Cool Burn: One Incident Can Change the Course of Your Life. Two Can Complicate It.

By Jordan Zacs

Harriet – independent, loner, plant lover, successful, respected, shy introvert. Dominic – dedicated, hard-working, gregarious, affable, life-of-the-party extrovert. When their lives cross paths for a small window of time one fateful evening, neither could have known it would lead to mutual attraction, even romance. But it did. Yet they are such different people. How can they make it work and should they even try? Do opposites really attract? Several very significant life events bring them together then threaten their relationship, their lives, their connection. Dark secrets resonate and recur throughout this enthralling tale of heartbreak, love lost and found again. Set in Australia, this heart-warming story challenges conventional thinking on life, love and romance, the power of healing and friendship and the value of being true to yourself.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris AU
• Release date: Jan 11, 2022
• ISBN: 9781669885849

Jordan Zacs

Jordan Zacs is a seventh generation Australian living in the Blue Mountains of Sydney, Australia. She is married and lives not only with her husband but a very demanding puppy. Jordan decided to leave the rat race and a very successful corporate career several years ago and now lives off her earnings as a professional sports person. She enjoys writing, gardening, boating and her impressive collection of red wines. But the one thing Jordan can’t live without is her Kindle.

Book preview

Chapter 1

T he office was comfort able.

Designer furniture, stylish chairs, large built-in bookcase along one wall that was well organised and well stocked. The type of office that Harriet had seen in countless movies which featured a therapists rooms. Devoid of personal items that could identify a home life. Or any life outside of this place. Of course she knew Penny must have one and she had considered what it might be like. But she could not quite put her finger on Penny. She was hard to read.

Now she sat opposite the woman who was wearing a pale blue straight knee length skirt, mid height beige heels, white button down sheer blouse, a hint of cleavage showing, jewellery minimal but enhancing. Professional and elegant as ever, with her notepad in hand and legs crossed, sitting back ready to listen to the drivel that Harri continued to sprout every other week. Penny was kind, intelligent and most of all calm. She imbued calmness and spoke deliberately and softly but directly. Who knew what she wrote down as Harri rambled on, answering questions that made her think and question herself? She guessed that was just the point of these sessions. To make her analyse herself and her life.

The introductory small talk had concluded for this session. They had said ‘hi’, talked weather and got the ‘nice to see you’s’ out of the way.

Harri knew the signs by now. Penny sat back and waited, poised to listen intently to whatever Harri wanted to discuss this time.

So…. I fell off my bike last week, Harri offered as a starter for today’s meeting. Technically, she had been involved in a bike accident, but it was more deliberate than that and she checked herself. She had not intended to lie to Penny. It was not in her nature. But Harriet Durant was cautious and private by nature. She played her cards close to her chest. She only revealed herself to very close friends of which she had few. And she had no close family to speak of. Penny sat pensively, doing her job just like always.

I’m sorry to hear that. Are you ok? Penny’s measured voice unwavering. Harriet was not sure if the woman in the chair opposite her really did care about her life or her welfare. She must hear thousands of sob stories and relationship nightmares every week. How could she do this all day long and not go insane. And something about today felt off already.

Yeah, I’m fine. Just a few scratches and bruises. My bike is a little worse for wear though.

Penny sat back, seemingly contemplating something momentous. Harriet noticed the set of her jaw before she spoke. And in that instant Harriet knew that Penny was going to break the rules today. It was very, very subtle but Harriet had learnt a thing or too herself about reading people and Penny’s body language today said ‘frustrated’.

"Why are you really here Harri?"

Taken aback slightly, Harriet regrouped. She leaned forward, resting her elbows on the thigh of her suit pants, hands clasped loosely between her knees. She had come straight from work. A consultation meeting in the heart of the city. Her suit jacket positioned just inside the door of Penny’s office and she glanced at it hanging on the coatrack, dangling limply.

Just how she felt now.

She contemplated the answer she should give – the right answer – one Penny might accept or the true answer? She went for the former. To talk about my issues, I guess. Isn’t it supposed to be good for you to speak with a professional about what is going on in your life?

Penny sighed.

She twisted in her chair and placed the note pad behind her on the glass desk that was her main workstation.

It is. She paused deliberately and then mimicked Harriet’s pose, leaning forward, speaking softly, with purpose. But you didn’t start coming here, what is it now, nine months ago, to tell me about falling from your motorbike this week. There is a deeper reason and I’m just wondering when we might get to that reason? Her piercing stare reached the depths of Harriet’s soul. Attempting to look into her heart. To seek out the truth.

Harriet swallowed visibly. She knew she probably had to get around to this conversation sooner or later and to be honest, she had formed the words in her mind many times, over and over, playing with how they might sound out loud. Where to start was the issue. How to explain without seeming foolish, or childish, or overdramatic or troubled. Or a nutcase. But she was troubled and confused and uncertain. That was exactly how she felt. This issue had tormented her thoughts for over a year. Finally, it had come to this. She momentarily toyed with the idea of leaving so as not to face this. Nobody in the world knew. To speak it was to make it more real. But deep down, when she searched herself, Harriet knew that it was eating her alive. Gnawing at her sanity, her gut, which did a somersault right on queue.

She sat back in the leather chair Penny provided for her patients and tried to gain some composure. To quell the tears that glassed her eyes but would not fall. Her whole life was successful but for this. It weighed her down. Had for some time. It had crept into her psyche. Invaded her sleep, every single night. She had originally come to share. With a professional like Penny. To unburden herself. But as time went by, she grew to like Penny. Imagined they might be friends one day and that changed her thinking about how Penny would view her. Even if she was one of the country’s top-notch psychologists, Harri knew Penny was a sensible woman by nature. Harri liked to be liked. This might reveal her and open her up to truths she could not face. Sometimes she felt like a monster. Depraved. Sick.

She needed to unburden but maybe not with Penny. Not with someone she respected and who appeared to respect her in return. And right there was the irony of the situation. Shouldn’t she be able to open up to someone she respected to be able to help her instead of someone with whom she had no bond. Someone of inferior skill and knowledge to Penny. It didn’t make sense, even to her.

Harriet had broken eye contact with Penny minutes ago. Her gaze reaching the full glass windows that overlooked a garden courtyard just beyond it. She momentarily had thoughts about how she could use her landscape design experience to fix that garden for Penny and the other tenants of this complex. But that was a diversion.

She re-entered the room mentally, turned her head and looked Penny in the eyes. She saw nothing but understanding and patience.

I….. she paused, looked down at her hands again as she resumed her forward sitting pose, elbows again on thighs. I ….don’t know…

More silence.

What don’t you know Harriet?

Harriet knew that when Penny used her full name instead of her usual and casual name, the name that most people knew her by, she was not going to succumb to a frivolous response this time. Harri could joke her way out of most situations. Instinctively she knew it was a ploy that was not going to work right now. Not this time.

It seemed a line had been drawn in the sand and she had choices. Stay the course and reveal herself, get out now or think some more about it. She could delay and pretend all she liked and this past nine months would have all been wasted. She felt she had made progress. Evidently Penny disagreed. And Penny just sat there waiting. Waiting for more from Harri whose throat was becoming dryer by the second.

A standoff ensued.

Harri knew she would be the first to break.

I trust you Penny. I think you are the best. Hell you came recommended as the best in your field in all of Sydney and I believe all those people who told me that. The pause was palpable because they both knew that it was going to be followed by a ‘but’.

"I’m just not sure you can fix this. I’m not sure anybody can actually. Maybe I’m wasting my time even trying." Harri let out a sigh of regret. Of defeat. She shifted in her seat, uncomfortable with what she had admitted. Perhaps she was doomed to be broken forever. Perhaps that was her fate. To be tormented until she died. To be a shadow of the person she had been before that fateful night.

Each word Penny spoke was considered.

I can never fix anything Harri and …..I can’t change the past either. I would not ever attempt to fix what you think is broken inside. That is not my job.

When she was convinced that Harriet was truly listening she continued. Her ability to maintain eye contact unnerving.

"My role is to listen first and foremost. And then to help you address the issues. Provide you with techniques to deal and cope. Only you can do that, not me. I am not here to fix anything because I don’t see someone who is broken Harri. I see a vibrant, successful, intelligent, attractive human being with the world at her feet. Someone who is having difficulty dealing with an issue right now, sure, but that issue doesn’t define you. The essence of you. Whatever it is, it is not you."

‘Damn right it’s not’, was Harri’s immediate but silent thought as she sensed that Penny almost wanted to reach out and hold her hands. Stop them from visibly shaking as they were right now. She felt completely vulnerable. As vulnerable as she had that night. That particular feeling alone scared the fuck out of her. She was changed forever after that night. She could not ever see herself as the carefree, trusting person she had been up until that point in time.

Harri sat wringing her hands together. It stopped them shaking momentarily.

I don’t know what to do. Part of me right now believes you. She again sought solace in nature, in the garden beyond the glass. And then unconscientiously looked to the wall left of Penny’s desk. The one covered in framed certificates and degrees with the name Dr Penelope Elizabeth Walsh written in fancy lettering. You may not like me very much afterward.

Penny’s calmness was comforting. Her melodious voice non-judgemental. Again Harri. It’s not my role here to like you or loathe you. I’m here to help you with whatever it is you are dealing with. My guess is that you have been trying to deal with it alone for some time. How is that working out for you?

Harri half chuckled, half scoffed. It’s not. She met Penny’s gaze.

"We have spent nine months getting to this point Harri. You’ve spent a lot of money, which I know is not an issue for you but let’s not waste that build up. We are at a cross-roads don’t you think? We can keep doing this ‘what I did last week business’ if you like. It’s entirely up to you. But from where I sit, you’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain by telling me why you really started coming to me. You know that whatever it is, you need help. You would not be here otherwise. I’m offering it. I won’t and I can’t betray your trust."

Penny had spoken candidly. She’d spoken more words today than she had in all of their sessions put together, Harri concluded when she recalled past meetings. It seemed that Penny herself had a breaking point. Or was she just finally seeing Harri for who she really was. Could she finally see through the facade that Harri had created for herself and that she had desperately tried to hide behind?

Each sentence that followed held a pause.

"I know. I trust you Penny. I do. I’m struggling. I’m out of my depth here. I’m never like this, honestly. I know I need to talk. It’s just so fucking hard. Sorry, didn’t mean to swear." The angst in Harri’s voice could not be camouflaged.

Penny smiled and sat back, uncrossed her legs. "Yes you fucking did."

Then they both smiled.

"I think we have made more progress today than we have in the past nine months Harri. It’s up to you now. When and if you make another appointment, tell Sue to make it a double. Hopefully, I’ll see you next week. You look spent. Go home and try to get some rest, although I think that has been very difficult for you for some time now."

It was as if Penny could read minds. Could look into people’s thoughts and see inside their heads. She was good – very professional. And Harri had no doubt about anything that had passed between them before or even today. It was then she resigned herself in her own mind to stop fighting. To stop clenching her gut. To stop beating herself up over something that ultimately was not her fault. For something that had besieged and tormented her for too long. She needed the nightmares to end.

Enough.

Chapter 2

O n the drive home through the north western suburbs of Sydney Harri thought. Her city meetings were over for this week and the apartment she kept in the heart of The Rocks area of Sydney, with it’s beautiful sweeping views of the iconic harbour, stretching from Milsons Point and the bridge, right across to Kirribilli and the Opera House, could stand empty for another week or so. It was convenient to own such a private place for when she travelled overseas or had meetings in the city. She always grouped those meetings into one or two days a week. Sometimes she felt guilty that it stood idle for so long but when she really needed it, it was a place of solace and familiarity. But it was not her favourite place in this city.

No, that place belonged to the cottage she was heading to now. The peak hour traffic in Sydney was horrendous at this time of the day and it was going to take her a good hour and a half, maybe two, to get home. Rather than listen to the monotonous small talk of the radio, which sometimes comforted her, Harri wanted to be alone with her thoughts today. She wanted to analyse her conversation with Penny today. That could be dangerous but it was how she felt. She wanted to complain loudly about the traffic but thoughtfully considered that she was ‘traffic’ just like everybody else here.

She looked across at the occupants of the other cars struck in the big hairy caterpillar of traffic. What were their lives like? Where were they heading to right now? What had they been doing all day? What troubled them? Of one thing she was certain. It could not be anything like the thoughts that troubled her because she had never ever heard of such a thing happening to anyone else in the world.

Because of her accident on Tuesday evening, Harri was driving her four wheel drive Lexus today. It was very late winter and soon daylight savings time would kick in for the east coast of Australia. But it was still relatively light outside, despite the latish hour and warm for this time of year. Harriet loved the sunroof open and even in bumper to bumper traffic the fresh warm air that it provided was welcomed over car air-conditioning. In the air, there was still a slight perfume of eucalypts that lined the road. Her aviators would be required for another ten minutes or so and the feel of the breeze in her dark shoulder length and now, slightly windswept hair, was comforting. She hunched her shoulders up and down a couple of times to ease some of the tension in her back. On second thoughts she didn’t want to consider her conversation with Penny tonight. Anything but that. So, to distract herself, she re-lived last Tuesday night in her mind.

Tuesday evening had been misty, a slight drizzle in the early afternoon had left the city steamy. Harri had worked all day at the nursery and needed an outlet. She needed to blow off some of her own steam. And as was her want, she needed some speed. To do that safely and without detection, she waited until 9.30pm and for darkness, before donning her leathers and hitting the road. Her Harley was a family heirloom, handed down from her grandfather and she treasured it as much as she treasured her relationship with both of her grandparents, now long gone but never forgotten. She had named him, without any creativity whatsoever, Harley. He was black and sleek and fast. A 1966 stock Electra-Glide model, he had an extra quiet dual muffler, a buddy seat and crash bars.

She took it easy around the outer suburbs of the north-west, as familiar to Harri as the back of her hand. Through the townships of Annangrove and Vineyard. Once, when she was growing up, these areas were laced with hobby farms, market gardens and horse studs. And to be fair some of it still was. But now the city was encroaching on her life and she lamented that progress would probably soon see her neighbours sell up and leave, taking the small fortunes that developers would offer for their acreages, turning them into more urban sprawl. She headed toward Windsor and the long stretches of open road that existed beyond that. Through Freeman’s Reach where the roads were straight, the cabbage and lettuce farms ringed the roadside and where she could open the throttle on Harley and let him loose. Late in the evenings traffic was non-existent out here and all she really had to worry about was a stray roo or wombat. Even they were rare to see nowadays.

She loved the wind on her face, though it buffeted her full helmet and visor. The evening cool could not reach her through full leathers, even her gloves were completely resistant to the penetrating chill from the elements. Out here she felt completely free. Free from stress, heartache and concern for anything but the road ahead. Ok she had been booked for speeding once or twice over the years but the fines were worth the thrills. And, it helped that most of the coppers knew her now. One or two of them lived close to home and she had actually attended school with at least one guy, many moons ago.

At thirty one she was lucky enough to be healthy, successful and comfortably off, so for that she was grateful. Many of her friends had settled down and were now married with kids, some had gone overseas and stayed, only visiting for the big holidays like Christmas. And when they caught up with each other it was riotous, to say the least. While she looked forward to those times, she recognised that she was essentially a loner. Harri very much enjoyed the solace of being her own boss and doing virtually what she wanted, when she wanted. And for the past year she had particularly shied away from big gatherings and social occasions, preferring her own company. There was something to be said for working hard and being a hermit for the rest of the time. She still did Sunday afternoons at the pub with the gang, most of the time, but that was different. She knew all of them. And not to attend would have brought even greater scrutiny of her lifestyle upon her. So she kept up the pretence of social butterfly on Sundays to ward off undue attention from close friends and staff.

But last Tuesday evening things took a different turn. Harri cruised through the township of Wilberforce. She would complete the loop towards home, up through Sackville and when she reached Maroota North, she’d swing right and take the trail back through Glenorie and Arcadia to Plumridge and home. The cobwebs had well and truly been blown from Harley’s motor. He was purring as usual, the rumble of his finely tuned motor between her thighs sent shivers up her spine sometimes.

Just before she got to Kenthurst, Harri decided to extend the trip just a little and took a left to take in the sights and sounds of Galston. It wasn’t exactly the smartest idea since it was so dark out here due to the absence of artificial street lighting. She had not been along here for a few years.

She slowed to fifty kilometres as she hit the outskirts of the village, deciding that at 11pm in the evening there was probably no need but her conscience kicked in. There was literally nobody in the streets, not a car or truck in sight. An occasional fruit bat shadowed the night sky.

As she rounded a slight bend at the very edge of the township, things changed dramatically. The pub was closed. In fact everything was closed. But outside on the footpath of the Royal Hotel there seemed to be plenty of activity. Not the nice kind.

Two guys propped up another man by the arms, his body slumping between them while, from what she could see, another bloke was laying into that same guy with a baseball bat. She pretended not to notice. She continued on her way, eyes straight ahead. Self-preservation should have been her top priority. But a hundred and fifty metres down the road her social justice conscious leaped into gear. She could hear her grandparents’ voices. Whatever the reason for the fight, it clearly wasn’t fair. She knew that to keep riding was the smart thing to do. After all she was a woman and those guys, dressed completely in black and looking rough and menacing, would have the drum on most other people from the looks of them. But reason didn’t always win in her mind. Sometimes you had to go with your gut. Her gut said go back and help. She slowed and did a U turn. She formulated a quick plan in her head.

They were still on the footpath and she knew that to approach slowly was to allow them time to think and adjust. She could not risk that. Harri, at reasonable speed approached the group, opening the throttle so that Harley’s motor was the loudest of noises on this relatively quiet night. Should wake a few locals too. Mentally she apologised to him for what she was about to do.

Without real fear of the consequences, something which she never allowed herself to do in business, she mounted the footpath and aimed at the guy with the bat. Within about a metre of him the guy dropped his bat. Harri planted Harley’s front wheel, spinning the back of the bike 180 degrees, dropping Harley to the ground and pivoting into the legs of the attacker. His surprise was highlighted by his ungodly cry of pain as she heard at least one of his legs snap in two and he fell backwards into some wooden bench tables and chairs that were chained to the outside wall of the pub. Harley hit the deck in the slide and was going to be scraped up pretty badly too. And her right hand had hit the turf pretty hard in the process, skinning her arm just below the elbow, even through her leathers. She winced and mentally whispered the word ‘Fuck’ to herself as she manoeuvred Harley upright and planted one foot back on the foot pedal for balance. Now facing the other two guys she revved him hard as if to suggest she was gunning for them too. It didn’t take much for them to drop their grip on their victim and run for cover, hightailing it around the far corner of the pub and into the adjoining street. It gave Harri just enough time to nod at the battered guy who had slumped down on cracked concrete which was now splattered with blood. As he looked up, dazed but realising that she was on his side, she motioned with a flick of her head again for him to mount the bike behind her. Blood streaked his face and she could only imagine what other serious injuries he had incurred at the hands of that baseball bat. But this was their limited opportunity to flee the scene while these hooligans were shocked and hurt.

He got the message loud and clear. His stood on wobbly legs and his first attempt to swing onto the back of Harley was a dismal failure and Harri’s mouth was in her throat as he finally got his jeans clad leg over on a second try, dreadful and painful moaning emanating from his mouth as he clung to her waist and she took off. Jumping the kerb on Harley caused him even more discomfort as she heard yet another loud grunt and she just hoped that he had the strength and stamina to hang on tight and last until the next town. Harri felt his head slumped forward in the middle of her back. While she rode quickly, checking her mirrors to see that they weren’t being followed, she felt his grip tighten slightly and prayed that he would not fall before they made it to safety.

Just after 11.30pm she circled the emergency driveway of Norwest hospital and parked up. Her passenger was conscious but groggy. He seemed to realise it was time to leave. Half stepping, half falling, he landed on his side with another grunt on the concrete pavement outside the glass sliding doors, blood covering his jeans, t-shirt and leather bomber jacket. He was still bleeding and hunched up on the ground but he was alive, something he might not have been if she had ignored the fight. There seemed to be a few nurses or orderlies inside who witnessed his unceremonious dismount and the fact that he remained curled up in a ball. They began to move toward him. Harri knew it was her turn to move too. She gunned Harley into action and raced away from the scene just as those glass doors opened. There was nothing more she could do. She hoped he’d be ok but essentially she felt she’d gone above and beyond to get him out of that melee. As it was, she already knew that Harley was going to need some serious repairs and she might need some too. Her grandfather would be turning over in his grave about what she had done to Harley tonight. But it was for a worthy cause. Harri felt she had done enough. She had no desire to get involved any more than completely necessary. It would only complicate matters. No need for further intervention. She was confident in her anonymity.

*

Comfortable in her Lexus this evening, Harriet shivered at the memory of that night. Now as she drove past the completely empty nursery carpark, Connie waved enthusiastically. Harri pulled up alongside her as Connie leaned towards her Lexus.

You’re home later than usual. Traffic bad? Connie smiled

Yeah, like a carpark. And you’re leaving late too, as usual. Feel like a coffee.

If I have a coffee now love, I’ll be up all night staring at the ceiling. A wine could do it for me though. Connie was the most easy-going, affable friend Harri knew, despite their age difference, and she loved her for that alone.

Jump in. I think I might have some of that wine stuff of which you speak. Harri joked.

Only got time for one. Connie sighed as she jumped into the passenger seat. Fred will be waiting for me to start dinner and you know what he’s like when he gets hangry. They both smiled.

Harri cruised slowly past the carpark and into the very next driveway, down a long white gravel drive rimed with low growing plants of all kinds, specifically designed to provide glimpses of the manicured lawn spaces. Her grandparents had established the gardens many years ago and while they could do with a bit of modernising Harri didn’t have