45 Whimsical Short Stories

By Ashton Lackey

This book is a compilation of 45 amusing, funny, and entertaining short stories I have written in the last 10 years. Some of the stories' titles include: "The Talking Water Heater", "The Value of a Fruitcake", "The Doctor Pepper Bottle Fiasco", and "Edgar Allan Poe to the Rescue".

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ashton Lackey
• Release date: Mar 27, 2022
• ISBN: 9781005095833

Ashton Lackey

Ashton Lackey (Harrington A. Lackey) has been a Spanish instructor, translator, tutor and writer for the past 30 years. He earned his Bachelor of Arts degree in Spanish and Anthropology from Eckerd College, a Master of Arts degree in Hispanic Literature from Auburn University, PhD candidate in Hispanic Literature at the University of Kentucky, and an Associate of Science degree in Computer Information Systems from Nashville State Technical Institute. Ashton has taught Spanish classes at Auburn University, Louisiana State University, University of Kentucky, Columbia State Community College, and Belmont University. He started a successful tutoring business- "Learning Strategies," but is now retired.Ashton has completed 10 years of studying French from grammar school to high school. Also, he completed a semester of advanced French in Angers, France at the l’Université Catholique de l’Ouest.He has written three novels, based on historical fiction: "Rare Gold," "Disciple's Curse," and "The Admiral's Signature." He has also published over 150 articles on various subjects and short stories. Ashton is now retired and currently lives in Bluffton, SC with his wife, Diana, and one furry daughter.Ashton has translated over 10 novels from Spanish to English, ("La Celestina", "Lazarillo de Tormes") and from English to Spanish: ("The Healing Of Gala"). I have recently been translating into English: "La Primera Catedral", "Surreal (Y otros relatos), and "MainCastle: La leyenda del caballero blanco".His hobbies are: collecting coins, comic books, books and metal detecting.

Book preview

We Are Not Alone in the Universe

May 28, 2068: Former NASA astrobiologist Richard Mason tells his 13-year-old grandson, Bobby how he discovered life on Saturn’s largest moon:

Bobby, you may not believe me when I tell you I worked for NASA and discovered life on Titan, Saturn’s biggest moon.

No, I don’t believe you. The grandson said.

Well, I’ll tell you the story anyway, replied Richard.

Bobby rolled his eyes and said, OK… Go ahead…

"In 1997, we launched the spacecraft, Cassini Voyager into space to explore Titan-the largest of Saturn’s 58 moons. In 2004, after almost seven years of traveling 58 million miles, Cassini got close enough to orbit Saturn. After numerous orbits around Saturn that collected atmospheric data, Cassini then visited Titan, where NASA and the ESA (European Space Agency) gathered as much information as possible about Saturn’s most intriguing moon. In 2005, Cassini orbited Titan several times before it launched Huygens-a circular land rover onto its surface from one thousand kilometers from space. When it touched down on to the moon, its camera took pictures of Titan’s surface for two hours before the Huygens was destroyed by the moon’s freezing atmosphere at -290 degrees Fahrenheit temperature. The only picture taken of the terrain showed a thick, black and white atmosphere of nitrogen and frozen rocks.

In January of 2016, transmission from the Cassini space station was lost. Apparently, a comet had flown by Cassini 30 kilometers away, pulverizing it by flying debris. Within months, a meeting was called with NASA and the ESA to launch another mission to Titan.

In May 2024, a new space station named Goliath was launched from NASA. It carried a more sophisticated land rover named Polaris. Its mission was to get more advanced photos of Titan. Seven years later, in June 2031, Goliath arrived very close to Saturn. After several long orbits around Saturn, Goliath flew to Titan. As it approached Titan, Polaris was launched from Goliath. After dropping through dense layers of methane and other gases, Polaris jettisoned a specially made parachute so that it could safely land on to Titan’s surface. Unlike the first land rover, Polaris had a movable camera, which could rise up to four feet and rotate 360 degrees in order to transmit more detailed pictures of the surface.

One day after it landed, new images of the moon’s surface were sent back to NASA. These surface images were of much better quality than those taken in 2005, but Polaris only had two hours until it would be destroyed by the freezing atmosphere. More photos were taken as the camera raised itself above the Polaris, panning all around the surface. They brought back five photos to Earth of the moon’s landscape. Suddenly, transmission failed for ten seconds. Then a sixth, unexpected photo was uploaded to the space agency. But these pictures were of Polaris itself without its tall camera! The camera had been removed! Four subsequent photos were taken of the Polaris, panning 360 degrees around it!

The mouths and eyes of the scientists were wide opened-completely stunned! Within hours, news spread around the world. By the next day, newspapers around the world read, ‘We Are Not Alone in the Universe!’"

Bobby looked at his grandfather. That’s all probably true except for the last part.

You don’t believe me? Richard asked. You think I’m Isaac Asimov telling you a science fiction story? Well, we’re gonna take a little ride.

To Titan? Bobby said sarcastically.

Ha ha!… No.

After a twenty-minute ride, they approached a large observatory. They got out. Richard took out some keys, unlocked the main door, and went in. Richard told Bobby to step up to the huge telescope.

I’ll tell you when to look into the telescope.

Richard activated the telescope. After turning some knobs, the huge telescope moved to the right and up, glancing in the night sky. Richard spoke in some sort of unintelligible language. He rotated a few more dials and pushed several buttons.

OK. Look up in the telescope, he told Bobby. It was Titan.

Robert said, Look carefully when I tell you to… Now!

Bobby stared at a rocky outcropping on Titan, he saw a group of strange-looking red and green creatures. Each had five eyes, eight hands and three feet. They looked up where Robert aimed the telescope and began waving their eight hands.

Bobby fainted.

Abby’s Fortune

Although Abby Wheelman’s now-deceased parents had wanted to give her a better, more prosperous life than they had, she was born into utter poverty Her father worked two shifts at the local coalmine. Her mother was a seamstress. Together, they barely made enough money to give their only child a high school education. Abby didn’t go to college, unlike her peers who grew up in more prosperous families. Instead, she worked as a tax collection agent, earning little money and even less respect.

At nineteen, Abby thought she had found happiness when she married Robert, a handsome, enterprising businessman who worked in advertising. During the first several years of their marriage, he slowly changed from a caring, loving husband to a verbally abusive, alcoholic bum, who loved other women. It got so he stayed home drunk all day. Abby worked as a check clerk at a local grocery store just to pay for her and her at-home, no-good husband. Not only did this job provide her with slightly extra income, it kept her away all day from Robert.

They didn’t have any children, which suited Abby fine; she just didn’t want to have Robert’s children. She just wanted him to die and go to hell. A year later, she got her wish.

One night, after drinking heavily at a local bar, Robert was beaten by a bouncer because he couldn’t pay his forty-two-dollar tab. After promising to pay it the next time, he got into his ‘82 Pinto and struck another driver on the way home. Robert died as well as the victim.

Abby did not weep for him. As a matter of fact, she decided she would never again get married. She continued to work but could barely pay her bills and earned enough for only one meal a day. At 56, she developed arthritis and shingles and was bedridden for what seemed like an eternity. Gradually, she began feeling better after several months, thanks to only a few open-hearted friends and neighbors. Nevertheless, she was forced to declare bankruptcy.

She cried frequently, asking God why He had dealt these horrible blows in her life. Was God against her? Was He even there?

Abby worked a few more years until she could not work any longer. She was forced to sell what possessions she owned and moved to an old shack behind a house, located on an old ranch, owned by an older man Jim.

Jim told her she could stay in the shack for free, plus free meals, provided that she took care of him. Abby gladly agreed to this arrangement. He gave her the money to help him do chores such as buying groceries, medicine, gas for his car. She even cooked and cleaned his home.

This arrangement continued for two years until one day, Jim had something to discuss with her.

I’m dying, he said. Abby suddenly panicked. I can’t give you this ranch, which I want you to have, but I don’t have a will. Abby was not surprised. Like her, Jim told her he didn’t have any family. However, what I can give you is what could be on this land.

This ranch has been in his family since the 1870’s. My grandfather buried a jar of gold coins when he bought this land. He had the money buried because he didn’t trust a lot of people, especially bankers. To tell you the truth, I’m not completely sure this jar actually exists, but I’m going to let you look for it. If you can find it, you can keep the coins.

Abby’s heart beat quickly. How could she find those gold coins?

Do you know where the coins might be located? Abby asked.

Don’t know. Somewhere my grandfather probably kept a map, but I’m not sure it exists. You’re welcome to look for it. The attic might be a good place to start. I believe I have a metal detector, even though it’s probably as old as I am.

After they finished talking, Abby ran upstairs to the attic to look for the map. The endeavor seemed almost impossible when she saw that the attic was filled with old newspapers, trunks, drawers and old clothes. She wondered that even if she could find the map, would she be able to understand it. Abby rifled through all of the drawers. Empty. She opened the trunks with crowbars and only found outdated dresses and men’s old suits. Then, she gathered all of the papers and put them in a pile. There were more than two-hundred pieces of paper which appeared to be personal letters. After searching them, she concluded none of them were maps of any kind.

Abby was exhausted. But just when she thought she had rummaged through the entire attic, she looked to her left and saw an old ledger from the 1930’s. She slowly opened it and flipped through the pages. There was nothing but a few recorded purchased items.

She dropped the book on the ground, sighed. Then she again looked down at the ledger. A piece of old paper had fallen out. She picked it up and noticed a diagram written in ink. It

showed a triangle. The three points of the triangle were labeled: house, oak sapling, and X.

Abby’s mouth turned upward into a smile when she saw the X. X must mark the spot, she thought. Each line was labeled in numbers of ft. The line from the house to the oak sapling was labeled 500 ft. The line from the tree to the X read 15 ft.

She walked out the back door to the house which overlooked most of the property. 500 feet to an oak sapling? That sapling would have grown into a large oak tree after 140 years. So she looked for an old oak tree located about 500 feet away. She scanned the horizon and saw several trees but they weren’t oak. But after looking more carefully, there was only one oak tree that was rather massive in diameter.

She ran to it. As she got closer, she wondered where the X might be located. Then she saw an old, rotted piece of wood, sticking out of the ground ten feet away.

That might be the place, Jim said. Abby was startled when she heard his voice behind her. She turned around and saw him with a shovel in his hand. You might need this.

Abby was giddy as she took the shovel and dug diligently until the shovel hit something solid. She quickly knelt on the ground and ran her hands through the dirt. She felt something and raised a large, heavy glass jar with gold coins inside it.

I found it! she yelled. Jim was even more ecstatic; he really didn’t believe the coins actually existed. He didn’t tell this to Abby because he did not want to dash her hopes.

Jim hugged Abby. They walked quickly back to the house and poured the coins on a table in the kitchen. There were 50 shiny ten-dollar and 25 twenty-dollar gold coins, all dated before 1810-1870 in uncirculated mint condition.

Abby cried. All of her life, she had been a victim of life’s misfortunes. Now, her financial worries were going to be taken care of. He said, We’ll get these coins appraised and get them to auction.

Before reporters heard about the treasure, Jim had already contacted a highly regarded numismatist who kept their names anonymous. Word about the find became big news. Even the New York Times ran the story of a woman and an old man who found seventy-five gold coins contained in a jar by