College-Bound for Misadventure: A Two-Part Novella

By Robert M. Kern

This is a two-part novella based on two separate incidents, one year apart in two colleges. It's based on actual experiences by the author. It happened quite a while ago when the story's hero, Robby Michaels, was attending Abraham College, a small, private junior college in Lincoln, Illinois. What started out as something of a fraternity prank s

• Language: English
• Publisher: Robert M. Kern
• Release date: Apr 11, 2022
• ISBN: 9781088002544

Robert M. Kern

Robert M. Kern is a retired teacher living in Westchester County, New York. He holds a B.A. in English and an M.S. in Special Education. Retirement has allowed Robert to travel, pursue genealogy, music, reading and writing. Mr. Kern has written and published several articles in a genealogical journal and a short story in an online magazine.

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COLLEGE-BOUND FOR MISADVENTURE

A Two-Part Novella

By Robert M. Kern

Copyright June 20, 2018

Edited by Carol Ann Cohn and Charlotte Troiano

Dedication Page

First and foremost, I would like to dedicate this book to the memory of the late Mrs. Gesina Heinzel of Lincoln, Illinois who, along with Kent State, certainly helped to save the posterior of the lead character of this story! Wherever you are, Gesina, please be assured that you live on in his memory. You were a great lady.

Next, I would like to dedicate this book to my close friend and brother-in-arms, Jon Nardelli. He convinced me this is a story, however fictional, that needed just the same to be put out there for others to see.

I would also like to dedicate this book to Susan M. Gray, my once and always sister-in-law, ex-book publicist and, also, dear friend, who felt it is a unique story which needed to be published.

And, last but not least, I would like to dedicate this book to my very favorite centenarian, my Aunt Mildred Blank, who encouraged me to get published, simply because she knows, being my relative, that I have the potential to become an author.

I thank ALL of you for helping me to believe in myself!

Everybody has a story to tell …. and a book to sell -- and here’s mine -- Robert M. Kern.

BIO

Robert M. Kern is currently a retired teacher as of 2013; he taught for 23 years. Prior to that, he held the position of inventory control supervisor for 15 years in a large dairy company in Westchester County, New York -- where he currently resides. He holds a B.A. in English, and an M.S. in Special Education from Long Island University. He is quite active in his retirement. In fact, he views his retirement as being something of a second career: among his many hobbies are reading, music, traveling, and genealogy. Yet another favorite hobby is writing. He has had numerous articles published in a genealogical journal since 2001. And, yes, he has recently graduated to writing a novella …. this one!

Table of Contents

Misadventure I

‘Going Postal’ in Lincoln, Illinois -OR- How Kent State Saved My Posterior

Misadventure II

The Continuing Education of Robby Michaels -OR- How to Get an A+ in Visual Arts 101 Without Really Trying

Misadventure I

‘Going Postal’ in Lincoln, Illinois

OR

How Kent State Saved My Posterior

Based on a true story

by Robert M. Kern

It was Monday, May 4, 1970. That’s the day that has left an indelible impression for anyone who was, say, 10 years old or older at that time. That was the day of the infamous Kent State University massacre in Ohio. It had traumatic repercussions for just about everyone in the country.

Almost nobody really benefited from it in a positive way. Not the students involved in the protest, not the administrators of Kent State University in Ohio where the massacre occurred, not the politicians right up to then-President Richard Nixon, nor the Ohio National Guard, who committed the fatal shootings of four students there. But, incredible as it might seem, there actually was one person in America who did benefit from it, albeit it in a rather indirect, six degrees of separation type of a way, and that was then 20-year-old college sophomore Robby Michaels. And so, our story begins, whereby an historic event intersected with an event in somebody’s personal life, and altered that person’s future all for the best.

It was Wednesday, May 20, 1970. That’s the day that Robby Michaels not only remembers well to the very present, but has increasingly come to realize how relevant it was at the time it happened. Not that he didn’t understand even back then that it was a day he would never forget for as long as he lives. But now, when he reflects, he views it as almost a dividing line in his life: anything that happened prior to that day, he was still a youth; anything that happened after that day, he was an adult.

And it all started as a perfectly uneventful day in which, on a rare occasion, Robby happened to be sleeping late in his off-campus house in Lincoln, Illinois, where he was wrapping up his sophomore year in Abraham College. It also happened to be his last year there, because Abraham is a junior college.

At about 9:30 that Wednesday morning, Robby was abruptly awoken by his landlady, Mrs. Heinzelman, who shouted, Robby, it’s the college! Groggy as he was, he pretty well knew the score. He was going to have to answer for that prank he had recently played on two of his classmates. He would really be in for it now; the jig was up. And so close to the end of the academic school year .... only nine days from the final day of classes, and 11 days from graduation. And now, at the last minute, this! But all he could do was keep his cool, and not push any panic buttons. So, he shouted back to her, I’ll be right there! He then quickly threw on a robe, opened his bedroom door, and picked up the phone as Mrs. Heinzelman handed it to him. Then, a thought flashed through his head, Why am I ready to jump out of my skin, when it might have nothing at all to do with what I suspect it is? Maybe it really wasn’t what he thought it was, and that he was worrying needlessly.

But no, it became obvious almost immediately that his first instinct was indeed correct. When he said hello into the phone, the person at the other end identified herself as Margaret, who was the secretary to the dean of students.

She said, Robby, dean Heartfelt would like to see you at 11:30 sharp this morning, so could you please come over to his office promptly at that time?

When Robby responded by inquiring why the dean would want to see him, she then added a detail that was not at all encouraging. She answered by saying that a U.S. Postal Inspector would also be there at that time, and would like to ask Robby a few questions about something.

Because Robby had about two hours before he needed to appear in the dean’s office, this provided him with a little downtime to seriously consider not only what lay in front of him but, even more importantly, what lay behind him. How had he gotten himself into this predicament in the first place? At that point, the movie camera in his head began a flashback of all the events, step-by-step, of how he had gotten himself into this seemingly disastrous situation that was now looming largely over his head.

~

It really began in the fall of 1968 when, as a freshman in Abraham College, he lived in Forsythe Hall right there on the campus. At 18 years of age, living away from home was a brand-new experience for him. He had never, except for summer camp, been away from home. Academics, then, was just about the farthest thing from his mind. Getting into mischief somehow posed a broader challenge for him. That was of much greater import. And, like so many freshmen living away from home, his behavior in the dormitory was far from exemplary.

He and his roommate, Gary Emerald, would use the public pay phone in the lobby to make obscene phone calls to the local operators, and then abruptly hang up. They would take turns calling up the operator, and begin, in a very somber tone of voice, as if they were broaching a serious matter, Operator, operator, we have a medical emergency here in Forsythe Hall at Abraham College, and we need your help immediately!

To which she would reply, not yet realizing it to be a prank, I’m so sorry to hear about this. What is it exactly, in order that I can assist you? The answer would come abruptly, "I have a major, humongous hard-on. I’m therefore as horny as hell, and need a blow job AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! Not in an hour, or a half hour, but I mean IMMEDIATELY. Could you please come over to the dormitory right now and suck on my big, hairy whanger, lest I keel over and die?! I’m a real READY TEDDY! And, consider this: if I should die, then that will weigh on your conscience for the rest of your life. You don’t want THAT to happen, now DO you?!"

The operator would then duly hang up with no delay. Then, they would calmly wait several minutes more, so as to let the dust settle a bit. It was a calculated ploy, in that it would offer the false impression, and security, that there would be no more such phone calls. This would give Robby and Gary the element of surprise, as the operators would hopefully not be expecting to hear from them anymore. Then, they would call her up again, or another local operator, and repeat the procedure. Then they would wait again for another few minutes, and do it yet one more time. This, all for the benefit of being as annoying as is humanly possible to those poor, unsuspecting telephone operators of Lincoln, Illinois!

It seemed like nothing more than a little harmless mischief, in which nobody would get hurt, at least not physically. And, they figured how could they ever get caught, if the calls were made from a pay phone in a public recreation area of a dormitory? This, therefore, provided for them the benefit of anonymity from their fellow dormmates -- or so they thought.

Well, the plain and simple truth is that they actually would have gotten away with it, if not for two dorm-snitches who overheard them, and shortly thereafter reported them to the dorm mother. She, in turn, reported the incident to the dean, Jack Heartfelt, who called both of them into his office the very next day to demand an explanation of this inappropriate behavior, and an apology. After they both offered what they thought were heartfelt and sincere apologies, they received some unexpected and shocking news. They would both have to vacate the dormitory within forty-eight hours and relocate somewhere in off-campus housing. In other words, they had been expelled from the dorm.

But they shortly came to the realization that, given dean Heartfelt’s background, they should not have been so surprised at all by his stringent reaction. He was a native Texan and was known to be extremely strict in his handling of student misconduct. To put it another way, he was not one who believed in giving second chances for behavioral issues, and this incident appeared to prove just that. In fact, he was known among students as the mean dean, which they called