Reality Check: In Pursuit of the Right Questions

By Carlo Mahfouz

"Reality Check is a book I wish I had 15 years ago. It's packed with examples and insights on how to get your questions right in order to improve and change. " - Ola Helland, Writer of the comedy/science TV show Brille.

Amidst the constant whirlwind of change, clarity feels elusive as we desperatel

• Language: English
• Publisher: New Degree Press
• Release date: May 12, 2022
• ISBN: 9798885041645

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Reality Check

Reality Check

In Pursuit of the Right Questions

Carlo Mahfouz

New Degree Press

Copyright © 2022 Carlo Mahfouz

All rights reserved.

Reality Check

In Pursuit of the Right Questions

ISBN

979-8-88504-059-4 Paperback

979-8-88504-614-5 Kindle Ebook

979-8-88504-164-5 Ebook

The only true voyage of discovery, the only fountain of Eternal Youth, would be not to visit strange lands but to possess other eyes, to behold the universe through the eyes of another, of a hundred others, to behold the hundred universes that each of them beholds, that each of them is.

—Marcel Proust, Remembrance of Things Past

Contents

Introduction

Part 1.

Context

Chapter 1.

Leverage Scope

Chapter 2.

Tease the Extremes

Chapter 3.

Be Conscious of the Current Context

Part 2.

Time

Chapter 4.

Let It Go, Let It Go

Chapter 5.

Embrace Ambiguity

Chapter 6.

Moment of truth

Part 3.

Observer

Chapter 7.

Speak the Same Language

Chapter 8.

Leverage Anchors

Chapter 9.

Do Not Think, Listen

Chapter 10.

The Last Element and Going on Stage

Acknowledgments

Appendix

To my loving family in Lebanon, United States, Russia, Norway, and across the globe. Family names that do not match mine but resonate and belong way beyond what a name could ever hold or bring. Names etched in my soul defining my journey at every step.

Names that will remain close to my heart and a secret bar one: Wafa J. Hoballah; for there is no truer definition of connection or true meaning of what family is than hers. For her, Resilience: a Reality Check in and by itself going against immeasurable adversity with courage and humility. For her, Love and Care: a testimony not only spoken or felt but lived with grace and kindness. For her unwavering service to deeds that are beyond reward; a testament to her iron will and resolve to others.

To me, if there is a reality that matters, then the connection we hold between us is the only one that does. In honor of that reality: to you, my family, I dedicate this book.

Introduction

In the face of a very uncertain world full of ambiguity and distractions from every angle, what becomes most important is How do we know what matters most to tackle?

The twenty-first century is filled with significant innovation and technological advancement, yet when it came to responding to the challenges the 2020–2021 pandemic presented, we struggled. From the smallest problems, which feel minute in retrospect, to the grandeur of dilemmas as climate change, which feel overwhelming and complex, I believe it all comes down to the questions we ask.

A beautiful question, as Warren Berger called it, is an ambitious yet actionable question that can begin to shift the way we perceive or think about something - and that might serve as a catalyst to bring about change. (Berger, 2021) Accordingly, questions sit at the root. The right questions direct our attention to the problems that matter the most, whereas the wrong questions are aimed at the distractions.

Asking the right questions is paying attention. If we can see it, then we can ask about it. Thus, to pay attention, we need to be focused. To be focused, we need to be present. To be present, we need to be in the moment. And to be in the moment, we need to be prepared. So, if asking the right questions is the moment you step on the stage, this book will focus on the rehearsals to get you there.

What we will be rehearsing toward is a phenomenon called a Reality Check, which I feel represents these steps. I define reality check as a clear reading of the now, void of distractions. By void, I do not mean they disappear. Instead, they are no longer distracting. Consider the void a sense of heightened levels of clarity amidst all stimuli. It is a moment that yanks us to reality and allows us to see the present moment. Thus, our attention is honed and focused. We suddenly realize what matters most.

The pandemic represented such an occasion for the world and each one of us. It forced a reality check on many of the competing priorities we each have. Lockdowns, grim outlooks, and loads of uncertainty disrupted our lives. Everyone was impacted whether coping with the illness directly or its repercussion, from death on one end to simply the changes in our day-to-day routines and livelihood.

It shifted our focus to what questions matter the most to us. Whether that was healthcare access and our well-being mentally and physically or our financial stability and work-life balance, it touched issues which were on our periphery. As a result, our priorities shifted. In the business world, our organizational focus on leveraging technology amplified as the means to stay in business became more prominent and the need for digital transformation emerged.

None of that is surprising, as we each have experienced it in our own way. In retrospect, the technology leveraged to enable remote working or cross-collaboration is not new or novel. The problems we have had in our healthcare systems, education, and many other areas are not new either. None of it was novel or not known except that our attention was not directed toward it.

What disturbed and frustrated me a bit though was this: did we really need a pandemic that claimed so many lives to introduce those changes and stimulate us to start asking the right questions?

Hence, in an effort to improve our awareness of the right questions, I went on doing what I do best. Leaning into the engineer in myself, I worked on reverse engineering a reality check occasion. Throughout this book, you will join me on a journey of unraveling the different elements that participate in this phenomenon. I broke it down into three key elements. Each part of this book will cover one.

Part One: Context

Context is a snapshot of a set of constraints that scope the moment. The scope represents the viewport through which we can see. Its limiting aspect focuses our attention. A reality check occasion is all but an intense realization of all the context dimensions we are in.

Starting with the most recognized contexts where it is easily recognizable to the less so, we will explore them as well as how they map to the current state, getting us to the snapshot of the moment.

Part Two: Time

The present is the last piece of the puzzle to capture the current context and to discuss it we need to talk about time. Time is the author of change. Without time, there is no change, or at least we cannot reason about it in any other way.

With past and future as key players, we will delve into how we can loosen their grip to allow us to be more in the now and minimize their distortion to the present. Following the latter by accepting change and recognizing its velocity helps us to direct our attention to what matters the most.

Part Three: Observer

For the context to exist, someone needs to be aware of it. I will be using the word observer to refer to the person aware of the reality check moment. I am using observer here instead of mind or body to encapsulate the full picture of a conscious awareness of our experiences, feelings, thoughts, and body. The entirety of this system is aware.

The observer is constantly optimizing streams of data from multiple sources, trying to efficiently prioritize what captures our attention. And in that process, it is cutting corners sometimes and omitting things. In an effort to improve the optimization, I will play back the context of what impacts our questioning. I’ll start from the output, which is communication, move into the internal drivers, and finally highlight the power of listening to best observe the now.

So how do we get better at asking the right questions? What I propose as one of the answers is to have more reality check moments and be in the now. Those moments create the clarity we need for the right questions to surface.

The question in itself is more philosophical in its essence, so I could not escape traces of that. Yet the intention is a pragmatic and practical lens to distill the problem and provide actionable techniques and tools to see things differently. As the goal is to influence your perception, I will only share the tools in the conclusion so that they do not interfere with the breakdown explanation.

To stay as real as possible and not to fall into the trap of generalization, I started with myself and built up from there. It was not perfect, but it was a start.

My Book and Me

I am a Lebanese immigrant with an international flair—speaking multiple languages, living and visiting various countries, and working with a global team. I have worked in product development for over a decade in numerous functional and technical roles. I am an intrapreneur in the healthcare EdTech and nonprofit classical music space. With an intense curiosity and creative drive, I am an artist of sorts, as well, who sang opera, built 3D simulations, and captured complexity in abstract drawings.

Throughout the book you will get to meet me through the lens of all those identities which I mentioned above. In each part, every chapter will reflect on one identity covering personal, creative, and professional dimensions.

Above all, though, I am someone who is fascinated by change. From observing and introspecting the subtleties and variations of it to reveling in the fear of it at one stage to embracing it in another. That said, I am not a psychologist nor philosopher by training, but I will breach those subjects from my perspective and that of professionals in their respective domains.

Beyond my experience, I leaned into that of others. The last parameter I used, albeit subjective, was looking for people I thought saw things differently and acted on them. They had a vision that no one else saw and executed it.

Thus, I interviewed multilingual, multidisciplinary entrepreneurs, leaders, and creatives from across the globe. A diverse and multicultural group of individuals shared their stories and reflections and helped me synthesize what made them better at seeing things differently. The focus was on understanding how they got there and learning from their journey.

From my interpretation of their stories and mine, I extracted shareable lessons and insights for you to be inspired by rather than following it to the tee. My intention is that you find resonance in the spirit of the lessons I share and not a step-by-step action plan.

This book speaks to anyone who wants to look at things differently and challenge the status quo to find solutions that address what matters through asking the right questions. It will present you with many dichotomies in thinking, an uneasy feeling that teases constructs we desperately seek to resolve in an either-or manner where only one could be true.

Nevertheless, I believe we cannot escape dichotomies such as these. If we are willing to accept that they can coexist, it allows for a better understanding of the reality we live in. As you engage with this book, hold on and surrender to this uneasy feeling. It will provide you with a better grasp of the concepts I will be introducing as you encounter more paradoxes in the chapters to follow.

To ask the right questions is to not look for an answer. And as such, the right questions to ask are the ones that give us a better understanding. The ones that get us closer to an answer but not the answer. Perfect conditions do not exist in the real world as everything continuously changes, and the context shifts with time, and our bias colors it.

Staying true to the findings unraveled throughout writing this book, Reality Check: In Pursuit of The Right Questions, will not deliver an answer but close to an answer. It will:

Challenge your thinking to be more strategic and prepared when addressing problems.

Gain increased confidence in thinking outside the box and coming up with new solutions to problems due to whether the questions are too big for you to handle, or you have strayed too far into the solution and the vision without recognizing the context and where you are to execute it.

Enable you to prepare and better enhance your intuition or gut feeling to ask questions. Intuition at the end of the day is being confident in your own thoughts, feelings, and decisions, and that requires us to be aware of who we are.

Be able to deliver faster pattern recognition and problem-solving techniques, so you are served up the right questions when you need them.

The book is accompanied by a Timeline of pictures, videos, and interactive elements that support each chapter. They can be accessed by going to: https://realitycheck.institute/book/timeline.

Part 1

Context

Priority is a function of context. (Covey, 2022)

—Stephen Covey

A traveler, lost on a desert plain, feels that the recognition of one star, the Pole star, is of itself a great acquisition. (Mitchel, 2022)

—Maria Mitchel

Chapter One

Leverage Scope

Context is a scoping mechanism that if leveraged properly focuses our attention. It is the keyhole. Yet context is elusive. We see problems that are influenced by it. It can change the problem into a solution. It can hide and mask pieces of the issue. It is the magic dust that can transform, clarify, or distract. The conversation around vaccines is an example where in one context they are deemed the solution and in another a problem depending on whether people are for or against them.

"Life is a train of moods like a string of beads; and