Checkmate: Unapologetic, #4

By Pamela Ann

Book Four in the Unapologetic Series.

 

"Death is not the greatest loss of life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live."   

—Norman Cousins

 

Having a taste of paradise, only to have it immediately snatched from your grasp, was without a doubt the most excruciating experience one could have the misfortune of coming across.

 

River Ellis couldn't fathom how things had spiraled out of control. Like a domino effect, once it was put into motion, it was unstoppable.

One monumental ache after the other.

 

Did he have enough strength to be the pillar of hope? Or would he cower from life's punishing blows, tormenting him until he was utterly and hopelessly crippled?

But above all, could he protect the woman he'd vowed to spend the rest of his life with?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Pamela Ann
• Release date: Jun 20, 2022
• ISBN: 9798201776138

Pamela Ann

is a New York Times and USA Today Best Selling Author. She studied Fashion Marketing in United Kingdom and has a degree in Business. She has a penchant for pastries, dogs, renaissance paintings, steamy angst-filled novels and traveling.  Get personal notification through your email when Pamela Ann has something new coming out. Join in on special two-chapter previews for upcoming releases, giveaways, current promos, announcements & more. SUBSCRIBE FOR THE NEWSLETTER HERE: http://eepurl.com/PnuMj YOU CAN ALSO FOLLOW HER... Website: http://pamelaannbooks.com Blog: http://pamelaannbooks.blogspot.com Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pamela.annauthor Twitter: https://twitter.com/PamelaAnnAuthor  

Book preview

PROLOGUE

RIVER

Y ou’re going to fucking do what! Ari snapped, spitting his Cuban cigar out as he gawked at me as if I had just confessed I’d massacred his neighbors. His thick neck muscles popped out, his face burning red, eyes bursting out of their sockets as he slammed his newly drained whiskey glass on the white marble table, appalled by my unplanned announcement.

My manager’s standard hysterical reaction didn’t intimidate me. After years of witnessing Ari’s antics, I had grown thicker skin. His rabid outbursts and over-the-top antics used to work like magic, but no more.

For years, I had jumped through hoops to please everyone at the top while I silently suffered, never voicing a complaint because I was a good soldier. And good soldiers fight the good fight. Always pushing on, even though I was past physical and mental fatigue. Work became my lifeblood. In turn, my hard work made both of our bank accounts fatter over the years. And right now, his dramatic manic eruption only proved he was blinded by the amount of money diminishing before his very eyes as it was taken from the substantial portion allotted to him per show.

But this wasn’t about money. Not to me, anyway. I never demanded anything from you or from management. When you said, ‘Go work,’ I hustled, working non-stop for almost six years now. It’s high time I take a long fucking break and focus on my life. I wasn’t asking for permission. I was simply stating what needed to be done, end of discussion.

Ari wouldn’t be legendary for his Nazi-like work ethic if the guy was laid back and didn’t push his clients to their fullest potential. He ran a tight ship. Slacking off was a definite code red in his book. Reneging on work commitments was career suicide. But as much as I loved my work, my passion, Cara and our baby were my priorities now. From the moment I had learned of my impending fatherhood, it had been all I cared about. The rest of the world could take a backseat.

Work would always be there, waiting in the wings when I was ready. My soon to be bride, however, wouldn’t be there forever. My current assessment might not be accurate, but I wasn’t taking any chances when it came to Cara.

Powerlessness wasn’t a foreign feeling when it Cara Quinn was in the equation. This past week, on the other hand, had birthed a new meaning. I was not an idiot. Fuck, even to this day, I still couldn’t believe she’d agreed to marry me. My woman was as stubborn as a rock, and for her to say yes was a huge fucking deal. Never in my wildest dream had I imagined her ever saying yes in this lifetime, especially not after the unmitigated disaster of our first engagement.

It still felt surreal. Like a dream … one where I was terrified of waking up to the promises of marriage forever vanishing in the blink of an eye.

Moreover, with Cara’s ever-shifting mood, instincts demanded I close the deal asap. The past had taught me how fickle a woman’s mind could be, and Cara’s was on a steroidal level. Injected with added pregnancy hormones … Well, I was not about to roll the dice and leave fate for the devils to decide.

---

Nope. No, sir. The first one fucked me up badly. I dared not think what sweet hell a second rejection would bring.

So, yeah, Ari could stew in his anger for all I cared. There was not a goddamn thing he could do to make me change my mind.

Unfazed by his classic eruption, I listlessly lounged back on the luxurious white outdoor cushion, calmly observing his ever-changing facial expressions.

Do you even have any clue how much this will cost ya, boy? he furiously barked, sprinkles of spit darting out of his mouth as he ran an outrageous phantom number in his mind. "The fines are going to be staggering! You’re risking your entire career—all the hard work, your fans, your entire fucking life—for what? For some old pussy you popped some six, seven years ago? Get a fucking grip! Go home. Sleep this off. We’ll talk again when you’ve come to your senses!"

My chill demeanor was gone in an instant. I’m giving you a pass this one time, Ari. Disrespect Cara again and you’re going to know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of my knuckles. I shot the guy who’d mentored me since the start of my career a dead, icy glare, needing to drill it in his fucking head. Don’t fuck with me, man. I have mad respect for you, but don’t fuck with me.

Ari’s face darkened as he threw me a challenging look. "You come out here announcing this shit. What’d ya expect? A fucking hug? And what? You cancel and do what, huh? Be a fucking lovesick lapdog following her around on set while she builds her rising career, and you take a backseat? Is this what this is about? Her needing to be in charge? To be in control of you?"

We’re getting married in a month with a baby on board. Saying the words out in the open felt twice as great. God, I wanted to announce it to the world, yell it from the rooftops, shout it at the top of my lungs. I was a proud soon-to-be father and a husband to the woman I had sworn my young heart to.

Huh, Ari scoffed harshly, plainly repulsed. Tale as old as time. Trap ’em with a baby.

My nostrils flared. It’s actually me doing the trapping, not the other way around. My patience had run thin, and as much as it grated me to hear him talk shit, I knew I owed him an explanation. As a manager, as my mentor. "What guy wouldn’t want his kid to have a home, a family, a good foundation? Fuck, everyone who’s on my payroll knows Cara’s in my blood. She’s a part of me. I’ve been begging—praying—for a fucking miracle, and after all these years, the guy upstairs heard me. I’m not going to blow this chance for what? For more money in the bank? Gain more fame? Fuck that. Shit’s great, but it pales in comparison to what’s waiting for me at home. I’m all in for her. I don’t care about anything else. Consequences be damned."

Ari sneered at my audacity. "This is going to cost you millions in penalties. Hundreds of thousands of fans. Opportunities you can only dream of will be dropping like flies. Are you really going to fucking risk all that shit? he droned on. Is she really going to be worth it once shit hits the fan? No woman is worth losing all your hard work! He held up his hands. Okay, say she’s really knocked up and it’s really yours … so what? You don’t have to change your life, move mountains or what have you, to make your soon-to-be baby mama happy by jumping the gun and getting married. Buy yourself some fucking time. Think it through. Six months. Fuck, even a whole fucking year. However long it takes, do it. You guys aren’t exactly a walk in the park. More like a fucking plane with half a fuel tank left and nowhere to land. It’ll crash sooner or later. I’m just trying to save you by throwing you a lifejacket before the inevitable crash."

As a manager—mentor—I understood his point of view. But as stated before, none of it mattered any longer. The man simply had to embrace my decision, or this would be another serious matter altogether. Hey, if you’re going to be a fucking pain and can’t accept my choices, then maybe this isn’t a good call, and we should part ways from here on out, I threw down, honing in on my family’s importance. I’m marrying her. Case closed.

Ari blew a strange lengthy breath, shaking his head, before pouring himself another glass of scotch, annihilating it in one gulp, and then darting an enduring look at me. I’m hearing you loud and fucking clear, Ellis. Don’t get your panties twisted. I’m only looking out for you. It’s my damn job.

Good. As you say, it’s your damn job. Just do it. No need to be nasty about it.

He downed another drink. It’s your life. Your call. Don’t say I didn’t warn you when I turn out right, the man stated. Pray this shit isn’t going to bite back when you least expect it.

The meeting wrapped in a hostile manner after that. It was the only way to get through to Ari, or he’d bulldoze his way into our lives, calling the shots with his impending doom and gloom melodrama. I had no time for that bullshit, so I had jumped straight to the point, or I would have never heard the end of it.

Jumping into my favorite Italian sportscar, I drove away from Ari’s Bel Air estate like a maniac. His ominous words rang in the back of my head, and just as fast, I furiously rejected each and every one of them.

I was doing the right thing for Cara, for our baby … for all of us. My family. The rest could kindly back the fuck off.

The drive to our home in Westlake Village took about twenty minutes. I had intended on coming home earlier than nine so I could take Cara out for dinner, but Ari being a jackass about it all had ruined that. I supposed ordering through Postmates would do. I’d make up for it tomorrow.

After pressing the garage button, I unhurriedly parked the vehicle before cutting the engine. Then, sliding out of the car, I strode toward the door which led to the hallway off the kitchen, only to find it locked. Since our move had been so drastic, my complete set of keys for this house was stashed in my Beverly Hills home.

Sighing heavily, I trudged toward the front door, instead, as I felt gradual exhaustion creeping in. Hours upon hours of travel while being confined on a plane, jet lag, the explosive confrontation with Ari, and planning a wedding in a month’s time suddenly began to weigh on me.

All right, all the bad shit was taken care of. It’s going to be a breeze from here on out, I lethargically acknowledged as I sprinted toward the door, only to find it cracked open.

My mind went blank. An ominous feeling sprawled deep in my gut, warning me something was not right.

Heart in my throat, I slightly pushed the door open before I stepped over the threshold. Cara? The eeriness grew as my eyes scanned the partially dark home. Baby, I’m home! I yelled out, pausing only for a moment, hoping to hear her call out from somewhere, but when silence greeted me, an instantaneous shot of adrenaline came out of nowhere, urging me to move.

Rushing into the kitchen, I was struck with an unforeseen force. I could literally feel my soul draining from my body the moment my eyes took in the scene before me. An opened bottle of Fiji was splattered all over the floor next to a pool of blood. Inches away was a massive chocolate cake smashed to the floor with ‘Congrats Soon to be Mom & Dad’ peeking out of its box.

Blood … There was blood. Blood everywhere.

What the fuck had happened here? Did Cara have a miscarriage?

CHAPTER ONE

RIVER

D o you know anyone who wants to harm her? Any clues of suspicious behavior? Anything you can shed light on can make a huge difference, Mr. Ellis. Detective Hall, a thirty-something-year-old war veteran, probed while I blankly stared at his perceptive frowning expression. We were off in one of the offices, so we had as much privacy as one could possibly get in a busy hospital.

Harm Cara?

Why would anyone want to harm her?

None of this made sense.

Mr. Ellis, the detective prompted to get my attention for the umpteenth time. I know this is traumatizing. I can’t even imagine what you’re feeling right now, but sir, with all due respect, I have a job to do, and my job requires me to get as much information as possible so we can solve this before any leads go stale.

Cara and I had barely gotten back together. Before Maldives, I was living in New York ninety-five percent of the time. What did I know about Cara’s life before and after we had separated? Our short tryst hadn’t provided enough time to sort through the his and hers daily dose of demons. So, again, what clues or leads could a clueless man provide?

Nothing.

Not a goddamn thing.

Admitting the stark truth, seeing the unquestionable gap between Cara’s life and mine, drilled a deeper hole in my already tattered soul.

I honestly don’t know, I timidly answered, trailing off while recalling the past. I dropped her off to meet with my manager … My throat felt constricted while I attempted to comprehend the gravity of the situation. "I meant to come home early, but the meeting dragged on … and when I got back … No one was home.

Cara and I have been on and off for years. When we’re on the outs, I don’t know anything about her life. We were on the outs before I joined her in Maldives after learning she’s pregnant. We barely just landed, so I don’t know who, what, or why. Feeling beyond helpless, I managed to hold the detective’s gaze. I’m sorry I can’t help you.

Releasing a strained yet defeated sigh, Detective Hall curtly nodded, dark eyes appearing sympathetic. All right. I’ll come back in a couple days. Maybe you’ll have something for me then. For now, don’t go anywhere. Don’t go out of town, out of the country, unless we’ve cleared you.

Like I’d have a destination in mind when my woman and unborn child were fighting for their lives right this very second.

I remained unmoving as the detective quietly exited, leaving me alone with my godforsaken thoughts and fears. I was engulfed by such compounding emotions I couldn’t even bring myself to scream or cry. I was fighting for my life—their lives—and didn’t have a fucking clue where to start. How could I even help them? Why did it have to be Cara?

River? Anton slowly opened the door, entering the room. He reached my side, and crouching down, he gazed up worriedly. There’s no update yet, but can I get you anything? His bright striped head-to-toe purple outfit contrasted harshly with the hospital’s forbidding atmosphere.

Without him, Cara could’ve bled out. Thirty minutes more and Cara could’ve been in a much more critical state than what he’d found.

I couldn’t even bring myself to ask how tragic Cara’s state had been when he’d found her. Knowing all the grim details would make this horrific tragedy all the worse. I could barely cope with the guilt as it was. If I knew more, how could I even look Cara in the eye?

Anton could get me something—some fucking damn answers—though. If anyone would know, it was him.

"WHO!" I threw out, loaded with such fury directed at the unknown culprit.

Anton gave me a reserved petulant look before pressing his lips together. Then his eyes softened, seemingly sympathetic to the kind of hell I was in. I’ve been racking my brain—remembering our conversations, anything that might indicate anything—but there’s nothing there, River, he sobbed anxiously. But I don’t think the person’s intent was to kill her … I think it might’ve been the baby.

His answer made me snap my head so quickly my head spun for a few seconds before my sight levelled again. What the fuck do you mean by that? I barked out. We haven’t announced anything about the pregnancy. Not a lot of people know.

Anton appeared deep in thought, as if recalling the disastrous event scene by scene. From what I could tell, there was only one stab wound … in the stomach. If the person wanted to kill her, they wouldn’t go for the stomach. It just doesn’t make sense. Targeting the baby does, though.

The baby.

What in fuck did our baby have to do with anyone else?

Do you think … Anton trailed off, shrugging as if changing his mind. Maybe it’s pointless to even ask.

Dammit, Anton! Spit it out before I force it out of you! This isn’t the time to be shy and shit!

He released a hefty sigh, looking as though he was trying to figure it all out in his head before uttering another word. "We’re on the same team, River. I want to solve this as much as you do, so try not to bite my head off, okay?

Here goes. You guys are celebrities. But Cara’s status in the celebrity sphere is pretty minor compared to your mega fame. Your importance brings all sorts of goodies, baddies, and crazies. Obviously, that comes with the territory. I’m sure this isn’t new to you … so with that said, do you think … is it possible … that it could be one of your uber rabid hardcore fans hating on Cara? It’s not unheard of. Even if you’re not always active on social media, your fans have other ways to track you down. They know every single person in your security team—I mean, you’re easily recognizable. I’m sure they know all your moves, all your secret hideouts. Hell, maybe your phone’s hacked, and you don’t even know it. Cara’s best friend looked weary and glum, glowering as he leaned against the desk. Like I said, at this point, anything’s possible.

My fans.

Did I really want to dip my thoughts in that direction? But what if Anton had a point? Ignoring it would be reckless.

I mean … Sure, they were great ninety-nine percent of the time, but there were some odd instances when they’d stalked or tried to break into my hotel room or into my dressing room during concerts … but committing a felony? Attempting murder? That was quite a leap. But as Anton had stated, anything was possible at this point.

There was a knock at the door, and Anton sprinted to answer it. Upon opening it, the room was immediately bombarded by the typical hustle and bustle of hospital traffic while I stared holes in the humungous framed picture of human anatomy hung on the wall, lost in thought.

River. Anton’s high-pitched valley girl voice echoed somewhere in the chamber of my brain, barely registering as I honed my focus in on the elaborate illustration with feral concentration.

River! The doctor’s on his way over here about Cara and the baby! Snap out of it!

Doctor … Cara … the baby.

The very mention of Cara’s name instantaneously brought me back to reality.

Blinking several times, I took a deep breath and got to my feet. Now wasn’t the time to be weak or a bitch about this whole fucked up situation. Weakness had no place here. I had to man up and get with the fucking program, or this would eat me alive.

If that doctor rushed in here with bad news, shit was about to get real. I couldn’t fathom losing her when I had barely gotten her back.

Fuck.

My hands trembled when I heard approaching footfalls in the corridor. I didn’t dare breathe. I was scared shitless because I’d rather die than lose Cara.

You got me right. I’d rather fucking die than live without her. I just couldn’t.

Like I said.

End all.

End of.

CHAPTER TWO

RIVER

There’s nothing rawer, beyond gut-wrenching, than being whacked with the glaring truth in the face.

Hours bound with trauma, compounded by your worst fears, waiting in vain for almost five hours, yet nothing prepared me for the godawful impact of the moment I caught sight of Cara’s grim state.

An injured howl was ripped from my lungs as I paused halfway in the room while I hopelessly stared in horror at the unconscious body in front of me. It took me forever to snap out of my funk before taking small nervous steps toward where my future lay, cold and desolate.

Tears gathered, saliva stuck in my throat, upon seeing my once vibrant, so full of life Petal … now so pale, so lifeless against the plain white hospital sheets. Her once cherry pink lips were drained of color. Sun kissed skin appeared dull, without fire proudly roaring through its proud veins. The fire had been tempered, selfishly snuffed out, corrupting what little joy we had been about to embark on.

But this shouldn’t come as a surprise. Destiny had fucked us before we were even born. Snatching anyone considered family each time we were close to the sheltered cocoon. Life had always been like that scorned borderline psychotic ex, forever vindictive and faultlessly selfish. As orphans, it had been drilled into our heads at a very young age. Yet, when tragedy struck, proving us right, why did I feel so fucking resentful? As I had been betrayed so unexpectedly? Afterall, time and time again life had proven it couldn’t be trusted.

We should’ve prepared for such an outcome. Cara and I knew better. But what the fuck? Was it so wrong to let hope prevail, to fight for that little voice echoing in my head, telling me I had a chance at a better ending?

We should’ve known.

I should’ve known better.

But love had seized any rational thought, and I couldn’t simply walk away from the future it had presented.

It was the perfect gift, the ultimate devil in disguise.

I hadn’t even thought twice when I’d hopped on the flight to Maldives with only Cara—and Cara alone—in mind, never fully considering this monstrosity could possibly be the only aftermath looming. But after finding out about the pregnancy from Anton, nothing had mattered. My brain had immediately gone into full throttle, jerking my sanity from the rip-roaring jealousy of Cara being impregnated by another man to simultaneously bombarding me with the blissful image of being a father to a child made with the woman I had loved for eternity.

Goddamn it, man. What had I done to deserve such punishment? Fucker hadn’t even granted us a day. A whole twenty-four hours upon landing before squashing us. Bringing us to a motherfucking standstill. It had drawn blood, inflicting mayhem where it hurt the most—our very souls—killing the innocence we had created.

I stood here, wholly unmanned, with no ounce of pride, bitterly struck by having the misfortune of falling in love with the woman who was also cursed by life with rotten luck.

The fucker had perfect timing, cashing in when it was going to hurt me the most. It aimed for the bullseye, and shit didn’t miss its mark. Now we were paying for the colossal mistake. Cara had paid even more. How had things taken a downturn so quickly?

God.

Cara …

I glued my eyes on the patient lying on the bed, my insides shriveled at the sight of her colorless and unconscious. It hurt to breathe, to even exist.

Baby … I’m so sorry. My voice trembled, broken, as I cautiously hugged her insentient body. My chest felt heavy, as if there was a boulder pressed against it and it was seconds away from exploding.

Heartbroken, I gently buried my nose into the crook of her neck, breathing her in. Her familiar scent annihilated my senses instantaneously. Pinpricks stabbed through me as hot tears rimmed my eyes. Forgive me for not being there when you needed me the most.

I took hold of an icy pale hand, cradling it with my own warmth. Palpably noting how rough and cool the sheet was against her skin.

I close my eyes … I see you … carelessly happy … beautifully wild and so full of life, I croaked the out, even though it pained me to say. But I was hurting, and the only thing consoling me was the past and the beautiful tragic memories we shared together. It was the only thing keeping me from going insane.

So, I relived it like a played-out love song until I was drunk from it and could almost taste the sweetness of her kisses. All I had to do was close my eyes, and there she was, unmarred and divine.

My beautiful Cara.

Every time you leave me, you always take a piece with you, my heart poured out in vain. The pain was so excruciating I could hardly breathe. "Whether it’s because I hurt you like I’ve done countless times … or ’cause you felt the need to escape—to run and be free—and break as many hearts as you could along the way. No one—not a damn fucking soul—can dictate to you.

"It’s what I love about you, Petal. Sure, you drive me crazy, but I’ve always admired your spunk. You give zero fucks. You can’t be chained unless you allow it, and I’ve tried. God knows how many times I tried to hold you down so I could keep you to myself, but you always find a way to give me a dose of my own medicine. Even at times when I was this close to hating you, you found a way to remind me why I can never let you go.

"You run away … always hiding … always planning, intentionally leaving crumbs for me to follow you wherever you were, whomever you were with, cruelly punishing me with each trail, totally knowing I could never ignore it. But you knew, didn’t you? Heck, I didn’t even realize what the fuck was happening until you kept proving me wrong.

"Yet you knew. Wherever or however long it takes me, I always find you. So, don’t give up on me, baby. You can’t leave me now. I beg you … please … just come back to me. Our story isn’t finished yet. Don’t leave me here without you. I won’t let you. Open those beautiful brown eyes. Strike me down. Fuck me up.

Come back to me, Petal. Tears streamed down while I gently pried her hand open then planted a light kiss in the middle of her palm, sealing my fate.

Find me …

I’ll wait … Even if it takes forever, I’ll wait.

I’m here.

I’ll always be here, waiting for your return.

CHAPTER THREE

CARA

The world only existed in this moment, materializing before my eyes with every skipping beat of my heart, with each breath I took …

Everything was suspended.

The past and all its substantial burdens were absent.

And what a perfect world it was, sublime and downright magical. I never wanted to leave. This was where I belonged.

Where we belonged.

Standing sideways, I longingly gazed into the floor-length mirror, bursting with unparalleled pride and inconceivable awe at my ever-burgeoning stomach. Nothing could ever compare to this overwhelming happiness possessing my entirety.

I’d never felt so elated in my life. The sense of completion … of fulfillment … of love.

God, yes … love.

So much all around, I was drowning in it. From sunrise to sunset, from my head to my toes, it coursed through me, filling every crevice, every vein. It surged through me, vanquishing all the wretchedness contaminating my soul.

My heart was so bloated I could explode from limitless euphoria.

How was this even conceivable?

But there it was.

I was a living it.

My reality. I—Cara Quinn—had finally found it. The gold pot at the end of the rainbow. The elusive Pandora’s box. The once plagued by never-ending tragedy to the next … had now fully and truly … found happiness.

Damn right. Me. All fucking me. So, I was inhaling this magical splendor with every waking moment with delightful gusto.

Life was perfect. Why even worry about why this rare happenstance was finally occurring?

Brushing my nonsensical thoughts aside, I cheerfully studied my reflection. I saw my dark eyes twinkling as my left hand cradled my tiny precious cargo, and I beamed at my glowing reflection. Another day off the calendar, little one. Mommy and Daddy can’t wait to meet you, baby.

A deep whimsical sigh escaped my lips as I absentmindedly hummed a tune while slipping into my favorite electric blue two-piece bikini.

River loves to take this off with his teeth, I thought with delight as I hurriedly changed.

Even after all this time, the very thought of him still made my heart soar to new heights. I loved him—always had, always would. Though it had taken me forever to realize I belonged with this sexy beast of a man, I was thrilled we’d arrived in this new era of us.

We had flipped a new page.

The relentless back and forth was no more.

This time around, we were really making a go of it. The bad and the ugly were water completely under the bridge now.

It was just us now—River, cute little ol’ me, and our sprouting little bean.

Yes, life was definitely all about unicorns and rainbows these days. I was not one to complain about this new life we had garnered for ourselves. It was perfect, just as it should be.

While still wearing the cheesy smile, I lazily bunched my hair up into a bun before skip-hopping toward the back of our private villa by the water. It was the same spot where we usually dined and breakfasted daily. Upon stepping out on the wooden deck, I was greeted by the multi-blue ocean splayed boundlessly before me, making my soul sing from the majestic exquisiteness gracing my vision. It was a picturesque image I would never tire of.

And in the not so far distance, there stood River with his striped white and navy boardshorts, contentedly arranging our meal on the table. He, too, was joyously humming his song for me: Brown Eyes. One he had penned almost two years ago.

Morning, sweet cheeks, the incorrigible man greeted the moment he spotted me making way toward him.

Morning, babe. My eyes darted from the eggs benedict to pancakes then bacon before landing on a fruit bowl consisting of strawberries, blackberries, and blueberries. My notorious hormones caused me to salivate instantly at the sight of the luscious red fruit. Swiftly grabbing and popping one in my mouth, I closed my eyes, savoring all the vibrant flavors bursting on my tongue before I broke into a smile.

There was nothing like satiating one’s appetite or the grand satisfaction of having that first taste, its wonderful succulent sweet flavor flooding one’s senses.

This whole pregnancy ordeal had made my hormones go haywire. I couldn’t withstand certain smells and textures, yet peculiar ones I’d normally find disgusting, I ended up craving.

Like pickles … I hadn’t been keen on them before, but now, you could give me a whole jar, and I’d finish it off in less than twenty-four hours. I couldn’t function without having a sip of coffee to jumpstart my morning previously. Now? The smell made me nauseous. Each day was a new discovery. It would’ve been terrifyingly unbearable had it not been for River’s optimism. This man took everything in stride. If I was embroiled in a sudden bout of fear or diminishing confidence, he’d pull me close, take his time, and he would fully lure me out of misery.

Like I had stated, he was the perfect man, and this was the perfect life. One couldn’t ask for more.

Looks like you two woke up hungry, eh? River remarked as he poured a glass of juice, placing it next to me before taking a seat across the table. What do you guys feel like having? I recommend a hearty meal since today’s itinerary is going to be full. Pancakes? His eyes sparkled as he lifted the stacked plate, eyeing me sheepishly as he waited for my response.

I loved pancakes, but the thought of eating anything buttery and spongey made my stomach hurl. But check on me next week, and I might be singing a different tune.

Scrunching up my nose, I hesitantly shook my head. Not today. I think I’ll stick with fruit. It’s one of those days.

His playful smiled widened. Anything to please y’all prickly bits. Abandoning the stacked plate, he took the fruit platter and began to load my plate with several spoonfuls.

Very funny … I remarked before gorging on the berry feast with unmitigated gusto. Would it be too much to ask to skip island hopping and just chill for today?

River was in the middle of buttering his pancakes when he looked up, sharply honing his focus in on me. A subtle frown creased his forehead. Something wrong? Are you feeling okay?

This man could go from sweet talk to alarm mode in the blink of an eye. This was our first time, so I supposed it was normal. But I couldn’t help it. I loved him a bit more each time he doted on me like this. No, babe. I’m fine. I just wanted to unwind and spend all day with you doing whatever, whenever without a schedule … but if you really want to island hop today, I’m game, too.

Nah … He shook his head. Your plan sounds mighty fine, too. I really don’t mind either way. We can stay here, swim around, be fat and lazy. This is the life.

I chucked a blueberry at his nose, earning a loud cackle from him. You’d love to see me fat and lazy, wouldn’t you? It’s not funny! We both know I’m going to be as big as a house before this baby is due.

I don’t care, Cara. You can be big or skinny … I’d still worship you every day.

Aww … I began to tear up. Really? That’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me. Hormones, anyone? I cried at the silliest things, and River never failed to look amused at my expense.

If I wasn’t careful, this man could easily inflate my ego. But who cared, right? Live and let live.

We spent another hour idly eating breakfast while watching YouTube videos on the iPad before River booked pedicures and massages for us. After lunch, we took an hour power nap then hit the beach.

Just as I stationed my bloated butt comfortably on the beach’s shoreline, River cleared his throat.

Mind if I join you in a little bit? I have to check on something.

Frowning, I reluctantly nodded as I felt soft waves caressing the backs of my legs, lulling me in. No probs.

I’ll be back before you know it.

He left me with a chaste kiss, and I waved him off, eagerly inspecting how his sexy, tight buns of steel looked in his shorts while walking away.

A playful smile lingered on my lips as I gradually reclined back on the shoreline, lifting my face toward the sun. Soft waves caressed my body, gently rocking my figure. The sand felt warm against my fingertips.

Soft waves gently crashed against my form, lulling my weightless body into their warm embrace. My subdued mind drifted in and out consciousness. Minutes ticked away as nature melted all of my fears and anxieties away.

I was beats away from falling asleep when something pulled on my leg, dragging me deeper into the water.

What the— I shrieked until I saw the handsome culprit from my uncomfortable position, gagging and laughing.

Can’t have you falling asleep on me, he cackled while I splashed him with water before a strong arm pulled me into his embrace. Miss me?

Not really, I retorted, making him playfully bite my neck until I’d fully succumbed to him.

Again … magic.

We make magic. Together.

Unhurriedly sliding the bottom part of my two-piece swimwear back to its position, River slowly dipped his head, placing a kiss on the top of my belly. Let’s head back. You’ve been in the sun too long. And I need to feed you lunch because I can’t have you sleeping on me this evening.

I rolled my eyes. Oh, the inconvenience! I can’t imagine how tough it must be for you. The dry statement widened his smile further.

Can’t fault me, he teased. I love taking care of my woman.

I couldn’t argue with that. It was a job he did superbly.

Placing his ear now instead of his lips, he ardently listened for our baby’s heartbeat. As he gazed into the horizon, a serene look spread across his face before he closed his eyes, sighing with contentment.

Marry me, he whispered. Just then, his dark eyes snapped wide open while his ears remained glued to my stomach, gazing at me with so much yearning. Like a phantom longing only a particular person could remedy.

The intensity of his gaze stopped my breathing—the potently projected hunger, the unconcealed ache. It was like this was the only missing piece in the puzzle to complete the picture. A piece of paper legally binding us for life was what he needed to feel secure in our partnership, in our family.

Scaling back the heavy frown, I nervously smiled at the man. Um … I already said yes, remember? I thought we were already engaged … Had I misconstrued the whole damn thing again?

It wouldn’t be the first time … not really.

Silly woman, I meant marry me right now, he declared. Today. Tonight.

"What do you mean right now? Like now, now?" What was he talking about? I mean, what would I wear for crying out loud?!

Yes, now … in two hours to be exact.

Color me dumbfounded. You’re kidding, right? Uh … What about the dress, our friends, invitations, the whole shebang?

We can do all that later. I woke up this morning, and I knew I just had to marry you today.

My face turned beet red. Oh my god. He was dead serious. River had cemented his fate with me long ago. He simply wanted to make it official.

But if it’s too much, we can skip it. It’s not a big deal. Big wedding, small wedding—it doesn’t make a difference to me. I can wait for the big white wedding in LA or wherever you want it to be, River lightly added. But today, you’re going to be my wife by sundown. That’s all I have to say. The rest is up to you, Petal.

"You woke up thinking this, but you never said a thing during breakfast?"

I look at you, and I see forever. Nothing’s changed, Cara. I’ve always wanted to marry you from the moment I saw you.

God, I was fucked, but I was so in love with the man that I welcomed it with a bang.

Really? Plenty of thoughts ran through my brain, yet brilliant me could only muster this one dingbat word.

He rolled his eyes. Forget I said anything, okay? Don’t worry about it. Forget I said anything … His disappointment was so profound.

I truly could crush this man’s heart in a flash. How could I be solely responsible for such a terrifyingly damning possibility?

He’s mine. All mine. As I was his.

So what was I waiting for?

Was it the pregnancy hormones, or had I always been this slow? Don’t look so sad. Of course, I’ll marry you, you gorgeous idiot!

If you’re saying that because you feel obligated to … River’s skeptical face made me laugh.

Well, I mean, I’m shocked obviously. You can’t just spring a whole wedding on a woman. We think of color schemes, wedding music, or what flavor the cake’s going to be, but at the end of the day, what matters to me is you. You’re all I want. The rest are just embellishments, so fuck yeah, a sunset wedding it is.

When fate came knocking, one had to answer the call.

With mere hours before showtime, I opted to go for the ethereal bride look. Simple. Sophisticated. Armed with nothing but pure love and pure intentions.

The flowy Grecian white dress with an open back fit the appearance I was looking for. The fresh floral headpiece consisting of tiny buds of white and blush pink roses sat atop my head like a tiara. My coiled tresses were wild and untamed. Sunkissed skin, a simple swipe of cheek tint, and a pink lip gloss—I required not much else.

The unadulterated excitement emitted from every pore in my body.

Armed with nothing but a smile, I lifted my gaze, clashing against the endless pools of eternity in his eyes before I started to walk down the warm sandy aisle.

Words weren’t spoken, though our eyes spoke volumes.

From the moment this man had proposed to me on my sixteenth birthday, we had known we’d eventually end up here as husband and wife.

I was his, and he was mine. Now in this lifetime to the next until the end of time, we were forever entwined.

Blinking back the forming tears, my vision turned blurry. Instead of clearing my view, the more I blinked, the worse it became. River’s image became more obscure with each blink, becoming smaller and smaller with every passing second.

A chokehold held me captive. I was immobile, and my ability to speak was nonexistent.

Don’t go, my mind screamed.

Find me.

The words struck my mind, but I had no idea where they’d come from.

I’ll wait … Even if it takes forever, I’ll wait.

I’m here.

I’ll always be here, waiting for your return.

---

River’s distinctive voice continued to pierce through, louder and louder with each word. Images started to blur. Even though I fought with all my might to stay, his voice relentlessly hounded me until the brightness and color deserted me, leaving me in darkness.

All alone. In the dark. With nothing but this unfathomable sadness to comfort me.

My breathing became shallow. A piercing pain latched onto me as I tried to find my way out of this infinite darkness.

I’m here.

My steps halted, scanning the vast nothingness. Then a speck or two of light came out of nowhere, just enough to give me a glimpse of the familiar face I adored with my entirety. I didn’t need to take a moment before sprinting toward my home.

River.

Then my eyes snapped open, greeting me instantaneously with harsh fluorescent lighting and the unfamiliar sounds of machines.

You’re mine. You can’t escape me, cariña.

Then it hit me.

All at once.

CHAPTER FOUR

CARA

C ara? River bolted upright. His strong hand grabbed mine tighter as he stared at me, wide-eyed and bewildered. God … His deep voice trembled while his eyes filled with unshed tears. You’ve come back to me.

Back.

Back from what?

Purgatory?

He was the first thing I saw. I should feel relief, but the sinking feeling piercing my gut deeply made me feel otherwise. Why was that?

I didn’t have to search his face long. His eyes gave it away, granting me the answer I desperately sought.

Our baby hadn’t survived.

It was written all over his face. His heart was irrevocably broken. So was mine.

This was the second baby lost. How sad was that? It all seemed so silly now. The tragic mess that I had been when I had found out about the pregnancy, drastically weighing my options as though I truly had control of the outcome. Such a joke. We got so carried away … yapping about baby names, nursery color themes, and such. Well, look at us now—both unreservedly crushed and brokenhearted.

As I stared vacantly at River, his eyes held questions I couldn’t address. How could I? We were stuck in the same boat with thousands of questions with no answers in sight.

Nothing hurt, yet I knew I was in pain. My drugged-up body couldn’t feel anything. But nothing stopped the grueling torture in my brain. There wasn’t just a voice each time I closed my eyes any longer. My misfortune had doubled overnight. There were two of them now: Juan and an unknown woman. The latter culprit being the person plunging a knife into my womb and leaving me for dead while she danced around my unconscious body.

"I win," she had said.

Win what exactly? My mind had countered.

If that woman’s intention was to win something over me … Well, she had epically failed since I was still alive and lucid. But what if that had been her goal? To rattle my cage? What if she was still waiting and planning to barge in here the moment there was a window to finish what she’d started? Or would she bide her time, cautiously watching me from afar while heinously savoring her cold-blooded, warped handiwork?

Either possibility looked bleak. But if she expected me to cower and hide—well, she was in for a surprise. I was not the kind to sit back and wait for one of the horsemen of the apocalypse to finish me off.

Cara, River spoke earnestly, misty-eyed while cupping my cheek. How are you feeling, baby? Are you hurting? Do you need water? Wait! Let me go get the doctor, he scrambled to say, hurriedly kissing my forehead before quickly dashing out the door.

It didn’t take long for the nurses to flood through my doorway. They riddled me with question after question, yet I couldn’t muster a word. Instead, I woodenly responded with a quick nod or shake of the head. Suffice it to say, I was drained both mentally and emotionally. The thought of speaking made me want to lash out.

I felt … empty. As if there was nothing left to be said. Well, truth be told, there really was nothing to be