Marriage Without Roi: How I Rose from a Catastrophic Relationship Stronger, Smarter, and Wiser

By Mary Alison

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• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: May 25, 2022
• ISBN: 9781669826804

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Copyright © 2022 by Mary Alison.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Rev. date: 05/24/2022

Xlibris

844-714-8691

www.Xlibris.com

834095

DISCLAIMER

This memoir is a work of creative nonfiction. The events are portrayed to the best of Mary’s memory. Some names and identifying features and locations have been changed to protect the privacy of people involved. The views expressed in this memoir are solely those of the author.

To my family and close friends for being my support

system and, most of all, for loving me.

I dedicate this book to my sister who was my confidant and

BFF and passed on in 2021. I am sure you are happy with the

Angels now. Continue watching over me as you always did!

CONTENTS

Preface: A Burning Desire

Introduction: The Nature of Fire

Chapter 1     Smoke without Fire

Chapter 2     Fire on the Mountain

Chapter 3     Burn Out

Chapter 4     From the Ashes

Commentary: The Fire Service

The Fire Next Time

Footnotes

PREFACE

A Burning Desire

For some of us, our response to painful moments can be amazingly different from our response to joyful moments. While we want others to share in our moments of joy, when it comes to our sorrowful moments, we tend to prefer to suffer alone, as if there was a special reward or automatic healing that escorted the act of suffering in solitude.

In this book, I have poured out my pain, not to seek pity or enrage a sympathetic public against my ex-husband, rather to use my emotional and physical trauma as teachable moments for millions of women and men and other people going through similar situations at this very moment.

Marriage without ROI, as the book title reads, is the story of a relationship investment that yielded zero returns and, in fact, almost led to emotional bankruptcy. Just as in a business merger, where the merging parties expect a return on investment, in my case, I gave 130 percent and got a zero return on investment (ROI). Instead, I was torn down and abused physically, emotionally, mentally, and financially.

I come from a community of entrepreneurs. I like to see things I start flourish and succeed, and for this, I give my 130 percent to make it happen. Just like a start-up business, I gave my entire self to my marriage. Even when there were signs of failure, like a good businesswoman, I invested more into the relationship, but unfortunately, it all went down the drain.

To me, a relationship between two people should bear fruit. According to the Holy Bible, when God instituted marriage, he asked Adam and Eve to multiply. So God created human beings, making them to be like him. He created them male and female, blessed them, and said, Have many children, so that your descendants will live all over the earth and bring it under their control. Genesis 1:28 GNBDK

In the New Testament, it is said that the two are better than one. Two are better off than one, because, together, they can work more effectively. Ecclesiastes 4:9 GNBDK

When businesses merge, they do so in the hope of creating something bigger and better. I believe marriage should work the same way.

This was the philosophy with which I embarked on the journey of marriage. Unfortunately, my partner did not share this philosophy, hence the result, a marriage without return on investment.

Marriage without ROI is a timely sounding board for current and potential victims of psychological and physical abuse. It urges one and all to seek help and not stay silent and watch the warning smokes ’til they erupt into a raging fire, which could slowly burn them out.

While the story may read like a thriller, we must be reminded that it is, indeed, a true story, and the primary objective is not to entertain, rather to teach potential and current victims of abuse how to watch out for the familiar traps that make them stay quiet despite the early tell-tale signs of abuse.

This book is a memoir, yet real names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of the people involved, but the characters remain as real as the author perceived and interacted with them.

The last chapter, The Fire Next Time, shares tips on how to recognize the early signs of abuse, how to recognize danger in a potential relationship before it gets out of hand, and possible steps to take in such a situation.

It also examines the role of traditional support systems and structures like the church. Specifically, Marriage without ROI is an admonition to women and men everywhere to insure themselves against emotional and physical trauma as a big first step in their romantic relationships.

Mary Alison

INTRODUCTION

The Nature of Fire

As much as fire is a blessing, it can also be a curse when unleashed in the wrong hands and with negative intentions. Although I use fire as a metaphor to illustrate the harrowing experiences I went through in my marriage, the parallels drawn are just as scathing as any real fire, for emotional trauma has been proven to be no less excruciating than physical trauma.

Much like its physical counterpart, emotional trauma, not only hurts deep into the body of its victims, but also leaves scars that remain visible long after the actual experience(s).

This is why I do not wish even my worst enemy to go through what I went through in my six years of marriage.

In hindsight, however, I have asked myself one question over and over: Did I see this fire coming?

Were there obvious signs of smoke that I ignored or preferred to deny just because, like many women out there, I had been conditioned single-mindedly to preserve my marriage, regardless of all challenges, no matter how painful, or in fact, no matter how vile my partner was.

When I play back the scenes from the various incidents that led up to my decision to end my marriage with Henry, none of the scenes make sense, even to me. It is not just what happened that perplexes me, but also how I reacted to what happened, which is what forms the overall tragedy I experienced.

Perhaps the only normal characters in my story, who acted decently, were my dad, my mum, my brother, my sister, Henry’s mum and Henry’s sister and a few friends. Mostly, the other characters were either active contributors to my horrendous experience or collaborative bystanders, whose body language and comments either suggested I was to blame for Henry’s bad behavior or that the only way out was a larger dosage of patience, tolerance, and prayers.

Talking about prayer, I had more than my fair share during my travails, and perhaps you could even call me the female biblical Job. But I have dedicated some of the last chapter to the role prayer played in my ordeals. For now, it is safe to say, Dear Christian men and women, everything makes sense, only within the right context.

Take a sensible thing out of context and it loses its very essence.

The marriage institution, as far as I knew, was a desirable and logical next step for physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually mature adults to legally live together as one to further common goals, inclusive of procreation and