Forward in the Dark

By Kelly Lynn

Twenty-seven-year-old and recent veterinary school graduate, Jen Taylor is living a happy life in Los Angeles with her girlfriend Lea. Their fiery and fun relationship keeps Jen always wanting more.

But Jen has known loss, and that loss creates doubt.

When Lea makes a disastrous mistake and then the past comes calling, can Jen keep Lea for hers or will another path open and pull her in?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Kelly Lynn
• Release date: May 7, 2022
• ISBN: 9781005887551

Kelly Lynn

love is love

Book preview

Forward in the Dark

Kelly Lynn

Smashwords Edition

Copyright © 2022 by Kelly Lynn

All Rights Reserved.

Chapter 1

I stood in the doorway of my girlfriend’s bedroom and stared at the bed. I had a warm cup of coffee that I had been nursing, and I took a sip of that before taking the ten steps to hover above my sleeping disaster. Her room had a hint of smoke and alcohol, undoubtably coming from the clothes she threw on the floor the night before. Or earlier that morning, to be more exact. She had probably only been sleeping for a few hours. A bit of her dark brown hair was poking out of the top of her comforter, so I pulled the blanket down to expose her face.

Hi, I said as her eyes brown fluttered about. She groaned and quickly recovered herself, so after cleaning up her room, I went outside to play with her family’s dogs. They were running around in the wet grass, and I threw their ball a few times before Lisa came out. Both were small mixed breeds, and one was white and the other black.

Hey Jen, she said, the wind blowing her long sandy colored hair into her face.

Hey, I replied. She was wrapped in an oversized sweatshirt and coming from the main house at the front of the property.

Is Lea up? she asked.

Ha, I replied. She knew as well as I that her little sister, my girlfriend, rarely rose before ten.

She passed me, not attempting to strike up anymore conversation, and went into Lea’s house. I watched as the family’s dogs pattered about and lifted my face to let the wet morning air saturate me. I thought for a moment about my little Lea, and those thoughts took me to our first official meeting.

****

It was summer in Los Angeles and late in the day. The sun was low and kept what areas weren’t shadowed in a dim lighting. I was outside watching as my friend, Bradley, poked at some wood in his round fire pit. The yard was full of activity, most being centered on the pool and patio area. I was comfortable next to the newly lit fire and Bradley stayed with me for a bit.

What are we going to do with you? he asked, sitting down in my lap.

I was on a large bale of hay, and it was easy for me to adjust my weight enough to shift him off.

Crushing me isn’t the answer, I laughed as he readjusted himself.

You’re so weak, he said, jumping up and flexing his big muscles. His bright teeth glimmered against the glow of the flames and his short blonde hair looked more a of dirty blonde color. His white t-shirt was probably one size too small, something I had informed him of earlier in the day, and his biceps stretched the thin fabric. It had a Navy colored surfing imprint on it and that brought out the blue in his eyes.

I’m not weak, dummy, I replied to his previous comment. A volleyball from the pool area interrupted our banter and as he returned it a few girls made their way next to the fire. I conversed with them but one, Brooke, was the friendliest. She talked about herself a lot, but I didn’t mind and found her company pleasant. I was with her group for a while and when they ventured inside, I did as well. That’s when I saw her. Lea Marie Losada. I remember it in slow motion. The way she walked, her speech, her smile, my memory always replays it at half speed.

I remember clearly that I politely excused myself from Brooke’s conversation and escaped into the bathroom. My shoulder-length brown hair was a bit wind-blown and the eye makeup surrounding my green eyes was smudged slightly, but otherwise, I found myself properly presentable. I smiled while I still stared, and my red cheeks stood out against my pale complexion.

Okay, here we go, I whispered to myself as I exited the bathroom. I didn’t have any expectations regarding Lea. As far as I knew, she wasn’t lacking in the friend department, but I wanted to know her. I was fond of her for reasons that were unclear, but since Bradley was giving me the opportunity to meet her, I was excited for the introduction.

I made a straight line for Bradley but felt a twinge of guilt for ditching Brooke. She was friendly and cute with her blonde hair and blue eyes, but that night I was intent on another.

Did you see who’s here? he asked when I stopped next to him.

Yes. My palms are sweating, I replied.

Come on, he said as he took my hand and towed me across the room.

Lea! he exclaimed. You made it.

Hey, she replied, seemingly happy. Even with all the background noise, her voice sounded perfect.

This is my friend, Jen, he said as he gestured to me. I was out of hand-shaking distance, so I smiled and tried to wave casually. I hoped it didn’t look weird. She nodded, and I looked her over as Bradley made small talk. She was wearing a tight black shirt, dark colored blue jeans, and loafers. Her cleavage was pushed right up to the top of her shirt, and I peeked at it before looking back at her face. Bradley ended his conversation with her, and she started laughing along with her friends.

I kept my distance from her for a while after that, but as I was walking through the living room, Bradley pushed me on the couch. I fell hard and right against her.

Hey! I laughed as I tried to push myself off her.

Stay, he said sternly.

I laughed but took his advice and stayed put.

Sorry, I said to her as I adjusted myself on the couch.

It’s fine, she laughed.

Do any of you need a drink? he asked us in his most polite voice. There were four of us on the couch, and Lea and I took him up on his drink offer.

How do you know Bradley? she asked me.

I wasn’t sure how to answer the question and since Bradley was quick in our drink retrieval; I didn’t have to that night. I remember being very thankful for that, and as Lea struck up some more conversation, I avoided the subject.

As the night went on, we laughed and I flirted, and she surprised me by flirting back. I don’t really recall all of what we talked about, but she asked me about my career, and I think it impressed her to hear that I had recently graduated from veterinary school.

As the evening turned into the early morning, I attached myself to Lea. I followed her from room to room, and she seemed to like the attention. We made our way into Bradley’s game room and played fuse ball for a while, then we retreated to the couch.

Kissing her was what I would have imagined drug use to be like. Heart racing, mind numbing pleasure.

I don’t usually do this, I said, moving from her lips to her neck. She stretched and leaned back against the couch, giving me full access to her mildly tanned skin.

What? she asked.

Kiss people I just met, I said, moving back to her lips.

Oh, she kind of laughed. I do it all the time.

That figured. She was fucking hot, and I imagined she was super popular.

Lea? someone said from the hallway. I groaned when she pushed me away.

We’re leaving, the same someone said from above us. She said nothing to her friend but got up quickly.

You can get my number from Bradley, was all she said before she walked out the door. I remember sitting there for quite some time, happy in a blissfully aroused fog.

****

I felt the pull of sore muscles from my early morning run while I continued to stand in the backyard of Lea’s four point five-million-dollar house. The grass was a rich color of green and there was an abundant amount of landscaping. Lisa had come from the main house, owned by my Lea but occupied by her family.

She returned at that point, carrying with her a box of cereal.

Thief, I said in a playful tone as she quickly scurried across the yard. She whistled for the dogs and after they followed her inside, I went back to Lea’s and caught up on my newsfeed.

I scanned the headlines of my new hometown of Los Angeles, where I had lived for two years, and when I was finished, I tidied up the living room, emptied the dishwasher, and when I there was nothing left to do, I went to wake my sleeping girlfriend.

I kicked my shoes off at the foot of her bed, pulled the white comforter down, and slid in. She had on no clothes, and I snuggled in close.

Morning, I whispered. She said nothing before burying her face in my chest.

You smell awful, I said, hating the way the stale cigarette smoke lingered in her hair. She had little green tips added last week, after having it cut to chin level.

What time is it? she groaned.

Ten.

Can I sleep longer? I didn’t get to bed until five, she whined.

Okay, I said as I rubbed her bare back. She pushed into me harder and as I continued to rub her back, she drifted to sleep. I yawned and followed suit shortly after.

****

I woke to Lea climbing on top of me. She had recently showered and smelled of soap. I adjusted to the bright room while her body bent to occupy mine.

You smell better, I said as I ran my hands up her sides. She kept her body fit and as I ran my hands over her ribs, the muscle tone was obvious under the skin. She wore no clothes and I let my hands continue in their upward direction until I cupped a breast in each hand.

I still don’t feel well, she said as she pulled my hands off.

Whose fault is that? I asked as I returned my hands to her. Why should I be punished because you cannot control your drinking?

I can control myself. I just choose not to.

She removed my hands again, and I sighed while she laid her head on my chest.

Tell me you love me, she whispered.

I love you, I whispered back.

Tell me you love me more than you have ever loved anyone.

Why do you need to hear that? I asked. You know it makes me feel bad to say it.

She picked her head up and opened her big brown eyes wide, waiting for me to say it.

I love you more than I have, and more than I will ever love anyone.

She smiled and pushed her head back into my chest, hopefully appeased with my statement.

When do you leave for New York? she asked.

One week from today.

And you are intent on me not coming, correct?

Correct. I don’t want you there.

She picked her head up and her eyes met mine before she said, That hurts my feelings.

It shouldn’t. It has nothing to do with you, and it’s something I need to do alone.

Will you go every year?

I don’t know. Maybe.

I said nothing more on the subject and after her head fell to my chest; I pressed my lips into her hair. She was quiet for a time and after she got up; I watched her dress and then followed her into the kitchen.

Make me breakfast? she asked. Her dark hair was pushed back and off her forehead, and her black workout type pants and red t-shirt blackened her already dark eyes.

I agreed to make breakfast and did not question the food choice during the early afternoon hour. I instead prepared our meal, all the while secretly admiring my pretty girlfriend’s casual dress. Something about being able to be there and see her as most do not had me feeling very prideful, but I attempted to rein in my enthusiasm.

Do you have anything going on? I asked without turning from my task.

Not at the moment, she replied as I turned. She had her eyes on her phone and I thought about how she hadn’t worked for months.

"I want to get away from the children’s network. Build