Don't Look for Me: A Novel

By Wendy Walker

A New York Public Library Best Book of the Year
“A twisty, hair-raising tale.”– Newsweek
"A fast-paced psychological drama." – GMA.com
“Compulsively readable.” – PopSugar
"Reinforces Walker’s place at the top of the genre." – Publishers Weekly (starred review)
"Addictive." – A.J. Finn, New York Times bestselling author of The Woman in the Window
"Gripping." – Adrian McGinty, New York Times bestselling author of The Chain

They said she walked away. But what really happened to Molly Clarke?
From the bestselling author of All Is Not Forgotten comes a compelling and emotionally powerful story of a daughter's desperate search to find her mother before it's too late.

They called it a “walk away.” The car abandoned miles from home. The note found at a nearby hotel. The shattered family. It happens all the time. Women disappear, desperate to start over. But what really happened to Molly Clarke?

The night Molly disappeared began with a storm, running out of gas, and a man offering her a ride to safety. But when the doors lock shut, Molly begins to suspect she has made a terrible mistake.

A new lead brings Molly’s daughter, Nicole, back to the small, desolate town where her mother was last seen to renew the desperate search. The locals are sympathetic and eager to help. The innkeeper. The bartender. Even the police. Until secrets begin to reveal themselves and Nicole comes closer to the truth about that night—and the danger surrounding her.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Macmillan Publishers
• Release date: Sep 15, 2020
• ISBN: 9781250198723

Wendy Walker

Wendy Walker is the author of the psychological suspense novels All Is Not Forgotten, Emma in the Night, The Night Before, Don’t Look for Me, American Girl, and What Remains. Her novels have been translated into twenty-three foreign languages, topped bestseller lists both nationally and abroad, and have been optioned for television and film. Wendy holds degrees from Brown University and Georgetown Law School. She has worked as a family law attorney, investment banker, and spent several years training for competitive figure skating.

Book preview

1

Day one

The sky grows dark as I drive.

I tell myself to concentrate, to focus on the two narrow lanes of smooth, black asphalt and the double yellow lines that divide them.

The road feels like a tunnel, carved between walls of brown cornfields which flank the road on both sides and go on as far as the eye can see. Darkness now hovers above and below, and from side to side. It’s everywhere.

I hear the woman on the radio talk of the storm, but she is muted by thoughts that will not relent as the events of this terrible day unravel in my mind.

This stretch of Route 7 passes through an endless chain of small New England towns—not the quaint villages farther south, but the old industrial hubs that have been left to decay.

Neglected farmland, dilapidated houses, abandoned factories—they stand like tombstones. I wonder where people live. Where they buy groceries. Where they work and go out to dinner. Why they don’t leave.

The unease causes my shoulders to rise and my back to straighten. It’s the same every time I pass through. These towns will haunt me well into the night.

There’s a gas station up ahead. The Gas n’ Go. It sits at the intersection of Route 7 and an eerie road that leads to the heart of one of these towns. I have never been down that road, and I don’t ever intend to. Still, this seems to be the spot where outsiders find themselves in need of gas as they journey from southern Connecticut into western Massachusetts. There must be half a dozen boarding schools and small colleges which are accessed from Route 7. Sometimes I recognize cars, even faces, when I have to stop.

And I will have to stop today. The gas light has been on for miles now.

After the Gas n’ Go, it’s two hours to my home at the southern end of the state. I have already passed the green welcome sign. Welcome to Connecticut.

Home.

It will be just after nine. My husband, John, will likely be out. At the gym. At work. Having drinks with a friend. My daughter, Nicole, will also be out somewhere. Anywhere that’s not near me. She just turned twenty-one so she has options now. Options that keep me up at night, watching the clock. Listening for the door.

The dogs will bark and jump on my coat. They’ll only want food. They save their affection for my husband. He was the one who brought them home after Annie died, so they’ve been his dogs more than mine.

The house will smell like Fantastik and lavender dryer sheets because it’s Thursday, and on Thursday the cleaners come. I wonder if they’ll remember to clear the ashes from the fireplace in our bedroom. It’s late October and cold enough for a fire. John likes to sit in bed with the fire burning while he watches television. He had one going last night. He was asleep by the time I made it up the stairs, though now I remember that the fire had a fresh log. Conclusions are quick to follow and one hand now covers my gaping mouth.

Am I too sensitive? Am I just being too me, too Molly? I hear these thoughts with John’s voice. Stop being so Molly. He has come to use my name as an adjective that allows him to dismiss me. But, no—I’m not wrong about the log on the fire. He was pretending to be asleep.

The day unravels and I can’t stop my thoughts.

My son, Evan, attends one of the boarding schools off this road. He was recruited as a freshman to play football. He’s a junior now, and a starting lineman this season. I make this trip every other Thursday to watch his home games. The season is half over and they are leading the ranks. They may win the entire league this year.

The drive is four hours each way. John tells me I’m crazy to make the trip twice a month. He tells me Evan doesn’t care. Nicole has harsher words for me. She tells me Evan doesn’t want me there. That I embarrass him by going. That he’s not a little boy anymore and he doesn’t need his mommy watching him play.

He has changed. She’s right about that. He knows the power he has on the field. I hadn’t seen it before today. It was in his stance, his walk. It was in his eyes.

And it was in his cruelty. I wonder when that began. If it’s new. Or only new that I can see it.

I waited for him outside the field house where the team enters the locker room. I picture him now, as the day plays out again, slowly, painfully.

How he walked with his friends, the enormous bag hanging over his shoulder, high-tops unlaced, baseball hat turned backward, and a mischievous smile that probably had something to do with talk about a girl.

In that moment, before his eyes caught sight of me and his face changed, I felt my heart fill with pride.

These thoughts come, and like the log on the fire, they don’t go. My boy, my sweet Evan, the easy middle child, walking like he owned the world. A smile pulled clear across my face as I waited for his eyes to turn and see me at the door.

And they did turn. And they did see.

And then they widened and looked away. He grew closer, and still, they did not return to me. He positioned himself between two of his friends and passed through the door, leaving me in awe of his dismissiveness.

It is just now, one hundred and eleven miles later, that I feel the bite of it.

My vision blurs. I wipe away tears. Christ, I hear John. Stop being so Molly! He’s a teenager.

But the thought won’t leave, this image of his back turned as he walked into the building.

I look up at the dark clouds stirring in the sky and see the sign for the Gas n’ Go sitting atop a giant pole. The storm is a hurricane. I am driving right into its path.

John said this was another reason I shouldn’t make the trip today. The school could cancel the game if the storm got too close, and even if they didn’t, I would surely run into it on the way home.

The storm, Evan not caring.

And Annie. He stopped short of saying it, but the words lingered between us.

Today is the anniversary of her death. Five years ago, on this day, we lost our youngest child. She was nine years old.

No. I will not think of Annie. I will not go backward. I will go forward.

Put one foot in front of the other.

I learned this in grief counseling. I used to be a middle school science teacher, where the focus is on learning to analyze problems by breaking them down into pieces and forming hypotheses—so I studied the grief this way. Objectively. Clinically. We are not wired to witness the death of a child. To endure it. To survive it. But like every other human defect, we have used science to outsmart our own biology. We can take a brain that is shredded ear to ear and we can put it back together with mantras like this one. Mantras that have been tested in clinical trials. Vetted in peer articles and TED Talks and now appear in self-help books.

You just put one foot in front of the other, Molly. Every day, just one more step.

Had I not had other children to care for, I would not have been able to take these steps. I would have died. Let myself die. Found a way to die. The pain was not survivable. And yet I survived.

Forward.

But the day continues to unravel, back now, to the morning.

Nicole was just coming in from one of her nights. I don’t know where she slept. Her skin has gone pale, her hair long and unruly. She’s become lean from running. She runs for miles and miles. She runs until she is numb, head to toe. Inside and out. Then she sleeps all day. Stays out all night. She is a lean, fierce, unruly warrior. And yet the pain still gets inside her.

Where have you been all night? I asked. The usual exchange followed, about how this was none of my business … but it was my business because she’s living in my house and what about her GED class and trying to dig herself out of this hole … but it’s my fault she’s in the hole; she’s in the hole because of Annie and her grief and because not everyone can just get over it … but when is she going to stop using her sister’s death as an excuse for getting expelled from her private school senior year, never going back?

She shrugged, looked me straight in the eye. When did she become like this? This soldier, ready to fight off anyone who comes too close?

What about you? When are you going back to work? she asked.

She likes to remind me that I, too, stopped living—breathing, yes, but not really living.

I had no response to my daughter this morning. I had no response to my son this afternoon.

I didn’t even see Evan after the game. I waited by the door but he must have gone out a different way. I almost marched straight to his dorm to tell him what I thought of his behavior. To do what a mother does when she knows she’s right and when her child needs to learn a lesson.

The sign for the Gas n’ Go grows closer, the clouds darker as these thoughts come. I didn’t find him. I didn’t do what I now think a mother should have done. A good mother.

Suddenly, I know why.

The car slows. I step on the gas, but it doesn’t respond.

I am not a good mother.

I can’t hold them back now, the thoughts of my dead child. Annie. Not that they ever really leave me. They are always lurking, hiding, wearing disguises so I don’t see them as they sneak up.

I steer to the shoulder. The wheel is stiff. The car is dead. When it stops, I try the ignition, but it won’t turn over.

I see the message on the dashboard. I have run out of gas.

How long has the light been on? I have been preoccupied by this day. By these thoughts. John was right. I should not have made this trip. Not today.

I look down Route 7 and see the entrance for the station. It can’t be more than thirty feet. The wind whips hard, rocking the car. I can see the rain coming on an army of clouds. A blanket closing over the sky. I can’t tell how far away they are. How much time I have.

Thoughts exploding. Heart pounding. What have I done?

Now comes the thought about the fire last night. We have four fireplaces in our house, all of them wood burning. I have been making fires and stoking fires since we moved there twelve years ago. I know what a log looks like when it’s just been placed on top of the flames.

I have no umbrella, just a flimsy jacket. I put it on anyway. I reach for my purse and tuck it inside. It’s only thirty feet.

I open the door, get out, close it behind me. And I run, clutching the purse. I run into the wind which is more powerful than I imagined.

I run and think about that log which had just been put there—last night—on the fire. John wasn’t asleep. John was pretending to be asleep so he wouldn’t have to see me, even just long enough to say good night.

It’s not the first time.

Flashes of the fight with Nicole break free as my body pushes through the wind. We fight every day now.

Open your eyes!

The fight had been so fast and furious, I had not processed each word. But I do now.

They are open. I see you clear as day, Nicole.

Not to me. To your own husband!

I can’t see what’s right in front of me. He never comes home for dinner. He pretends to be asleep when I come into our bedroom.

My husband doesn’t love me anymore. My husband loves someone else.

This thought feels old, like a jagged stone I’ve been carrying in my coat pocket, trying to rub it smooth. But no matter how much I dig my fingers in, the edges never soften.

And then, the words I had not heard before, but had felt many times. Still, hearing them from my own daughter twisted the knife.

I hate you!

Tears fall as I run.

Annie. Wispy blond hair resting on delicate shoulders. Big, round eyes and long lashes. I can still feel her in my arms. Her life just beginning. Annie.

Annie!

And now I know why the thoughts have all come. They have been leading me to this one, last thought. This naked admission.

I am not a good mother because I did not drive four hours to watch my son play football so that he would feel loved. I drove four hours so that I could feel loved.

The log in that fireplace. My daughter’s words. I hate you.

Evan was all that was left. I had to see his face, see him thriving, so I could validate my life.

Gasps of breath. The wind is strong and the air cold. My lungs are on fire.

Maybe Evan knew. Maybe he could sense it seeping from my skin. The need I wanted him to fill which must have felt like poison. A mother shouldn’t need things from her child.

I caused Nicole’s demise. She is certain of it and it now feels real, though disorienting. I went to my son under false pretenses, caused him pain. Caused him to lash out with cruelty. My husband pretends to sleep so he won’t have to look at me.

Yes, I think as the grief spins violently in my head. I am a bad mother. This is an objective fact. There’s no way around it.

I let a child die.

I am at the entrance to the Gas n’ Go. I look up and see there are no cars. No lights on inside the store. Orange cones stand in front of the pumps.

The rain comes suddenly. The blanket covering the sky is now a broken dam. It’s dark but I can still see the writing on a cardboard sign. Closed for storm!

I stop and let the rain wash over me as I stare at these words.

Evan, Nicole, John. I am a burden to them now because they don’t love me. Because they can’t love me.

It’s been five years to this very day that they stopped.

Five years since Annie died.

Five years since she ran into the road.

Five years since I struck her with my car. Since I killed her.

Tears, rain, wind. I walk a few paces to the intersection, to the road, Hastings Pass, that leads to the town. There is nothing but pavement and dirt riding over hills, and the dead cornstalks in fields that go on and on. Not another car in sight.

The hurricane is a category four. That’s what they said on the radio. I remember the voices now. I remember the name of this town. Hastings. I have driven into the eye of the storm. I hear the mantra in my head. Don’t give up. I feel the weight of my guilt like a rock I hold above my head. How I fight to keep it from falling. I think now that maybe it’s time. Maybe I can just let it fall.

Maybe I can just walk away.

These words bring a sudden, jarring euphoria.

Walk away. Just walk away.

The road with the brown cornfields, darkened by the angry storm, is now a thing of beauty. An oasis. An escape. My legs begin to move, pulling my body. My mind is in a trance. Sedated by these words and the promises they offer.

You can leave all of this behind.

You can start again.

You can put down the rock, the burden you carry.

I walk along this road until I am part of the storm. Numb to the wet. Numb to the cold. Numb to the truth about the promises. And for the first time since I killed my child I am at peace.

Please let me go. Let me walk away. I feel the words in my head like a prayer.

Please, they whisper. Don’t look for me.

I don’t know how long I walk, or how far, when I see light coming from behind. I turn to find headlights moving slowly toward me. They’re high and bright. It’s a truck of some kind. Tall but also long. And in spite of the trance I am in and the peace it has brought, I feel both of my arms rise above my head and wave wildly, the purse still clutched in one hand.

The truck pulls in front of me and comes to a stop.

I walk closer until I am inches beside the passenger window. There are two figures inside.

I make a shield with my hand, just above my eyes to keep the rain from my face. I lean in closer and see the window come down a few inches.

The storm’s coming, you know—you shouldn’t be out here. It’s a man’s voice. Friendly. But also urgent. Do you want a ride to town?

Another voice calls from the truck. The window comes down a few more inches.

The voice of a little girl. The face of an angel.

Well? Do you or don’t you? she asks.

I stare at her, at her blond hair and bright eyes, and beyond her to the man.

I stare at her, this young girl, and, God help me, for a split second I see my dead child.

And then I see this road for what it truly is. A mirage. An illusion. And the words that caused my legs to carry me away from my life—liars. Their promises nothing more than cheap deceptions.

The guilt will never leave me. I will never leave my family.

Yes, I say.

The passenger window of the truck closes and the girl disappears. But now I hear the click of the locks opening. I reach for the handle of the door to the second row, desperate to be out of the storm. Desperate to get back to my family. To forget what I have almost done. This storm might have killed me. The wind and the cold. Then the guilt would be theirs to carry. John, Nicole, Evan. How could I be that selfish after everything I’ve already done to them? I will never think of it again.

I climb inside, close the door. Relief fighting with despair.

And before I can clear the rain from my eyes and see what’s really before me, I hear the click again. The doors locking.

Locking shut.

2

Day thirteen

The phone rang. Stopped. Rang again.

Nicole Clarke awoke, felt a body beside her. It didn’t stir.

The ringing was loud. The daylight bright, even through closed eyes. Remorse crept in as her hand reached toward the sound.

She pulled the phone to her ear, eyes pinching tightly together, then moved herself closer to the edge of the bed so she was no longer touching the stranger she’d brought home.

She managed a hello. Her voice was hoarse.

Nicole Clarke? a woman asked. She seemed nervous. I’m calling about the disappearance of a woman in Hastings.

The name of that town. Adrenaline, nausea. Nic didn’t answer.

Then came the flashes from the night before.

Vodka shots … the man at the end of the bar … now in her bed.

She’d told him to leave in the early morning hours. Or maybe she’d passed out before she could.

The woman continued.

My name is Edith Moore. I hope this is the right thing to do, but I may have something … I may know something about that woman—your mother, right?

The man groaned, draped a heavy arm over her chest. Nic pushed it aside.

There had been a moment last night when his arms couldn’t hold her tight enough. Now they repulsed her. It was always the same.

She rolled onto her side and pulled her knees to her stomach. Hold on, she said, waiting for the nausea to recede.

The calls about her mother had begun to slow. Most of the crazies had moved on to other things. Other ways to feed their appetite for attention. The psychologist had explained it to them, why people feel drawn to these stories, to other people’s grief, and why they seek ways to get involved even if they muddy the search for the truth with their lies. Their made-up stories. Their bullshit.

There was also the reward money. A million dollars for her mother’s safe return. Five hundred thousand for tips leading to her whereabouts. Nothing brought out a liar like cash. Her father had hired an investigator to manage the tips.

The woman continued.

I live in Schenectady, which is two hours from Hastings—over the border into New York. I was on my way home from a trip to Manhattan. I met some girlfriends there. That’s why I was on the road.

Nic began with the questions that would likely end the conversation. What day? What time? What road?

The callers never did their homework. They usually got the town right. Sometimes the make and model of her mother’s car—an Audi Q5, light blue. Stopped just before the gas station.

Edith Moore rattled off the answers. It was the last one that made Nic pay closer attention.

Hastings Pass.

Most people said they’d seen Molly Clarke on Route 7. That was where her car was found. That was the road that led to the casino where her credit card was used. It was always the best guess for the crazies. And the liars.

This was something new.

What were you doing on Hastings Pass? Nic asked. Her tone was harsh. It’s completely out of the way if you were heading to Schenectady from Manhattan.

Nic knew every inch of that town. Hastings. She knew every road, every field, every abandoned well her mother might have fallen down as she sought cover from the hurricane.

I was trying to stop for the night because of the storm. There’s a place there, the Hastings…

Hastings Inn. Nic was sitting up now.

Yes—the Hastings Inn. I got to the inn around seven, but it was already boarded up. I knew I had to get out of the storm path, so I turned around, back toward Route 7. I was on Hastings Pass and I think I drove right past your mother.

Now came another voice. The man in her bed who’d overstayed his welcome. Who’s on the phone?

Nobody … you need to go.

Nic waved at him, then toward the door, then to his clothes littered across the carpet of her bedroom. When he looked at her with confusion, she made it clearer.

Please—just get out. But then, I’m sorry.

She said it again. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, until he started to move.

And she was sorry. For last night and the nights before and the nights to come. She was sorry for so many nights since Annie died.

Back to the woman on the phone.

Why didn’t you come forward sooner? It’s been two weeks.

Like I said, I don’t live in the area. And I don’t really follow the news. But then a few days ago, I was catching up with one of the friends I met in the city and she asked me if I got caught in the storm, and then she mentioned a woman who went missing.

Nic listened carefully as she watched the man move about the room, grabbing a shirt, pants, underwear. These nights had to stop.

She knew they wouldn’t.

Edith Moore continued, her voice trembling with excitement. I looked up the story on the Internet and I just knew it was her! I saw her on that road. Hastings Pass—not Route 7. She was about a mile down the road. The rain had begun. She was soaking wet.

Nic rested her head in one hand as the facts from the case flooded out.

The car abandoned just before the gas station.

Out of gas.

Nothing inside but her cell phone, attached to the charger.

Every field, every home, everywhere searched and searched.

Then, two days later, her credit card used at a nearby casino resort.

And her clothes, still wet, found in the hotel room—along with the note.

The note which explained everything—and nothing.

And you didn’t stop? You didn’t help her? Nic asked.

The woman rambled on about how she slowed to a crawl, but then a truck came from the other direction.

A truck?

Yes. It was a pickup truck. Dark color. It stopped and she got in.

Nic was on her feet, then quickly buckled over.

I read everything I could find, the woman said. "About the car found the next morning and the gas station closed and then the winds and blackout. Oh, and how the town searched for her everywhere until they found that gut-wrenching note in a hotel room. Your poor mother and everything she’d been through. And then the case was closed, or reclassified, I think it said. They were calling it a ‘walk away’ in the

Reviews for Don't Look for Me

[irenecole · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Molly Clarke is living her life buried under the constant pain of her grief, and I felt it. Her days are endless guilt and torment. Knowing that her husband doesn't love her anymore but still loving him anyway. Believing that her children would be better off without her, and they certainly act as if they wish she were gone. It is on one such night, in the height of a storm, when she considers the possibility of walking away from her life. That is the question, should she stay or should she go? But that choice is taken from her, it is not she who decides whether she will return home on this night. I loved probably the first half of this book. I believed in Molly and her pain was real to me. The twists and turns took my breath away, but as we reached the final reveal the reasoning behind what happened to Molly felt foolish and senseless, and largely disappointing.
3 out of 5 stars
I received an advance copy for review.

[jenn88-1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Molly Clarke's car is found abandoned miles from home, her phone is left behind. She has left a note at a nearby hotel. She has simply walked away from her life, her family. But someone isn't convinced that's what really happened.

I love the cover. This is an author, for me, that I already know the book is going to be good before I even crack the cover. I wasn't disappointed. I loved everything about this one - the characters are three-dimensional, the setting is a little eerie, the situations are heartbreaking. The writing is great and the whole story flows well. I couldn't wait to find out what was going on! It was twisty and I didn't see anything coming. A page-turner that kept me reading until early morning.

Thank you to Netgalley and St. Martin's Press for an ARC.

[chymerra · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I have had Don’t Look for Me on my TBR for a long time. I originally had gotten it as an ARC before the pandemic started. I ended up not reading it because I got overwhelmed with being stuck inside and teaching three heartbroken kids. I didn’t read anything for almost a year (until I sent my youngest back to school). So why review Don’t Look for Me now? It was two things. The first one: I decided to try and clean up any/all of my NetGalley reviews from that period (and earlier this year, yikes). If I had to pay for the book, it was all good; I’ll pay for it (which ties in with the second thing). The second: I decided to get Kindle Unlimited. The first thing I did was go through all sixty-something books and download what was on KU. And that brought me to reading and reviewing Don’t Look for Me. I absolutely couldn’t put this book down!! It was that good!!Don’t Look for Me had two exciting storylines. One storyline follows Nicole and her quest to find her missing mother, Molly. As she digs into Molly’s disappearance, she sees similarities to another woman who went missing ten years previously. What is the connection between the disappearances?The second storyline follows Molly, the events leading up to her kidnapping, and what happened to her afterward. Molly is drowning in guilt over her nine-year-old daughter’s accidental death four years ago. That death shattered her family, who all blamed her. The night she is kidnapped, Molly accepts a ride from a stranger with a daughter the same age her daughter was when Molly accidentally killed her. That ride leads to her imprisonment. As Molly plans to escape, she is forced to deal with her daughter’s death. Will Molly escape?Don’t Look for Me is a fast-paced book set in the fictional town of Hastings, Connecticut. This book starts a little slow. That allowed the author to explain Molly’s backstory. Once the author explained, the book picked up the pace and didn’t slow until the explosive end.The characters in Don’t Look for Me were not likable. I cannot stress this enough. Except for Molly, I was not too fond of any of the main characters. Each character had complex issues the author could go into without taking away from the storylines.Molly—My heart broke for her. I want to clarify; she was the only character in this book I liked. She didn’t deserve the scorn and hatred of her husband and children over what happened. It. Was. An. Accident. I cannot stress this enough. I loved seeing her gradually come to terms with her child’s death and her role in it. I also liked that she resolved not to leave Alice behind when she finally escaped. Of course, she used her resources as a chemistry teacher to do something I had no idea could be done. Honestly, I wanted to google it but was afraid I would get put on some watch list….lol.Nicole—I didn’t like her. Scratch that; I couldn’t stand her. The things she said to Molly during their last confrontation were horrible. She self-medicated with alcohol and sex. I figured out why she was doing that early in the book. But, as much as I didn’t like her, I did like her resolve to find Molly. Nicole had seen something in Molly’s notes that changed everything, and she was determined to bring her home. But, she was like a bull in a china shop with her investigation.Jared Reyes—-He was shady AF. Right from the get-go, I didn’t like him. He was almost too helpful to Nicole. It made me wonder what he was hiding. I did think his backstory was awful. It made his dedication to his job and Chief Watkins understandable. Still, I thought something was off with him.Alice—She annoyed me. No nine-year-old talked the way she did. I have a nine-year-old, and I know she doesn’t have the vocabulary that Alice did. I also thought she was very messed up. She kept bringing up Molly’s dead daughter and telling Molly how bad Molly was for causing her death. I had a WTF moment while reading that. What typical nine-year-old would say that?The secondary characters in Don’t Look for Me added the extra oomph that the book needed. The author did a great job of having them cast red herrings all over the place.Don’t Look for Me fit perfectly into the psychological thriller genre. I also thought it fit into the mystery genre (Molly’s disappearance).The author amazingly wrote the storyline with Molly, her kidnapping, her family, and her youngest daughter’s death. I did not figure out who kidnapped Molly. So, when it was revealed at the end of the book, I was shocked. As for her youngest daughter’s death, I was heartbroken by how much pain Molly was in. And I was disgusted by how her husband and surviving children treated her. DISGUSTED!!! There was a point in this plotline that I wondered if Molly would have been better off staying with the kidnapper and Alice.The storyline with Nicole, Molly’s kidnapping, and her detective work was also as well written as Molly’s. I didn’t like Nicole, but I understood she was hurting. I also understood that she felt guilt over Molly disappearing and blamed herself. I enjoyed reading about her working through her emotions and realizing that she might need help. She was a good detective. I didn’t see the twist in her plotline coming, either. That also took me by surprise.The storyline with Molly, Alice, and the kidnapper was exciting but less interesting than the other two main storylines. Again, another twist in this book took me by surprise. I didn’t expect what happened to happen.The end of Don’t Look for Me was chaotic. The author brought together and then closed everything storyline in the book. She did it in such a way that I was left satisfied as a reader. I loved the epilogue but didn’t like what Molly felt she had to or wanted to do. But it was a closure I didn’t know I needed until I read it.I recommend Don’t Look for Me to anyone over 21. There is language, mild to moderate violence, and sexual situations.I want to thank NetGalley, St. Martin’s Press, and Wendy Walker for allowing me to read and review this book. I got this book first as an ARC and then downloaded it on KU to read.

[jynell-71874 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

In Wendy Walker’s Don’t Look for Me, the main character Molly is battling depression and fallout with her family after a tragic accident. When she comes up missing, will anyone even miss her?

Did Molly run away from her family or did something more sinister take place on that stretch of deserted road with a hurricane bearing down? Did Molly write the note telling her family not to look for her?

While others may have given up on Molly, her daughter picks up the cold trail and learns that everyone has their secrets... and she must determine if accidents really do happen.

I listened to this book from @librofm (with my support going to @kazoobooks) and really enjoyed the narrator. She was able to voice several characters for distinction while still speaking with a clarity that allowed me to listen at an increased speed.

Overall, perfect start to @reading_mom.men’s #thrillerathonreadathon! If you haven’t checked this book out, I definitely recommend it!

[jen_bartels-1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

This book started kind of slow for me, I wasn't really invested, didn't much care for the characters, wasn't really interested in the outcome...until it stopped setting it up and really got into the "meat" of it. Then I was all in!! There were several red herrings so it wasn't 100% clear who the "bad guy" was until the end, and even then, when you thought it was all tied up and you were just waiting for the "where are they now" portion, there were still surprises. Very nicely done, I'm very interested in more from this author, she knows how to turn things on a dime!

[carol420 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

This book has a very heavy...creepy vibe that is absolutely designed to give you goosebumps and to have your heart pounding. I liked the book but it had some flaws that lost it a solid 5-star rating. First of all, I thought it was a little repetitive...but that could be over looked since it still had me turning the pages. What really sent it to a 4 star was the 'twist at the end I found that it was far too contrived and ran counter to every other bit of information we'd gotten about one of the characters. The conclusion fell flat and required too much explaining. I have to say that it had an extremely interesting plot that has to be every woman's nightmare. Your car is out of gas...it's late at night on a lonely road with a storm coming in. A truck stops with a man and a child...your decision now is do you accept his offer to take you to the next town or do you try to survive the coming storm and walk? You can’t afford to make the wrong choice and neither could Molly Clarke.

[mrs.dubois · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Many of us think about walking away from our lives at times, but I felt for Molly Clarke as she pondered this thought. She had every reason to walk away and others believed that was what she had done. The reader goes through the search for Molly with Molly’s daughter, Nicole, as she uncovers clues which in turn serve to put her in danger. We also go through Molly’s experience as captive. This book was so twisty that I think I experienced whiplash! (I received this book as an arc from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.)

[angeljmartin · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

This was my first Wendy Walker book, which is actually surprising. I've read a lot of praise for her books, but I'd just never picked one up until I won this one in a giveaway. I actually really liked her writing style, so I'm sure I'll pick up some more of her books in the future as well.I have a love-hate relationship with creepy children in books and movies. I love the entire concept, but it also scares the hell out of me. Alice is one of the creepiest children of any book I've ever read. Her character would make an excellent character in a film, which I'd love to see with this book.It held my attention fairly well, especially considering I was in a slump when reading it, but there were a couple times I wasn't interested in continuing. For the most part, Don't Look For Me is fast-paced, but it could get a little slow at times. This never lasted long, and honestly, it may have been just my reading slump.My mom's best friend and I exchange thrillers that we enjoyed pretty often, and this is on the list of books I want to send her. This was such a well-written, gripping thriller, so if you're looking for a book that'll suck you in, I highly suggest this one!Disclaimer: I received a gifted copy of this book via Goodreads. This did not influence my opinion in any way.

[sparemethecensor · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Very typical almost milquetoast domestic mystery.

[samantha71020 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Wow! This was such a suspenseful and page turning read! I cut the above summary short because I feel like it gives too much away to the reader. Despite the fact that I read the full summary beforehand, this book had me all sorts of tense and anxious. I started this book off on edge especially as I just knew that some of the choices the main character was making were going to lead to bad things. It was like watching a horror movie unfold where you yell at the characters for the decisions that they are making. This book was SO suspenseful that it actually had me anxious while reading it. There were multiples times that I had to set the book down to give myself a bit of a break. This book is also a heartbreaking look at grief and how a simple mistake can destroy a family. I felt for Molly throughout this entire book because what happened to her family had absolutely destroyed her. I empathized with her as a mother and also understood her even though it is something that I would never want to experience for myself. And then the ending came with twists and turns that left me off balance. What a book this was! Overall, I enjoyed this book immensely even if it stressed me out while I was reading it. This was my first book by Walker but it definitely won't be my last. I actually have a couple of her other books on my shelves already that I'm really looking forward to reading now. This book has been all over #bookstagram and I can see why! If you enjoy page turning reads filled with suspense and tension, then this is the book for you. And after you read it, come talk to me about that ending because...Highly recommended!Bottom Line: A heart pounding and intense read that kept me glued to the pages!Disclosure: I received a review copy from NetGalley, the copy I read was courtesy of my local library, honest thoughts are my own.

[poppyreads · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

I finished this hours ago and I'm still in shock. About 60% through the story I thought I had it all figured out. I felt so clever. No thriller writer can pull one over on me, right? Wrong.

Although I had a bit of the twist figured out I was completely off on the "who" and I'm shook.

I'm so glad I chose to read this one and I'm going to buy more of Walker's books as soon as I submit this review.

If you like mystery/thriller books with a big side of family drama, check this one out.

[tibobi · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

The Short of It:Walker hit it out of the park with this one. It met all my reading wants.The Rest of It:Molly Clarke suffered a terrible loss. One that involved her young daughter, killed in an accident right in front of her own home. What’s inconceivable to Molly’s family and even Molly herself, is that she was the one behind the wheel. The one who turned as fast as she could, but not fast enough to avoid her daughter running in front of her car.The family is left utterly distraught. Molly’s older daughter Nic, remembers the moment like it was yesterday and Molly’s husband can’t even bring himself to look at his wife. An accident, yet one so tragic that the family just cannot move past it.That’s why when Molly Clarke goes missing one stormy night, only to leave her abandoned car and phone behind, people are quick to call it a “walk away”. She just couldn’t live anymore with all those accusing eyes, reminding her every day of what she did.Did she really walk away? Or has something happened to her?Don’t Look for Me is a GREAT read and as I mentioned above, it checked all the boxes for me. A good story. Nice plot twists. Characters you care about. Maybe a tad predictable at one point but a good ride to get there. It kept me guessing in a lot of places and had me stopping to piece things together.I put household chores aside to read it. I read it during the baseball playoffs. I sat on the couch with it when I wasn’t feeling well and it was just what the doc ordered. These days, you gotta keep your mind busy and off of politics and this wretched pandemic. This book helped me do that.Highly recommend. I’ve read one other book by Walker, Emma in the Night, which I also enjoyed. If you need to immerse yourself into something other than the news, find yourself a copy.For more reviews, visit my blog: Book Chatter.

[simplykelina · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I was sent this book from the publisher/publicity team. My ratings and reviews will be my own personal opinions and are in no way influenced by publishers or authors who may have sent me books to review.I read my first book by Wendy Walker last year and was super excited for this one. The audiobook for this one was really good and I highly recommend it. The narrator did a great job and I was able to follow along with a little over 2.0 speed. Now, that is how you do an intro! I was hooked on this one from Day 1. I was already shocked and asking What? right from the start. The added past of Molly and her family brought that extra dynamic to the story. This goes back and forth between Molly and her daughter, Nic, points of view. I am normally not a huge fan of dual POV, but this one really worked. I was interested in seeing both sides of the story.I was expecting for a certain someone to be a part of what happened, and they were not. My mouth dropped with this twist. I have no clue how I did not piece all of that together, but I was very happy that I did not. I also did not see the added twist towards the end. I did think some of the middle was a little repetitive and I was waiting for something more to happen. However; it all came together in the end and why certain things were happening the way they were.Overall, I really liked this one though and Wendy Walker is quickly making my must read list.

[fredreeca · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Molly’s life has not turned out the way she expected. After losing her young daughter, her family has fallen apart. Her husband is having an affair. Her older daughter has dropped out of high school. And her young son shunned her the last time she appeared at a game. Would they even care if she walked away? This has crossed her mind several times in the past couple of weeks. But, did this really happen the night Molly disappeared? The police think so…Oh wow! So much to say about this novel. Molly is a character which pulls at your heartstrings. She is struggling to survive and keep her family together. Then…something else happens. Can you tell I am trying not to give anything away!Nic, Molly’s older daughter, is the one who refuses to give up. She knows her mother is out there. Her mother did not WALK AWAY! Nic faces adversity at every turn. The police are no help. They believe Molly walked away. It has happened before in their little town. No way is Nic giving up.This story is full of intensity and intrigue! I was mesmerized from the very beginning. And then…when you find out exactly who is behind the disappearance…OMG!Grab your copy today!I received this novel from the publisher for a honest review.

[grandmacootie · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

You know those books that are so thrilling, so suspenseful you can’t put them down, can’t wait to find out how it all ends, but at the same time your heart is racing so fast that you have to stop every once in a while and just breathe, step away for a minute? Well, author Wendy Walker could teach a class on that, because Don’t Look for Me is one of the most exciting books I’ve ever read. Stressful, nail biting suspense start to finish. But what a great story.Don’t Look for Me is written from two vastly different points of view: Mom Molly, who caused the accident that killed her youngest daughter five years ago, and Daughter Nicole, who was babysitting little Annie that horrible, devastating day. She blames Molly and hates her, won’t forgive her. But when Molly disappears and a note saying “don’t look for me” is found Nicole isn’t quite so sure anymore. She might not want anything to do with her mother, but she wants to know what happened, that she really did decide to walk away, that she’s safe. A new clue surfaces, a clue that Nicole’s father John and the police seem to ignore. But Nicole can’t ignore it. She is determined to find out what’s true, find Molly if she is out there to be found, or learn the worst if that’s what really happened. She doesn’t know who to turn to, who to confide in, so she talks to some people and keeps secrets from others. But has she chosen the right people? And as if the suspense isn’t already almost unbearable, as the POVs change, so do the number of days, counting up or down, depending on the perspective. When will this end? How will it end?There are so many aspects to this story: the heartbreak, the cruelty, the unrelenting sadness of losing a child, the accusations, the guilt, the inability to forgive. In her desperation, stranded in the storm, Molly did have a moment of wanting to just walk away. But then the man and the child showed up and offered her a ride. Perhaps if Molly was not already so numb she would have seen the evil and felt the fear right away. But she’s been numb for five years now, and evil isn’t straightforward, it twists and turns and has secret identities. It doesn’t behave in any normal way, no way that you can figure out and anticipate.Neither is aware of what the other is doing, but both Molly and Nicole are working desperately to figure this out, to take action before it’s too late. As the days pass by and their stories switch back and forth parts start to merge, more and more similarities and discrepancies and clues are discovered. Near the end of the book I thought I had it figured out several times, but I didn’t want to be right, because that option was so unbelievably horrible. Then another horrible possibility would come to mind.Thanks to author Wendy Walker and St. Martin’s Press for providing an advance copy of Don’t Look for Me via NetGalley in exchange for my honest review. This was one creepy story, but totally satisfying. I recommend it without hesitation.

[kimkimkim-7 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Never run out of gas on a lonely stretch of Route 7 where it passes through the neglected and abandoned industrial places in New England. Does she want to stay or disappear from her family? The subject is open for debate. She has many reasons to want to escape the cruelty, but she thinks maybe she deserves their scorn and harsh words. Maybe this is her penance. Molly believes she is not a good mother. A confluence of events in a miniscule amount of time, an accident, a tragedy, and life as she knew it is over. Things are going to get much worse. Survival is on the table and her odds are not good. She is scared, terrified, she is dealing with a monster. It was breathtaking how Wendy Walker turned one misstep into a nightmare of sheer horror. This is an unputdownable tale of loss, betrayal, treachery, psychological manipulation and ultimately redemption. A perfect ending thought: “There are so many shades of gray that sometimes I feel life is one long, beautiful, cloudy day.”Thank you NetGalley and St. Martin’s Press for a copy.

[susan.h.schofield · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

This was a fantastic psychological thriller. It was fast paced and kept me guessing the entire time. I kept changing my mind on which characters I trusted and which I found suspicious. There were lots great and surprising twists. It was well written and were believable and interesting. I hadn't read anything by Wendy walker before but I look forward to reading her other books. Thanks to NetGalley for the digital ARC.

[tamidale · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This was awesome! Creepy, suspenseful and unpredictable from start to finish. This is my second book by Wendy Walker and it’s sure to be a bestseller.When Mollie Clarke travels out of town to attend her son’s football game, she never makes it home. Her car is found abandoned and after the authorities find a note presumably written by Mollie, the search is called off and she is presumed to have “walked away” from her life.Mollie and her family had suffered a terrible tragedy a few years before and had each struggled to get back to some semblance of a normal life. Mollie’s daughter, Nicole, feels tremendous guilt over her mother’s disappearance and when she receives a credible tip, she decides to go back to the town where her mother went missing and conduct another search. Nicole soon learns that the town has secrets and it is hard to know who to trust. I can’t even say which part of the story fascinated me the most because I don’t want to give away any details. This is a fairly safe story for sensitive readers. It has just a very minimum of violence. This is one that you won’t want to pass up!Many thanks to NetGalley and St. Martin’s Press for allowing me to read an advance copy and give my honest review.

[jnmegan · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Wendy Walker supplies her readers with another taut thriller: Don’t Look for Me. This standalone novel centers around the sudden disappearance of a woman, Molly Clarke, as she was returning home during a storm. It is assumed that she has purposefully run away from her family, ravaged with guilt over her role in the accidental death of her youngest child. Her oldest daughter, Nicole (Nic), refuses to give up the search for her mother even though everyone else seems to be quickly resuming their lives. Nic returns to Hastings, the small, run down New England town where her mother’s car was found abandoned. She had been contacted by a woman who claims to have seen Molly that night. Although her description and details are convincing, Nic and the authorities in town are suspicious that this new witness is motivated to collect the offered reward. Still, Nic wants to know how this woman came to know things that were not released to the public. The novel pivots back and forth between Molly and Nicole’s points-of-view, back and forth over the course of several days following Molly’s absence. Nic is tormented by her own memories and deeply conflicting feelings about her mother as a result of her sister’s death. Her struggles with alcoholism and compulsive promiscuity interfere with her judgement, but the men of Hastings she encounters all seem to be deceiving her in some way. It is the type of town that traps those who lack the wits to escape, and it becomes apparent that Molly is not the first woman who has inexplicably vanished from its boundaries. Walker skillfully interweaves timelines to a satisfying end, with some unexpected twists and a complex but credible conclusion. Although the inner monologues of the two women are at times repetitive, the characters are well-rendered and their emotional depth is impressively depicted. Don’t Look for Me would be a good pick for those looking for some solid suspense this Fall and fans of Wendy Walker will be sated by her latest effort.Thanks to the author, St. Martin’s Press and NetGalley for a pre-release copy of this book in exchange for an unbiased review.

[kathl33n-1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

What an amazing read! This book pulled me in and kept me glued to the pages, literally from the first page to very last page. I read it in two sittings. I couldn't read it fast enough and at the same time I didn't want it to end. It was that good. It's a serious thriller, with quick short chapters and fast pacing throughout. It's one of those books where you know all the pieces, you see everything, but you have no idea how any of it fits together. Then BAM! - you're speeding to the end and it all starts clicking into place. My favorite part of this book were characters that didn't make ridiculous choices to support the plot. These characters were all really well thought out, lived up to their characterizations and were always thinking at the top of their game. Many thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for providing me an advanced copy. This opinion is my own.

[rmarcin-630843 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This is another well-crafted thriller from Wendy Walker. It is also a story of survival, determination and family love.Molly Clarke is a wife and mother of 3 children, but her family life is in turmoil due to a family tragedy 5 years earlier. While Molly is returning from her son's football game, and contemplating her family's situation, she runs out of gas, and is caught in a storm. As she walks from her car, she considers walking away from it all. She realizes this is foolish, and accepts a ride from a man with a young girl in a truck offering to take her into town.Molly soon realizes that she has been taken prisoner by this man, and she is to care for the young girl.Nicole, Molly's daughter, is remorseful over the way she treated her mother, especially on the day of Molly's disappearance. When a new witness comes forward, Nicole is determined to continue searching for her mother. She returns to the town of Hastings, and interviews Roger Booth, the innkeeper, Chief Watkins, chief of police, Jared Reyes, police officer, and Kurt Kent, bartender. All of them have a backstory, and Nicole doesn't know whom to trust. She also makes poor choices regarding men and alcohol. Nicole keeps digging, and when she learns of another woman, Daisy Hollander, who disappeared years earlier, she is even more determined to find her mother.Wendy Walker has created another thriller which will cause you to question who is the culprit and why. There is an extra surprise twist at the end of the novel. Thanks to St. Martin's Press and NetGalley for the ARC. I really enjoyed this-it kept me guessing!#DontLookForMe #WendyWalker #StMartinsPress #NetGalley

[pomo58 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Don't Look for Me by Wendy Walker is more than your straightforward thriller, it is also a searing portrait of grief and guilt. Reading for just one of the two is to miss a large part of the story.As a thriller this is a wonderful novel. It is twisty and you will come to many conclusions while reading, one of which will likely be correct. Such is the nature of good thrillers, you run through all the possibilities as you read and one is usually the one, but so many other possibilities are just as plausible until the end that only someone intent on making themselves seem oh so smart will claim to have definitively known the outcome halfway through. But let those people pretend to be intelligent, that is part of their enjoyment while ours is to enjoy the unfolding of a nice plot.The more compelling part of the story for me, and I don't mean that as a way of downplaying the suspense, is the look at the ways grief, guilt, and blame can destroy people and families. I found those aspects of the novel to be what stayed with me after reading, thinking about the what if, as in what if I were in Molly's shoes, or her husband's shoes, or the other children's shoes, or even a close friend's shoes. Tragedy can be hard enough when it seems like there is no one to blame, but when there is a ready made scapegoat the impact can be so much worse.I would recommend this to readers who enjoy either thrillers and/or psychological dramas. The characters are believable and make you want to comfort them.Reviewed from a copy made available by the publisher via NetGalley.

[jfe16 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Review of Uncorrected Digital GalleyEvery two weeks, Molly Clarke drives alone from her home to attend the home football game at her son’s boarding school. It’s a four-hour drive each way and, on this night, Molly has two problems: the gas gauge needle is bouncing off empty and she’s driving right into a terrible storm. Molly’s life is in turmoil. Her children, Nicole and Evan, are angry with her; her husband, John, might be having an affair. And she’s not found a way to forgive herself for the horrific accident that claimed the life of her youngest daughter, Annie. Everything is a mess. But Molly is certain of one thing: she is not a good mother. When the car runs out of gas, she walks through a torrent of rain to reach the gas station. But it’s closed and boarded up in deference to the approaching hurricane. Certain her family would be better off without her, she decides to walk away.But does she?Her car still sits at the side of the road, abandoned. There’s a note in a hotel room, suggesting she simply walked away. But her daughter, Nicole, needs answers. Despite her feelings, she’s certain her mother would never simply turn her back on her family.What really happened? And where is Molly Clarke?The richly-drawn rural town of Hastings is a small “blink once and you’ve missed it” kind of place that anchors the telling of the tale. Well-developed, nuanced, believable characters populate the narrative but it’s the underlying sense of uneasiness flowing throughout the story that keeps the reader on edge. Molly and Nicole provide dual points of view for readers as the story alternately focuses on mother and daughter. While unforeseen events weave a tapestry of deceptions, lies, and closely-held secrets, the surprises in the unfolding narrative will keep the pages turning. Early on, readers will know exactly what happened, but as Nicole searches for answers, an underlying persistent obsession affects the telling of the tale. When startling plot twists take the story in a new direction, readers will find it difficult to set this book aside. A shocking reveal near the end of the narrative will have readers questioning everything they think they know as the pulse-pounding suspense in this creepy, chilling story grabs hold of them and refuses to let them go. Don’t miss this one.Highly recommended.I received a free copy of this eBook from St. Martin’s Press and NetGalley #DontLookForMe #NetGalley

[fastforward-46127 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I'm a big Wendy Walker fan so needless to say I was excited to read her latest book. Once again, she has come up with a story that feels unique. I love how her books have suspense and thrilling elements but they also have substance. I felt equally invested in what was going to happen next as I was about learning more about how the family dealt with such a tragic loss years ago.Molly Clarke has gone missing. Her car has been abandoned and a note was left at a nearby hotel. Tragedy struck the Clarke family about 5 years ago so authorities think Molly might have wanted a fresh start and therefore disappeared on purpose. Did she? The story alternates between the perspectives of Molly and her daughter, Nicole, who is searching for answers.I'm trying to be somewhat vague with what happened years ago because as of right now the publisher synopsis doesn't get into specifics. With Molly and Nicole as the main characters you got a good look at how it impacted them as individuals but also as a family unit. The rich backstory was weaved seamlessly into the present day with everything going on surrounding Molly.So why did I rate this book at 4 stars instead of 5? Well, as much as I was into the story I just have mixed feelings about the big reveal and the ending. It wasn't a horrible way to wrap everything up but I can't say I was amazed by it either. I think I needed something spectacular to happen to match the level of enthusiasm I had while I was reading the rest of the book.I might not have loved the last few chapters of the book but I overall enjoyed this one. Definitely put this one on your to be read list.Thank you to St. Martin's Press and Netgalley for providing me with an advance digital copy in exchange for an honest review!