The Accidental Romantic and Other Short Tales

By John Devlin

This collection of engaging short stories is set in places as diverse as Ireland, UK, China and Vietnam.

 

It includes tales of romance, adventure, disaster, chance meetings, deception, mystery and imagination. His observations combined with a wry sense of humour serve to populate his stories with interesting characters and scenarios. It has a cast of international heroes and villains all striving to realise their full potential in their own unique ways.

 

There is a warmth and empathy in his portrayal of the men and women who find themselves in the fateful and sometimes comedic circumstances of these short tales.  Regardless of geographic location or nationality, a common thread of unwitting happenstance runs through this collection, with everyone united by the universal search for romance, hence the title.  John's observations of the ordinary turn the mundane into an insight into the human condition.

 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

 

John Devlin is a writer and teacher from Ardboe in Co Tyrone, Ireland. He has lived, worked and travelled extensively in Europe and Asia. In the last ten years he has worked as an ESL teacher but prior to that had experience in many different fields including construction and project management.

• Language: English
• Publisher: John Devlin
• Release date: Dec 2, 2021
• ISBN: 9798201371388

John Devlin

John Devlin is a writer and teacher from Ardboe in Co Tyrone, Ireland. He has lived, worked and travelled extensively in Europe and Asia. In the last ten years he has worked as an ESL teacher but prior to that had experience in many different fields including construction and project management.

Book preview

The Accidental Romantic and Other Short Tales

John Devlin

Copyright © John Devlin 2021

All rights reserved.

All characters in this publication are fictitious and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be hired out, lent or resold, or otherwise circulated without the author’s/publisher’s prior consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent publisher.

The moral rights of the author have been asserted.

Contents

The Accidental Romantic

Come on, The Corrs

Café en Seine

Double Dutch

Gipsy Hill

Mr Ben

Sharon and the Snapper

The Avon Lady

Saigon Slicker

The Flight from Bucharest

The Foreign Expert

The Master

The Road to The Port

The Accidental Romantic

––––––––

Generally, Charlie Bell was an accidental romantic, as in romance usually happened to come to him from time to time through no fault of his own. He admitted as much and when he was in reflective mood he would claim that any woman he had ever been involved with had picked him up. He seldom made the first move, although he definitely wasn’t unwilling.

Some of those accidental encounters were all entirely above board, but at times there were also entanglements with ladies of the night. He was the ideal victim as he was always completely unsuspecting, even sometimes appearing to verge on innocent.

One night, he and Big Joe Doyle were in a bar which was swarming with hookers. Everyone was having a great time and during the course of the evening he turned round to his friend and asked perfectly harmlessly, Aren’t there a lot of very friendly girls in tonight?

The first time Joe saw one of these accidental encounters Charlie and himself were sitting outside a bar in Guangzhou drinking beer. It was late and they were about ready to leave when a tart arrived and started cosying up to Charlie. Joe had seen this lady before and knew she was on the prowl. Joe sat a minute but then realised that Charlie was interested as he went inside to buy her a drink. Joe decided to take himself off and be actively absent as the situation developed.

Charlie was shy about discussing his dealings with hookers. At least he was with Joe. But not with another friend – Denis - who would then relay the stories to Joe. Charlie was drinking with Denis one night when he revealed that the night before, he had got drunk and by mistake had taken out 5000 RMB (about £600) from the bank. As he was withdrawing the cash he had been befriended by two ladies who were lurking nearby. The next thing he knew they were off home with him in a taxi.

When Charlie got home he spent a few hours in bed with one of the aforementioned ladies. Whether he expected a threesome or not is open to question but according to him one lady never entered the bedroom. Sometime during the night his curiosity got the better of him and he went to look for the third person, the Unholy Ghost. He found her on her knees, but she wasn’t praying, she was scrubbing the kitchen floor. He thought it better to say nothing and went back to bed with the other lady.

When Charlie rose in the morning, the house was spotless. Everyone was very happy with their night’s work. However, he didn’t tell Denis how much he had contributed to their pension funds. Forever after, Denis referred to these types of lady friends as cleaners.

While most of Charlie’s mishaps and misfortunes could be laid at his own door, Joe did indirectly bear some responsibility for one episode which eventually led to Charlie getting married. Joe had originally met Charlie, Denis and several other mature students from Ireland shortly after he arrived in Guangzhou. At the time, Joe was settling into his first teaching job there.

This crew had been studying Chinese at a local university and had just completed the course, but some didn’t want to go home. In short, they were looking for work. Joe wasn’t long accelerating Charlie’s job prospects as he was eligible for a bonus if he recruited new teachers. In the end he collected the bonus for both Charlie and Denis. Charlie was processed much earlier than Denis and sent off to Thailand to do a TEFL course, fully paid for by the company.

As one would have expected, the bold Charlie wasn’t long in Thailand before he was befriended by a young lady named Thelma and an amorous relationship followed. However, Charlie’s new lover had a friend by the name of Kanda who took a shine to Charlie after a while and asked Thelma if she could take him over. Charlie wasn’t consulted, but an agreement was reached between the ladies and the saga of Charlie and Kanda began.

Charlie was in Thailand for two months, first a month of training on Ko Samet island and then a further month while he waited for a visa to get back to China. During that time the relationship with Kanda obviously took off, she looked after him well and he was brought to visit her family. He spent the second month in a hotel in Rayong and was with Kanda virtually 24/7 seeing as he had nothing else to do at the time, just wait. During this time, Kanda got her claws well into Charlie.

The relationship continued after he returned to China. He visited Thailand a few times and after about a year they decided to marry. The first time he announced the impending nuptials was to a group of students and teachers one night in Starbucks. Some of the female students were very excited and asked him many questions about the future wife, how he had met her and whether she would move to China. There were requests for pictures and then oohs and aaahs as Charlie showed them a series of images.

Charlie was also very excited at the time. About a week later he and Joe were in Starbucks, just the two of them, and he spoke about getting some more work as he would need extra money to support a wife. He thought he might join a church or religious group. He had done this before. He planned to join and attend services very regularly until he had got to know the members of the congregation. Theoretically, when he had gained their trust, lots of little jobs would follow.

On Chinese New Year, everyone had ten days holiday and Charlie went off to Thailand to be married. He was gone before anyone knew it, without fanfare, and after he went nothing more was heard from him. He didn’t answer texts and remained incommunicado all the while. Every few days, Denis would ask Joe if he had heard anything, but there was nothing. They figured all must be going to plan.

Finally, he resurfaced. Joe had been in Shenzhen for a few days and was on a train home when Charlie called him. He had just arrived back and was now married, but his wife wasn’t with him. He would go back for her in six months’ time.

Joe rang Denis, who had lots of questions about Charlie which Joe hadn’t thought to ask. Later, Joe had dinner with Denis, who still wanted to know all about the wedding. Joe still didn’t have the answers but was able to tell Denis that they would meet Charlie later for coffee.

In the evening, after work, Denis and Joe hurried off to Starbucks in great anticipation. They saw their Swedish student Jasmine in there and joined her. After a while, Charlie arrived. He was unshaven and wearing a flowery shirt and a brown leather Jacket. He was in great form and regaled them with tales of the wedding and the parties and his brothers and Kanda and her father and her mother and all manner of other people.

When Charlie had arrived in Thailand, he firstly did whatever he had to do as regards paperwork for the wedding. His brothers had come over from Ireland and with them he went to a resort which he described as paradise. The brothers were totally in awe of this place.

After spending time in paradise, they all set off in a minibus for another destination 12 hours drive away. This was where the wedding was to be. Charlie thought they had booked the vehicle for themselves, but no, the bus was full of unknown people.

They went to a venue where they met a big gathering of people, and Charlie wasn’t sure what was going on. There was a huge party where they ate two pigs and countless chickens. This went on for a long time, and Charlie was constantly wondering if he was now married or still single.

Over the next few days, more ceremonies followed. One in particular had impressed Charlie. It was at a temple filled with statues of animals. There were monkeys, elephants, tigers, lions and so on. Again, much food and drink was consumed, but he was never made aware at what point he got married officially.

He also referred to a three pig party he attended at some other juncture. Again there were many chickens consumed at this do. Denis reminded him that Jasmine was a vegetarian. It didn’t deter him because he then described how he was first introduced to the live animals before they were dispatched and eaten. He said the Thais even kissed the chickens before they wrung their necks. Jasmine didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

Everyone wanted to know about Kanda’s family. What were they like? Charlie said they were fine but he wasn’t sure who was who as so many people were described as uncle, auntie, mother, father, brother and sister. It did appear that the father was a builder, Mr Somewhat and that his answer to everything was, ‘It doesn’t matter.’

Good morning, Mr Kanda!

It doesn’t matter.

Mr Somewhat also had a manservant who would go off and do shopping for him and also fetch alcohol when required. This manservant rejoiced in the name of Go for beer and he was in the habit of taking a lot of drugs, according to Charlie. Charlie guessed there were many people described as aunts, uncles and close relations who were probably just friends.

Questions were asked about the mother but Charlie said he wasn’t sure about her or her circumstances. She didn’t attend the wedding and was based in another province apparently. He had been taken to visit her on a previous visit but she didn’t seem to approve of him. He said that she lived with a crowd of young girls all of whom Kanda referred to as sisters. Charlie harboured a