The Story of My Foolishness

By Cathie Cayros

The lifelong road to happiness.

It could be a brief description of this poetic novel. The main character is trying to find her way, overcome her foolishness and not lose her love. She is looking for excuses to her actions that had led to losing so many happy days she could have spent with her loved one. She didn’t realize it when she was young but, as the years went by, she learned what to value. It is not easy to convey the message of this original and touching book briefly, but, nevertheless, I’ll try.Here is a short introduction for the readers.

The 60s of last century still feel so close to me as if they were yesterday. The memories are still living in my heart and bring back all those exciting feelings. A Russian girl, Elena, and a foreign student from Mexico, Miguel, fell in love with each other. As if an invisible thread connected their hearts and tied them together. Nothing could stop this unforeseen feeling between them. Having met once during hard times, in Moscow, they never broke up for good. The spark between them was so strong and unexpected that the young people realized neither the time, nor what was happening around them. Meanwhile, communism was thriving in the country, and dating a foreigner behind the iron curtain, under authoritarian rule, was regarded almost as treason. Elena could have lost everything: the opportunity to study and get a good job; she could have broken her whole family’s lives. But does love ever ask for permission? It just comes and strikes like a lightning. They tried to avoid this deep feeling but it was all in vain. Their hearts were conquered by the passion that was stronger than their fear. Their meetings occurred strictly according to the plan they had developed. Nobody was supposed to suspect their relationship. The university students were strictly controlled; if her relationship with a foreigner had become a public knowledge, she would have been dismissed or fired. Nevertheless, the infatuation was so inspiring and irresistible that it was beyond their power to stop it. There was constant desire in their eyes, fire on the lips, craving to hug each other passionately in their arms; their tenderness obscured their minds. For the whole year the lovers were drowning in the romance, harmony and sensuality. Next thing they knew was that... the whole world seemed to collapse and time stopped existing! Miguel graduated, became a doctor and left for his faraway and unknown Mexico. Where to get enough strength to survive the separation? They are not fated to be together. Their time had not come yet. Without further reflection, Elena joins a student team and leaves for the north to work during summer holiday and survive her grief and sadness.

Life goes on, and the girl will keep this beautiful feeling deep inside her soul, remembering and cherishing it, keeping it safe like something precious, admiring and enjoying the gift.

Then she enters the university. Now she is a student of the medical faculty. Study and social life take all her free time, and the past does no longer hurt that much.

One and a half year passed from the day he left. One sunny day in spring they saw each other again...

Cathy Caros:

"In June 2021, I was one of the winners of the 9th International Festival
“Open Eurasia 2020” in London. It was a very important moment of my life.
My lyrical novel “The story of my foolishness” was nominated for the best book in “Prose” category and won the 3rd prize. Besides, my book took its place among Golden Top-10 of the contest’s works."

• Language: English
• Publisher: Cathie Cayros
• Release date: Apr 16, 2022
• ISBN: 9781005089115

Cathie Cayros

I was born in Moscow and I have been living in France, in a picturesqueplace, close to the border with Switzerland. My village has been knownsince the 14th century and is located on the shore of the lake called LacLéman, a lovely spot admired by many artists and poets of the pastcenturies.I am a doctor and have an M.D., Ph.D. in medical science. Literature andcreative writing is still quite a new area for me.Thanks to my medical education, I am quite good at understanding humanpsychology and taking a deeper look into a person’s essence, their character,as well as comprehending their feelings and the reasons for their state ofmind.My first work, “Autumn arabesques” was published by the Americanmagazine, Ladyscharm.com, New York.In December 2020 I happened to become one of the finalists of the 9thInternational Literature Festival “Open Eurasia 2020” in London. TheEnglish translation of my lyrical novel “The story of my foolishness” waspresented within “Prose” category.My “Christmas story” was published in the Bulgarian almanac “Litera”almost at the same time.In April 2021, my short story “Life of a soldier” was published by theBulgarian almanac “Art Litera”. That particular issue of the magazine cameout “Writers vote for Peace”.In May 2021, the St. Petersburg publishing house “Four” published afragment of the novel “The story of my foolishness” as part of the digest“Do not lie to yourself” dedicated to F. Dostoevsky’s 200th anniversary.I was also fortunate enough to be able to publish two essays - “Autumnarabesques” and “The Elegy of Old Tango” in the Literature Album“Thread” V , Publishing house “Hertfordshire Press”, London, 2021.The St. Petersburg publisher “Four” published my lyrical novel “The storyof my foolishness” in April 2021.Also in April 2021, I participated in the 11th International LiteratureFestival “Chekhov’s Autumn 2020”. My nomination was called “Landscapelyrics”.I was granted an award of honour “For preserving the traditions ofLiterature” for “Autumn arabesques”.In June 2021, I was one of the winners of the 9th International Festival“Open Eurasia 2020” in London. It was a very important moment of my life.My lyrical novel “The story of my foolishness” was nominated for the bestbook in “Prose” category and won the 3rd prize. Besides, my book took itsplace among Golden Top-10 of the contest’s works.In July 2021 I became one of the prize winners of another internationalcontest called “Native Amber” organized by the Writers Union of NorthAmerica. My story “Invincible spirit” was nominated for the “Best ProseBook”.I feel I’ve been blessed in life with my gift of literary creativity and theability to express myself on pages of my own books. I feel lucky andgrateful for all my friends and colleagues who share the same interests asme!

Book preview

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments

Prologue

Chapter 1 - Going Back

Chapter 2 - University

Chapter 3 - First Meeting

Chapter 4 - Surprise

Chapter 5 - Contradictions

Chapter 6 - Music

Chapter 7 - Conspiracy

Chapter 8 - Jealousy

Chapter 9 - One

Chapter 10 - I Am Not Saying Goodbye!

Chapter 11 - Adventures

Chapter 12 - Frame-up

Chapter 13 - I’ve Got Only You!

Chapter 14 - Study

Chapter 15 - Married Life

Chapter 16 - Yes, I'm Happy!

Chapter 17 - Everyday Life

Chapter 18 - Geneva

Chapter 19 - The Encounter

Chapter 20 - Life Goes on

Chapter 21 - News

Chapter 22 - A Fear of Disappointment

Chapter 23 - Letters

Chapter 24 - Paris

Chapter 25 - Apart Again

Chapter 26 - Time Heals

Chapter 27 - No Use Crying Over the Spilt Milk!

Chapter 28 - Truth

Chapter 29 - The Book

Chapter 30 - Waiting

Chapter 31

Acknowledgments

I dedicate this book to my friend, an amazing person and scientist.

With all my love!

Gratitude

I would like to express my profound gratitude and sincere thanks to my friends and relatives who supported me, helped me in writing this novel and were my first readers and experts.

I want to thank everyone who was working on this book.

First of all, I would like to thank Lyudmila, my amazing dedicated friend. She was the first person who saw my ability to describe the deep feelings experienced by the characters of my novel. The optimism and energy of this stoical woman have always been an example for me. A scientist and a great teacher, she managed to keep faith in the beauty of life and hopes for better days even when her motherland was suffering from military actions. Her cheerfulness and zest for life helped me a lot when I was writing the novel.

I am sending my sincere thanks from all my heard to my school friend Elena, a teacher and a poet; an author of deep poems filled with sophisticated philosophy. You helped me to edit the novel; you were my first critic. You were dispelling my endless doubts while I was working out the book.

Thank you, Olenka, my university friend, and now a grandmother of charming grandchildren, a stoic and ardent person. You’ve always been optimistic and never betrayed your first love. Your memories and emotions helped me so much in working on my book!

Warmest thanks to my sister! Verochka, your faith in me kept me going in the hardest days of my life. When doubts and despair overwhelmed me, you encouraged me and took care of me. You were the first to read a new chapter; you admired my writing and motivated me to continue and write the whole novel.

My cordial gratitude to Elena, my friend and partner for years. You have played a very important part in publishing this book. Strict and scrupulous, very knowledgeable about literature, you never let me relax and lifted my spirits. I’ve always appreciated your advice and remarks. You’ve contributed a lot to the process of publishing.

I am very grateful to my stern critics and everyone who read this novel and found some courage, confidence, and bravery in their right to love.

Let Love always be part of your life!

Geneva

March 2019

This is a work of fiction. Names, events, and locations in the novel are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner.

"...For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings

That then I scorn to change my state with kings".

William Shakespeare, Sonnet 29

The story of my foolishness

Prologue

Good evening, Miguel!

I would like to tell you a Story. Christmas Eve is just the right time to tell some charming stories. They might be true or not, but I think it’s time to let them out.

Autumn 2008. Seville. I don’t really know what came upon me, what pushed me, but I actually did that crazy thing. As soon as I knew you applied for participation at the conference, I flew there to see you. I decided to let it be spontaneous. It should all be unexpected, I thought. A totally unprepared conversation. Just to see you. Just to talk to you... I had never been to Spain before. It was a great opportunity for me to make an exciting journey and explore a new country. But did that really matter?

I booked a beautiful hotel room in the city centre. All my thoughts were only about our forthcoming meeting. I was wondering if I had made the right decision to come here without telling you and if I was unreasonable.

That evening I was walking around, enjoying Seville’s beauty but my worries, doubts, anxiety, and excitement kept me restless.

I couldn’t sleep all night!

The conference was held in a modern hotel not far from the city centre. I drove close to the building and stayed in the car for some time. My heart was beating so loud - it seemed everyone could hear it. The place of our anticipated meeting was only fifty meters away but I couldn’t make myself move. I was already not feeling happy about the whole plan. It was too late to back down. I had to do it since I had come all the way here to see you.

The receptionists at the front desk didn’t give me any information about you. They didn’t even know whether you had arrived or not. I was looking for you among the participants but in vain. All my worries and doubts came to fruition! You were not even there! You hadn’t come to the conference!

It was beyond my power!

I was crying on the plane all the way back to Geneva, acting like a stupid young girl unable to hide her tears and making the flight attendant worry about me.

It was the moment when I understood I had been running for my life, trying to catch up with the past but I still couldn’t grab onto it!

When I came home I wrote a short story about my adventures in Seville and later turned it into a novel about our story that has never ended. If a story hasn’t ended it means there is still hope for it to be continued.

Read it!

Now I can let you know all about it. You can know now, in a different era, one which has never set eyes on you.

Chapter 1 - Going Back

Autumn. So much has been written about this season. I don’t know what I like more: spring, when nature is awakening, and the madness of colours and new hopes are filling everything around, or summer, warm and gentle, wrapping you up in the sunlight. Summer nights feel fresh and cooling after the hot days, and the sky seems to get lower to let us enjoy the beauty of the stars. In summer nature is blooming, and the bright colours of the rainbow against the blueness of the sky, and the smooth surface of blue water please the eye. The scents of summer are beyond comparison! What about autumn? I never think of it as the time of withering. On the contrary, it is a beautiful time of maturity, confidence, and wisdom, painted with amazing colours, gold and scarlet raiment of the woods.

It is autumn in Seville. It is still very warm. The days are hot, and the nights are warm. The evening sky is so beautiful. The stars are low above my head, they are bright; they are flickering like beacons guiding us in this big world. I am staying at an excellent Mauritanian hotel. This style is seen everywhere in the architecture of Seville. In Spain, they say it for a reason: Who didn’t see Seville didn’t see a miracle. Wandering around and exploring the city that night, I drop into a small cafe. There are flamenco dancers inside, drawing everyone’s attention. I have always thought flamenco was a very dynamic, passionate and poetic dance but, in fact, it turns out to be something else.

Flamenco sweeps me off my feet! I wish I’d never seen it! It is a dance of a woman’s love. Her passion makes a man obey. She hypnotizes him. She owns him. She carries her love like a fragile crown on top of her head. She can’t drop it. She takes care of it as if it was her child. She will never forgive betrayal. She will always protect her love; she will keep it out of danger.

What’s wrong with me? Why am I so sad? What am I doing in Seville? I am travelling and looking for my love. Tomorrow we will meet again... I am so scared. What if tomorrow never comes? What can stop us anyway? How many years have passed... This dance brings back memories.

Yes, it is autumn 2008 in Seville but now I am going back to another autumn, in Moscow, 1967.

After I failed my medical entrance exams, Lyudmila, my new friend, recommended me to find a job at the medical faculty department. She knew some of the executives personally and asked them about hiring me. They agreed.

Lyudmila was a beauty. Men fell for her at first sight. I always looked at her with admiration. She was smart and cheerful, with a good body and thick lustrous black hair. She was five years older than me but it seemed to me sometimes that she was at least ten years older. Soon I realized why.

It was love that made my friend so mature and charming. It was unhappy love even though I know now that there is no such thing as unhappy love. Love always means happiness. It’s just that nobody knows for how long it will last. Love never disappears without a trace; especially the first love. One can’t fight it; one must accept it and enjoy it, in spite of all the pain and disappointment it brings along. Love is a diamond of our life. We keep it carefully in our sanctuaries and only take it out from time to time to remember. We look at them to admire those unique feelings again - that unforgettable joy and anxiety, the true excitement and delight, and all those powerful emotional experiences that kept the light of love burning.

I didn’t know anything like that in those years. I was listening to Lyudmila with a lot of interest and took her story close to heart. She had been working for one of the departments of the university but had to leave a year before. To be precise, she was asked to leave.

Those were the years of communism and dictatorship. Those were the years of a powerful system, strict control and surveillance, and severe punishment for a close relationship with a foreigner. The price for it could be not only