Metacarpalism

By Dan Gutstein

Our topnotch team of data-driven barflies has been puzzling-out, nay, teasing-out the concentric layers inherent to Metacarpalism, by examining the thing's, ehh, annual rings. Or maybe Metacarpalism functions as a series of intersecting circles -- kind of like the rings left by our shot glasses on the bar. Because, yes! You've got a self-referential ("Meta") exploration of applause ("carpal") aligning itself with ("ism") a tender, tender moment [c.f., "love making"] that nevertheless flips us off. And there you are, atmospherically speaking: popsicle flubbers. 

 

Okay, let's try this again. We've been meaning to discuss with you the whereabouts of the potato masher. Look: please: please: tell us, tell us immediately where you placed it, because by now, we are worried for its safety. We would like to restore the device to its rightful place on the granite countertop beside the lone ripening pluot. Does this ring a bell bottom? In short, Metacarpalism offers you cotton tube socks (with the ridiculous green stripes) when you require a change of t-shirt. It's three a.m. You can see your breath. Above you, a preposterous ruckus of blue jays caucuses amid the alloys of their copious disagreements. 

 

You could receive one parcel of nibbled government stimulus fromage or one parcel of nibbled government stimulus crayons. When along comes Metacarpalism via Media Mail. Nibbled! The days are growing longer and just maybe, this book has anticipated your request. Just maybe, all will be forgiven. 

 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Unsolicited Press
• Release date: Feb 2, 2022
• ISBN: 9798201466381

Dan Gutstein

Dan Gutstein is author of eight books and chapbooks, including Metacarpalism. He is also codirector of a forthcoming documentary film devoted to “Li’l Liza Jane” as well as vocalist for NPR-featured punk band Joy on Fire. More information can be found at www.dangutstein.com.

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METACARPALISM

Copyright © 2022 Dan Gutstein

All Rights Reserved.

Published by Unsolicited Press.

Printed in the United States of America.

First Edition.

No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews. People, places, and notions in these stories are from the author’s imagination; any resemblance is purely coincidental.

Attention schools and businesses: for discounted copies on large orders, please contact the publisher directly.

For information contact:

Unsolicited Press

Portland, Oregon

www.unsolicitedpress.com

[e-mail]

619-354-8005

Cover Design: Kathryn Gerhardt

Editor: Alexandra Lindenmuth

ISBN: 978-1-956692-05-1

––––––––

Thanks to the editors of these publications where the following poems first appeared (sometimes in slightly different form):

8 Poems: The Emporium of Youth

and/or: Interview at Wrong Number

Beltway: A Poetry Quarterly: On Sensitivity: A Brief   Philosophy of Political Choice and Interview with   Danish Kroner

Café Irreal: Fourteen Periods (for Clarice Lispector)

DIAGRAM: (C)harm City

Gargoyle: The Windowpanes of Phantom Addresses and Ineffable

Mad Hatter’s Review Mad Hat Lit: Interview with a Nudist   Who Has Never Been Undressed by Anyone’s Eyes

PANK: Das Lunchmeats; Dearth, Incorporated; Sugar in   the Raw: Demographics; Labour Saving Devices;   Beef Pineapple Robot; and To Kick a Mockingbird’s   Ass

The Prose Poem Project: Takeout Bakeout

Upstairs at Duroc: Metacarpalism

Voicemail Poems: Interview with a Yes Man

Several of these poems appeared in a chapbook, Alt Tk, published by Dusie Kollektiv.

To my friend Lieutenant Mike The Torpedo Zito, aka Sausages

For his tireless reading of these poems and for being a righteous human being.

Contents

Contents

Interview with Danish Kroner

By Saying I’m Sleeping with Someone,

Live Blogging from Negotiations between the Rapper, Ice-T, and the Restaurant Chain, T.G.I. Fridays, over the Menu for Their Joint Venture, Ice-T.G.I. Fridays

I’ve Got That on My Radar

Top 7 Reactions When Counting to 60 by Units of 1-Mississippi

When a Flora Eats a Fauna

Da Botch

Dearth, Incorporated

(C)harm City

Rowboats in the Woods

Interview with the Official in Charge of Estimating Delay

Metacarpalism

Yes, Maybe You’re Not a Leftist

Notes (for Sonnet)

Best Practices During My Recent Interaction with a Bat

The Windowpanes of Phantom Addresses

Interview at Wrong Number

8 Tips on How to Write a Great Story (+1 Obvi) (+1 Solution)

Communication Breakdown: An Eco-Friendly Parable

Parts Per Million: An Open Letter to Climate Change Skeptics Who Do Not, in Turn, Reject the Science of Warfare

The Emporium of Youth

Interview with a Nudist Who Has Never Been Undressed by Anyone’s Eyes

L=A=N=G=U=I=S=H Poetry

Das Lunchmeats

Beef Pineapple Robot

Demographics

To Kick a Mockingbird’s Ass

Labour Saving Devices

Études, Brute?

Pollstergeist

Interview with a Yes Man

For Dissidence

Essay after Another Episode of Angry Prejudice

Prayer for a Former Student Who Clings to Life in an Unknown Hospital

Teaching the Cannon

The Doctrine Is IN.

Takeout Bakeout

Consider Tense When Observing a Horse

List of Rejected Conspiracy Theories

Interview with a Volunteer Who Just Wants to Give Back to the Community

Preponderances

Fourteen Periods (for Clarice Lispector)

What’s Comin’ Atcha

Under Armoire

Rimbaud: First Blood

Postmodern Tentacle Liturgy

Sugar in the Raw

OfayCupid

Interview with a Child in Time Out

On Sensitivity: A Brief History of Political Choice

Oh, There Are Hearts

Everything’s a Burger

Blue Jay-Z

Ineffable

Moments De-installed from Servitude

People Who Don’t Listen to Music

What I Lost Was This:

Why I Love Poets

About the Author

About the Press

Interview with Danish Kroner

I am looking for the warm wine

I was told "Come, come! we’ll serve warm wine

& there will be many kippered fish, too"

please point me toward the kippered fish

I confess ignorance of this tradition where

a common egg is apparently pickled

(purple) & kept in a large jar w/ many purple eggs

does each partygoer receive a pickled food item

before the sing-along? b/c

there might be quite a delay as guests are

seated at the table according to name cards

invariably a partygoer will remark &

I will respond: Yes, that is my Christian Name &

no, I am not aware of the prevailing exchange rate.

By Saying I’m Sleeping with Someone,

the fellow means he’s sleeping with the fragrance of her hair at repose, the forward jut of her hip bones, the restlessness of her feet kicking the tympanic surface of the mattress. He’s sleeping with the contours of her embryonic familiarity.

The thundering noise from above is, in fact, thunder, if we define thunder with the generous elasticity that