Invasion Day Mk II: A Blackfella Love Story

By Dr D. Bruno Starrs

Charlton is a young urban Aboriginal Australian out on a blind date with young urban Aboriginal Australian Betty. But before they get to "The Sound of Music" singalong concert (at which they both hope to hijack the mixing desk with German death metal as they make political statements condemning the white British colonization of Blackfella lands), chaos descends on the country. Three different species of white-skinned alien monster have mysteriously invaded Meanjin (AKA Brisbane) and immediately start killing everyone with their snapping dog-like fangs, swinging elephant-like trunks and poisonous slug-like streams of red, white and blue vomit.

Retreating to Charlton’s man cave – His Mum's downstairs converted garage – He and Betty barricade themselves inside ... And wait. To pass the time they party hearty, ripping cones and downing cocktails of dubious quality.

When a hungover Betty leaves the man cave in pursuit of the coffee machine upstairs she's attacked once more and vows: "God, I swear, get me through this alive and I’ll never miss an AA meeting again!"

Her commitment to getting clean builds as in to the man cave stumbles Gilbert, a gay urban Aboriginal Australian with a fitness addiction. But a misunderstanding sees him bop Charlton on the head with a softball bat. After smoothing matters over, Gilbert declines their offer of weed and booze, stating: "I’m over the wasted Blackfella trope, so tah but nah." Betty and Charlton agree the wasted Blackfella trope is a cliché that gets old real fast ... As they further contemplate getting themselves clean, too.

Next to come knocking on the garage Rolladoor are three racist white Doomsday preppers masquerading as cops. When they attempt to abduct Betty, Charlton finally ‘mans up’ in his man cave and overpowers them, sending the preppers on their evil, racist way. And making Betty fall in love with him at last.

The three refugee Blackfellas are finally rescued and sent to a quarantine camp where Charlton and Betty do indeed get clean and sober with the help of AA and NA. Safe in Quazza, the two loved-up former addicts continue on to an epic second date and eventually ... Their marriage!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Dr D. Bruno Starrs
• Release date: Oct 10, 2022
• ISBN: 9781005469085

Dr D. Bruno Starrs

Dr D. Bruno Starrs was born in Adelaide, South Australia, in a hospital. It was a year he cannot remember very well. He is a mongrel of a human: his ancestry is a mix of Irish, Maltese and Indigenous Australian.Bruno's qualifications include two Masters degrees and a PhD from highly reputable Australian universities. Despite such a thorough education his verbal diarrhea has yet to be cured.

Book preview

INVASION DAY MK II: A BLACKFELLA LOVE STORY

A novella written by D. Bruno Starrs. Copyright 2022.

CHAPTER 1.

It’s a hot, sunny morning in the subtropical coastal Australian city of Meanjin (also known as ‘Brisbane’) in Queensland, the state named after the head of the white British colonising powers that so brutally subjugated the original inhabants of this Great Southern Land, subjugated almost to the point of extinction.

Birds should be merrily singing in the glorious morning sunshine – But they aren’t. Instead, large Eucalyptus trees lining the suburban street have been scorched black to their highest branches and the local fauna has gone into hiding. At street level, a car rests upside down on its roof, leaking petrol onto the bitumen. The otherwise picturesque scene is completely devoid of life and eerily quiet until ...

A shuffling Dog-like Monster turns the corner into the street and spots Betty, an attractive 25 year old Aboriginal Australian woman dressed in a dirty, torn, white and red-fringed Oktoberfest-style dirndl.

The Monster whines hungrily but Betty doesn’t see or hear it, she’s so busy with trying to close the door of the second floor rear entrance of a pretty Queenslander-style house on stilts. Wearing a COVID-19 mask, Betty totters drunkenly on her own stilts (red Manoli stilettoes) as something inside hisses back angrily at her. With a mighty wrench, Betty finally slams the door’s bolt shut. Panting, she steadies herself, catches her breath and re-positions her pushup bra ... Then pleads out loud to her maker with genuine desperation:

God, I swear, get me through this alive and I’ll never miss an AA meeting again!

SMASH! With loudly flapping wings, something slams heavily into the door from inside then spurts sizzling hot red goo through the keyhole. Betty nimbly dodges the stream of noxious gunk and screams:

Alright, God! Narcotics Anonymous too!

Then, leaning in from the far horizon, an omniscient, ancestral Blackfella Narrator slash Spiritual Elder addresses us all in stentorious, other-worldly tones:

WELCOME TO MEANJIN – AKA BRISBANE, AUSTRALIA – WHERE WEED IS PLENTIFUL, GUNS ARE RARE AND LIFE IS CHILL, BRO … UNTIL TODAY.

Below Betty, the Dog-like Monster carefully stalks her from tree to tree – Not privy to the Narrator’s audio commentary, of course. A metre tall at the shoulders, its body is pinkish white with three glowing yellow eyes perched on three thick, mobile stalks. Rows of floppy teats line the white Monster’s belly, emitting strands of blue goo, which fizzle and pop like acid when they land on the road. Some drops spontaneously combust into dancing, little flames.

A severed human forearm in the Monster’s jaw drips blood. The dead, brown fist clutches a small Aboriginal Flag and shreds of black, red and yellow party bunting. Our omniscient, ancestral Blackfella Narrator continues, choking back generations of sadness as he advises his Aboriginal descendants regarding survival:

UNTIL TODAY, THE 26TH OF JANUARY – A DATE TO GO DOWN IN ABORIGINAL AUSTRALIAN HISTORY AS … A SECOND INVASION DAY!

The Monster swallows the Aboriginal forearm in one gulp, spits out the black, red and yellow flag, burps up a cloud of poisonous blue gas and then swivels all three of its hungry eyes in the direction of Betty. Oblivious to the threat posed by the street-level Monster and relieved at escaping the hissing, flying Monsters inside the house’s upper level, she climbs downstairs to the ground, de-masks and rests up, catching her breath.

Then a drop of burning blue goo from the Dog-like Monster’s teats ignites petrol from the upturned car and it explodes into a fireball. Glancing up, Betty at last sees the approaching Monster on the street. She gulps in terror, urgently re-masking.

Its cover blown, the Monster bursts into a clumsy lope after its new human prey as an identical white Dog-like Monster appears from behind a neighbouring backyard. It promptly spots Betty and also whines hungrily, slathering acidic saliva from its jagged teeth.

Betty gasps in fear and runs down the side of the house towards the front yard, vaulting over a white picket fence and somersaulting across the neatly trimmed suburban grass. Ignoring her grazed knees and torn stockings she leaps up, quickly rounding the corner of the house to face the ground-floor garage entrance.

Betty pounds on the garage Rolladoor then looks back in horror. She tries to placate the drooling creature with some canine flattery:

Nice doggy. Who’s a good boy?

In response, the Monster screeches in a blood-curdling and most un-doglike manner.

Crap!

Betty takes off a stiletto and hurls it hard. She is pleasantly surprised to see the pointed heel of her shoe pierce the creature’s central eye, downing it instantly.

Well, whaddaya know ...

But the second white Dog-like Monster in the adjacent backyard is closer now, greedily drooling and grinning confidently at Betty, its intended lunch. Terrified, she beats a fist on the garage Rolladoor and fails to see the seemingly dead first Dog-like Monster stand up unsteadily behind her then – POP! POP! POP! – It grows replacement eyes before inflating and splitting into two clones of itself.

CHAPTER 2.

Inside the garage, the pounding on the Rolladoor continues as Charlton, a 28 year old Aboriginal male, mask-less, shirt-less and wearing colourful Batman-themed satin-look boxers, unhurriedly walks toward it as he eats