Confessions of a Thug and a Gentleman

By Darren "Jaz " Vincent

This book is about the two completely different lives I lived, growing up in the hood and then my life after the hood, the thug and the gentleman. The hood was a dark place where drug addicts and drug dealers controlled the streets. Growing up in the hood as a kid was all about surviving. Many times I wondered where my next meal was going to com

• Language: English
• Publisher: URLink Print & Media, LLC
• Release date: Mar 11, 2019
• ISBN: 9781643671499

Darren "Jaz " Vincent

I lived in the hood for the first 27 years of my life. I got into over 300 fights during that time. I was shot and stabbed several times. After reading a couple books, I was inspired to make something of myself, not just for me but to pull others out of the hood, especially my family. I now own a successful business and most of my family is out of the hood. I also created a literary festival that celebrates literacy and several programs that help less fortunate children.

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE

Blood flowed down my face. I wanted to take action, but I couldn’t move. It was as if an invisible, dominant being was holding me. I was conscious. I could see and hear everything around me, even though the heavy blood that dripped down the right side of my face blurred my vision and limited my hearing.

A friend yelled, Let’s get ‘em, Jaz. I got your back!"

Other people in the bar stumbled over each other, rushing towards the exit. What about me? Why was I still standing in one spot? Where was my brother? Was I going to bleed to death? Who hit me?

I heard a voice, but I couldn’t see where it was coming from. The voice screamed, It was Me who gave you strength to make it this far! It was Me who kept you out of harm’s way! It was Me who kept you from spending your life in jail! Most of all, it was Me who sheltered you from death! If you don’t listen this time, you’re on your own!

My mind raced into the past. I had participated in hundreds of fights in my lifetime—professional matches, brawls at school, in bars, and on the streets. For the most part I was victorious, apart from a few broken bones, scars, and minimal jail time. Up to this point in my life I had convinced myself that I was a great fighter. I was strong and had tremendous speed. I was cunning for a person with no criminal record, and I was still healthy.

In a split second, that night at the bar, that voice sent me back in time. I thought about how I had gotten to this night. How did I come to be standing in a bar feeling as if half my face had been ripped off? My thoughts took me back to 1980. I was seven or eight years old, riding my Evel Knievel, red-white-and-blue Chopper Big Wheel on the sidewalk of Fourteenth Street in Niagara Falls, New York. The front wheel, connected by two chrome bars that seemed to glisten in the sun, stretched out about three feet in front of me. Most of the other kids had normal Big Wheels made of nothing but plastic that fell apart after a few months. Even though we were poor and living in the the hood, my mother loved to get me things the other kids didn’t have. In the hood we called this practice living ghetto fabulous.

I remember one day when I was wearing a special shirt my mother had bought me. She probably thought it made a positive fashion statement about her son but looking back I’m not sure that was the case. It was an orange-white-and-blue striped, short-sleeve shirt and I proudly sported my afro with it. At the time the shirt didn’t bother me since it was how most young kids dressed at that time, but now when I look back at old photos, that shirt really looked horrible.

Anyway, that day a man named Steve was arguing with my Godmother Joyce who lived next door to us. I slowly pedaled my Big Wheel out of my yard and headed toward the commotion. As I got closer to Steve and Joyce, I pedaled faster and then purposely ran over Steve’s foot. When I looked up and smiled, he spit on me. Joyce immediately attacked Steve with uncontrollable rage. It was a rage I was familiar with since I had witnessed my mother attack men like that on a few occasions. It always amazed me. My mother reminded me of a wolverine when she attacked. She was fast and aggressive even as she seemed to be in control and aware of her surroundings.

Soon after Joyce’s fight I returned home. The moment I walked into the house my mother screamed, Go straight to your room and take off your clothes!

It was clear to me what was going to happen. Though I couldn’t figure out what I had done wrong, I was about to get a beating. I stripped off my clothes down to my dingy white underwear. I was scared. Actually I was horrified. I shivered and paced until I heard a creak in the floor and the rattle of a belt buckle. My mother was walking through the living room that led to my bedroom. I leaped on the other side of my bed, out of reach, but with the wall behind me. My mother entered the room.

Come over here, she demanded.

I paused and began to cry. I shook my head no.

She demanded again, Now!

I was so scared I felt as though I was going into shock. I walked reluctantly around the bed toward her.

Please, Ma, I’m sorry. Don’t hit me. I won’t do it again, I cried.

Her face was motionless, but full of anger. She took a stance preparing to strike. As the belt went up, I dove to the floor as if she had already hit me. The first real hit struck like a bullet. I screamed.

She hit me faster and faster as she yelled, Didn’t I tell you to stay out of grown folks’ business?

Yes, Ma, I cried. I won’t do it again.

The pain was intolerable, but I had enough strength to think, I can’t wait ‘til this is over.

Suddenly, after about the fifth or sixth strike, she stopped. Still crying, I crawled away from within striking distance. She hit me three more times, demanding that I stop crying. I couldn’t understand why she was telling me to stop crying since it hurt.

Finally, she stopped beating me. "What did I tell you about messing with adults.

I was too scared to answer. Either way, there was a great risk of getting hit again. There was no right answer, not even the truth.

You told me stay out of grown folks’ business, I cried.

By this time, I was in a ball trying to protect the areas that she’d hit the most, mainly my arms. While she was hitting me I constantly reached up in an effort to limit the belt to only hitting my arms.

Then why did you go over there and mess with Joyce and Steve? she yelled.

I don’t know, Ma, I cried. Wrong answer! She struck me again. She demanded an answer to a question that I didn’t have a clear understanding of how to answer, so I lied. He yelled at me, I said.

If I find out you’re lying, you’re getting another whippin’, she proclaimed. She then turned and walked out of the room. I didn’t move for about ten minutes, shivering in pain. My arms were red and branded with imprints from the belt. The belt was thick with big holes. I actually felt fortunate that she didn’t use one of her thin belts; they hurt more. I couldn’t help but think that I had just set myself up again for another whippin’ by lying.

I fell asleep in the corner of my room. Late that night I was awakened by my mother. She delicately helped me off the floor. She looked heartbroken. She picked me up in a nurturing way, as if I were 3 years old. She held me close to her chest. My mother didn’t say she was sorry often, but this was most likely her way of saying it. After a few seconds she ordered me to put on my pajamas and get into bed.

The following morning, I was awakened by my mother’s voice. Get ready for school, she said.

I rushed to get my clothes together. After washing up and putting on my clothes, I yelled across the small apartment, I’ll see you later, Ma.

I tried to get to the door before I heard her yell, Come here, boy, let me see what you got on.

I walked toward her bedroom with my head down. My mother wanted to make sure I had on my snow suit. She would also put a massive amount of Vaseline on my face. She claimed it protected my face from the cold. After leaving her room I glared into the glass on the stove and witnessed my face shining like the sun.

To get to my bus stop I had to cross a field with prickly bushes and high weeds that grew between two old buildings with boarded windows. When the weather was warm, I looked for grasshoppers as I passed through this area, while at the same time trying to avoid the sting of the prickly leaves on the bushes.

Next I had to cross an alley that was paved with rocks and garbage. The alleyway was so different during the daytime. Kids were told to stay away from this alley. At night, only bums, drug addicts, and drug dealers roamed that alley. The abandoned buildings looked haunted and behind every garbage can and dumpster you could hear noises from animals that owned their spot making it even scarier. We all knew a lot of the violent crimes took place in this area.

Many of the kids were already at the bus stop when I got there, pushing and teasing each other. As the yellow bus approached, a boy about my age shoved me in order to get on the bus first. I felt something boil inside of me as he pushed me aside. He looked back at me, and I gave him a look, much like how my mother looked at me before I got a whippin’. I calmly walked up the stairs to the bus. As I passed his seat I paused, looked him in the eye and said, You’re going to pay for pushing me.

I stayed silent throughout the forty five minute bus ride to 66th Street Elementary School, edgy and anxious for the bus to stop. I stared out the window until we finally reached the school. I made sure I was close behind the boy as he got off the bus. He had walked about two feet from the bus when I leapt off the last step and onto his back. We rolled into the grass and then into a pile of mud. I punched him violently. With every blow, I seemed to become angrier. I felt almost like an enraged animal.

I was direct, aggressive, and fearless. I hit him repeatedly with everything I had.

I barely felt the hand that grabbed me from behind. I was still in a trance, overwhelmed by my emotions. It was the Principal pulling me off him. The boy stood up, embarrassed. He wasn’t crying. I could tell he was doing his best to avoid looking at me. He looked around as if he was counting how many people had witnessed the fight. The principal held me tight around my bicep and pulled me into the school. The crowd gawked at me as if I was a hero. Some cheered me on, You the man! You the man!

My emotions shifted from anger to fear as I realized the Principal was going to do what I dreaded more than anything; he was going to call my mother. It would take my mother at least an hour to get to the school since we didn’t have a car and she would have to find a ride. I wanted to express to the Principal how mad I was at him for telling on me so I began kicking his desk. He ignored me while filling out some paperwork. I bolted from the chair and ran out of his office. I ran through the hallways and ended up in the secluded boys’ locker room. Soon afterwards I heard the door open. I had nowhere to hide. Again, it was the Principal. He had a circular paddle in his right hand. It was the same kind people used to play ping-pong. He grabbed me again and put me over his lap with my stomach on his knees. I kicked and kicked, but couldn’t get loose. He struck me about four times, leaving a painful bruise on my butt. I screamed and yelled as he walked me back down to his office.

My mother arrived momentarily after we got to the office. Why is my son crying? she asked, the second she walked into the office.

The principal admitted to whippin’ me. My mother called him every word that I had been told not to say. I was shocked that she was upset with him for hitting me. Still, that night, I got a beating for lying the night before, fighting, getting my clothes muddy, getting suspended, and running from the Principal.

Confusingly, on many occasions my mother would somehow show up on site while I was fighting. If I was caught losing, she would ask me why I was fighting. If I was able to convince her that it wasn’t my fault, she demanded that I fight the boy again. She would threaten me, If you lose, you have to answer to me. If she wasn’t on the scene, and had heard that I lost a fight, she would actually wake me up to find the challenger and force me to fight him again I recall standing in front of a big poster in my bedroom. The background was black and it had colorful animals on it shaped like the alphabet. I stood in front of the poster crying and trembling. My mother stood in front of me pointing at the small letter b. She had a belt in her hand and a no-tolerance look on her face.

What is this? she asked.

It’s a ‘d,’ I cried.

She hit me with the belt. Scared for my life, I changed my answer.

It’s a ‘b.’

She moved to other letters. I did well until she asked about the small letter d. What is this? she demanded.

It’s a ‘b,’ I cried. Again she hit me with the belt.

And again, I changed my answer, It’s a ‘d.’

I wasn’t doing this for the pleasure of being hit. I had a problem with the small letters b and d, especially under this type of pressure. The quizzing and beating went on for about twenty minutes, but it felt like hours. When my mother left the room I could see the details of the belt on my arm again.

This type of behavior was normal in my home. I was scared of my mother. She was trying to teach me to be tough and smart, but the beatings were creating a monster. I was conflicted. On one hand, I was being taught to stand up for myself, make the right choices, and do it without getting mad, but on the other hand, I was taught not to stand up for myself or she would beat me.

I recall standing up to my mother once. I had to be about 9 years old. My Aunt Ellen was having a baby shower at our house. Some twenty family members came out to celebrate and give Ellen gifts for her unborn baby. My Aunt Claudia was sitting on the couch with a glass of ice in one hand and a cigarette in another. Every couple of minutes she would grab a piece of ice and put it in her mouth. The sound she made crushing the ice in her mouth sent chill bumps up my arm. Still when someone chews on ice, I get chill bumps.

Can you stop making so much noise with that ice? I asked, boldly.

I’m not sure why I said that to Claudia so boldly because she was one of my favorite aunts.

Somehow my mother heard me from the other room. She approached me with a you-know-better look on her face.

Leave grown folks alone, she snapped.

I looked around the living room and it seemed like everyone was staring at me. I felt ashamed.

Obstinately, I responded, No! shocking even myself. I was sure she wouldn’t do anything to me with so many people around. But I was wrong, this was the fearless Linda Camp. She carried switches in her pocketbook and was known to grab a branch from a tree while walking down the street. She would swiftly draw her switch from her belongings in a department store and whip me in front of a bunch of strangers. I should have known she wasn’t scared to strike me in front of relatives.

This time she came at me with so much rage that I took off running. As I jetted up the stairs, I heard footsteps behind me. I stumbled into my room and before I could look back she was already on top of me. In that short period of time she had managed to grab a weapon. She whacked me over and over with a hanger.

Help! Help me somebody, please! Help! I yelled.

But no one responded. It seemed like a long period of time passed and she was still beating me. Why wasn’t anybody helping me? Finally, three people ran upstairs and grabbed her. I will never forget the look on her face as relatives pulled her away. There was more than anger that contorted her face, it was rage. She tried to pull herself loose to attack me again. Years later as a young adult, whenever I read about a young African-American man who went off in anger for what seemed like no reason, I was reminded of my beatings. I wondered if maybe he learned this violence from being beaten the way I