Dreams from Moments Like These: A Metaphysical Journey Told in Poetry and Paint

By Gary Nickolaus

This book comes from that compulsion to know. The painting and poetry are a means to an end, that end the understanding of the meaning of existence. In both painting and poetry one is compelled to seek the essence of a thing, to understand its totality. These are the moments I take with me, and these are the moments I leave behind.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jul 14, 2010
• ISBN: 9781477161036

Gary Nickolaus

Born in Schenectady, New York he was moved back to the dessert valley of his grandparents shortly after birth, where he was raised in an isolated desert town dedicated to the production of plutonium for the toys of war built in part on his family’s condemned farms. It was a good place to be raised, a middle class dream of a totally new city, with new schools and parks and government housing built for mangers, engineers, and workers all with housing styles and neighborhoods. A middle class dream built isolated in the desert to produce the most dangerous material ever conceived by man. Now he is the lead civil structural inspector of a 12 billion dollar complex being built to isolate the radioactive chemical waste produced by that production.

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Copyright © 2010 by Gary Nickolaus. 586267

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced

or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or

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in writing from the copyright owner.

Xlibris

844-714-8691

www.Xlibris.com

Library of Congress Control Number:       2010908981

Rev. date: 01/25/2022

Table of Contents

Chapter I: View from a studio

Chapter II: Dreams from moments like these

Mulch for the garden

A gentle breeze on a warm spring day

Dinner time

Erin pushes Emily in the swing on the old oak tree

Erin primps before the mirror

Emily and Erin

Winter afternoon cold and clear

Chapter III: Dreams at sunset

In my youth I dreamt

A walk in the rain

Time having gone so swiftly by

Perhaps I never wanted to find you

The ages are beginning to rest heavy upon my being

Richard Brautigan

A country cemetery

Ode to a generation passing

The bodies are broken

I stand alone on a hill

Chapter IV: Dreams in the Garden

In Grandmother’s Garden

A gentle rain

In the garden

In days of watermelon and summer

Man is meant to dream of Eden

I sit in my sunroom

Edge of the Garden

Chapter V: Dreams may come

When my journey is over

A man

The mermaids never sang for me

Life is what happens

I seemed adrift on a sea of indecision

The melody of the strings

How do we exist

Chapter VI: Dreams of Family

Grandpa was a big man

This tree

The doctors have cancelled chemotherapy

I dreamt I watched my father die

Gentlemen, I am tired and I want to go home

Precious memories of long ago

Chapter VII: Dreams of Robin

I never said good-bye to Robin

Emotion always got in the way

I never said good-bye when you left me

I dreamt of loneliness last night

I had a good woman

Perhaps I never wanted to find you

I over heard a pretty girl say that she liked me

I see no need to speak of love

I traveled far burdened with your love

I want you to find the joy of life

You dream

You wanted me

The Road to Babylon

We could have a great summer together

Variation on a Janis Ian theme

The features of her face have faded

Two good people together

We were young

I dreamt of you again last night

Chapter VIII: Dreams of what might be

I traveled a long and torturous path

A baby died today

A dusty barn full of hay for the horses

The new tide

I have thought long

Roadside Attractions

Chapter IX: Dreams of Gentle People

Dreams of Gentle people

Paths through the woods

Death has touched my soul

I have seen the face of death

New York City

Atlantic City

Clerics that teach hatred

Evil lies in wait

Death of youth

We are all each of us

You ask, But what of God?

God is larger than all the religions ever conceived

My soul is chained in a barren room

Upon hearing of your untimely death

The years of passion are past

Introduction

P rior to working in nuclear power plants, I was required to undergo a psychological evaluation which of course I flunked since it was determined that I had no respect for authority, it was felt that I could pose a risk, I responded to the psychiatrist by saying that I was quality control, I accept nothing unless I have seen and understand it. After that I was allowed to continue working.

And so this is what I bring to this book, a pathological distain for all dogmas, all suppositions, this of course is how I have been my entire life. If I were to put a name on it, I would call it Asperger Syndrome. For looking back at my childhood, I displayed almost all of the symptoms of this autistic psychological syndrome: repetitive routines, difficulty with language, the inability to establish bonds with others, and difficulty understanding nonverbal behavior.

My psychological make up has actually served me well in my profession. When I began my career as a nuclear QC inspector, I was driven to understand the hows and the whys of everything I encountered. That has resulted in my current position as lead civil / structural Inspector at the United States most complex civil structural site. I immersed myself into technicalities, codes, standards, procedures, specifications: these I understand these I know.

This book comes from that compulsion to know. The painting and poetry are a means to an end, that being the understanding of existence. In both painting and poetry, one is compelled to seek the essence of a thing, to seek its totality and find the beauty that can only be discovered with the revelation of truth. That has been my life goal for as long as I can remember. For my mind is a beautiful place, full of poems and paintings and wonderful dissertations on the meaning of existence and that is where I am most comfortable.

This was at first going to be only an art and poetry book, but as I worked on the poetry, I found myself revealing concepts that I was working on in my other passion, the attempt to understand the true nature of anything, and everything. When I paint or write poetry I allow the paint or the poem to go wherever it desires. I have no expectations of fulfilling some obligation for to do so would be to destroy the perfection of the art. Only by allowing the truth of the poem or painting to come out without regard for form or style can the beauty be found that is held within. For the artist to impose some type of format or expectation is to destroy any hope of finding truth. The truth is always there, waiting for someone to bring it forward; the genius of the artist is in the ability to allow that which already exists to be actualized

And so this book was created with no expectation of any style or outcome. But in writing and illustrating this book I have touched upon some truths, some of them are not quite what I had expected, but I only sought perfection, not conclusions. Those conclusions that I have reached came from the work, were brought forth in my quest to achieve perfection within the painting or poem, for in seeking beauty one seeks truth.

The painting and poetry come from my inability to communicate that which I find essential in any other manner. If I were born at a later date into today’s world, I would have probably been labeled, given counseling, and drugs and perhaps this book would have never been produced. Instead, I was born into a less-