The Wedding Survival Kit

By InfoQuick LLC

Planning a wedding? Know someone who is? Millions of brides are extremely anxious and dreading dealing with common wedding planning stressors. They're trying to have fun while coping with controlling behaviors, toxic personalities and constant stress and conflict. But it doesn't have to be that way.

 

The Wedding Survival Kit is the only book solely focused on minimizing planning stress and conflict for family harmony. It's written by three couples (the "wedding planning stress busters") who planned weddings with their kids spanning two Covid-impacted years. Their personal experiences plus interviews and research is the essence of the book.

 

The fast-reading 131-page book features 44 bite-size practical and common sense "Stress Reducers," "If We Had It To Do Over" hindsights, Stress Reducing Mindsets for Couples and Parents, 20 Easy Ways to Save Money, The Big Day Stress Reducers, 15 Lists of Questions to Ask Vendors and much more. The Wedding Survival Kit tackles thorny problems and provides proven methods to help couples and parents have a joyous and fun experience. 

 

Says Mandy, a recent newlywed, "I enjoyed the 'down to earth' comparisons that connect the authors to the reader in a relatable way. I also thought these stress reducers were the biggest take away for anyone in the thick of planning now. Great to have in one location." Adds former wedding planner and currently planning her wedding Kirsten, "Something that I really enjoyed about the book is that it is from the perspective of a parent who has actually lived and relived the planning process. I think the book hits on a lot of great points that a lot of people do not think about till it's too late. It was a great and informational read that I think rookie parent wedding planners will find very valuable." 

 

The Wedding Survival Kit is for both couples and their parents. Says Sue, mother of the bride, "I really LOVED this book! Wish I had it when we were planning our daughter's wedding." Adds mother of the groom Marilyn, "I plan to buy copies for every couple and their parents as they announce their engagements. This is a great gift!"

• Language: English
• Publisher: InfoQuick LLC
• Release date: Mar 4, 2022
• ISBN: 9798201588724

Book preview

Thank You!

To the many people who helped

us bring this book to

completion, thanks so much

for your time, thoughts,

experience and expertise.

We appreciate it!

PUBLISHING INFORMATION 

© 2022 Brechner, Pitonyak & Schilling | All Rights Reserved

stress-gone.net | Contact: [e-mail]

Published by: InfoQuick LLC, 10 Brockton Court, Metuchen, NJ 08840

Cover Photo Credits: istockphoto.com, 123rf.com,

Drew Noel Photography, Asya Photography, DJs Available

No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner, printed or electronic without the express written consent of the publisher, except in the use of brief excerpts used in reviews or articles. Information within this book does not constitute legal, financial or professional advice and is for informational purposes only. The publisher and authors assume no liability whatsoever on behalf of any reader of this book. Our book may be purchased in bulk at special discounts as gifts for brides, grooms and their parents and educational purposes. Special editions in various configurations can be created. Printed in the U.S.A.

First Things First

Congratulations are in order for the engaged couple, their parents, family and friends. The goal is to make the wedding planning process a joy and fun experience for all.

Without question, this first section is the most important one in this book. Make sure to read it before you look at the individual Stress Reducers and the other sections.

After planning weddings with our kids, we decided to write The Wedding Survival Kit  to help parents and couples have wonderfully positive experiences during this milestone and many others. As you will see, we’ll condense our experiences, research and interviews with countless others into a roadmap to help you:

Reduce and minimize stress, conflict and frustration

Turn a minefield of problems into a smooth journey of fun and happiness

Create a special experience between parents and adult children in the Digital Age

Make great, timely and long-lasting decisions together

Save money without sacrificing a great time

After we finished writing this book, we all agreed that we wished there was a book like this available when our kids said, we’re getting married. 

Being in the right mindset is a must for engaged couples and parents. It’s the essence of this book, and you can find quick summaries following Stress Reducer #44.  

How to Use This Book

There are a couple of ways to get the most out of this guide book. Reading it cover to cover is NOT one of them. If you do, you’ll find repetition which we did by design.

First, when your child announces the engagement, it’s a good idea to scan the table of contents and read the first Stress Reducer, Vision for the Big Day. When you hear Mom, Dad, I’m getting married. the first thing to do, aside from congratulating the couple, is to express your desire to learn about their vision for the wedding, whenever they are ready...but the sooner the better.

Second, look at the special sections (follows Stress Reducer #44) to determine which sections apply in your specific situation.

Third, read individual Stress Reducers as specific situations come up. So, when you hear Mom, Dad, we want to talk about who to invite read Stress Reducer #13, You Want to Invite Who?&.@#$%, so you can talk specifically about the topic to avoid problems before they arise.

There are some general sections like the one you’re reading now that you may want to read several times to keep our recommended principles in mind.

In this book we will use these abbreviations:

Table Description automatically generated

Guiding Lights

The main premise of The Wedding Survival Kit is the cornerstones of all successful relationships:

Honesty is always the best policy

Communication is the glue that holds families together

Timing is everything

Fairness is what eliminates resentment, jealousy and aggravation

Listening gives insight into other points of view

Consistent Support is why parents are so valuable

Suggesting and Asking is always better than dictating and ignoring

Understanding Priorities puts everything into perspective

Flexibility is a virtue in a fast-moving world for both parents and the couple

True Partnerships Result in the Best Weddings

We’ve observed that the most successful weddings were the result of a close collaboration between the couples and their parents. The almost unanimous feeling among those who loved their weddings indicated that:

Parents do not need to always  suck it up and do whatever the couple wants

Parents should never demand  certain things because they are paying for the wedding

Couples should sincerely take their parents’ wishes into consideration and try to incorporate them if possible while maintaining their vision of the wedding day.

The best approach is for everyone to put aside it’s all about us and learn how to talk things out and compromise so everyone feels good about the Big Day.

12 Words, 4 Phrases to Live By

Remember and embrace these four phrases so that you will all get along famously:

Ask, don’t tell.

Suggest, don’t demand.

Help, don’t control.

Accept, don’t resist.

They’re easy to remember but harder to implement. But adhering to these 12 words is exactly what families need to do. The more you live by these words, the better the relationships will be.

Mom and Dad’s Roles

Mom and Dad as the primary sources of information have been replaced by Google and social media. Parents’ words and experiences are not gospel as the words of parents in past generations were. When today’s couples get engaged, they find information, advice, groups of others in their situations and much more online. That’s a major shift  that previous generations of parents and grandparents must get used to. Even though most parents have learned to use and even embrace the Internet, remember that today kids and their peers grew up online.

What’s At Stake

In addition to being emotionally trying times that can taint weddings, planning a wedding is one of the five most costly expenses in our lifetimes. Weddings can easily cost $25,000 or more when you combine all the costs (venue, caterer, flowers, dress, etc.). There’s a lot of money at stake. That’s where parents can be a big help in two ways: providing funds where possible and desired, and helping kids make excellent financial decisions that save them large amounts of money. See 20 Ways to Save Money.

What’s Really at Stake

Besides the money and stress, what’s really at stake, quite simply, is the future of the family. When wedding planning issues aren’t resolved, when mistakes are not forgiven and when decisions lead to resentment, future issues become harder and harder to deal with.

Take the common problem of divorced parent(s) of the couple who are not talking to each other and may refuse to be in each other’s presence. Because they are so entrenched in an adversarial situation, it puts the bride- and groom-to-be in a virtually impossible situation, having to choose between the two parents and potentially stepparents.

But that’s just the beginning. The same choice facing the now-married couple will happen over and over if and when kids come along. Who to choose to invite to the gender reveal party? Junior’s first birthday? Thanksgiving? Christmas? Chanukah? Kwanzaa? Mother’s Day? Father’s Day? Bar Mitzvahs? Communions? The list goes on. Now you can see why this is such an important issue and needs to be resolved sooner than later.

Be Mindful of Societal Changes

We are in the midst of huge societal changes. 75% of millennials prefer texting to talking. They also keep in touch (as parents do also) via social media. It seems like most of the talking kids do is not in person. For them, texting is easier and faster than talking. Parents tend to enjoy the rich benefits of conversation. Texting vs. talking is just one example of how times have changed.

One of the most glaring differences between the generations is shopping. Going back 30-40 years, before the Internet, when parents wanted to buy a refrigerator, we went to stores, looked and examined the products, talked with salespeople, looked up reviews in Consumer Reports or flipped through mail order catalogs. It was a time-consuming process and there were no other choices. We had to plan most purchases because they took time.

Today, couples don’t have to plan nearly as far in advance. With a few clicks, they can easily find products online, read reviews, decide what brands and models they want, and buy them...all within an hour or two. And they get most products a day or two later. Parents don’t need to advance plan during wedding planning, given they have such an easy way to find and buy what they want. All parents have to do is offer help.

Couples planning weddings decades ago had endless handwritten lists, numerous notes in notebooks and typed up lists on old fashioned typewriters. Today’s couples have it easy with all the online planning tools that reduce stress (much less grunt work) like the kind you’ll find at Zola.com. You can create a couples website (for all the details), set up a gift registry, find venues and vendors and more. Ah, some aspects of planning are easier these days.

For non-traditional couples (same sex, trans, etc.) the issues are essentially the same, but in these relationships, there are likely to be additional issues to discuss. It’s especially important to be sensitive to how others feel while reaching compromises.

Proactive Conversations Win the Day

Whether you are talking about planning a wedding or a myriad of issues that parents face, the best way to nip issues in the bud is by having an up-front, put-everything-on-the-table conversation.

So, when you hear Mom, Dad, we’re getting married. approach the couple about having a proactive conversation so that together the couple