Each day she couldn’t wait to get to school and hear the next exciting chapter. This went on for months.

Jackie, one of Julie’s classmates, lived in the same community as Francine and Lena. She knew Joe, not too well but well enough. She had no good words for him. He was good looking, charming and all the other wonderful things but he was a runaround. He enjoyed having girls around and making all of them feel special and fortunate of his attention was Jackie’s impression of Joe. He is probably fun having around, but not to be taken seriously, Jackie would say in such final tones.

After Jackie had voiced her opinion of Joe and had taken a stand unquestionably against him and skeptical that Jackie would think she was interested personally, Julie never asked her questions about Joe again, although she itched with the desire to know Joe and all about him.

It was Homecoming Game at school, the biggest football game of the year. Both Francine and Lena had said they would introduce Joe to Julie. They both were very anxious that she meet their Romeo. Julie wondered how this introduction would take place and laughed to herself at the thought of Romeo with a Juliet on each arm.

Having been duly taught that the first impression was a lasting impression, Julie had taken great care in dressing and doing her hair. She had her hair high up, a bit too high, because she thought it made her look prettier and she wanted to look as pretty and as mature as possible. She was wearing gold and white, their school colors. Their badge of identification. She thought she looked pretty although common too in her gold skirt, white bulky sweater with big Hs on each sleeve, white loafers, white socks, and gold tam.

It was a beautiful mid-fall day, cool and breezy with the sun peeping through. As usual, the crowds were there long before kick-off time. The cheerleaders, different bands, former graduates, students, faculty members, and spectators were all in good spirits, ready to boost their team. They all bounced, jumped, and laughed as the cheerleaders warmed them up even more with their pep calls.

Standing on the bleachers with Jackie, Julie got her first glance at Joe. Pointing to a very good looking, tall, dark boy wearing a maroone jacket, Jackie said sarcastically Julie that’s Joseph the Great and with even more sarcasm she added, God’s gift to girls. Knowing Jackie was one of the few who didn’t think much of Joe, Julie understood the expression on her face too well.

Jackie was what people called a natural beauty. She had an olive complexion, and big, widely set apart eyes. There was a certain coldness and aloofness about her and many of Julie’s friends and fellow students wondered how she and Jackie became friends at all. Jackie wasn’t close to anyone else at school but she and Julie had been good friends for three years, since they first met in the ninth grade. She was a very sensible girl most of the time but had a habit of magnifying her good points and underestimating others. At any rate, Julie wasn’t about to let Jackie’s opinion deter her plans for Joe. Just what those plans were she hadn’t clearly mapped out in her mind, but knew they consisted of more than a casual introduction at a football game.

Julie placed her hand on her chin and turned her head very hesitantly, and said slowly, quite interesting, quite interesting.

I’m afraid you really believe it Julie, Jackie intoned giving her an inquisitive look. They laughed it off but Julie was still waiting to be introduced to Joe.

A good while later Julie spotted Lena with Joseph coming towards her. She wondered where in the world was Francine.

Did she see this? Had Joe spoken to her at