Try My Jesus

By Carlton E. Smith

"You don't have to be a prisoner to other people's beliefs about God, Jesus, heaven or hell-you can be free. You don't have to be conflicted about your faith and how you live your life-you can go deeper with integrity. You don't have to feel separated from the Universal Love of God-you can open your heart to it so that you and everyone around yo

• Language: English
• Publisher: YAG Publishing LLC
• Release date: Jun 8, 2022
• ISBN: 9798985827910

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Copyright ©2022 by Carlton E. Smith

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or used in any manner without the prior written permission of the copyright owner, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review. To request permissions, contact the publisher at [e-mail]

Paperback: 979-8-9858279-0-3

E-book: 979-8-9858279-1-0

LCCN: 2022935053

First paperback edition: June 2022

Edited by Fannie B. Stokes/ www.WorldChangers.media

Cover design by Michael Rehder / www.rehderandcompanie.com

Layout by Paul Baillie-Lane / www.pblpublishing.co.uk

Author photo by Megan Wolfe

Published by YAG Publishing LLC

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Except where otherwise indicated, scripture quotations taken from the (NASB®) New American Standard Bible®, Copyright ©1960, 1971, 1977, 1995, 2020 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. All rights reserved. www.lockman.org All additional scripture quotations from The Authorized (King James) Version (KJV) as indicated. Rights in the Authorized Version in the United Kingdom are vested in the Crown. Reproduced by permission of the Crown’s patentee, Cambridge University Press.

Disclaimer: This is a work of nonfiction. Within it, there are references to historic individuals whose lives have been thoroughly documented and private individuals who publicly shared their stories. Beyond that, any resulting resemblance to persons either living or dead is entirely coincidental. The publisher and the author make no representations or warranties of any kind with respect to this book or its contents, and assume no responsibility for errors, inaccuracies, omissions, or any other inconsistencies herein. The content of this book is for entertainment purposes only and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any condition or disease, including mental health conditions. You understand that this book is not intended as a substitute for consultation with a licensed practitioner. The use of this book implies your acceptance of this disclaimer.

Endorsements

Carlton E. Smith is keeping alive our rich prophetic tradition that still has the audacity to call for others to try my Jesus! His subtle biblical reflections and his wise spiritual insights loom large! Don’t miss this badly-needed book! - Cornel West, Union Theological Seminary

If you are in search of an engaging, insightful and thought-provoking read, look no further than Carlton E. Smith. Apart from being a genuine soul that inhabits the planet, it is obvious that one of his main attributes is that of an excellent listener, not to be taken lightly. I am certain that you won’t be disappointed as this author leads and guides you on a path that will inspire you and empower you. Consider this book a gift to yourself. Allow it to challenge you, change you, and recalibrate the deepest parts of you. Let the exploration of the self begin. - A. J. Young, Jr., Executive Director, The LIFEworks Project, Inc., Waynesboro, VA

Historically, and to this day, the Bible has been used as a weapon to justify cruelty and intolerance by some, and a source of inspiration and calm by others. This duality of the same book has made some leery of formal religion. Rev. Carlton E. Smith’s daily interpretations and meditations on Jesus’ sayings from the Gospels bring a real-life practicality to the text and provide doable suggestions for people to bring joy and peace into their lives. - Michelle Duster, public historian and author/editor of several books including Ida B the Queen: The Extraordinary Life and Legacy of Ida B. Wells

"Try My Jesus has encouraged me in times of concern. As a Southern Black queer woman, it’s a perfect fit for my bookshelf and my Bible study!" - Park Cannon, Georgia House of Representatives, District 58

Expanding the traditional view of Jesus, Rev. Carlton E. Smith offers the reader an opportunity to experience radical, revolutionary, and unconditional love. He simultaneously affirms the reader’s sense of self while inviting them into a process of self-examination designed to enhance their relationships with their Creator, themself, and others. Rev. Smith’s powerful reflections draw us into his encounter with Jesus and gently encourage us to try a Jesus who is deeply personal and profoundly compassionate, pointing the way to internal and external expressions of divine love. - Rev. Dr. Terrlyn L. Curry Avery, Author of Dismantling Racism: Healing Separation from the Inside Out

When I think of Carlton, I think of spiritual wisdom. And this book delivers just that. Brief reflections such as these are balm to the soul in these difficult times. - Rev. Dr. Terasa G. Cooley, Interim Senior Minister, Neighborhood Unitarian Universalist Church

"In his debut text Try My Jesus, Rev. Carlton E. Smith offers both pastoral hope and gifted intellectual insight. More importantly, he provides an accessible spiritual invitation in a world that too often assumes faith can only be about barriers and judgment. Regardless of your identity, Carlton helps put the powerful ethics embedded in the teaching of Jesus into a practical context for everyone’s everyday life." - Rev. Adam Lawrence Dyer, First Parish in Cambridge, Unitarian Universalist

With the warm embrace of seasoned pastoral guidance, Rev. Carlton E. Smith invites us to join him on each page in a brief prayer, a heart sharing, and contemplation of spiritual insights from our own lives. An invitation to enter the ‘kin-dom’ of spiritual relationship to ourselves, one another, and the Greater Reality, this book is a gift to give and receive for people of all faiths. - Mushim Patricia Ikeda, Buddhist teacher, author, and justice activist

"Try My Jesus is a non-judgmental, inclusive approach to guided meditation, and is accessible to anyone who is willing to wrestle with their conscience. The prompts are direct and will cause you to reflect on your personal values and aspirations. Examine your heart with Try My Jesus and learn to live your faith, on your terms." - Gus Hernandez, Producer, The Champions Interview Series

"Rev. Carlton’s Smith’s new book Try My Jesus invites us into a deeper relationship with Jesus—but even more than that, it invites the reader into a more intimate relationship with one’s own spiritual beliefs. Through these brief daily reflections, the reader will discover a Jesus who continues to come alive in our world—and in your life—today! I have found this book an important guide to help me get closer to not the Jesus of history—but the Jesus of my heart—and so will you!" - Rev. Kathleen C. Rolenz, editor of Christian Voices in Unitarian Universalism

What a beautiful book to wake up to every morning. I appreciated the words of Brother Carlton and his gentle way of allowing us, the readers, to grow a version of our own understanding of our relationship with Jesus and what that means to us. This is a wonderful book to add to your morning or evening devotional and beautifully written from love. It reflects my understanding of the true language of Jesus—LOVE. - Daniel Gutierrez, International Best-Selling Author, Speaker, Mindful Leadership Expert, Master Life/Business Coach

It is with a depth of humility, gratitude and joy that I submit this affirming recommendation of Reverend Carlton E. Smith’s Try My Jesus: Daily Reflections to Free Your Mind, Deepen Your Faith and Invite Universalist Love into Your Life. First, I have known Reverend Smith for nearly two decades. Over the last thirteen year’s since my own ordination as a Unitarian Universalist minister, it has been one of my life’s great treasures to call him my mentor, colleague and friend which grounds this affirm recommendation and review of this sacred text. In reading Reverend Smith’s exegetical offerings and suggestions for spiritual practice with each selection, I can attest to his embodiment of what he has so skilfully crafted. - Rev. Chris Long, CML Ministries, Unitarian Universalist Minister

Table of Contents

Introduction

Day 1

Day 2

Day 3

Day 4

Day 5

Day 6

Day 7

Day 8

Day 9

Day 10

Day 11

Day 12

Day 13

Day 14

Day 15

Day 16

Day 17

Day 18

Day 19

Day 20

Day 21

Day 22

Day 23

Day 24

Day 25

Day 26

Day 27

Day 28

Day 29

Day 30

Day 31

Day 32

Day 33

Day 34

Day 35

Day 36

Day 37

Day 38

Day 39

Day 40

Day 41

Day 42

Day 43

Day 44

Day 45

Day 46

Day 47

Day 48

Day 49

Day 50

Day 51

Day 52

Day 53

Day 54

Day 55

Day 56

Day 57

Day 58

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Day 60

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Day 62

Day 63

Day 64

Day 65

Day 66

Day 67

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Day 70

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Try My Jesus Playlists

Acknowledgments

About the Author

Introduction

You know God don’t love you no more.

When I heard these words I felt a familiar sting within my heart. They weren’t being said to me, but they felt like the darts to my spirit that I remember from early in my Christian journey.

A 29-year-old black man named Kyree spoke them during a televised talk on the theme, Black, Gay and Religious: Suppressing Sexuality for Faith? as part of actress Taraji P. Henson’s Facebook series Peace of Mind with Taraji. He wept as he talked about his family’s reaction to discovering he was gay. His sense of rejection caused him to spiral into despair and drug abuse.

The next guest on the show, Malik, shared about his own experience of trauma related to his religious, anti-gay upbringing and his struggle to reconcile his faith and his sexuality. While in the eighth grade, he was beaten with a skateboard when relatives discovered he was involved with another boy. They told him that he had demons. They doubted his sense of call into ministry, wondering aloud, How are you gonna be a pastor and gay? He sought counseling in his early adulthood from a Missionary Baptist therapist who, to his surprise, affirmed that he wasn’t going to hell for being gay. Hearing that from her was such a relief that he felt he didn’t need any more help for a while.

While I’m grateful to have had parents who loved me unconditionally, I still received similar messages to those given to Kyree and Malik from other sources starting very early in my life. Homosexuality is a sickness. It’s a sin. You’re going to hell if you don’t change. You’re not deserving of love and care. In my own way, I was just as confused and conflicted as they were.

The revelation that started me down the path to freedom came during my second semester of seminary at Howard University. Reverend Alma Crawford stood to address our World Religions class in a presentation about black and other liberation theologies. By design, Howard’s School of Divinity represented a broad range of theological perspectives and ethics among its faculty members. However, the student body itself was mostly composed of traditionally conservative Black Baptist and Methodist ministers who were taking classes while serving their congregations.

When a classmate asked Alma how she could support people living with HIV and AIDS without condoning their homosexual lifestyle or drug abuse issues, Alma spoke her truth. I don’t remember exactly what she said, but with a noticeable quake in her voice, she stood before that classroom of about 40 people—most of whom were our elders—and owned her identity as both a devout Christian and as a lesbian.

In the current open and inclusive social climate, that declaration might not seem so radical. However, in that 1990 classroom setting at the peak of the HIV/AIDS pandemic, Rev. Alma showed prophetic courage. Her ownership of her identity opened a whole world of new possibilities for me and ushered in a flood of daring, disorienting questions: What if I didn’t have to pretend to be something I wasn’t? What if I were enough just as I was? What if being gay and honest about it made me a better minister?

While my United Methodist upbringing grounded me in Jesus’ and God’s love without hellfire and damnation, my young adulthood as a Pentecostal added judgment and condemnation to any act committed that was outside that tradition’s moral code. During this period of my life I was celibate, and had been for nearly two years. Looking back, I was what I might describe as a recovering homosexual. I had same-sex attraction and had acted upon it in the past, but in my zeal for Christ and ministry, I had renounced my previous life and recommitted myself to what I had been convinced was the Christian standard. In my home church during those years, there was no room for an unrepentant LGBTQIA+IA+ person, let alone one who would be recognized as a minister. I had resigned myself to the idea that I would suppress my desires and marry a woman in an effort to conform to all the demands of me as an aspiring minister in the holiness tradition.

I owe a debt of gratitude to Reverend Alma. Given the setting and the context, it would have been easier for her to deny or minimize her truth. Instead, she leaned into her authenticity. After class, other classmates and I ministered to Alma as she shed quiet tears. Jesus teaches that the truth will set us free. That day, Alma’s truth showed me I had more options than I realized. While it would be well over a year before I removed myself from my home church, I saw that there was a life for me beyond the confines of other people’s fears, beliefs and understandings.

Where before I had memories of preachers denouncing faggies and lezzies, now there was another voice—one that embodied what life could be like for someone who defined faith for themselves. Rather than rearranging my whole life to become what others thought I should be, I realized that I could ground myself in who I knew I was and let others rearrange themselves around that. The message became clearer with time: You don’t have to be a prisoner to other people’s beliefs about God, Jesus, heaven or hell—you can be free. You don’t have to be conflicted about your faith and how you live your life—you can go deeper with integrity. You don’t have to feel separated from the Universal Love of God—you can open your heart to it so that you and everyone around you are blessed.

This revelation was part of a greater journey.

This path led me to seek answers to my own questions about the nature of God and salvation. I had to integrate my love for the deep mystical spirituality of holiness/Pentecostal tradition with my commitment to social justice and authenticity. I had to affirm what I knew to be true of my own beliefs while acknowledging that people whom I love would strongly disagree and might choose to use the Bible to prove me wrong.

In contrast to the young man who sat in that classroom at Howard so many years ago, I have evolved. After I graduated from Howard University School of Divinity in 1992, I attended an international graduate program in Switzerland for faith leaders. Next, I was a Henry Luce Foundation Fellow and New York Times-syndicated writer for Religion News Service for a year. I became an ordained Unitarian Universalist minister in 1995, and served congregations in Metro New York, Greater Boston, Northern Virginia, and Oakland, California over the next several years. I was hired by the Unitarian Universalist Association (UUA) in 2013 to support the work of the 200-plus UU congregations across the Southern Region, from Texas and Oklahoma on the west, to Florida and up to Virginia on the east. Since early in the pandemic, I’ve been the Lead for the team of UUA staff members serving congregations in the Pacific Western Region.

I count many blessings and have so much to be thankful for. Early in the 2000s, I realized that my life had become unmanageable. I began the process of financial recovery and paid off tens of thousands of dollars in debt over the next decade. Soon afterwards, I bought a small house in my hometown as a hedge against homelessness in old age. When I moved there in 2013, I was able to assume primary responsibility for my mother’s care in the last years of her life. I have a high degree of job security and have worked almost exclusively from home since March 2020. While I’m not rich, I haven’t been on the struggle-bus for a long while. I can cover my expenses when they’re due. If there’s an emergency, I can borrow from myself. My retirement account is coming along nicely. I don’t have to go into debt to have a wonderful vacation or a weekend getaway. I can order whatever I want off the menu. I’m grateful for the person I was twenty years ago who prayed and planned and worked their way out of under-earning and living above their means.

I have peace in my life. I love my family members and they love me. The people I supervise and those who direct my work encourage and inspire me. I have dear friends, near and far, that I get to spend time with. My work allows me to engage with people who also are seeking justice, equity and compassion in the world. Most of all, perhaps, I’ve made peace with my own spirituality and faith, so that I have access to my Source. This helps me be good company for myself most of the time.

Taking responsibility for my spirituality was a process that took years, and in some ways it’s still underway. Along this journey, some people have tried to persuade me to their way of understanding or hurry me along to conclusions that they made. Neither of these tactics worked. What worked was praying, fasting, and checking in with myself. I studied and I discerned. I came to terms with the fact that even as a minister, I would not, and could not, have all the answers. I would still be prone to biases and paradoxes as much as anyone else. This journey deepened my respect for the spiritual journeys of others. We are all on a path toward understanding as we move at various rates of speed. Just like on a highway, we come to signposts and landmarks on our journey. This book is a landmark of where I have come from, what I believe, and my intention to grow in love, unity, and compassion as a follower of Jesus. I hope that my landmark can be a signpost that will encourage some other traveler along their way. I offer this collection of reflections just in case there’s someone out there who needs to hear what I have to say in the way I say it.

Whom This Book Is For

This book is for the person with questions in their heart. Maybe you have been a part of traditional religion for a large part of your life, but you feel the tension between your understanding of Jesus and the behavior of many Christians. Perhaps you see the tragedy in believing that the message of Jesus is rooted in faith, love, generosity and forgiveness, while watching as spiritual gatekeepers determine who is allowed to receive these blessings. Unfortunately, some churches assign second- and third-class status to all kinds of people, including LGBTQIA+-identified individuals, unmarried parents, children born to unmarried parents, people who’ve terminated pregnancies, people whose gender is not the same as the one they were assigned at birth, sexually-active unmarried people, and people who love anyone perceived to be less than. To those who feel outside God, this book offers continual reminders that you are indeed loved, and nothing can separate you from the love of God that is in you, around you, and is you!

This book is for the person who believes in the truth of the Commodores’ 1970s hit song, Jesus is Love. The reflections in this book focus on that central premise and invite us all to consider our lives from the perspective of love first, foremost and above all else. This love includes both love of God and love of others as we are commanded to love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your mind and all your soul, and ... love your neighbor as yourself. (Matthew 22:37-39) This work embraces the divinity in everyone as I affirm we are all fully human and fully divine, just as Jesus was.

You might not find much value in this book if you hold to an interpretation of the Bible as the infallible Word of God or if you believe that Jesus is more unique than every other completely unique person ever to come into existence. If you staunchly hold onto the image of Jesus as judge and are convinced that in the afterlife, Jesus is ready to send people to eternal damnation based on ancient and modern prejudices, then this book will disappoint you.

This book is for people who may have just begun their journey with Jesus, as well as for those who are well-acquainted with Christianity and the Bible. I especially hope that it finds its way into the hands of people who could benefit from an opportunity to see themselves inside the Jesus story—an affirmation of his authentic humanity as well as of his divinity, and of their own. This is the spirit in which this book was written. I hope it is the spirit in which it will be received.

How to Use This Book

This book is a daily journey through the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. Each entry begins with a passage of scripture attributed to Jesus followed by my reflection on the text. This might be a micro-sermon, a focus on some particular aspect of the passage, an anecdote from my own life, or a recasting of the text in light of our 21st-century context. After each personal reflection is a reframing statement of the original text intended to honor the spirit of love woven throughout Jesus’ ministry. The final part of each reflection is a Try My Jesus prompt. These present the opportunity for you to reflect, write, or act upon what you’ve just read.

While this collection is informed by scholarship, it is not necessarily a scholarly work. It is meant to be practical and interpretive, intended to encourage you as you look for applications of Jesus’ example and teachings to your own life. I have drawn on my own life experiences, the words and work of inspiring leaders, particularly in African-American history, modern church culture, and other religious traditions.

My prayer is that you become inspired to go on your own adventures in the Gospels and embody what Jesus’ good news of love means to you.

Through these reflections, you will encounter expressions written in what I call Carltonese. This is my own mix of textbook American English, casual American English and African-American Vernacular English (AAVE), especially as it is spoken in what we call the Deep South, where I was born and raised. AAVE is my most native tongue, and I celebrate it! Until my parents’ generation, it was overwhelmingly what my ancestors spoke, and now we switch back and forth depending on who we are speaking to and what we are trying to convey. AAVE has a musicality, an economy, and a syntax of its own. I encourage readers who are not familiar with AAVE to use these elements of Try My Jesus to glimpse another way of thinking about and seeing the world.

Jesus’ story contains elements that don’t lend themselves to happy endings. Some of the verses and entries in this text can be hard to read because they include violence or other difficult themes. I encourage you to engage with the text even through these moments and challenge yourself to face whatever it is that troubles you, as Jesus himself did in the last days of his life. Of course, this presumes a level of emotional and mental well-being such that you are not overwhelmed with sadness and pain when these feelings arise.

It’s also fine to make use of the playlists toward the end of the book to look up themes that might be more helpful than what’s in sequence. If you need to take mega-doses of reflections on forgiveness, for example, that’s perfectly okay! Do what you need to do for you.

How the Book Came Together

According to Arthur Hinds’ The Complete Sayings of Jesus (1927), there are 7,959 verses in the New Testament, and 1,599 of those are sayings of Jesus. In preparation for this book, I read through all the verses in which Jesus spoke, paying attention to where Spirit led me. Some of those verses were in long stories like that of the Prodigal Son and had