I Trust My God: A Testament of Trusting God in Tragedies and Triumphs

By Jessica Lusk Dennis

Dear Friend, I’ve been praying for you. It’s no accident you’ve picked up this book. Are you hurting? Are you lonely? Are you craving for someone to understand your grief? I want to share with you the words the Lord has laid on my heart through gut-wrenching grief. I want to remind you of the goodness of God even in our worldly heartaches and disappointments. Have you ever found yourself in a heap screaming out to God on the bathroom floor? Guess what. He meets us right there on the floor. The Bible tells us “Jesus wept” (John 11:35 ESV). He weeps with us. He yearns for such intimacy with us. What would it look like to surrender our sin, brokenness, and heartaches at the throne of Christ? For me to surrender, I had to delve into a more-than-ocean-deep TRUST relationship with my God. When my grief-filled mind had no other words for months, I repeated—I Trust my God, I Trust my God, I Trust my God. Slowly but surely with the Holy Spirit leading, I began trusting God in a way I never knew existed. This new-found trust in God led to healing areas of my heart and mind beyond my grief scars. I’m so glad you’re joining me on this journey of Trusting God in Tragedies and Triumphs.

I Trust my God, I Trust my God, I Trust my God

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Jul 13, 2022
• ISBN: 9781664270480

Jessica Lusk Dennis

What started out as a way to process grief, Jessica Lusk Dennis found herself in a season of writing sessions that led to blogging that transformed into this book. With her background in Journalism and Communications it was no surprise she turned to writing as an outlet. She is a recipient of the Texas Classroom Teachers Association Silver Apple Media Excellence Award for articles written regarding Texas Education. She is published in Stories of Roaring Faith Volume 2. She has served as a guest speaker for Christian Women’s events where she is passionate about sharing the gospel and the hope we have in Christ through every circumstance. She has a mission to reach others who may find themselves in seasons of grief and hardship. Jessica resides in east Texas with her husband, daughter and two bonus children. You can follow her Inspirational blog—I Trust My God at JessicaLuskDennis.com.

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Copyright © 2022 Jessica Lusk Dennis.

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Scripture quotations marked (ESV) are from The ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked (NIV) taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version® NIV®

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Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright ©1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Scripture marked (KJV) taken from the King James Version of the Bible.

ISBN: 978-1-6642-7049-7 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6642-7050-3 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-6642-7048-0 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2022911835

WestBow Press rev. date: 7/11/2022

Contents

Dedication

What Readers Are Saying About—I Trust My God

Introduction

PART I

Chapter 1 Gone Fishing

Chapter 2 Lost

Chapter 3 The Search Begins

Chapter 4 Hope Abounds

Chapter 5 Shattered

PART II

Chapter 6 Let the Worshippers Arise

Chapter 7 If I die before you, can you be happy for me?

Chapter 8 Grief, Such A Small Word

Chapter 9 Where Did My Daddy Go?

Chapter 10 The Hope of Heaven

Afterword

In Loving Memory of Cody Martin Lusk

June 24, 1979—January 14, 2017

Dedication

To my beautiful Abigail Lane—I cannot praise God enough for crossing our earthly lives as mother and daughter. May you find hope, healing, and strength from the words written in this book. I pray you continually draw closer to Jesus and run to His Word for direction and wisdom. I pray you live life in a God glorifying manner and seek to become more like Him all of the days of your life.

To my wonderful Momma—thank you for telling me about Jesus when I was a young child. Thank you for always believing in me and for your fervent prayers throughout my life. I have watched you stand on God’s promises through so many seasons of the unknown and you have continually showed me that nothing else in this world compares to knowing and trusting God.

To every person who has experienced the soul crushing weight of grief—you are not alone. Keep pushing forward in your relationship with the Lord. I pray you rely on Him in your pursuit of healing. Your pain has a purpose, and your story isn’t over.

What Readers Are

Saying About—I Trust My God

"I Trust My God is a wonderful book written in a way that is powerfully effective as it immerses the reader into both tragedy and triumph in Christ, with Christ, and through Christ! The brilliance in the way this book is written, intertwining Jessica’s tragic testimony with memories and life application, makes it incredibly clear that this book was scripted by God. From the Introduction through the final chapter, Jessica captivates the reader through her heart-wrenching story and provides abundant spiritual insight, not only for those going through a trial or tragedy, but also for anyone who is seeking a deeper walk with Christ though learning to trust Him more. I would highly recommend this book to Christian women of any age or spiritual maturity who wants to be able to confidently say in any circumstance I Trust my God, I Trust my God, I Trust my God.—Leah Vintila

Jessica has been blessed in a beautiful way with writing. Her words draw the reader in as if they are sitting next to her on the pier feeling every emotion with her. She uses every single whisper from the Holy Spirit in sharing her testimony with others. Jess has impacted the lives of so many young women and widows through her healing journey. It is with honor I sit in the front row watching her go through the next chapters of life, raising her Abigail and shining her light to others.— Kim Tutt

It has been my privilege and blessing to know Jessica Lusk Dennis for several years. Our friendship is a blessing in my life. I have watched her grow from single young woman to wife, mommy, and sadly widow. In each of these situations, she walked through them with courage, dignity, faith, and trust in her Lord, and does to this day. Jessica is truly a hero in my eyes. As you read her story you will experience a myriad of emotions and you will see the faithfulness of God to a young woman walking through tragedy and heartbreak. You will also come to know this courageous one and your life will be better for it.— Janis Harris

What a beautiful story of a young lady who finds real love when life is suddenly taken away. I loved the narrative that drew me into her confidence as she pulled back the curtain to reveal how God continued to show Himself through the unimaginable. Once you turn the first page, you’ll step into her story and find yourself walking through the fire with her.— Lorri Baack

I Trust My God is a book that illustrates the true emotion of Jessica’s life. She makes you feel like you are in her story with her, which helps you to relate your life with hers. Her testimony is heart gripping in so many ways and I’m grateful that she shared it with the world.—Leea Price

Jessica’s raw, real-life experience of walking through an awful tragedy and ultimately surrendering and completely trusting God in the unimaginable is both inspiring and real. Her faith is strong, and she is full of grace. From the beginning to the end, this is a book of inspiration and is a testimony of how much God loves us and serves as a testament of His love and grace even in the midst of tragedy.—Davi Killion Ingram

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust. Surely he will save you from the fowlers snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge, his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart (Psalm 91:1-4 NIV).

I Trust my God, I Trust my God, I Trust my God

Introduction

"I cry out to God Most High, to God who

fulfills his purpose for me"

(PSALM 57:2 ESV).

Have you ever asked yourself the question, Why am I here? What is my purpose? Chances are this question has crossed your mind at some point in your life. I am finding myself in a season of this question ringing in my ears multiple times a day. I find myself thinking, there has to be more than this. What do we live for? What do we strive for? What are our goals for our lives? Most people I know would say, get married, have a family, have a successful career, or at least be financially stable, and to have health. But weren’t we made for more? Weren’t we made for more than the fickle pleasures and comforts this world can offer us?

I mean David slayed Goliath! I want to be brave enough when someone asks me what is your goal in life? I want to answer with boldness, to surrender every area of my life to Christ daily and live in the anointing of the Lord so much that I can walk on a battlefield (physically and spiritually) and slay a Goliath for the glory of my Creator! Whoa! Can you imagine the responses you would get if that were your answer? I’m sure many would laugh. Many would look at you as if you just spoke a foreign language. Some may walk away wondering what is in you that made you answer in such a way.

That is the power of the Holy Spirit dwelling in us. When we have surrendered our lives to Christ—our lives are no longer ours. Or at least they’re not supposed to be ours any longer. When we come to true repentance of our sins and surrender to live a life that pleases and glorifies the Lord, it frees us up to cease striving in our lives. We can let go of what we want or think we need and allow the Lord to have dominion over every aspect of our lives. Even the secret fears, hidden idols and pet sins we let in.

What does it look like to allow the Lord to reign in our insignificant earthly lives?

Look at Mary, the mother of Jesus. She was a young virgin who was preparing to marry Joseph and raise a family. The Lord not only honored Mary’s heart’s desire, but He chose HER to carry, birth, and raise the Savior of the world! Talk about God being magnified in an ordinary life. Was Mary scared? Absolutely. When the angel of the Lord approached Mary, scripture tells us she was greatly troubled. But she was greatly troubled at the saying, and tried to discern what sort of greeting this might be (Luke 1:29 ESV).

The angel of the Lord told her of this hard to believe plan that she will conceive, and bear a son named Jesus by the power of the Holy Spirit. Okay, let’s stop a second. Imagine this. No, I mean close your eyes and really imagine this type of encounter in your life right now. An angel comes to you (you’re a virgin mind you) and tells you the Holy Spirit will impregnate you and this child will grow up to be the Savior of all of the world and for all the future to come. Mary handled the news fairly well—at least from what scripture tells us. And Mary said, Behold, I am a servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word And the angel departed from her (Luke 1:38 ESV).

From what we can conclude from scripture Mary would follow wherever the Lord led. She was a servant of the Lord, therefore whatever He said she was game. I want that kind of open-armed faith. The kind that sees past the context of what my fleshly eyes see, and my worldly mind can encompass. A faith that has no ending. A faith that is as boundless as God’s love and grace for his children. I want to live in reckless abandonment when it comes to surrendering control over my life for God’s glory. He doesn’t need me. He doesn’t need you. He’s God. He’s omniscient, the Alpha and Omega, the Creator of the Heavens and the Earth and everything in between. Who am I? I am nobody. I can’t even breath without God giving me each breath. He sent His only son to die a gruesome death on a wooden cross to save His children from a deserved eternal death derived from sin.

But then fleshly fear starts to rise regarding absolute relinquish of control of my plans and life. The flesh and spirit will always war. What if I like the ending to God’s plan, but not the route He takes me on to get there? What if His plans hurt? It will hurt. The war between flesh and spirit will erupt great anguish in our human hearts. I have referred to this anguish as spiritual growing pains. The groaning’s of the flesh from the sanctification of the spirit. We cannot expect to grow deep in the Lord and Him not break us of this world in continual sanctification until the day we are perfected in glory. When the Lord has called us and we commit our lives to Him, He will break our hearts for what breaks His. It is painful. He will cleanse us so deep of our sinful and selfish nature we won’t even recognize who we are anymore. Thank God for that! I never want to look like I did before Jesus became Lord of my life. I want to look in the mirror and see Jesus, not Jessica. I want to reflect His image much more than I want to reflect my own.

It has been a long process to come to this mind state. I admit, sometimes it’s a daily struggle to say the words, Your will, not mine, Lord, and actually mean them. There have been many times in life when I am in a season of waiting and praying and seeking and trying to listen to the Lord for what the next step is or what the next chapter of my life may look like. I am yearning for some kind of sign. But I see nothing. I hear nothing. I feel nothing, except The Lord prompting me to let go. My flesh despises relinquishing control of my thoughts, my desires, my plans, and my dreams. I want to hold onto them so badly. I can remember specific seasons when I held on so tightly to things that were actually spiritually poisoning, but I thought if I held on tightly enough, I would change God’s mind into allowing it to work. I look back now and laugh, but also shed a few tears at all of the wasted time and energy I spent in trying to change God’s mind instead of cease striving. I could have saved myself years of heartache and thousands of tear drops.

The words cease striving have become so powerful to me. Daily, I want to hold onto things that make me feel safe and secure. Some of these things are actually positive assets in my life, but I can sense the Lord asking me to lay them aside in obedience to Him. That scares me. I want to hold them close. I want to hold onto the security these things have showered in my life. I find myself driving down the road and anxieties will rise, and my heart will feel as if it were pounding out of my chest thinking of not having what I want in life right now. Fear takes over. Fear of being alone forever. Fear of not being able to raise my daughter in a godly way as a single mother. Fear of losing people I love. I want to strive in my own power to keep my