You're a Real Character

By Tom Mach

This play takes place on August, 2003 in Chicago.. Steve gives his friend Matt and Lillian (Matt’s fiancée) an ancient lamp he found while serving for a contractor in Iraq. Matt, a writer, is frustrated because Max, his agent, says he can’t find a publisher since Matt’s characters don’t come alive. Out of curiosity, Matt rubs the lamp and Roxelana, a beautiful genie, appears and grants him four wishes. Matt asks Roxelana to make his characters come alive—and they do, resulting in Matt’s need to hide one character named Bunny from Lillian, while protecting Bunny from another character called Sam. Things become complicated when Roxelana insists on being in his novel and Lillian breaks off the engagement after seeing him alone with Roxelana. Comedic twists occur throughout the play, resulting in Matt wishing the characters in his novel would disappear. And they do disappear—or do they?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tom Mach
• Release date: Jan 16, 2022
• ISBN: 9781005493882

Tom Mach

Tom Mach wrote three successful historical novels, Sissy!, All Parts Together, and Angels at Sunset. The first two were listed among the 150 best Kansas books in 2011. Sissy! won the J. Donald Coffin Memorial Book Award while All Parts Together was a viable entrant for the 2007 Pulitzer Prize Award. Angels at Sunset was a Finalist for the International Book Award. Tom's latest collection of poetry is The Museum Muse and his previous poetry collection won the 2008 Nelson Poetry Book Award. He also wrote a collection of short stories entitled Stories To Enjoy which received positive reviews. In addition to winning poetry awards from Kansas Authors Club, Tom was a finalist in a nationwide Writer’s Digest Awards competition He coaches writing for 4th and 5th graders in his spare time.

Book preview

Introduction

If you are used to reading novels but not plays, you need to change how you go about reading this theatrical play, You’re a Real Character. While a novel gives you substantial information about the scenery and the depth of the main characters—their appearance, habits, and thoughts—a play allows you to create your own vision of all of this.

I can best tell you what I mean by way of example. Here is the beginning of You’re a Real Character.

It’s a day in September, 2004.

Evening. Table lamp lights up on a drab living room. There is a door leading to the bathroom, and a partition to the adjoining bedroom. Small table and chair at stage left. Phone with speaker and an ancient lamp are on the table. Phone rings. MATT is seated on the chair, picking up the phone, with the sound going on speaker.

STEVE

Hey buddy. How’s it going?

MATT picks up the ancient lamp with his free hand, examining the object carefully.

Here’s how that scene might appear in a novel:

At 27, Matt Baxter received a compliment from his agent that he was the youngest novelist to make a big hit with his first book. Matt noticed it was already eleven in the evening, but he was still thinking about the success he could expect from his second novel which he had mailed to his agent a month ago.

He wondered what publisher would buy his latest novel, so he could tell Lillian, his fiancée, the good news. He had met Lillian a year ago at a fraternity social. She was as attractive then as she was now, as year younger than him. With long blond hair, blue eyes, and small nose she could have easily gone into a modeling career. Instead, she worked as a hostess for a classy French restaurant, located about a mile from where Matt formerly worked as a front desk employee for a hotel.

Matt stared at the wall mirror and wondered what Lillian saw in him. Maybe it was his bushy blond hair, playful hazelnut eyes, and sarcastic thin smile made him look like he was about to tell a joke. Or maybe it was the fact that his debut novel became a best-seller, allowing him to quit his job in the hotel industry and devote all of his time to writing.

He returned to his bedroom, but was too tired to go to sleep. Instead, he grasped a curious metal object on the ledge over his headboard and studied it. It was a gift from his old pal Steve Winski. While on assignment with a contractor in Iraq, Steve had found this stupid ancient lamp at an excavation near Baghdad. After he had quit working for the contractor, Steve somehow was able to sneak this thing into this country.

Matt remembered how Steve was all smiles when he told friend this lamp was his engagement gift. However, rather than show it to Lillian, Matt wondered if a pawn shop would take this off his hands. While Matt continued to contemplate the bronze lamp in his hand, the phone rang.

Hi, buddy, Matt said. How’s it going?

(Notice how the novel provides much more information to the reader than the play. But this is done intentionally because the actors on the stage, the scenery, and the dialogue allows the audience to add their own thoughts about the story.)

In summary, the point of this is that when reading this play, use your imagination of being in the audience in the theater where this play is being presented. As you notice the stage sets, the way the actors look and act, and their dialogue, you form your impressions about the storyline and give your imaginative brain a workout.

Now sit back and relax, as the curtain opens….

ACT 1

Scene 1

Evening. Table lamp lights up on a drab living room. There is a door leading to the bathroom, and a partition to the adjoining bedroom. Small table and chair at stage left. Phone with a speaker and an ancient lamp are on the table. Phone rings.

MATT is seated on the chair, picking up the phone, with the sound going on speaker.

STEVE

Hey buddy. How’s it going?

MATT picks up the ancient lamp with his free hand, examining the object carefully.

MATT

Hey, Steve. I’m glad you called. I was just looking at this gift you gave me to share with Lillian Niven for our upcoming wedding. You said it might be an ancient lamp that you found in the desert while you were serving in Iraq.

STEVE

I think the future Mrs. Lillian Baxter will enjoy having an unusual object like that in her home.

MATT

I don’t know. I think Lillian was hoping for a toaster or something she could use. I’m sure she would not want this hunk of metal.

STEVE

(irritated)

Hey, it’s not a hunk of metal. Like I said, it might be a priceless antique. I’ve got a gut feeling about this.

MATT

You and your gut feelings.