Deepening Wisdom, Deepening Connection

By Lama Tsomo and Dalai Lama

Award-winning author Lama Tsomo provides insights and practices to enrich our relationships, be mindfully and joyfully present in the world, and deepen our understanding of ourselves.
The tide of modern life is sweeping us even further into isolation—away from each other, from the world, from ourselves. To turn this tide, Lama Tsomo has created the latest addition to her Ancient Wisdom for Our Times series: Deepening Wisdom, Deepening Connection. Building on the ideas and practices in the first two books—Why Bother: An Introduction and Wisdom Compassion (Starting with Yourself)—this new volume actively engages readers, expanding our understanding and guiding our practice in the several key areas.
The Four Boundless Qualities. Loving Kindness, Compassion, Sympathetic Joy, and Equanimity are not lofty, abstract sentiments. They are practical capacities that we can all cultivate for the benefit, as Buddhists say, of ourselves and others. Lama Tsomo teaches us how.
Forgiveness. This is essential to our inner well-being—if we want to move on in our lives, and to move closer to others, we must be able to forgive. Resentment is the most destructive form of stress. As someone once said, hanging on to resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Deepening Wisdom, Deepening Connection shows us that we don’t need to forget to forgive.
Near Enemies. Lama Tsomo’s explanation of the Buddhist concept of “near enemies” is a true eye-opener: she explains how we can stop fooling ourselves into thinking some of our shortcomings are actually virtues.
Sublime Insight. Her patient guidance into the principles and practice of Vipassana (Sublime Insight) offers us ways to experience reality in its complexity and simplicity. (Buddhism was thousands of years ahead of quantum physics on this one.) You’ll never see the world, or yourself, the same way again.
Written with the conversational clarity and generous dashes of humor she’s brought to her retreats at the Namchak Retreat Ranch and award-winning titles such as Why Is the Dalai Lama Always Smiling? and The Lotus and the Rose, Lama Tsomo’s latest is the culmination of decades of deep practice and scholarly inquiry, filled with real-world examples, beautiful illustrations, practice cards, and links to online support. Deepening Wisdom, Deepening Connection is an authentic guide to compassionate awareness and a salve against a growingly disconnected world.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Namchak Publishing
• Release date: Oct 11, 2022
• ISBN: 9781951096014

Book preview

Cover: Ancient Wisdom for Our Times, Book 3 Deepening Wisdom, Deepening Connection by Lama Tsomo

Insightful and accessible—an essential guidebook on the path of liberation!

TARA BRACH, author of Trusting the Gold

"In the most recent installment of Ancient Wisdom for Our Times Lama Tsomo shares her experience with the deep practices of Tibetan Buddhism. She writes with clarity, humor and with practical support to guide us to a better and more fulfilled life. It feels like being given a gift to read Deepening Wisdom, Deepening Connection and an invitation to slow down to experience life."

SHARON SALZBERG, author of Lovingkindness and Real Change

In today’s divisive world, the ability to extend the boundaries of love and compassion beyond what we know requires courage and skill. In this book, Lama Tsomo brings us potent practices that help us cultivate what our minds and hearts know is true—allowing something beautiful to emerge from the challenge.

VAN JONES, CNN host and Dream Corps founder

"Writing from her lived experience of many years of Buddhist practice, Lama Tsomo delivers in her latest book Deepening Wisdom, Deepening Connection, the foundational elements of the Buddhist heart practices.

She continues to deliver her unique style of teaching with clarity, humor, and deep dharma, that reaches all hearts and minds and brings us face-to-face with who we really are as human beings and our highest possibilities."

KONDA MASON, Mindfulness Meditation teacher, co-founder/president at Jubilee Justice, and host of The Brown Rice Hour podcast

Lama Tsomo is a teacher for our time—as discord feels normalized, and humanity’s blindness threatens life itself. I love her voice—full of compassion, humility, and deep wisdom. I love her method—artfully weaving a tapestry of life-changing concepts using stories, surprising scientific findings, her own life experiences … and even humor. What a gift to all of us seeking to grasp the true nature of existence.

FRANCES MOORE LAPPÉ, author or coauthor of 20 books, beginning with Diet for a Small Planet

With a healthy dose of humor and humility, this delightful and grace-filled book marks a milestone in deep ecumenism or interfaith by offering practices that open the door to our accessing our Original Purity (pnBuddhism); Original Wisdom (Hildegard of Bingen); Original Goodness (Aquinas); and Original Blessing. What a gift! What medicine for our perilous times!

MATTHEW FOX, author of Original Blessing and A Spirituality Named Compassion and co-author of The Lotus & the Rose

Lama Tsomo is someone who has a deep understanding of Tibetan Buddhist teachings through years of study and practice. In this wonderful book, she illuminates this ancient sacred wisdom in accessible and contemporary language. I have no doubt that her messages will bring light in the hearts and minds of many.

ANAM THUBTEN, Anam Thubten, founder and spiritual advisor of Dharmata Foundation and author of Into the Haunted Ground: A Guide to Cutting the Root of Suffering

"Deepening Wisdom, Deepening Connection is Book 3 of the series Ancient Wisdom for Our Times. This series is a remarkable introduction to the Tibetan Buddhist path of awakening to our true nature. These books are meant to be studied and practiced in sequence. Every page of this volume contains practical advice for living a full, rich, and meaningful life. Lama Tsomo, a Jewish mother psychotherapist-turned Tibetan Buddhist ordained teacher, provides highly accessible, easy to follow, detailed instructions for specific meditation practices to connect us to our innate goodness and wisdom. The pages are also sprinkled with engaging nuggets of scientific fact to help the modern reader appreciate the evidence base for these ancient practices. This book will be enormously helpful to anyone on the path of human flourishing."

RICHARD J. DAVIDSON, founder and director, Center for Healthy Minds, University of Wisconsin-Madison, and author of NY Times bestseller The Emotional Life of Your Brain

TIBETAN BUDDHIST PRACTICE SERIES

Ancient Wisdom

for Our Times

BOOK 3 Deepening Wisdom,

Deepening Connection

Lama Tsomo

foreword by HIS HOLINESS THE DALAI LAMA XIV

Logo: Namchak Publishing

The Namchak Foundation supports the study and practice of the Namchak Lineage of Tibetan Buddhism.

Namchak.org

Copyright © 2022 by Lama Tsomo LLC

All rights reserved. This book may not be reproduced in whole or in part, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, or other—without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review.

Cover design: Kate Basart/Union Pageworks

Book design: Mary Ann Casler & Kate Basart/Union Pageworks

Cover art from The Encyclopedia of Tibetan Symbols and Motifs by Robert Beer,

© 1999 by Robert Beer. Reprinted by arrangement with Shambhala

Publications, Inc., Boulder, CO. www.shambhala.com.

Editorial: Michael Frisbie

Copyeditor & Proofreader: Kristyn Asseff

Indexer: Michael Ferreira/Ferreira Indexing, Inc.

Printed in Hong Kong Printed on FSC-certified materials

Library of Congress Control Number: 2021917053

ISBN: 978-1951096-00-7

First printing, 2022

27 26 25 24 23 22      1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Contents

Foreword: His Holiness the Dalai LamaXIV

Foreword: Gochen Tulku Sang-ngag

Welcome Back!

Catch-Up Chart

Introduction

Section One: The Four Boundless Qualities

CULTIVATING BODHICITTA

If Only I Could Stop Thinking If Only …

BOUNDLESS (IMMEASURABLE) EQUANIMITY

Sample Daily Practice Session #1

BOUNDLESS (IMMEASURABLE) LOVING KINDNESS

Boundless Loving Kindness—The Practice

WHAT ABOUT THOSE WHO HAVE HURT ME?

Science Tidbit: Forgiveness

Science Tidbit: Shamata, the Boundless Qualities, and the Brain

BOUNDLESS (IMMEASURABLE) COMPASSION

The Story of Asanga

BOUNDLESS (IMMEASURABLE) SYMPATHETIC JOY

NEAR AND FAR ENEMIES

Equanimity: Near and Far Enemies

Loving Kindness: Near and Far Enemies

Compassion: Near and Far Enemies

Sympathetic Joy: Near and Far Enemies

Weekly Progression Guideline

THE SIX PARAMITAS

Transcendent Generosity

Transcendent Discipline

Transcendent Forbearance

Transcendent Joyful Effort

Transcendent Concentration

Transcendent Wisdom

Section Two: Vipassana—Sublime Insight

BIRD’S-EYE VIEW OF INSIGHT

LOOKING AT THE THOUGHT-OTHER-OUTER

LOOKING AT THE THINKER

Science Tidbit: Meditation Cycle

Yet Another Science Tidbit: Mindfulness and Brain Change

PRACTICING THIS PRACTICE

Sample Daily Practice Session #2

Post Meditation

CONCLUSION

Sangha—Meditating and Ruminating with Friends

What’s Next?

Preview of Book Four

Appendix A: Glossary

Appendix B: Recommended Resources

Appendix C: Credits & Permissions

Index

Lama Sangak Yeshe Tsomo: Curriculum Vitae

Acknowledgments

Tulku Sangak Rinpoche, His Holiness the Dalai Lama XIV, Lama Tsomo

Welcome Back!

This third book is the next natural progression in the Tibetan Buddhist Practice Series Ancient Wisdom for Our Times, after the introductory book, Why Bother?, and the second, Wisdom & Compassion (Starting With Yourself). If you’ve read the earlier books and been doing the practices for a year or more, you’re most likely ready for this one. I hope you’ve been studying and practicing with fellow journeyers, sharing with each other your questions and answers as you’ve been reading, doing the Happify track called Hack Life’s Challenges by Training Your Mind and/or taking the eCourse, discussing challenges and victories as you establish your practice, do your practice, and test it all in the laboratory of your inner and outer life. Maybe most of all, I hope you’ve been going to in-person Shamata programs—either ours or with other Buddhist masters. I’ve found that doing all of the above, alone and with others, is extremely helpful and satisfying, in various ways. Perhaps you’ve found that too.

I want you to feel like this is a comfortable and natural continuation and deepening in your practice.

Of course, you may have come to Deepening Wisdom, Deepening Connection by your own path, rather than through this series. Either way, WELCOME! I’ve included a brief chart below to give you an idea of the foundation on which this book rests, in case you need to brush up or fill in any gaps. For example, if you happened to have learned Shamata from somewhere else but you haven’t learned Tonglen, you might either want to get Book 2 of this series and look at that section, learn it from our online course at Namchak.org, or buy the book Tonglen: The Path of Transformation by Pema Chödrön. She’s a true master and a great teacher of Tonglen and many other practices. Again, for more specifics on things I’ll assume you know, see the chart below. I want you to feel like this is a comfortable and natural continuation and deepening in your practice.

If you haven’t read the first two books or haven’t learned the practices in the second (Wisdom & Compassion) you might be a little lost. In fact, reading this tiny bit of this volume, you might already be feeling like it’s unclear. If you haven’t studied Buddhism in general before, or Clearing the Stale Energies (a.k.a. the Tibetan Nose Blow,) Shamata, and Tonglen, you’ll be really lost. If you’re just coming to meditation practice in general and/or Buddhist practice specifically, I’d suggest taking yourself on the adventures of Book 1 for some background (and lots of storytelling) and Book 2 for the three preceding practices before continuing with this book. It may seem like very delayed gratification, but I don’t see it that way. Hopefully it’s its own gratification! If you’ve learned some of the above practices and been doing them awhile, you might be ready to start here after all. For those of you somewhere in between, again, here is a chart so you can just read some particular chapter from Book 1 and/or 2, to catch up quickly.

Catch-Up Chart

From here on, I’m going to assume you’ve read the first two books or the pieces you needed to, and been doing the practices regularly for at least six months. And if, at any point, you feel you need a refresher or reminder from the earlier books, please refresh yourself! Here we go!

Elk tracks at Namchak Retreat Ranch

Statue from Stupa Garden at the Namchak Retreat Ranch with bison in background

Introduction

In Why Bother? and Wisdom & Compassion, the first two books of this series, we looked at how we got into this endlessly spinning dream of Samsara, and how we might begin to wake up from it. It sure worked for the Buddha! Remember, in Sanskrit the word buddha means one who’s awake. Awake was the simple way that the Buddha referred to himself, after he saw through the dream he’d formerly thought of as real life.

We talked about our karma (action, in Sanskrit) and habits of mind sending us into the next dream—waking or otherwise—and our having very little freedom or say in the matter. So that’s why Buddhists focus on liberation. We Americans talk proudly of freedom, but often it feels like the freedom to be led around by the nose by our habit-motivated cravings and anxieties rather than our deepest, truest motivations. I want real freedom. That’s why I do all this daily practice and retreat. I can feel the progress—and it feels good! And I also feel passionate about helping anyone else who wants real freedom—whoever happens to connect with this particular path.

We looked at the Four Noble Truths about our situation. I talked a lot about suffering, but that’s actually not a very accurate translation of the Sanskrit word dukka, which means something more like insufficiency or lack of real satisfaction—a sense that something’s basically wrong. Dzigar Kongtrul Rinpoche, who is from Tibet but has spent a lot of time with Westerners, says that we Westerners have a particular twist on this idea of something being basically wrong or flawed. We think, "Something’s wrong with ME." I say we think there’s something wrong with both our circumstance and with ourselves.

Perhaps this comes from the Christian notion of Original Sin. Or maybe it was somewhere in the European folk soul. As a Jewish person, I suffer from the Jewish guilt we’ve heard so much about. Whatever the reason, I believe Dzigar Kongtrul Rinpoche has a point. And I agree with Rev. Matthew Fox and Meister Eckhart, among others, who speak of Original Blessing. As you might remember from Book 1, the Tibetans speak of Original Purity.* All the practices of Buddhism are about clearing away the flaws to reveal that true essence—much like clouds clearing away, revealing the sun that was there all along.

If we’re inherently flawed—if that’s our truest, deepest nature—there would be no basis for realizing buddhahood. If we clear away the clouds, only to reveal more clouds—or clean off the windshield only to find that it’s irreparably defective in the first place—then our quest to reveal our original purity would be futile. I wonder if a lot of Westerners, believing that they’re essentially flawed and therefore beyond liberation, struggle and struggle with Buddhist practices for years, not sure why they’re stalled. But how could their efforts succeed if they believe there’s no fundamental purity to be revealed? What a frustrating setup! Please look deep into your mind as you practice, to see if you glimpse such a view of yourself—probably unconscious, way in the background. But it’s all the more dangerous if you can’t pull it out front and examine it.

Apple orchard at the main permaculture planting, Namchak Retreat Ranch

As you sit in Shamata, you’re in a perfect position to catch such thoughts in the act and begin to see them for what they are. Shamata also helps you directly experience your true essential nature. As a child, and beyond, you might have unconsciously absorbed the fatal flaw view of human nature (and therefore your essential nature) from those around you. Now you have a chance to see what you are—what we all are—really made of.

As a psychotherapist, the deeper I went into these practices, the more I was able to see my own pure essence, the more I was able to see it in my clients. You probably won’t be surprised to know they responded strongly to that! My very seeing and focusing on their purer selves was like a grow light: they blossomed. It seemed to me that the therapy tools I’d learned were only about fifteen percent of the equation, and the rest was this secret sauce. Imagine if we all saw each other that way. How about ourselves?

In Tonglen, as well as other practices in this book, we begin with love and compassion for ourselves. These practices, sometimes working with image and breath, bring that deep experience again and again, to retrain us to a more natural way of thinking: that we are a child of God, a wave on the ocean and therefore made of that pure water.

I can also see how many could benefit from working with a good psychotherapist. I sure have! Western psychology gets at our gross personality flaws in particular ways that can dovetail nicely with meditation practice. (Because I’m a