Insidious Scars: Scars of Days Forgotten Series, #5

By Natalie J. Reddy

This is what she's been training for...

 

Jyoti has felt like an outcast all her life. Living among Psi with extraordinary power can be isolating and dangerous when you have no power of your own. But in weakness there is strength, a strength Jyoti's mother has been training her to use to her advantage. When rumors of war begin circulating, Jyoti is offered an opportunity to help protect her people. However, it would mean giving up what she loves most. But when she finds out about a weapon that could cause the destruction of all mankind, she begins to question everything, even her own heart. 

 

What do you do when protecting the greater good means you'll lose everything you love?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Natalie J. Reddy
• Release date: May 17, 2022
• ISBN: 9798201066604

Book preview

10 Years Earlier

My breath burst from me as I ran up the path and through the trees. Tears blurred my vision, and I tried to blink them away before falling again. My knees already stung from tripping over a tree branch behind me. I ducked under a low-hanging pine tree, not stopping as the needles caught in my hair, yanking strands loose from my braid.

Come on, Jyoti, Harmony’s voice called from behind me. Don’t be like that. We were just kidding around. 

Sure, they were kidding around, and as usual, I was the butt of their jokes. I bit my lip and forced my legs to keep moving until I could see the break in the trees ahead. Just a little farther and I would be back at the estate. I needed to get back before they caught up with me, or before they did more than laugh and push me around. 

A pathetic scream burst from my lungs as an invisible force threw me forward. I hit the ground face-first at the edge of the tree line. Pain shot up my nose and into my forehead as I tried to scramble up, but the heel of a boot pressed down on the middle of my back, forcing me back into the dirt. My already scraped face rubbed against the rough earth as soil and the scent of my blood wafted up my nose. 

Going somewhere? Harmony’s singsong voice asked from above me. She was the only girl I’d ever met who could sound nice while being so mean. 

Please, I tried. Tears streamed down my cheeks and mingled with the blood running from my nose.

Please! A girl named Bella mocked me. She’s pathetic. 

Hmmm, Harmony hummed in agreement. She tossed her blonde hair over her shoulder, her grey eyes narrowing as they met mine. 

It’s hard to believe someone as cool as Darshan could have such a lame sister. One of the other girls leaned down, grabbing my braid in her fist. He’d be able to have more fun with the rest of us if he didn’t have to always babysit you. My scalp burned as she yanked my head back by my hair. 

My twin brother Darshan was handsome like my father, and all the girls had crushes on him. It’s why they only picked on me when he wasn’t around. Unlike my brother, I was small and still had my baby fat. Not to mention I was pathetically weak. All the other Psi children had been developing powers since they were three. But me? My powers had never come. At first, my parents had just thought I was a late bloomer, but the older I got, the more I could feel it. I wasn’t a late bloomer. I was defective. 

Stop it, I cried, but my tears and the fact that I was on the ground made my words sound weak and pathetic. As weak and pathetic as I was. I had been such a fool to think that Harmony’s invitation had been out of kindness. I had thought that maybe, just this once, she had actually wanted to include me—to maybe even be friends. But it was all a cruel joke. Please, just leave me alone.

What if we don’t want to? Harmony leaned down, and the girl pulling my hair yanked harder.

Mummy, the word escaped my lips in a whimper. They laughed, and my face burned in shame. I don’t know why I cried for my mum. My dad was more likely to protect or comfort me than she was.

Are you seriously crying for your mommy? Bella giggled. What a baby.

If you don’t leave her alone, you’ll be the ones crying for their mommies, a voice I didn’t recognize said. 

The girl holding my hair let go, but Harmony kept her foot on my back. Who said that?

I’m right here, the voice said. It was a girl, but I couldn't tell much else from my spot on the ground.

Show yourself, Harmony demanded. 

Why? the voice asked.

It's cowardly to hide.

No more cowardly than picking on someone who isn't as strong as you. The voice was suddenly behind Harmony. 

She jerked away from the sound and removed her foot from my back. We were just playing a game. Harmony retreated closer to her friends. 

Well, I love games, the voice said as I rolled over. Should we play one now?

I searched the empty space for an outline of the mystery girl, but I couldn’t see her. She was cloaking herself, and she was very good at it.

Bella gripped Harmony’s sleeve, but Harmony shook her off and sniffed. I don’t feel like playing anymore. I’m tired of games.

And I’m tired of stupid girls who pick on people for fun, the voice snapped. 

Harmony gasped as someone grabbed her by the front of her blue cashmere sweater and yanked her away from her friends. The other girls’ eyes widened, but they didn’t do or say anything to help her. Cowards, Harmony hissed at them. The singsong way she’s spoken while torturing me moments before was gone. With a mild dose of smug satisfaction, I realized she looked scared. I swiped the tears from my cheeks with the back of my hand. Good.

You’re as big of a coward as they are. The invisible girl shook her. If I see you bother this girl—no—if I see your face again, I’ll make sure you bleed just like you made her bleed.

You can’t say that to me. I live here!

Then you better find a place to hide until we leave. The girl let go of Harmony’s shirt. 

You can’t— There was a crack, and Harmony’s hand flew to her cheek as deep red blossomed where an invisible hand had slapped her.

Try me, the voice growled before shoving Harmony. Hard. She stumbled and fell on her backside. That seemed to be enough to snap her friends out of their scared stupor. They rushed forward to help her, but Harmony shoved their hands away and got up herself. Her eyes met mine, and they narrowed. ‘You’ll pay for this, Jyoti’, she hissed into my mind before turning and running off, her friends trailing behind her. 

Are you okay? 

I realized the question was directed at me, and I looked over to where a girl, who looked to be about my age now stood. She was skinny, all elbows and knees, with wild hair and a million freckles. 

I blinked. What?

I asked if you’re okay. You’re bleeding. She motioned to my nose.

She was right. Blood was pouring from my nose. It dripped down my chin and was soaking into the collar of my shirt. I’m okay. I pressed the sleeve of my sweater to my nose and winced. 

Here. The girl reached a hand down to me. I’m Alessia. She carefully helped me to my feet.

Alessia? 

I knew her name. She was the girl my father had said he was going to get from an orphanage. She was going to stay with us. I hadn’t known what to expect, but someone who might be on my side wasn’t it. 

Are you Jyoti? Alessia asked. 

I nodded and winced again. Something was very wrong with my nose. Even the slightest movement was making it throb.

Alessia’s brow crunched. It looks like it’s broken. I broke my nose a couple of years ago. It hurt like hell, but once I got it healed, it was good as new. She wrapped an arm around my shoulders and led me towards the path that led to the sprawling country estate we were visiting.

We were just walking up the long gravel path through the garden, towards the back door of the house, when I spotted my mother. She stood in the doorway, hands on her hips, and began shaking her head the moment she saw us coming. 

What were you thinking? she asked as we approached her.

I licked my lips nervously, the iron of my blood coating my tongue. I’m sorry, Mum. I just wanted—

Wanted to what? she asked. To fit in? I ducked my head, but she reached out and gripped my chin. It wasn’t a tender touch, but at least she was gentle as she tipped my head back and took in my face. You’ll never be like them, Jyoti. Her voice was hard as she spoke. You may as well do yourself a favor and stop trying.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Alessia’s mouth drop. She stepped forward. She didn’t do anything wrong. Those girls were the ones hurting her.

Of course they were, my mum snapped. Thank you for finding her, but I think you should go back inside now.

Alessia glanced at me, opening her mouth like she might argue, and something in my chest swelled with gratitude. But I shook my head and tried to smile behind the blood and swelling in my face. Thank you for helping me, but I’m fine now.

Are you sure?

Of course she’s sure. My mum sighed. Please leave us.

Alessia’s hands clenched into fists at her sides, but she nodded and didn’t argue as she turned and ran back inside. 

Oh, Jyoti. My mum clicked her tongue in distaste as she gripped my arm and pulled me aside to a bench farther away from the house. Sit. I’ll heal you here so we don’t drip blood on the Councilman’s floors. 

I sat, feeling the hard iron against my thighs as my legs swung over the edge of the bench. Even at twelve, my legs were too short to touch the ground. She pressed a hand to my nose, and I felt the familiar burn of her power. My nose cracked, and I cried out, fresh tears springing to my eyes as she set it back in place. A few moments later, the pain eased, and the bleeding stopped. My mum didn’t speak as she moved onto my knees and began healing the scrapes on them. She plucked a piece of gravel from one of the deeper cuts and tossed it aside with disgust. 

I’m sorry, I whispered. 

Sorry? she scoffed. You’re sorry?

I nodded. 

"Why, Jyoti? Why are you sorry?"

For going with them—for letting them hurt me. Tears streamed down my cheeks. For being so useless and weak and an embarrassment to the family.

My mum’s head snapped up. Is that what you think you are? An embarrassment?

I lifted my shoulder in a shrug.

She sighed and leaned back against the bench. You’re right, Jyoti. You are weak, she said, her eyes on the surrounding hedges.

I bit the inside of my cheek, trying to push back the sting of her words. 

But, she turned and looked at me, you have never been an embarrassment, and you’re only as useless as you choose to be. The question is, do you want to be useless? 

I shook my head. No, I want to be useful. But I also want to be strong. Not weak.

My mum smiled, cupping both sides of my face. Let them think you’re weak, Jyoti. Let them underestimate you. In the end, you’ll shatter them all.

Present Time

I closed the door to my brother’s room. My breaths came out in uneven bursts as I tried not to give in to the tears pooling in my eyes. The devastation in Darshan’s eyes and the pain in his voice were burned in my mind as I forced my feet to move away from his door. My choices were hurting him. I knew they were. He’d worked so hard to become Caretaker. He had done it for me. But that had been his choice. I hadn’t asked him to give up his moral scruples for me, in fact, I'd done the opposite. And now he was hurting. But I couldn’t let his pain keep me from my mission. Even if it was killing me to walk away from him right now. 

I gripped Missy’s leash in my fists as I headed down the hall towards the stairs. Just as my foot hit the first step, I heard Darshan’s door open, and I quickened my pace. I couldn’t face him. Not again. Missy’s duffel bag banging against my side as I sprinted the rest of the way.

I spotted my mum at the bottom of the stairs, and it took everything in me not to throw myself into her arms. This was too hard—it hurt too much. First Alessia and now Darshan? How could I get through this when they both thought the worst of me? I hated that they thought I was broken and making choices out of weakness. 

When most Psi looked at me, they saw someone who was weak. Alessia and Darshan were no different. They, like everyone else, saw a female Psi with no power of her own. The only person in my life who had never treated me like I was at a disadvantage was my mum. She was the one who told me time and time again that when no one expects anything else from you, weakness can be a strength. It’s the code she taught me to live by. 

If they think you’re powerless or weak, they’ll underestimate you. And the moment they underestimate you is the moment you gain the upper hand.

It’s that belief in me, despite my lack of power, that allowed her to know me in a way no one else ever has. But that belief didn’t come without a cost. There were more moments than I could count where I wished she’d lose her faith in me. Moments like this one.

My mum’s thick kohl-lined eyes met mine and hardened. Her mouth turned down in a pinched frown and her bangles jingled as she pinched the bridge of her nose. What is that animal doing here? 

I stopped in front of her, the lavender and patchouli scent of her perfume drifting towards me. Darshan insisted I take her with me. For protection.

What, he doesn’t think I’ll protect you? My own son thinks so little of me?

He doesn’t know what’s going on, Mum. Why should he think you’ll protect me when you’ve let him think the worst of you? I leaned toward her and lowered my voice. Maybe you should tell him the truth. He might understand—

No. Her voice filled my head. We can’t risk it. I won’t risk it.

Fine. I sighed and headed towards the door. Then I guess Missy is coming with us. 

My mum opened her mouth to argue when footsteps charged down the stairs. Darshan rushed towards us, his eyes wide, mouth open and ready to demand I stay. I couldn’t bear the pained expression on his face or the ache in his eyes, so I turned away. I strode out the door, letting my mum intercept him instead. 

The air was cool but not cold as I stepped out into the late September afternoon. The trees on our street were beginning to change their colors, signaling the beginning of autumn. I could make out the cry of the gulls from the beach nearby and realized I would miss the sound. Rats on wings, my father called them. He hadn’t seemed to mind them until one shit right into his coffee cup while flying over our garden. 

There was an orange and green taxi waiting in the driveway. The driver was already loading our bags into the trunk. But it wasn’t the taxi or the gulls or even the perfect fall air that made my heart quicken its pace. It was the woman standing on the far side of the taxi. She was pacing back and forth as she wrung her hands and chewed on her lower lip. Even when she was anxious, she was the most beautiful thing I’d ever laid eyes on. Alessia turned when she heard me coming out and stopped—just stopped moving, like she’d been frozen in place. 

I tried to swallow the emotion lodged in my throat before rounding the taxi. I helped Missy into the back of the car and closed the door before turning to her. She still hadn’t moved an inch. Sia? 

The use of my nickname for her seemed to snap her out of whatever was keeping her in place, because she rushed forward and gripped my arms. Don’t go, her voice broke at those two little words. Please, Jo. Don’t leave me. 

This was worse, I decided then. Worse than the silent treatment or the anger when she’d found out what I was doing. Hearing the heartbreak in her words and seeing it in her eyes—was so much worse. I took a slow breath, steeling myself for what I needed to say. Sia—

No. She gripped me tighter, drawing me towards her. Don’t say no. Please, don’t say no. We can run away—go someplace where no one knows us, she said in a rush. I’ll leave it all—everything—behind to be with you. You are worth everything, and I’ll give you whatever you need for us to stay together. To just be us. Tears brimmed her eyes, mirroring the sorrow that was lodged in my throat. Alessia looked behind me then, and fresh panic filled her gaze. My mum was coming. Alessia yanked me forward into a hug. Please, she whispered into my mind. Please don’t do this, Jo. I love you. I love you so fucking much, and I can’t lose you. You’re it for me, do you hear me? You. Are. It. I can’t exist without you—I need you. "Please don’t go, don’t end something that we both know we’ll never find again, no matter how hard we try." 

Her words nearly broke me. Maybe later I would realize they actually had broken something in me. I didn’t want to do this to her. Everything she said was exactly the way I felt for her. She was my soul-mate, and I didn’t even believe in that stuff, but she was. No one could ever take her place or be all that she was to me. But I didn’t say any of that. 

Alessia— I gripped her—holding onto her because I knew this was it, the last time I’d likely ever get to hold her like this. I’m sorry. I love you too, so much. But I have to do this. She began shaking in my arms, and I knew she was crying, and even though I wanted to comfort her, I let her go and stepped away. I’m sorry, I said again before sliding into the car next to my mom and shutting the door.

Are you ready? the driver asked.

Yes. I nodded, staring ahead. I couldn’t look at Alessia again. If I did, I would fly out of the car and back into her arms. Tears burned my eyes, and I swallowed the sob that wanted to bubble out. 

Missy whimpered, resting her head in my lap, and my mum gripped my hand before leaning towards the driver. Let’s get out of here.

Two and a Half Months Before Leaving

The sun shone through the curtains that Alessia and I had forgotten to close the night before, bathing the room in a warm glow. I stretched out my limbs, rolling on my side and propping my head up as I peered down at Alessia’s sleeping form. Even when she slept, she was gorgeous. It still felt like a dream to know I’d found her, and I couldn’t think of a single thing on earth I loved more than her. A smile tugged up the corner of my mouth as I watched her sleep, her breaths coming slow and even. I resisted the urge to brush away the auburn curls covering half her face. She was exhausted and had stumbled into my room late the night before. She had her own room down the hall, but she spent most nights in mine.

Alessia had been under a lot of pressure since Misha and Wren’s disappearance. Out of all of us, she was the closest one to Misha. Many assumed she must know why he’d left, or at the very least, where he'd gone. But she was just as in the dark as the rest of us, and I knew that hurt her. Misha was like a brother to her, and while it was hard on all of us when he left, for Alessia, it went deeper. She was the only one who really understood him, and his absence was eating at her. If I were honest, it was eating at me too. I loved Misha. I might not know him the way Alessia did, but I cared about him, and we’d been there for each other in some pretty dark times. Not knowing where he’d gone was terrifying, but not as terrifying as the fact that the Council had labeled him a traitor.