Coffee Shop Between The 'Verses: Baker City Mysteries, #3.5

By Éric Desmarais

Jackie sometimes likes to have conversations with the characters, and as he reads five novellas in the small Ontario town of Baker...

In The Ridiculous Adventures of Felix Felicitous, the grumpy Felix is thrown into an adventure through time, despite his protestations.

In Only Human, Rachel has accidentally signed up for the University of Monsters.

In Wargrave Island, Inspector Riko Dulac has to find out who''s killing all her former high school classmates before there''s no one left.

In Database of the Ageless Kings, Sophia rebuilds an alien ship, only to find the galactic prince still inside.

In Devices of Desire, follow Artemis, Diana, and Ezekiel as they navigate secret identities, demons, and love in the kingdom of Cillian.

Are the characters Jackie is talking with real? Is he just talking to himself? Or is something else going on?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Renaissance Press
• Release date: Sep 15, 2021
• ISBN: 9781990086175

Éric Desmarais

Éric has had an eclectic career which ranges from casino dealer to canal boat captain to radio station DJ. Since 2009, he's worked as a desktop publisher for the federal government. During his off time, he works as a freelance typesetter for various Canadian-based authors and publishers, roasts gourmet flavoured coffee, runs several pen-and-paper role-playing games, writes, and helps run JenEric-Designs.ca (Home of the TravellingTARDIS.com).He lives in Ottawa, Ontario with his author wife, daughter, and son. Visit him at www.EricDesmarais.ca.

Book preview

Books by Éric Desmarais set in the Aetherverse

A Study in Aether

(Elizabeth Book 1)

The Sign of Faust

(Elizabeth Book 2)

Aurora Nominated

A Case of Synchronicity

(Elizabeth Book 3)

Parasomnia

Everdome

To Nathan,

for his support and belief in all our stories

And

To the rest of the Renaissance team,

for finding the best and most interesting stories and then forcing us to make them better.

Foreword

This is a collection of serial stories from 2014 to 2018. It’s an attempt to improve my writing and to force myself to produce something. The stories don’t have a plan or outline when I start, and I write them month to month. Because of this format, you’ll notice a significant number of recaps and extra explanations for those that haven’t read for a month or two.

I greatly enjoyed writing these, even though some were much harder than others. They’ve taught me a lot about what style of writing I enjoy and what I don’t ever want to do again.

Serial stories are a staple on my blog; I continued writing them in 2019 and haven’t stopped.

Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them.

Hopefully, the in-between parts will tide you over until the fourth Elizabeth book comes out. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, maybe Jackie’s experiences will inspire you to check out the Baker City Mysteries series and all the magic within it.

Jackie Martin and John Watson

August 2014 – Before A Study in Aether

It was early morning and the café was filled with people waiting for their orders. Standing in a haphazard line, they ran the gamut from grumpy to perky, but most looked tired. They all seemed like they wanted to be in a hurry and resented having to stand still.

The August warmth was immediately negated by the powerful air conditioner; the smell of warm, moist grass was replaced by the pungent smell of fresh coffee.

Despite the twenty or so people in the café, only one of its half dozen tables was occupied. A young boy sat alone at the small table in the corner. He was small, dark skinned, and had a playful look in his eye. He was reading A Study in Scarlet by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

You wanted to speak to me, young Master Jackson? The man sat down next to the boy. His Victorian suit was perfectly in place, and his cane was carved with the head of a hound. His thick moustache barely moved as he spoke.

Please, call me Jackie. The boy stopped and looked at the man. I need advice.

I think you have the wrong man. If you want advice, you should speak with my partner. He’s the clever one, just don’t tell him I said so or he’ll be insufferable.

The boy smiled. That’s my problem. I’m starting high school next week and I’m not sure how to do… He trailed off while gesturing with his hands. The man, who was used to this form of thinking, waited. Finally, the boy continued, I don’t know how to do what you do.

"I only write his stories, my boy."

That’s not true and we both know it. You guide, support, inspire, and, most importantly, help. I don’t know what I can do to help her.

The man sat back in his chair and stroked his moustache in an attempt to hide his smile. Ah, this is about love?

Shaking his head, Jackie gave the other man a pointed look. No. I mean I do love her, but not romantically… I think. She’s brilliant and my Holmes, but I worry all I can do to help her is tag along. I’m worried I’ll be a liability.

So, you’re worried you can’t live up to her brilliance? That you aren’t enough to help her? Watson asked, tapping a wooden stir stick to his mouth. When Jackie nodded, Watson said, If she is like Holmes, you can never fully understand her or equal her in intelligence.

Oh. Jackie looked into his hot chocolate and watched the flecks of golden cinnamon dance inside the brown liquid.

But she doesn’t need an equal, she needs a friend and partner. Someone to tell her story and to remind her what she’s capable of when she hits a wall.

The two sat in silence. After what felt like a long time, Jackie said, So I don’t have to match her… I just need to be myself and support her?

Absolutely. That’s all we can do with any of our friends or family.

Sighing, Jackie asked, But how do I make sure to guide her? The way you do.

The man laughed and shook his head. I don’t guide Holmes. I support and occasionally remind him what he’s doing, but one doesn’t guide a bloodhound. One holds on and hopes for the best.

The image of Elizabeth, his friend, in a full body harness pulling him around made him laugh aloud. A few patrons looked his way, and one of the baristas smiled at him.

He took a sip of his cocoa and looked up at Watson; he was the definition of confidence and even had a twinkle in his eye. I hope I can find your confidence, Jackie said.

Mine is born of knowing my limits and myself. Having a brilliant detective as my best friend doesn’t hurt.

I certainly feel like she’d save me if I needed it. I’m being silly. Yours found murderers, lost people, thieves, and spies. What kind of trouble could Elizabeth get into in high school?

Oh, you’d be surprised, my boy. The greatest mysteries and adventures are born from the everyday mundane. It’s always the days that seem the most normal that Holmes finds the most trouble.

The man stood up and said, Good luck, my boy. Let me know if you ever need more advice. With that, he walked away, literally fading into the crowd. Jackie held the book a little longer before continuing to read. The coffee shop remained as it was, its namesake, a Dancing Goat, painted on the walls, impatient people waiting in line, and the smell of coffee; a smell indelibly linked in Jackie’s mind to reading and getting away from everything for a little bit of time.

The

Ridiculous Adventures of Felix Felicitous

Chapter 1

It was Felix’s birthday and the day he hated the most in the world: the first of April.

For most people, April Fools’ Day is a harmless tradition, a day to make people laugh, cry, or angry. It was all in good fun, unless it was your birthday. If you were born on Christmas, no one expected you to be an excellent gift giver. If you were born on Valentine’s Day, no one expected you to be an amazing lover, but if you were born on April Fools’ Day, you had to be an excellent prankster.

Felix didn’t even like pranks or jokes, really. He was a serious man, which was reflected in his charcoal-grey suit, simple tie, and short neat haircut. His shoes were buffed, and his world was organized just the way he wanted it.

Every year since he had started working, he would take the day off, stating that it was nice to take his birthday off. The real reason was to avoid the chaos and frustration that the day brought him. Even then, he’d sit in his home and fret about the possible and horrible pranks that the sillytonians of his city might attempt.

Unfortunately, that day he had an important meeting, and try as he might, his client refused to move the date. So, he was going into the office and he was going to be careful and vigilant. No one was going to trick him this year.

On his desk, there was an envelope, in a disgustingly cheery blue colour. It said Happy Birthday, Felix. Taking the handkerchief from his pocket, he nudged the envelope into the trash. You could never be too careful, he thought.

Happy Birthday, Felix! said Margery, his cubicle mate. She was a distastefully messy person and, even worse, she was always cheerful.

He looked at her and narrowed his eyes. What did she mean by happy birthday?

He pursed his lips. Why did she look so smug?

He tensed his shoulders. She wouldn’t be one of those hoax-ters, hoax-ians, hoax-ites? He’d have to look that up later.

He flared his nostrils. What was she planning?

Looking guilty and backing away she said, Your morning meeting is here. Her voice cracked a little. She must be hiding something.

Taking off his coat, boots, and hat, he placed them in their proper areas. His hat shifted and he righted it. Jaunty was for pirates and criminals, not hat racks.

When he had put away all his things, he looked at his watch. It read eight-fifteen. His client was dreadfully early. Their meeting was set for eight-forty-five. They would just have to wait.

At precisely eight-forty-three, he walked into the boardroom. His client was sitting at the large table reading a large hardcover book with bright colours and some sort of lizard on it.

When she put down the book, Felix was transfixed by the intelligent green eyes that had been hiding behind it. Beyond the piercing eyes was a perfectly symmetrical face on a proportional head. The rest of her was well-dressed and professional. Her suit could be the perfect match for his, with the exception that she wore a scarf and not a tie. The scarf, however, was dark red; the shade was perfectly mirrored in her lipstick.

Despite her use of garish colour, he felt well disposed towards her, which he openly admitted was better than he felt about most of the human race.

Mister Felicitous, it is nice to finally meet you. She held out her hand and, to his great shock, he shook it. Normally, he would expect there to be an electric buzzer or some other nonsense, but he had been so distracted by his first impression that he didn’t consider it. There was no buzzer.

Same to you Ms…? he waited for her to sit before he did.

Oh, of course, you’ve been dealing with my admin, haven’t you? I’m Amanda Eris.

Nice to meet you, Ms. Eris. How can I be of service today? He said it and was shocked by the realization that he meant it and wasn’t just being pleasant.

Actually, I’ve been sent here to make sure you don’t die until next week. Her left eyebrow went up slightly and she seemed to be smiling.

Uhm, I see, he started and then exclaimed, "What?" This had to be one of those vile chaotic jokes.

He got up, turned around, and was about to leave when she said the words that would change his life forever. I’m not joking. Look. She pointed the remote control towards the boardroom television.

On the television were firefighters and police officers, along with multiple screaming people. It was such a disgusting sight that he didn’t recognize his own apartment building until his picture was shown on the screen with the word Suspect under it.

Chapter 2

To say that Felix was having a bad day was an understatement.

He’d gotten up that morning to go into work, finish a business meeting, and go home before anything silly happened. He hated his birthday almost as much as he hated prop comedy. This year, it was turning out to be particularly frustrating.

Sitting across from him was a woman that his younger brother, Dean, would have said was hot. Felix preferred to think of her as surprisingly attractive. It was unfortunate that she was completely delusional.

They were sitting in a dirty and disgusting fast food restaurant, and she was trying to explain something, but he wasn’t listening. He was too busy disinfecting their table.

Moments after she had shown him his apartment building in shattered pieces, presumably from a bomb of some sort, the police had arrived at his workplace. He was going to confront them about their audacity in accusing him of doing something so distasteful, but Ms. Eris had grabbed his arm and pulled him into the staircase.

Those aren’t real police, she had said, smiling as if she were having the greatest time of her life.

How can you possibly know that? he had asked, trying to escape her iron grip. He wasn’t a strong man, more tall and lanky than anything, but her head barely reached his chest even though she wore ridiculously high heels. She shouldn’t have been that strong.

The patches on their shoulders say ‘Poleece,’ she replied calmly, still smiling. When he looked through the small window of the stairway door, he did, in fact, see that the officers had misspelled uniforms. Beyond Poleece, there was Aweficer and SeeTee of Otttawaa.

That’s terrible, he exclaimed.

I know; they’re here to kill you, she replied.

No, not that, the spelling. Someone should really correct them. He moved towards the door and, from the corner of his eye, saw one of the Aweficers pull out their firearm.

The rest of the morning was spent running around in a revolting manner. When she had pulled him into a fast food restaurant, he’d sneered but sat down. He was sweaty and now sitting in someone else’s filth. If he’d had a home, he’d go there to shower.

Have you heard a word of what I’m saying?

I’m sorry, Ms. Eris. You seem like a nice, if unhinged, person, but I have no interest in what you have to say. I should head to the nearest police station and turn myself in. I have done nothing, and they’ll realize that soon enough.

Tilting her head and looking at him as if he were the one who was deluded, she said, They blew up your apartment and sent goons out to kill you. Do you really think they will let you get to the police? And if you do, they’ll kill you in jail. No, the only safe option is for you to come home with me.

That’s preposterous. Why would I go home with a madwoman?

Because if you don’t, they’ll kill you, she said with genuine worry in her voice.

And who is this ‘they’ you keep talking about?

Lifting the large colourful book with a lizard on the cover, she replied, Why, the dinosaurs, of course.

Chapter 3

"DINOSAUR S!" yelled Felix.

The woman had forced him to come to work on his day off, which turned out okay since his house exploded, and then dragged him around town avoiding people who couldn’t spell and now was blaming dinosaurs?

Keep your voice down, Felix. May I call you Felix?

No, you may not. I’m leaving. He stood up, thinking that although she was attractive and saved his life, it was no excuse for him to stick around and listen to her wild statements. But there were two things he needed to know. Why are ‘they’ after me and why does the news think I blew up my apartment? He was standing now and was mildly impressed by the lack of interest people were showing in his loud and ridiculous conversation.

Mister Felicitous. Please, just sit down and I’ll tell you. She sounded like a grade school teacher chastising a student. Her voice was calm, and her eyes were narrowed.

He sat down.

Good, good. Now the police believe you blew up the building because they found a bomb inside your apartment. Or I suppose, remnants of a bomb at this point. The dinosaurs put it there.

And? He had never tried to hide his impatience with her, and he didn’t try now.

Oh, I’d love to have an ice cream cone. I haven’t had one since year 2025. Oh, and they make them with real milk here. What a treat. She stood up and went to the counter to order one.

Everything she said sounded odd but she talked about 2025 as if it was in the past. This worried Felix, but he wasn’t sure why. When she came back, he asked her, What year do you think it is right now?

Again, she gave him a condescending look and replied, 2015, April first. She was right and ignored his confusion.

Where are you from? Why was he asking these questions? He knew he wouldn’t like the answers.

The future.

No. Try again.

Uhm… I come from the future.

Time travel isn’t possible. Any universe that would allow time travel would be messy and filled with paradoxes. In the end, it would destroy itself.

I’m sorry, but you’re wrong. The universe isn’t some priceless vase. It won’t crack that easily.

This time he didn’t say anything; he just stood up and left. The door out squeaked and cool air felt nice on his face. It was early afternoon now and he just walked. He had no idea where to go or what to do, but he needed to get away from Ms. Eris and her wild theories.

It seemed that his subconscious had decided what to do when he saw that he was walking towards his brother’s home. Once there, he’d explain everything to his brother, Dean, and his partner Sam, and they’d formulate a plan.

Maybe the reason Ms. Eris didn’t want him to go to the police was that she had planted the bomb in order to feed her sick fantasies.

His brother’s home was a small stand-alone house not far from downtown. It took Felix less than ten minutes to get there. It was small but cozy and, despite Dean’s inability to organize, Felix still enjoyed visiting.

As Felix turned onto his brother’s street, there was a loud whistling noise, as if someone had built a skyscraper-sized tea kettle. Felix fell to his knees and covered his ears. When the sound stopped, he looked down the street and blinked several times.

Standing in front of his brother’s home was a thirty-foot-tall gorilla. One of its eyes had been converted into some sort of laser pointer, and one of its arms appeared to be made of metal. Attached to its hunched back was a saddle and sitting in it was a small scaly reptile. Its yellow lizard eyes focused on Felix and it lifted what looked like a machine gun from an old gangster movie.

With a hissing voice, it said, Felix Felicitous, you have been tried by the Saurian court and found guilty of crimes against time and space. Prepare to die.

Chapter 4

It was strange and frightening; especially the part where the lizard was pointing a machine gun at him, but it wasn’t as frightening to Felix as knowing that they had bombed his apartment.

If they had been smart, they’d have taken my brother or niece hostage. Felix shook his head at the lizard’s poor planning skills.

What about your sister-in-law? asked the now familiar voice of Ms. Eris. Like an annoying itch he couldn’t reach, she was still following him. She must have walked up next to him while he was gawping at the cyborg ape and its rider. He was amazed at how quietly and quickly she could move in her heels.

I don’t have one, Felix answered.

Oh? she asked.

My brother has a husband, not a wife. I have no sister-in-law, but I do have a brother-in-law, he answered curtly.

Okay. What about him?

What about him? Felix was confused, having already forgotten what he’d muttered. He turned to her, looking down into her green eyes. He couldn’t decide if she was being purposely obtuse or just annoyingly innocent.

Why wouldn’t the Saurian kidnap your brother-in-law?

He’s in Amsterdam for work and won’t be home for a few weeks. It would be highly inefficient for them to take him hostage. There would be little chance that I would find out in time for them to get anything out of it.

Excuse me. I believe we were in the middle of something, hissed the lizard.

"Ah yes, you were