Not Your Burden, Sis!: Finding Yourself Through Jesus After Sexual Trauma and Immaturity

By Christina Kareé

From a young age, Christina was taught to be compliant, to never make a scene, to be the good little Christian girl. An early sexual assault was brushed under the rug, and life continued around her. This led Christina to a very low sense of self-esteem and a desperate need for approval. Not Your Burden, Sis! contains Christina's raw testimony regarding past sexual assaults, sexual harassment, and the occasional hookups she participated in, prompted by her need for validation.

She provides these vivid personal accounts, not for shock value or revenge, but to help other women realize they are not alone and that what happened to them is not their fault. Sexual assault or immaturity cannot change a person's intrinsic value or worth.

In the second half of the book, Christina shares with her readers the three steps she found that helped her heal from her sexual trauma and find wholeness, including a nontraditional discussion of who Jesus is and the perhaps unexpected ways he was an advocate for women.

Whether you've given in too easily when it comes to sex or you've been the victim of assault or sexual harassment—or all of the above—this book is for you. The stories of your past do not go away, but the hurt, guilt, and shame you've carried need not be your burden anymore.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Dec 1, 2022
• ISBN: 9781667850047

Book preview

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Not Your Burden, Sis!

Copyright © 2021 by Christina K. Halstead. All rights reserved.

Scripture marked NLT is taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Scripture marked NIV is taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Print ISBN: 978-1-66785-003-0

eBook ISBN: 978-1-66785-004-7

WARNING: This book contains a raw retelling of sexual assault and rape.

Because this book is not about putting anyone specific on blast, some names and identifying details have been changed.

Contents

Introduction

My Testimony

Daycare at the Casino

High School

My Ex-Boyfriend’s Best Friend

The Old Man and the Fake Interview

The New Girl Is Fair Game

Passionately Pursuing Justice

Houston’s Mr. Hefner

Let’s Get into It

Christina at the Well

Not Your Burden: Stepping through to Healing

Don’t Let Your Pain Keep You from Evolving

Introduction

Let’s get one thing out of the way: this book is not about me trying to get you saved through Christ Jesus or to convert you to Christianity. This is not that type of book. I say through Jesus on the cover because my faith is what gave me strength and I felt a connection to the stories in the Bible I mention in Part 2. If you rely on your own inner strength or if you place your faith in a different higher power, I encourage you not to dismiss this book just because you see Jesus in the title. You’ll see more about Him later in the book, but I’m not going to give you a He’s the way, truth, and the life speech. Instead, we’ll focus on how He treated women. So, even if you’re not a believer, I’m hoping you will still find the general application of the three ideas I discuss and the biblical examples provided to be helpful and interesting.

When God told me to write this book, I thought He was confused. Me? You want me to put my trauma and messy life out into the world for people to judge and criticize? I don’t think so, God. I’ve already got enough going on as it is, without people knowing this part of my life. Nope. No thanks, Lord. You’ve got the wrong gal.

It’s quite comical now as I write this introduction to think that I would have thought that God had the wrong person. You know, Moses thought God was confused, too, when he was called. He even suggested God use his brother instead.

I knew of Moses’s story, yet I still doubted what God was calling me to do. I was looking at it from a place of fear. What if people don’t believe my testimony? What if the book doesn’t help anyone? What if I never find someone to date once all this gets out there? What if no one will support me? What if my family judges me once they read this? I could go on… Trust me, I’ve probably thought of every what if possible in this scenario.

Well, God doesn’t like it when you doubt Him or His creation (you). Like Jonah, I also initially avoided the task God was calling me to do. Except, instead of sending a big fish to set me straight, God put up every roadblock in my path to make me sit down and write. I tried to take on a job that would require more hours and therefore give me less time to work on the book. Even though I was qualified, I was denied the job, and I saw this as one of God’s roadblocks. I actually applied for eight more jobs after that one and was denied from every single one.

Yet, during this time of rejection, God repeatedly put people in my path who encouraged me to write a book—people who had absolutely no idea I was contemplating doing so or that I had a love for writing or that God had put it on my heart to write months earlier. It became clear to me that I was supposed to be writing this book. More often than not though, I responded with, I hear You, Lord, but just not now, I have things I need to work on first.

But the Holy Spirit stayed in my head and in my heart, urging me to write. Meanwhile, other brave and amazing women began sharing their stories through the #metoo movement, and all these things kept building and building. Then, God began putting women in my path who needed a voice of encouragement through some low times. I found, through trying to motivate them to see their own self-worth and not let the devil win, that this is what I love to do, and this is my spiritual gift. I knew then that I had to write the book, no more excuses. God wasn’t confused, but y’all, I was!

The opportunity to encourage other women and see real change in their lives took away the fear that was preventing me from doing what God had called me to do. I no longer felt unqualified. I felt equipped by the Holy Spirit and ready to put my testimony into words in hopes of helping others.

Some people are wise and can give guidance from their research and information gathered. Some people give advice from experience alone. This book is based on a combination of personal testimony and experience, research, therapy, advice from wiser people in my life, and of course, scripture.

Every time I sat down to work on this book, I prayed for God to guide my words for His glory and that He would reveal the truth to me about my past so this book could be as accurate as possible. In the chapters you’re about to read, I share very personal experiences from my childhood through, well, even as recently as a year ago as I write this now. Some of the story details are taken from my personal journals. Some are from suppressed memories that crept up like scenes from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre through therapy sessions.

I’m writing this book at the age of thirty, and I lost my virginity just shy of sixteen. I say just shy of sixteen because fifteen years old sounds pretty gross now that I’m thirty, looking back. (Keep that in mind, younger ladies reading this book.) Through most of the fifteen years between then and now, I experienced deep emotional and spiritual bondage. I allowed the things that happened to me as well as my own immature choices to convince me that I was no longer worthy of respect—from myself or from others.

If you’re reading this book because you’ve experienced the same kind of bondage, I pray that you will find freedom from the burden you carry. Don’t let negative thoughts hold you captive. How many times have you had thoughts like these: I’m damaged goods now, who would want me? I will never enjoy sex again after the way he took it from me. Who would know how many people I’ve slept with anyway? I can just lie. Or maybe Why should I even try? It’s not like I can become a virgin again. Or maybe even How could God possibly love me when I don’t even love myself enough to say no when I don’t want it? Yeah. I’ve had those same thoughts. The Bible tells us that the devil can get in our heads to try and deceive us – intending to keep you down and not reach your full potential. I like blaming the devil for those self-limiting thoughts instead of myself. A wise person gave me this advice and I hope it helps you too: whenever you have self-limiting thoughts, ask yourself ‘would God say this to me’. Some of the best advice for quickly shutting down those negative thoughts when they pop up. Would God say I’m too damaged and unlovable? Absolutely not.

I have chosen to share with you here some of my personal experiences with sexual assault and sexual harassment, starting at a young age, through college, and into my career as a young female attorney. Once I tell you what I have gone through, I will share with you everything God has shown me and what I’ve learned from wiser men and women about self-worth that led me to this new person I am today. I am a woman no longer tormented by my past experiences with sex. My past is past—my choices, my naïvety, the attacks on my person—they do not define who I am. My past is not my burden to carry. I hope after reading and applying this book, you, too, will realize that this is not your burden, sis! You are valued. You were made for a purpose.

Before we get into it all, let’s define some areas of sexual trauma, immorality, and immaturity. Sexual violence consists of, but is not limited to, sexual harassment, rape, and sexual assault. Sexual harassment can be defined as unwelcome sexual advances, either verbal or physical, especially by someone with power or authority¹ Rape can be defined as the "unlawful sexual intercourse or