Through the Eagle Eyes: Part Two of Agony to Agony

By Patrick Yay

Patrick Yay is an author and artist who obtained a degree in Medicine in 1968 and a BA in Modern History and Philosophy in 1969, allowing him to work as a pediatric surgeon for the last eight years of his life in Myanmar.

He endured through the corrupted government and authorities during his medical college years under the brut

• Language: English
• Publisher: The Regency Publishers, International
• Release date: May 2, 2022
• ISBN: 9781957724232

Patrick Yay

Patrick Yay was born in Rangoon, Myanmar, at the end of the Second World War. After earning a degree in medicine, he served as a physician, ultimately escaping the country for the United Kingdom where he continued his medical career until retiring in August 2009. Dr. Yay is now an international artist and resides in Hungary.

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Through The Eagle Eyes

(Part Two of Agony to Agony)

IN SEARCH OF TRANQUILITY

Patrick Yay

Copyright © 2022 Patrick Yay.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without a prior written permission from the publisher, except by reviewers, who may quote brief passages in a review, and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by the copyright law.

Library of Congress Control Number: 2022900248

ISBN: 978-1-957724-22-5 (PB)

ISBN: 978-1-957724-21-8 (HB)

ISBN: 978-1-957724-23-2 (E-book)

Book Ordering Information

The Regency Publishers, International

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Printed in the United States of America

About The Author

Patrick Yay’s real name is Dr Maung Maung Yay, he graduated in medicine in 1968 and BA Modern History and Philosophy in 1969 and practiced as a Paediatric Surgeon in the last 8 years of his life in his country Myanmar.

During his medical college life under the brutally ruthless military regime, he lived through the corrupted government and the authorities which was written in his first book Agony to Agony until he left in 1977.

During that time his younger brother was arrested and imprisoned as a political prisoner: and his uncle who was the private advisor of the democratically elected Prime Minister was also sentenced into prison and finally, he was killed in the prison.

During the medical service he suffered from the different difficulties and agony under the socialist government, the editorship regime of General Ne Win.

He is also an artist since 975 and had done many exhibitions in England and Wales, and abroad like China, Ukraine, Venice and Hungary etc. His artist’s career is published in his third book titled Agony to Agony (Part Three – The Struggle for Freedom) which was planned to be launched together with this book- the second edition after revision and edition with updates in Rangoon (Yangon) Myanmar (Burma) but unfortunately due to the Pandemic of the Coroner Virus it has never been materialized yet till today.

However, after he arrived in Britain although he had freedom in the democratic country he was discriminated as a foreigner and suffered from the Institutionalized Racism and throughout his life in Britain and thus finally soon after the retirement from medicine, which is written in this book; he left Britain but continue to live as an artist and writer in new country Hungary in Europe till today.

The events mentioned in this books are all true but due to the obvious legal and confidentiality reasons most of the characters names are changed to fictionalized pseudonym.

Preface

In 1890s philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche wrote in his book Thus Spake Zarathustra that-

What does my shadow matter? Let it run after me!. I –shall outrun it….

This is the second part of my autobiography, the shadow of my life.

Initially when I discussed with my publisher total pages of the entire book will be around 900 and thus it was suggested to divide into two which I agreed; and thus it is published as two parts and this is the second part but the third part is the extension to complete his artist’s career in the third country Hungary.

The Part One was published in 2018 and launched, second edition was published in 2019 in Myanmar, then it was translated into Burmese language for Burmese people, in two volumes.

Now the third edition of part one is published by the Great Writer Media Service.

This is the second part of Agony to Agony as second edition.

The third part of Agony to Agony, Struggle for Freedom is also published by the same publisher The Universal Breakthrough.

First part Agony to Agony is about my life till I left my country Myanmar (Burma) in 1977 and this is the continuation of my life in Britain as an immigrant mainly as a doctor and partly as an artist till 2009; then I moved to Hungary after retirement from medicine to continue my artists career and writer.

The shadow of my Agony followed me.

The content is more about my medical life in foreign land as a second class citizen how I survived through the layers of suppressions by means of Institutionalized Racism. The reader might think some of the stories were simple fake and make it up by myself and there is little element of truth. I can assure you that there are no false and untruthful events of my life. As you can understand due to the confidentiality of my patients the names were changed obviously for ethical reason. There had been so many interesting stories of my patients age 16 to 85 how painful their lives had been particularly the victims of sex abuses in Britain, but for the sake of the length of the book and the strict confidentiality of my patients ethically I deliberately did not write in this book. Many patients did not give me their permission to publish their stories in my book even with pseudo-names.

Since it is vividly mentioned the true facts about the inside stories of British National Health Service (NHS) system you may think that I am bias and condemn my professional colleagues and the entire British NHS. No doubt British NHS system is one of the best health care systems in the world; invented by Labour Party and it is still going strong and proved that it is good for the nation in a capitalist economic system in modern monarchism.

However it is sad for me since my belief on British socio-economic structure built by the democratic system turns out to be not up to my expectations although comparing with the American and other countries it is fairer and more equal in opportunity for the people despite the obvious racism; and many time conservative party has been trying to abolish NHS. There is no such country as any racism at all and no opposition party truly wishes to support the other party had created a system however it is good for the people and the nation.

Burmese government during the military regime was heavily criticized as severely and cruel racist which I cannot defend nor deny it. It had destroyed the Burmese NHS system totally by not providing sufficient funding as the health budget was diverted to the military budget. The military budget was increased up to 60% of national budget.

The British health care system never had been perfect and the corruption among the doctors in England was appalling and disgusting since Queen Victoria time. Irish writer Bernard Shaw had written in 1906 in his book Doctor’s Dilemma clearly and honestly which is shockingly descriptive in his narrative how English doctors were deeply corrupted.

If you compare the condition of health care system and the behaviour of British doctor in Victorian time and today British NHS and behaviour of modern doctors you will see it clearly although there is significant improvement in health care the ethics of the doctors has not improved much so. There are too many corrupted doctors in Britain simply slipped away from the legal actions quietly despite the Royal Colleges are guiding their members or fellows. At times due to the powerful Royal Colleges their members easily got away from their crimes silently and colleagues covered up their crimes committed especially white British doctors. They become untouchable and uncontrollable, behaved like Kings in their own empire and those defy them were head chopped of especially the foreign doctors. The secretary of Health Virginia Bottomley in the Mrs. Thatcher’s government recognized the British doctors, especially consultants, behaved like Kings and practiced the Patriarchal approach which was transformed to Advocacy Approach in Thatcher era.

In my first book I wrote about the corruption of not only the military junta government but also the senior doctors in Burma and all levels of civil servants in military administration. Now this book is describing the corruptions in Britain especially in NHS, private medicine and individual doctors who went into prison either as serial killers or sex abusers or dismissed from GMC for malpractices.

As usual the British politicians have interest in their career rather than the justice and development of the country, as all the secretary of Health ministry has very little idea of the real inside problems of the NHS. The General Manager of all the health authorities were merely politicians with no experience in health care system and thus they are partly controlled by the senior consultants who are fully supported and protected by their respective Royal Colleges as their members / Fellows.

Recently when I went back to Myanmar few times surprisingly and depressingly I discovered that the senior doctors are much more corrupted than the doctors before I left the country. Shamelessly and greedily searching for money like doctors in England in Victoria time what Bernard Shaw described in The Doctor’s Dilemma. Unfortunately some of those corrupted doctors are my contemporaries making money for their survival with less caring attitude for their patients since the doctors salary in the NHS was merely inadequate enough to survive decently. During the time of General Khin Nyun Prime Minister (Secretary 2) of Gen. Ne Win’s government the doctors asked for pay rise but refused, when the military officers are enjoying the socialist system by heavy corruption and getting richer.

The military budget was increased to 40% of national budget but not for the civilians salary and country development like building the infrastructure, health and education.

The education system clearly declined down like English language was taught at only at 5th standard and eventually only at senior schools; therefore young people cannot speak English, the university degrees were low standard and many universities were dispersed to different areas and regional colleges which was not aimed to improve but to disperse the students preventing the gathering and mass protest against the military government.

I was very disappointed and came back to England

It is obvious they are afraid of the people hungry for democracy and they cannot give up their power since their power gave them more opportunity to steal the people money and richer.

The whistle blowers are punished rather than rewarded particularly if you are a coloured person in Britain; that I went through again and again although I did not act as true whistle blower though. It was merely their fears of the exposure of their ethical failure in their medical practice in my department/fields. Even When I brought the internal problems to the authorities I was heavily criticized and condemned my whistle blowing attitude and purged out of the particular NHS Trust.

British General Medical Council could not do anything about the corruption of the doctors unless there appeared the public complaints or the patients reported to the General Medical Council or suddenly revealed in the tabloid news papers. British NHS authorities rarely reported their doctors to GMC especially Royal college degree holder consultants but mostly covered up unless media and public prosecutors involved. Therefore many time public became helpless to bring the doctors to justice unless finally they had to go through the publicity via media channel because the NHS authorities were hiding or covering up the crimes of their employers senior doctors particularly the local white doctors. Coloured doctors are treated differently and punishment were severe and totally unfair and made it un-defendable. Many of the coloured doctors had become the scape goats in their employments and suffered by the ganged Institutionalized Racism.

Private medicine in Britain is totally dependent on NHS, not like in USA the private hospitals are totally independent and well qualified and well equipped run by private health insurance system. British NHS system is run by the national insurance system and the private health care was by private insurance services.

In Britain, despite the private health insurance system is used for private patients the doctors in the private hospitals have to depend on the NHS facilities because their private hospitals do not have the paramedical services. The hospitals are depending on the NHS consultants. They are merely 5 stars hotel style private accommodations for patients. The British doctors are ganged together with the private insurance company and private hospitals making money enormously unfairly on the patients which is not much different from the Victoria time like what Bernard Shaw described in his book.

Despite it is rotten inside the private health care system and lack of fund, inadequate facility was not improved but Conservative party attempted to privatize the NHS completely every time when they got the power.

During the 1990s when Teresa May (Last Prime Minister before Boris Johnson) was chairperson of the Conservative party their government attempted to change NHS into private medicine gradually; and thus they attempted to implement a system called Private Patient Passport. It was nothing but the government to pay partly for the private treatment of the patients who had contributed their share of National Health Insurance because NHS hospital was running out of beds and waiting time is too long. It was sad some patients died during waiting time although they needed the urgent treatment especially in cancer cases.

During that time I met Teresa May on TV at BBC Jonathan Dimbleby interview program.

I was invited to that program from St. Thomas hospital, London because I supported Labour party. I was asked what kind of question I would like to ask the conservative party chairwoman Mrs. Teresa May. When I explained my question they invited me and put me in the front roll of the audience and gave me a chance to ask my questions.

I asked- Teresa, I work in NHS; I like to ask you do you know how many of the private hospitals in UK are totally independent of NHS like those private hospitals in America? And how many of them are fully qualified as a hospital legally?

She turned around to Jonathan and said- Jonathan, I don’t really know about this kind of area, so we need to investigate.

Public was amazed and applauded. The nation noticed that my question was appropriate and many of my close friends came back to me congratulated for my question.

It was obvious politicians were always looking for an easy answer which they don’t really know the basic issues. They enjoyed the political rhetoric and tried to impress the people. Many times they made a blunder mistakes despite in Britain parliament was somehow controlling/monitoring the governing party through the democratic system.

Since after that TV broadcast their plan of Patient Passport program never had been materialized.

Politicians are many times full of dreams and tried to find the answer to the national problems, just trial and errors. As far as I remembered during my service in British NHS I do not remember any one who is fully qualified to be a secretary of the Health Ministry; none of them had medical background and most of them are the same; either from Labour or Conservative. The Managing Directors of the individual NHS health authority are all politicians who have no idea of the health care system. It was surprising they are the policy making and changing the local health authorities with trial and errors within the budget available.

In this book of the second part of my biography they were simply portrayed in piece meal as time went by through my personal experience.

Finally, I would like to request to my reader like I did in part one of my book, that please bear with my weakness and imperfect English and read my book till the end until you finish it to build up your own opinion and let the judgment be yours.

My critiques did not realize that my book was written intentionally for the Burmese public to share my experience and the agony, the endurance, the pain, the anguish and the mental torture both in my native land Myanmar and abroad in Britain. In this second part there will not be much of Burmese names and places like in first part; for the western readers to struggle and thus it would be easier for the English speaking public can follow my narrative, but on the other hand Burmese public has to endure with the names and places of Britain for those who had never been to UK. Somehow, I had to describe some of the political situation in Burma although I was living in Britain particularly when A S Suu Kyi was house arrested and won the Noble Prize, and my observations just before and after the democratic government.

Acknowledgement

As usual I am indebted the gratitude to the members and staffs of my publisher Universal Breakthrough who helped me a lot to be able to publish my second book of Agony to Agony with new title Through the Eagle Eyes.

Although I cannot mention the names individually I would like to thank many of my faithful friends and readers from Burma who encouraged me to finish this second book since they want to continue to read the stories of my life abroad. My publisher in Burma Ko Lwin Oo (Lwin Oo Sarpay) and translator and writer U HlaThaung (now deceased) are very encouraging and supportive to me to be able to continue my journey in literature particularly for the Burmese public. After they had tasted my writings which is full of spices and honesty it has become exciting to wait for forth coming books as they said. The critical views on my first book by my close friends had encouraged me to make this second one better and more readable by improving the style and standard of English although I still have to depend on my editors from my Publisher Universal Breakthrough.

I am grateful to some of my readers like Ko Thet Lwin who appreciated my writings with constructive criticism, and encouraged to finish my second book ASAP and for his promise to help me to launch my book better in Myanmar and also the critic (Myanmar Times) like Ko San Lin Tun who promoted my first book and supported for my second one with encouragement for the Burmese public to continue to follow my upcoming writings as an honest writer.

Unfortunately, due to the Corona Virus Pandemic the reprint of this book is delayed and now due to the current political problems created by General Min Aung Hlaing’ s army by coup de’ at’ta the civil war is is coming in force with thousands of people exile and escaping for their lives it is absolutely impossible for me to return home to launch this book with the third part Struggle for Freedom together.

They said at my first book launch- Please write the second one and don’t hide anything like in the first one

I am truly encouraged by such comments and open opinion by my Burmese public and some of my readers from the west.

Dedication

This is the part two of my autobiography, the continuation of my life experience in Britain. It is written in dedication to those people escaped from Burma during the ruthless military regime arrived in many different countries especially in United Kingdom, America and Australia, Germany, Canada. Many of them succeeded and reached the foreign lands but some of them died on the way and never succeeded the escape especially those crossed the border illegally and secretly risking the dangers. Many of them had been the victims of murder, torture, sexual abuses and rapes particularly the ethnic minority groups.

It is obvious that they are the evidences of Crimes against Humanity and Genocides, which is now the United Nation’s committee of Human Rights and International Court of Crimes has declared the crimes and issued the arrest warrant order to the responsible army officers for Crimes against Humanity and Genocides. As far as I know they were about 21 offficers, 12 generals including Senior General Min Aung Hlaing.

The security council cannot come and arrest them inside Myanmar but they can be arrested if they left Myanmar and went to another nation.

Many escaped from those atrocities are surviving in foreign lands but they are helpless unable to revenge.

Although these escapes never mentioned about their struggle like me I am fully aware of their courage and tolerance under the shadow of the foreign country racial discriminations and hardship for their survival.

I particularly dedicate this book to those who lost their lives on the way during the exile; and to those many of them are living through the Institutionalized Racism like I did in Britain and in many western countries, but decently; despite the suppression as foreigners. I admire their courage and strength and thus they were worth mentioned as I dedicate this book to them.

I dedicate this book to all those killed and tortured by General Min Aung Hlaing Regime and all the victims of the entire Burmese army (Tatmadaw) since 1962 particularly those Ethnic Minority groups like Karen, Kachin, Rakine, Shan

My dedication is particularly to those recently killed and tortured in 2021 especially children and innocent women by Burmese army during the Spring Revolution on the streets of Yangon and many cities in Burma, the fallen angels, victims of General Min Aung Hlaing’s Regime.

I wish the best of luck to their children in the countries they continue to survive.

Introduction

An army of principles will penetrate where an army of soldiers cannot. Tom Paine.

This is the part two of Agony to Agony titled as Through the Eagle Eyes as I travelled to the west with some anxiety and reluctance when I left my country but I kept my eyes open like an eagle and thus before I continue to write let me introduce you with my poem about my feelings towards this western world briefly; eventually which will be described in some details about my experience and my personal opinions and criticism rightly or wrongly but truthfully as I always be.

There are many stories untold but I do not have the permission to mention them individuallyas they went through the agony and pain like I did.

According to the natural phenomenon as everything is transient my life is changing and my country future is also changing with the great expectations of the nation from worse to good life, however I cannot foresee my life what would happen next but just to strive on in the foreign land. I really like to compare my life, my country and the western world for the better view of my people back home.

At this time of writing I do not see my future to return my native land at all since the country is in total turmoil worse than the era of Ne Win and Than Shwe.

However my journey to the west was not as hard and adventurous like Joseph Conrad to Congo, not as challenging as Dr Albert Schweitzer to Africa or not as fast in moving one country to another like Tom Paine in 18th century fighting for his human rights and freedom of speech.

By the time I left Burma Britain has abolished the slavery and it is a democratic country, well developed and peaceful country without any civil wars. I did not have to struggle against the native like Albert Schweitzer and faced the savage of the local like Joseph Conrad at Congo. It was in fact a lot easier except I do not have money and no job yet. However with my medical degree I managed to get jobs one after another and survived through with four children keeping my integrity and moral intact to serve the humanity despite the series of racial discriminations I had to survive through. You may say that Well your life was a lot easier than those you mentioned. Yes; it is true and thus I should not be moaning all the time instead of try to be fit and survive and keep my principles and good heart intact.

There is no such thing as perfect world however Americans are arrogantly boasting of their society as superior to the others and perfect and great especially in their way of democracy declaration but in fact Americans have lost the true democracy and deep racism has never been abolished despite a black man became a president of American.

However I was travelling to Britain, not to America; thank God for that although I had many opportunity to move to America but I was not happy with American society although many foreigners especially Chinese Burmese were so glad and so proud to move to there as they are naturally capitalists’ children and they are capitalists. Many Chinese said that they are not greedy but they love collection of wealth; money is the most important thing in life and they live for money and wealth sacrifice their career, future of their children, belief system, dignity and pride as long as they can get wealthy; want money and money. They are proud of being American citizen and called themselves Americans.

My Burmese (Chinese) friends in America were all happy with what they achieve mostly the status of living and the wealth they accumulated but for me it is sad for human being just living for money and wealth not for humanity (True Freedom in true Democracy) and as an individual with their own philosophy because they were governed by the ideology of materialism and superiority in false belief.

However my aim was to be free from the Ne Win’s brutal government suppression and live in democracy; and away from the recent Burmese Army.

Yes, Britain is well recognized democratic country but it was also famous for racism. The racism in Britain still prevail, even in the sports the racism is open and crude to those black players playing for Britain, instead of thanking them they were booed, called names like monkeys etc. It is such a shame to the British society for such protests and their behaviour of discriminations.

Although they had abolished the slavery over many years ago the racism is still existing; and more so Institutionalized Racism is quite strong and in every sector of the employment and educational system. Superficially it does not seem to be true but only when you have come across the experience yourself you will be convinced.

No doubt I was truly grateful to the British government for I was given the opportunity to live and work in Britain with freedom but I knew that I have to pay for the high price of racial discrimination in my career. The daily life is comfortable and relatively peaceful although the racial comments, discriminations are quite annoying and insulting as a second class citizen. They called me Chink, mocking at me without knowing that I am serving their country with good heart which is very painful for me. Some of my Indians colleagues responded by dishonesty, disgust and neglects for their welfare as doctors.

One Indian doctor said to me that—

If they treated you discriminately to you why should you care about it you just treat them back the same. If their people became your patient why should you care like your own. Just do your duty to earn the money and don’t bother keeping your ethics and moral as a doctor with love and humanity since they don’t love you do not treat you like an equal human being. I just don’t care.

I was totally amazed to hear that doctor’s attitude with bitterness towards English (white people). I think he lost the oath he swore as a doctor for humanity.

It is somehow one will eventually think about it like him as the Institutionalized Racism is too obvious and painful to us the foreigners doctors who are taking care of them professionally and humanely.

More so, my children suffered much as they were young and did not understand what was happening. They were frequently bullied at school and among their friends. I had to go to school quite often and spoke to the head teacher but it did not make much difference because the head teacher himself is a racist. If you continue to read you will find out some of the racial discrimination I experienced in details.

Sometime I thought about our people how kind and helpful to the foreigners even they are tourists let alone working in our country serving our nation either for the benefits for themselves in commercial/ trade world. It was not just because of our colonial attitudes towards our masters but also out of our kind and caring hearts.

English always behave superior and behave badly towards the foreigners. It is quite obvious that all the foreigners are inferior and second class. French hates the English, historically way back since Queen Elizabeth 1 although they make friends and fight together during the Second World War. That is the great difference between Burmese and English. Burmese people cannot make friends with the person they do not like and cannot join to work together which was historically proved during the war.

When the Thirty comrades were trained by Japanese the Ne Win group sent from Thakin Ba Sein were not easily accepted by Aung San faction. However due to the introduction letter sent from Thakin Ko Daw Hmaing- Aung San accepted them to be the comrades but all the way these two groups were not trusting one another and hard to compromise. After the independence the politicians cannot work together and fought like Churchill said and finally the whole country fell into the hands of the army and faced the disastrous economic and political state.

In England there may be disagreements and differences between the politicians but they still work together democratically without fighting each other with arms. The parliamentary system had been developed centuries ago since many previous kings’ eras. Now although there is still racism there are few foreigners as politicians in the house of parliament. No doubt there are few Indians as politicians in Burmese government and house of parliament before U Nu lost the power to Ne Win. Only at one time Professor Dr Nyi Nyi who was the Chinese Burmese professor in geology was appointed as education minister when Col Hla Han was minister for health during the Revolutionary Council Government time. But Dr. Nyi Nyi resigned and left Burma for Australia at the end.

In fact Chinese Burmese doctors are quite successful in the medical world as they are ready to be corrupted and prepared to bow to the army officers and behaving like their slaves which I was disgusted. The army officers were completely corrupted and did the favours to those Chinese Burmese people in every field not just in medicine but in many fields

During their ancestor’s time China was very bad under Mao Tse Dong-The Communist Era and thus due to the very dangerous time of killings like now in the 21st Century Burma in 2021 under General Min Aung Hlaing, they all escaped away from Mao’s regime and his Red Army, then they lived a better lives when they arrived in Burma; eventually they struggled and worked hard and thus they became richer than lazy Burmese, started taking over the Burmese economy along with Indian capitalists.

After Ne Win nationalised all their enterprises, companies and properties under the name of Socialist Philosophy (Policy) they were suddenly hard up especially after the Chinese Riots crossed the country in 1976. Then, their children and grandchildren living in Burma better life was destroyed by Ne Win stupid Socialist movement.

The country economy was crushed and Myanmar became Bankrupted and therefore all those Chinese business community encouraged, pushed their children out of Burma. The educated Burmese Chinese went to developed countries and some better peaceful countries like Malaysia, Singapore.

As they said there are over 20 000 Burmese immigrants in California especially in LA, some are refugees, over thousands of Burmese in Singapore and Malaysia respectively. Over 1000 went to Hong Kong by the time I left Burma in 1977.

Most of these Burmese are Chinese. Now they arrived in developed countries they adapted like their parents to any condition to make their lives better by hook or by crook. Corruption is in their blood.

I felt strongly the Burmese Military officers are corrupted by these migrant Chinese and eventually the Myanmar Tatmadaw (Army) is in the pocket of Chinese capitalists, like now in modern China the Chinese socialist leaders are in the pocket of Chinese capitalists at all level. (Will Hutton’s China in 21st Century- and I studied at China when I visited six times)

As usual Chinese are migratory race and you can see Chinese all over the world in any country.. We have a Burmese joke which says—

if you arrived to an isolated remote island in the middle of an ocean you might think that no human beings live here, as you will be totally wrong because there is one Chinese Fish and chip shop and one Indian grocery shop is already open.

Now I do not have to worry about these corrupted Chinese Burmese but to live on with the British racism as a second citizen in England.

To my great disappointments I discovered how serious British doctors were corrupted and lost the duty of a doctor and they are surprisingly rude, high and mighty and treated patients like their slaves or servants which really disgusted me. The discriminations of the British doctors are not just to foreign doctors but also to their own native people once they become their patients. All my good impressions on British doctors disappeared and even became disgusted and felt sick but I cannot do anything since I am just a bloody foreigner and have no power.

I was in capitalist world living with democracy and freedom despite the human right is not absolute since I am a foreigner in their land.

The capitalists’ greed of money, fame, power and glory have destroyed this planet to some extent as I mentioned in my first part of Agony to Agony introduction section. Now may I simply just introduce to my poem as the prelude of this book.

Money Does Not Talk, It Swears

Bob Dylan—It’s alright Ma-1965

Through The Eagle Eyes

In search of tranquility,

Through the eagle eyes

From the calm blue sky,

I see the deep blue sea

And the thick forest of green trees.

How pleasant and peaceful it could be.

In search of tranquility,

Through my eagle eyes

Flying closer to the land near by

I see the thick fog

With grey clouds and smog,

Above the sky scrapers concrete blocks

In the glare of the sunshine hot.

People rushing here and there behind the cars

Breathing smokes with no fun,

Heavily polluted air near and far.

In search of tranquility

Through the eagle eyes,

In the blue sky and healthy breeze

I prefer high above pleasant with calm and peace

Riding the wind, floating with freedom and no harm.

My wings are fully stretched

I can fly without losing breath

I love my eagle life as a bird,

I have absolute freedom without any fret

And frown, I can change my direction

To anywhere I can find the full satisfaction.

I do not need a passport,

I do not need a VISA,

I do not need an air ticket.

And I do not need to go through the security checks

With the strong wings I have; to ride the lovely wind,

Floating, surfing to anywhere I can swing.

Enjoy my life around my neck without a string.

Enjoy my life without tears.

Oh! My dear humans why your greed make you sad

And unhappy without freedom and without any peace

To live through this life without fears, and have good night sleep.

In search of tranquility,

Through my eagle eyes

I saw it; with foggy, smoggy, smoky and dirty filthy air

human living in chaotic, nasty, greedy, cheating everywhere.

They seem to be happy

In the hustle and bustle of city

Without realizing they will die early

Of cancer, asthma, HIV and of STD,

The diseases of society in great calamity.

For the heavy price they pay for pleasure

From love of sex and drugs, money and power; the glory and fame

which pushed them into the deep flame

of anxiety and worries, but they said the society is to be blamed.

I love my eagle life,

Way above high in the blue sky

For I only need me and I have me;

I have no greed or such guilty pleasures to suffer.

So I fly back to the sweet blue sky,

I love it so much for its’ nature give me best pleasure.

I have no greed, no fears, no desire for drugs and power

So, no worries and no anxieties, no money and no glory I seek

For the nature provide me all I need.

In search of tranquility

With my eagle eyes

I saw the guns fired into the air,

Bombs, and rockets flying east and west

Soldiers running everywhere in despair,

Killing innocent people in the home at rest

Slaughter the children, rape the women cruelly dare.

I just wonder,

Are they people who talk about Love

and kindness as humanity; swear to their Gods high above. What is their religion

What is their belief,

What is love for them though

Have made them turn into beasts?

Is it the basic of human race

Live with total disgrace?

Then I realize as an eagle

My life high up in the sky is not enraged,

But far beyond the peaceful life to embrace.

In search of Tranquility

Through my eagle eyes,

I flew from east to west

To find a peaceful rest;

But I found all the places in great distress.

So I search for quiet, remote with no cruelty

and no human near me with such atrocities.

With my eagle wings I fly as fast as can swing,

Beyond the human civilization

Filled with fake peace and happiness in their imaginations.

High above from the sky I looked down to the earth

and laugh at their nature with no heart.

They live with greed, anger and illusions,

True is false and right is wrong;

Their beliefs are going round and round

When the rulers are far too strong,

And killing anyone anywhere

to keep their power; no one dare

Challenge and rebel, protest and fight

No one shall have strength and might.

It does not make much difference,

Whether capitalist or socialist

The rulers are the same

To keep the power at any risk,

They behave totally insane.

May be people are starving

For their benefit to be rich

The entire family thriving,

when many children have no food and no milk to sip.

Modern rulers are much worse than monarchs

They are far corrupt and all bastards.

The tyrants around the world

Like Stalin, Hitler, Mao or Qaddafi,

They all are monsters and demons after all.

Like Ne Win and Than Shwe, Saddham and Mugabe

along with Assad and his tyrant cronies the best of all

The Big Mad Dogs running with greed of froth in insanity.

Massacre is their way

in the power for longer stay.

Killing is their routine

to have the ethnic cleansing

No matter what the world says

United Nation is kept astray.

This world will never have peace

As long as there is greed

for power, money and sex in exceed.

Illusion is making them to believe

As if they were the best of all breed.

In search of tranquility,

Through the eagle eyes

After all what Buddha says is correct,

Everything is transient and Impermanent as in death.

We shall depart this life today or tomorrow

A month or a year way far ahead of our friends,

left us living with anger and sorrow.

I saw suffer in the humanity with great sadness

So then, I know that I only have to fly

Fly, fly and fly fast above into the sky,

Away from the human and stay apart

To have my peace of mind

And real tranquility just to find.

Then I know that I only have to fly,

Fly, fly and fly as far as till I reach beyond the sky

When I shall be in peace and to say Good Bye.

14th September, 2018

Now I am old and not far away from my final days, and many of my friends and my wife had left; thus I know that they are in peace and so as in Buddhism death is the final relief from this earthly sufferings.

Sometime I wish I died early like my friends, my wife, my brothers and sister and my parents.

Although I can say that I am neither unhappy nor sad for myself but I am not contented with my own human society and this world is moving into destruction state since I can hear the bad news everyday like tsunami, earth quakes and flood, storms and fires, hurricanes and volcanoes eruptions with landslides, people buried under the volcano ashes and lava. How many people had been killed in these natural disasters and also by the wars; and crimes on the high streets of so called developed countries in civilization?

Racism in America is still strong and many blacks and coloured people had been slaughtered on the streets and yet the killers are hardly punished as they are white police but American like to boast of to the world as best democracy and freedom with human rights country but the killings of children in the schools by the gun culture is the worst in this entire world. Americans are adapting their Cow Boys culture in the 21st century. Their democracy has no power to protect the innocent children not only from the murderers but also from the sex abusers like even Christian clergy men, cardinals, bishops, priests, sport teachers, sport doctors, lawyers and judges, politicians and police; celebrity in film industry like actors and producers. Can you imagine it is happening in human society worse than animals since animals do not abuse sexually to their children or rape their females?

I wonder many times and asked questions to myself whether it is worth living in such a human society with disastrous natural calamities and rotten nature of human being in civilization. This world is punishing the human society but unfortunately the animal society have become victims of human bad behaviour, lost their lives for what they have (Elephant tusks for Ivory, Rhino for horns, Turtle for their shells, Seals for their skin). This is the greed of capitalists as they are ready to exploit any kind to get money and for their wealth. Law has no power since the capitalism is very strong and the corruption is so deep. Even beautiful rare birds were caught and sold at high price in the market for the benefit of these capitalists.

I wish I am a bird, an eagle fly away, far away from the human society.

I have never seen a father bird sexually abuse his children nor by the dogs, lions, elephants, bears and monkeys etc.; and all the animals but by the most intelligent animal and so called civilized human beings sexually exploit the children and even their own.

It is sad to learn how human being is far inferior to animal in terms of morality and kindness to their own children.

I like to share some of my experience of painful stories confided by my patients at my psychiatric clinic chair. Although they were all true stories I could not believe my ears and they effected my emotions deeply; and shaken my mind enormously. I shall write some of these true stories later in the appropriate chapters. This was my life as a psychiatrist, sat down and listened to them whether I liked them or not.

When you are reading this book you may say that I am sick man or I am psychiatrically ill if you cannot believe the true stories; as most of them are negative side of human society what I observed, experienced, heard and seen.

None of them are fiction.

Then you may like to ask me what I gain by writing this kind of book and described vividly about some of the stories I shared in here. The final effect on your emotions will tell you at the end what is all about this planet of earth. Then you will realize that this beautiful blue planet is dwelled by ugly human society.

I hope you did not get bored and fed up with reading my book and give up; or you may realize that you are not the only one suffering on this planet

Contents

About The Author

Preface

Acknowledgement

Dedication

Introduction

Through The Eagle Eyes

Chapter 1: Journey To The West

Chapter 2: Preparation for family arrival and the beginning of my agony at Britain

Chapter 3: New Life with new struggle with family

Chapter 4: Change of direction

Chapter 5: Beginning of my new career and changing of my belief system

Chapter 6: Religion And My Belief

Chapter 7: New life, new dimension

Chapter 8: From Socialism To Capitalism

Chapter 9: Transitional Period Of My Life And Living Through The British Racism

Chapter 10: South Of England And My Artist Life

Chapter 11: Aung San Suu Kyi Vs Burmese Monsters Generals-Show down

Chapter 12: The Miles stone of Burmese History from last two decades of 20th Century to date

Chapter 13: Business Opportunity in Burma

Chapter 14: My life in new direction with new mission

Chapter 15: The turning point in my life

Chapter 16: Working with Professor M Rutter at the Maudsley Hospital, Institute of Psychiatry and Professor Hermid Gohdse in St. Georges University Hospital

Chapter 17: National Temperance Hospital, University College of London, and Conference at San Paolo, Brazil

Chapter 18: International Harm Reduction Association Conference at San Paulo, Brazil

Chapter 19: My Artist Career And Burmese Artists

Chapter 20: My Final Journey In Medicine

Chapter 21: Hungary

Chapter 22: Conclusion

Bibliography

CHAPTER ONE

Journey To The West

EVERYTHING THAT IS REALLY GREAT AND INSPIRING IS CREATED BY THE INDIVIDUAL WHO CAN LABOR FREEDOM. Albert Einstein.

When I came down from the Air France plane I checked my pocket and found out I only had 0.50 pence left out of 13.50 pounds; foreign currency exchange given by the Burmese government. Obviously I started getting worried that If my friends do not come and meet me at Heathrow airport in London what can I do, where will I go, where will I stay?? I have no money to stay in a hotel or even to take a taxi or to have a dinner.

I kept my eyes open and my journey began in the western world.

Through the eagle eyes I look at the western world, into its society, its culture and the political situations but except I saw freedom on the surface of water like ripples beautifully touched by sun shine but I hardly knew the deeper part of the west since my eagle eyes cannot penetrate deep down into the ocean bed.

In this second part of Agony to Agony I am describing the real experience inside the deeper part of western society as a doctor and artist. They are nothing exaggerated nor invented stories of my life. May be more of my negative experience in the western social structure and medical world but I felt that it is worth noting and understand the life of a foreign doctor and artist.

Yes we live in superficial life daily without thinking deeply what is the true reason we are living for. I am no different, I live my daily life hungry for freedom and free from fears. I don’t really care how much hardship I may have to go through in Britain as I am now free to live my life. As I said the superficial life in Britain is better obviously as Britain is a well developed country long time ago. Since Victoria Era Britain is far developed than many countries in the world. British always claim to the world that they are leading country, in modern society and; in industrial revolution with scientific development.

To some extent it is true although German and American and other European countries like French and Italy may also like to claim the same since Roman empire has done many good things across the Europe and even British had learned from Roman and continue to develop their country despite there are many wars they have come across until second world war. They usually conquered the wars like defeating Napoleon, Hitler in their history with their own war strategy and cleverness by using his allies like Americans.

After so many wars and killings on British soil they had come to the stage to unite among Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland in democratic society.

Their modern monarchs like Queen Victoria and Prince Albert, King George VI and now queen Elizabeth 2 have played their role just as the head of the state without interfering the politics since the country is administered by democratic way. However in English saying no one is above the law, in British history King Charles the second was beheaded. If the monarch is proved as committing crimes and unfair to the nation and people there is always uprising and protesting against the monarch but before the chaotic revolution begins the democratic government steps in and manage and control the situation.

Queen Elizabeth 2 was very young when she became queen but she learned and now she is the most respected and most popular monarch in modern time. It is not just only because of her quality and ability to rule the country but also her governments are all democratically elected and they all abide the modern law and democracy. However when there are public discontent and demand their human rights the government managed democratically and thus the queen does not need to use her power and slaughter or massacre like the previous kings of England, like Henry the eighth etc. or like Burmese and many African and Arabic rulers.

It is the modern monarchism leaving the governance and administrations to her government; the political parties in the house of parliament democratically.

However British has learned long time ago to make friends with neighbours and to find good friends who are loyal to them like American. They always create the allies and fight the enemy together which was successfully proved in the both first and second world wars.

That is the great difference with Burmese Junta military government which has no close friend and no allies to fight the war against the foreign enemies. What the Burmese army can do is just to suppress the nations especially the ethnic minorities ruthlessly for the sake of their survival in power. They did not have interest in developing the country like Britain, French and all developed countries. More so they did not have any idea how to develop the country. They are all completely corrupted when the country is going downhill and economically complete collapsed.

In this stage I agree with Singapore Ex Prime Minister Lee Quan Yu who called these army generals Dump Generals. He also openly said that they are corrupted.

When General Khin Nyunt went to visit Singapore and met Lee Quan Yu he asked him how to develop the country. Lee Quan Yu smiled at him and said only one word- Fight the corruption.

I noticed that when Gen. Khin Nyunt wrote his biography he did not mention this in his book at all, as everybody knows that he is corrupt although he was more liberal and has better vision among the senior generals. When I met Gen. Khin Nyunt I was quite impressed with his manners and attitudes. I made a sarcastic jokes to him at the state dinner where I was invited he just smiled at me without any response but I was fully aware of his position as head of Military Intelligence (MI Chief) he could give me any trouble. I had a feeling that if he were the chief of staff instead of General Than Shwe our country could have democracy long time ago and he will work with AS Suu Kyi together to develop the country better and quicker.

If Burma has to fight against the neighbouring countries Burmese army does not have a chance as it will be all alone without allies and poor arm force with outdated weapons. They were only good to kill the ethnic minorities like Kayin, Kachin rebels etc.

I became to realize clearly that Burma has very little chance to catch up with the western world for another half a century even if the democracy ever achieved by the sacrificial effort of General Aung San’s daughter AS Suu Kyi, purely because of the morality is very low and totally corrupted as entire nation has completely changed in the deep struggle of survival.

The clever Military Generals had done the country completely bankrupted. Not only the economy was totally collapsed but also the moral of the people has completely crushed right to the rock bottom. All the government servants had learned how to steal the public money and how to take bribery and people also learned that without any bribery nothing can be done if it has to go through the government departments.

No doubt Britain is not a heaven and not a perfect country to live but for me as a foreigner it is relatively comfortable and peaceful to live on without fears and thus I do not regret coming to England knowing that I will face different kind of struggle to live decently with the hope of getting a decent job. I know I cannot be rich, cannot be fully successful and cannot be sure of the definite security in future. Good thing is I do not have to bribe anybody in the government for whatever I wanted to do. No doubt every foreigner loves the favouritism and for that they did anything, like even some women gave sex for favour.

However, I am already here in United Kingdom and have no alternative but to survive decently with my family within the democratic society with freedom and dignity.

In this book as the second part of Agony to Agony I shall write the truth nothing but the truth as I experienced without any false addition and exaggerations for the sake of the people left behind and the world can see the reality in the democratic world as a foreigner.

I always envy and jealous of birds as I feel that they have absolute freedom. No doubt birds also have to find the security and free from danger but they do not have to bribe or exchange their sex for favour like human beings.

I now know more so when I travel to the west free from my country of lack of humanity and freedom; but Britain also does not provide absolute freedom.

I should be very proud and looking forward to prosperity by accumulating wealth like Chinese and then I don’t really need to care about the freedom is absolute or the price to pay for racism and dignity. If I have to be like them I only need to focus on money and wealth and comfortable life rather than talking and fighting for absolute freedom, human rights, dignity and honour. These Chinese Burmese like to criticize me as I was merely unnecessarily obsessed with political feelings and views to torture myself.

I made up my mind quickly and without any hesitance I left the motherland. It was risky and uncertain for future. If you have read the volume one of Agony to Agony you will know that how Burma was bad and dangerous to live under the rule of brainless, brutally ruthless and cruel military regime without any vision and humanity, then you will not blame me for I left however you may call me selfish for I abandoned my family and my people for the sake of my own safety and prosperity of my family in the world of freedom.

I had written and presented my life in Burma in the Agony to Agony (volume one); and the reason I left my country at the time of crisis during the Ne Win era with the prediction of failure of Burmese Way to Socialism and the downfall of Ne Win regime sooner or later. With my out spoken and rebellious attitude and my brother was in prison; and my uncle was still under close watch after release from house arrest I felt that I was in some extent closer to the danger as I was closed friend to some members of Central Committee who were more of liberal and forward thinking with honesty and brave socialists with fair minded. I might be simply paranoid as I was not that important threat to the Ne Win’s socialist party. However one could never tell the life of a person under the rule of a senseless dictator.

With great relief finally I left Burma legally without any problem in the process of passport application and at airport security. I only possessed medical degree certificate, GMC registration of United Kingdom, and one roll of 15 paintings, 13.50 pounds; and a suitcase of clothes.

I took Burma Airway airline to Bangkok on 29th of March 1977. I had left Burma with the uncertainty taking a risk about the future prospect in medical career. However I was greatly relieved as I managed to exile to Britain with the hope of getting a job in surgery and bringing my family later; and continue to enjoy the freedom.

In the last few years of my life in Burma was although not much eventful except repeated clashes with corrupted Prof. Tin Oo in a country with no freedom and deep corruptions which I hated and could not adapt myself; I was always worried about my children grow up in this kind of environment could be unhealthy for their moral and character; and that was another strong reason to leave as soon as possible before they grew up.

However my love for my children was strong my marriage was not smooth which demanded me a lot of tolerance and adjustment. At the same time the pressure on me from both side of the family was tremendously extensive. The extended family on both sides was also going through the hardship during the Ne Win’s stupid idea of Burmese Way to Socialism but however I was doing well in terms of the position and financial status. Therefore it was very hard to decide to abandon the family and escape from such chaotic society seemed to be selfish and on the other hand my own family future and my peace of mind were also very important.

Like I described before- My only one clean drop of rain water cannot make this entire ocean clean and pure however I wanted to struggle to help my family in long term I would become dirty and salty like the rest of the ocean; and this time not only myself become morally deteriorated but also my children would be drowned in this corrupted and cruel society of Ne Win and his disciples cruel minded junta’s creation.

I was not just trying to find excuses to justify my action of seemingly selfish act but perhaps one cannot understand my deeper thoughts of vision. I can only save myself and my immediate family, my children; but not everybody which is totally impossible since I had witnessed my brothers were sinking into the corrupted world. If with love