Life Can Be Good Again: Putting Your World Back Together After It All Falls Apart

By Lisa Appelo

"One of the best books I've ever read on suffering!"--BRITTANY PRICE BROOKER, speaker

"Lisa Appelo is the wise and trustworthy friend we all need to help us navigate life on the other side of devastating circumstances."--BECKY KEIFE, author of The Simple Difference and No Better Mom for the Job

Life has shattered all around you. Now what?

What do you do when you are suddenly navigating a life you didn't sign up for? You never saw this pain coming, and you're facing a future you'd pass up if you could.

Lisa Appelo understands deeply. She has experienced the raw emotions and uncertainty that come when everything falls apart. Lisa went to bed married and woke up a widow and single mom to seven children. She wrestled with impossible questions about her future--and then found life-changing answers that gave her the strength to move forward with true joy.

With compassion and rich biblical insight, Lisa will help you

· find your footing when circumstances bring massive change;
· process hard emotions with God, who welcomes them;
· overcome paralyzing fear with three scriptural steps; and
· anchor your faith when your hope seems threadbare.

Your unexpected future may feel like Plan B, but it's God's purposeful Chapter Two for you as He reshapes your shattered heart. With each tender, intentional step, you'll see you will not merely survive this, but that life can be good again.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Baker Publishing Group
• Release date: Apr 19, 2022
• ISBN: 9781493435760

Book preview

"As I read Lisa Appelo’s book Life Can Be Good Again, I was grateful for this powerful resource. This book was borne of tears, hope, and experience. If you or someone you love are in a hard season, this book is practical, spiritual, and relatable."

Suzanne Eller, author, Bible teacher, speaker, and cohost of More Than Small Talk podcast 

"Scriptures warn us that we will go through trials in this life. Many times, they will knock the wind out of us and threaten to pull us under. Those are the times we most want a lifeline, a hand to hold, a friend who has been there. Life Can Be Good Again is exactly that, and Lisa Appelo is that friend. Lisa shares her truth about suffering, along with the hope we have knowing God is with us through it. God walked her through some very dark, difficult places, and she shares with confidence that He will do that for you too."

Dr. Michelle Bengtson, clinical neuropsychologist, podcast host, and author of the award-winning Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises and Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey through Depression

"Lisa Appelo understands suffering. In Life Can Be Good Again, she poignantly shares her own pain, offering remarkable insight and practical wisdom on navigating the unthinkable. If you’re struggling with the gap between the life you hoped for and the life you’re living now, read this inspiring book!"

Vaneetha Rendall Risner, author of Walking Through Fire: A Memoir of Loss and Redemption

"Life Can Be Good Again is easily one of the best books I’ve ever read on suffering! An incredibly raw story that is filled with the hope of God’s Word, it will encourage even the weariest soul. It doesn’t shy away from answering some of the toughest questions we face in hard seasons, and it offers guidance that can only come from someone who has already walked the path. What an encouraging and hope-filled read that helps us to find good again."

Brittany Price Brooker

Lisa Appelo is the voice of quiet strength and practical hope we need when grief sideswipes us, and our hearts, faith, and hope are in tatters. Lisa’s words will encourage and guide you one small, gentle step at a time.

Niki Hardy, national speaker, coach, and author of Breathe Again: How to Live Well When Life Falls Apart

"If you’ve experienced a deep loss or disappointment of any kind, Life Can Be Good Again is for you. Lisa Appelo is the wise and trustworthy friend we all need to help us navigate life on the other side of devastating circumstances. This isn’t a book of trite platitudes or a prescription for flimsy positivity. Rather, from the battlefield of her own unimaginable pain, Lisa gently guides us with biblical truth toward an unshakable hope that life really can be good again."

Becky Keife, author of The Simple Difference and No Better Mom for the Job

Not everyone is qualified to offer encouragement to others when life falls apart. Some offer insufficient and sometimes incentive words that never penetrate the pain of the moment. That is not the case with Lisa. She knows and understands what it is like when your life is completely and unexpectedly altered forever. She has weathered the unthinkable and charted a practical and real path for others to follow. Her book is a tangible reminder for anyone who is dreading the present and pessimistic about the future that life can (and will) be good again. 

Kia Stephens, author, speaker, and creator of Entrusted Women

In so many ways, I felt like Lisa was writing my story. Her personal experiences and descriptions of trials and grief are on point. Her words serve as an arrow pointing us back to the truth that God is the greatest comforter, and He intends for us to flourish after loss.

Dorina Lazo Gilmore-Young, author, speaker, podcaster

"As a counselor who treats widows and family members who’ve experienced traumatic grief, I am so excited to now have Life Can Be Good Again as a recommended resource. Lisa Appelo’s story and approach provides much-needed hope for those suffering when life hits hard." 

Michelle Nietert, LPC-S, author of Loved and Cherished and Make Up Your Mind, host of Raising Mentally Healthy Kids podcast

© 2022 by Lisa Appelo

Published by Bethany House Publishers

11400 Hampshire Avenue South

Minneapolis, Minnesota 55438

www.bethanyhouse.com

Bethany House Publishers is a division of

Baker Publishing Group, Grand Rapids, Michigan

www.bakerpublishinggroup.com

Ebook edition created 2022

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—for example, electronic, photocopy, recording—without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.

ISBN 978-1-4934-3576-0

Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are from THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture quotations identified CEB are from the Common English Bible. © Copyright 2011 by the Common English Bible. All rights reserved. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations identified CSB are from the Christian Standard Bible®, copyright © 2017 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. Christian Standard Bible® and CSB® are federally registered trademarks of Holman Bible Publishers.

Scripture quotations identified ESV are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. ESV Text Edition: 2016

Scripture quotations identified GNT are from the Good News Translation in Today’s English Version-Second Edition. Copyright © 1992 by American Bible Society. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations identified The Message are from THE MESSAGE, copyright © 1993, 2002, 2018 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress. All rights reserved. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

Scripture quotations identified NASB are from the New American Standard Bible® (NASB), copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. www.Lockman.org

Scripture quotations identified NLT are from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations identified Phillips are from the New Testament in Modern English by J. B. Phillips copyright © 1960, 1972 J. B. Phillips. Administered by The Archbishops’ Council of the Church of England. Used by Permission.

Scripture quotations identified TPT are from The Passion Translation®. Copyright © 2017, 2018 by Passion & Fire Ministries, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. ThePassionTranslation.com.

Cover design by Susan Zucker

Baker Publishing Group publications use paper produced from sustainable forestry practices and post-consumer waste whenever possible.

To Ben, Rachel, Nicholas, Seth, Zachary, Matthew, and Annalise.

The life I wanted for you has been surrendered to the life God has chosen for you.

Your courage inspires me every day, and I know your dad would be so proud.

I love you fierce.

Contents

Cover

Endorsements    1

Title Page    3

Copyright Page    4

Dedication    5

Introduction    9

1. This Is Too Hard. I Cannot Do This.    19

2. Your Emotions Are Welcome Here    32

3. The Great Exchange    46

4. Find Your Footing    62

5. The God Who Is for You    75

6. Make Space for Deep Grace    90

7. Desperate for Good in a Life Gone Bad    101

8. Crush Your Fear    118

9. The Enemy in the Midst of This    128

10. Hanging On to Threadbare Hope    141

11. Let’s Be Awkward Together    156

12. Let God Reshape Your Shattered Heart    170

13. Finding Your Smile in Chapter 2    183

Appendix A: 40 Promises of God    191

Appendix B: Grace Guide for Hard Seasons    197

Notes    199

Acknowledgments    203

About the Author    207

Back Cover    209

Introduction

The cords of death entangled me;

the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me.

The cords of the grave coiled around me;

the snares of death confronted me.

In my distress I called to the LORD;

I cried to my God for help.

From his temple he heard my voice;

my cry came before him, into his ears.

Psalm 18:4–6

Hon, it’s just a nightmare," I said groggily, still half-asleep.

In the dark hours of early morning, I’d woken to my husband’s deep breathing. With my eyes too heavy to open, I extended an arm over to Dan’s side of the bed to nudge him from the nightmare. As a mom to seven, I’m a super-light sleeper. It wasn’t unusual for me to wake up and stir Dan to turn over so he would stop snoring.

I settled back onto my pillow to drift back to sleep like hundreds of other nights. Instead, I realized this was not his normal snoring but a whole different nightmare of irregular breathing.

I was instantly out of bed and had flipped on the overhead light. I could now see Dan, lying on his back, eyes open and intermittently drawing in long, deep breaths.

I don’t have a speck of medical training, but I knew something was very wrong. Had he choked? Was he conscious? Could he see me? My mind raced.

I held my hands to the sides of his face and blurted out questions. Dan! Can you hear me?

Dan didn’t respond. He didn’t move and there was no sign he’d registered any of my questions.

Still sleeping next to him was our four-year-old, Annalise, who crawled into our bed each night, much as I tried to keep her in her own.

Our eldest, nineteen-year-old Ben, had just left to spend the summer in North Carolina as a camp counselor. But my five other children, alarmed at my shouts, came into our room. As circumstances would have it, they had spent the night in the family room right outside our bedroom. The upstairs air conditioner had gone out the day before, making it pretty miserable in Florida’s mid-June heat. Since we were leaving for a big family trip the next day—a trip to Maine with extended family to celebrate my parents’ fiftieth anniversary—we’d decided to fix the air conditioner when we got back.

I went into crisis management mode. Nick, call 9-1-1. Rachel, take Annalise and Matt upstairs. Seth, run down and get Mr. Gillespie.

Mr. Gillespie was a neighbor and fireman.

Everyone sprang into action.

Nick put the 9-1-1 operator on speaker phone. Did I know CPR, she asked. I flashed back to early middle school when I practiced chest compressions and mouth-to-mouth on a dummy with my Girl Scout troop, and I had vague memories of practicing again for a baby-sitting course, but all of that had been years ago.

You’ll have to walk me through this, I told the operator.

Our first step was to move Dan off the bed and get him onto the carpet. Dan was a strapping six feet, three inches, and every inch of him solid. Already this task seemed too hard. I lifted Dan’s shoulders while sixteen-year-old Nick lifted Dan’s middle and we got him to the floor. Later, I learned that twelve-year-old Zach had stepped in to help. On the way to the floor, Dan’s head hit the nightstand, and I breathed out prayers and apologies. I wanted to stop and cradle his head, but I had to steel myself to start CPR.

The operator told me where to place my hands on his chest. She began to count out loud as I began compressions. One, two, three, four, five, six—

It felt as if part of me was looking down from above, watching the unimaginable take place. Please tell me I am not giving CPR to my husband, my high school sweetheart, my best friend, and our rock.

—seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven—

I love you, Dan, I cried out loud as the operator and my son kept counting. If he could still hear me, if this was the last thing he ever heard, I wanted him to know we loved him. We love you.

—twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen— I pushed my palms against his chest with all my weight. Is this even hard enough? Are my hands in the right place?

After thirty quick compressions, I pinched Dan’s nose between my fingers, laid my mouth over his, and gave him my breath. Deep inhale—mouth over his—long breath out. Deep inhale—mouth over his—long breath out.

Now you need to check his pulse, the operator instructed.

I checked his wrist first. Nothing. I checked his neck. Nothing. Surely, it’s just that I’m not trained. I just don’t know how to find it.

But the full impact of what was happening was dawning on me. Dan had been perfectly fine days before when the two of us had tacked a little getaway onto one of his business trips. We’d laughed and reminisced while he made phone calls and worked in the car. We’d taken the coastal highway to stop at a favorite restaurant that hadn’t changed since our high school dates there. Back home the night before, we had pizza and a routine evening with the kids. Dan hadn’t been sick, didn’t seem tired, and never appeared winded or in pain.

I had turned in early since I had a big day ahead to get us all ready for the family trip. I’m going to finish this paperwork for my mom, Dan had said. I told him good-night and tucked into bed like a thousand other nights.

Something had gone terribly wrong in the wee hours of the night.

Before I was even finished with the second round of CPR, the paramedics arrived at our home. He’s in good hands now, I thought. Whew, he’s going to be so miffed when he wakes up and realizes he has to miss work today.

I was guided out of the room as paramedics cut open Dan’s T-shirt. Pacing in the living room, I prayed out loud: Lord, have mercy on us. Oh, dear God, have mercy on us. My spirits lifted when I overheard one paramedic say he was getting some good color, and I could hear them placing paddles on his chest, counting, and then the beeps and discharge of the defibrillator.

Before long, they had Dan on a stretcher and took him out the front door and into the ambulance. Our house became eerily quiet as I answered questions for a police officer. I tried to answer politely, though inside I was screaming to change out of my nightgown and follow the ambulance.

Before leaving for the hospital, I ran upstairs to talk to our kids. The scene in the boys’ room is forever seared into my memory: All six kids were huddled together on the carpet, shadowed by the darkness. Their arms were wrapped around each other, heads tucked down, and they were audibly crying: our seventeen-year-old daughter, who would soon start her senior year of high school with its decisions and milestones; the three middle boys just coming of age; our six-year-old son just beginning to form memories with his dad of fishing, shooting the .22, and trips to the hardware store; and our four-year-old littlest girl, who could not have understood how permanently life was changing that early morning.

Everything in me wanted to assure them their dad would be okay. But as the words formed in my mouth, I stopped, realizing I couldn’t promise it. I did the only thing I could—I knelt with them on the carpet, put my arms around them, and prayed. Getting up to head to the hospital, I spoke the only promise I could: I will be back. I will be back.

Driving to the hospital, I thought of my children—bewildered, frightened, huddled together as