The Big Book of Dad Jokes: 800 Unbearable, Groan-Inducing One-Liners, Puns, and Riddles to Make You the King of Subpar Comedy

By Joe Kerz

Hundreds and Hundreds of Jokes that Will Drive Your Family Crazy

Nothing is more hilarious for moms, sons, and daughters than the bad jokes dads tell. (Well, at least he thinks they're hilarious . . .)

Have you ever noticed when you’re out to dinner and your dad takes it upon himself to antagonize your server with a lame joke? Has he ever made a pun that made everyone at a family gathering roll their eyes? Has he ever made a corny comment about things simply lying around the house? If you answered “yes” to any of the following, you’re not alone. Dad jokes are at the center of all dad interactions and the core of every dad’s persona.

This comedic compendium compiles more than eight hundred of the best jokes dads can use to hone their craft and ensure maximum eye rolling. Included within are jokes such as:

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? 
Great food; no atmosphere.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
It’s fine, he woke up.

What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room?
Odor in the court.

What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?
An irrelephant.

What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
Reality.

With Dad Jokes, give your dad the gift of becoming the least funny/most "punny" guy in the room.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Racehorse
• Release date: Apr 19, 2022
• ISBN: 9781631586651

Book preview

Copyright © 2022 by Racehorse Publishing

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without the express written consent of the publisher, except in the case of brief excerpts in critical reviews or articles. All inquiries should be addressed to Racehorse Publishing, 307 West 36th Street, 11th Floor, New York, NY 10018.

Racehorse Publishing books may be purchased in bulk at special discounts for sales promotion, corporate gifts, fund-raising, or educational purposes. Special editions can also be created to specifications. For details, contact the Special Sales Department, Skyhorse Publishing, 307 West 36th Street, 11th Floor, New York, NY 10018 or [e-mail].

Racehorse Publishing™ is a pending trademark of Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.®, a Delaware corporation.

Visit our website at www.skyhorsepublishing.com.

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available on file.

Cover design by Kai Texel

Cover illustration by Getty Images

Interior art by iStockphoto

ISBN: 978-1-63158-662-0

E-Book ISBN: 978-1-63158-665-1

Printed in the United States of America

Portions of the book were previously published as

Dad Jokes (ISBN: 978-1-63158-372-8) and

Really Bad Dad Jokes (ISBN: 978-1-63158-513-5)

CONTENTS

Introduction

Jokes

INTRODUCTION

Fatherhood is never easy. Try as you might to be there for your kids, you won’t always succeed. However, they can always count on you to be there with the dad’s most useful tool: the Dad Joke! Dad Jokes can always be used to embarrass and antagonize your children, eliciting the classic eye-roll, face-palm, and the occasional exclamation of DAD!—after all, isn’t it a dad’s main purpose in life to torment their children with puns in public?

Whether you’re an expert pun-maker or a novice, you’ll never run out of embarrassing riddles and puns with The Big Book of Dad Jokes! This compendium of the most groan-worthy jokes and one-liners will be sure to induce the reactions that you live for (even though they make your children die a little inside). Be prepared for any and every situation with a handy quip. Passing by a graveyard? I bet people are just dying to get in! Having pizza for dinner? Never mind … those jokes are just too cheesy. You’ll never run out of opportunities to make your family wish they’d just left you at home!

So, grab your goggles and swim trunks and dive on into this book that’s perfect for any father, young or old! You’ll learn everything you need to know about mastering the art of the Dad Joke and unleashing your embarassing humor upon your family and the world.

JOKES

1

WHAT DID THE POLICEMAN SAY TO HIS BELLY BUTTON?

You’re under a vest!

2

Why did the cookie go to the hospital?

Because he felt crummy!

3

Why did Billy throw the clock out of the window?

Because he wanted to see time fly!

4

WHAT DO LAWYERS WEAR TO COURT?

Lawsuits!

5

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta!

6

Why did the robber take a bath?

Because he wanted to make a clean getaway!

7

What did one toilet say to the other toilet?

You look flushed!

8

WHAT DO YOU CALL A BELT WITH A WATCH ON IT?

A waist of time!

9

How do you find a Princess?

You follow the foot Prince.

10

What lights up a soccer stadium?

A soccer match!

11

Where do snowmen keep their money?

In snow banks!

12

WHY SHOULDN’T YOU WRITE WITH A BROKEN PENCIL?

Because it’s pointless!

13

Why did the man put his money in the freezer?

He wanted cold hard cash!

14

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A nervous wreck!

15

HOW DO YOU MAKE A TISSUE DANCE?

Put a little boogey in it!

16

What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer!

17

Why was the student’s report card wet?

It was below C level!

18

Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his treasure?

Because he was a little shellfish!

19

What do you call bears with no ears?

B.

20

What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room?

Odor in the court.

21

HOW MANY TICKLES DOES IT TAKE TO MAKE AN OCTOPUS LAUGH?

Ten-tickles.

22

What do you call the heavy breathing someone makes while trying to hold a yoga pose?

Yoga pants.

23

WHAT IS THE BEST DAY TO GO TO THE BEACH?

Sunday, of course!

24

How do hens cheer for their team?

They egg them on!

25

Why did the