All On A Thursday Morning: An 'easy to use' collection of Rabbi Gourarie's weekly articles on personal growth

By Michoel Gourarie

 

Over a decade ago at BINA (a Sydney-based organisation dedicated to adult Jewish Learning), a new weekly class began. A great group of women gathered to listen to, discuss and explore ideas of Personal growth and character development. These lectures discussed relevant and contemporary life strategies using ancient Jewish wisdom and

• Language: English
• Publisher: BINA Jewish Wisdom Ltd
• Release date: Nov 21, 2018
• ISBN: 9780648408628

Book preview

Dedicated to:

The memory of my dear father

Rabbi Sholom Ber Gourarie

Hebrew name of Father

who imbued us with a love of learning

And to my dear mother

Mrs Winnie Gourarie

Hebrew name of Mother

Who taught us the meaning of Simchas Hachaim –

positivity, resilience, optimism and a love of life.

May you be blessed with a long and healthy life

with joy and naches from all of us.

Introduction

Over a decade ago at BINA (a Sydney based organisation dedicated to adult Jewish Learning), a new weekly class began. A great group of women gather to listen, to discuss and explore ideas of personal growth and character development. These lectures touch on relevant and contemporary life strategies using ancient Jewish wisdom and their modern-day application.

I have had the privilege to lead these weekly conversations (which have now expanded to many more courses and programs for men and women).

Our sages teach that one learns the most from one’s students. This is so true in my case and I am indebted to all those that attend these sessions. They have greatly strengthened and enhanced my own personal growth journey.

In the coming pages you will read highlights of these discussions in the form of short articles (which I send out weekly). I have divided them into categories to make it more accessible.

It is my hope that the reader will find these insights helpful towards a more meaningful life.

I must express my profound gratitude first and foremost to the Almighty for all His blessings to me and my family, giving me the ability to be involved in His special work.

My wife Dina and I moved to Sydney in 1988 as part of a global shlichut (worldwide outreach) mission spearheaded by the Lubavitcher Rebbe – Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson o.b.m. The last 20 years with BINA have been extremely rewarding and meaningful. So much of BINA’s growth has been inspired by the Rebbe’s leadership and influence for which I am deeply grateful.

I also would like to thank the dedicated BINA team – the BINA board (Meir Moss, Dr David Leinkram, Jack Reuben), my wife Dina, Rabbi Yaacov and Mushky Chaiton, Rabbi Levi and Chaya Gourarie, Rabbi Shlomo Israel, Renee Mill, Robyn Gerber, Yaakov Levitan, Nechama Lederman and Michal Rev.

Lastly, I express my deep gratitude to my dear family for providing the support and input to make it all happen.

And to you dear readers. May you and your family be blessed with success and happiness.

Rabbi Michoel Gourarie

Sydney Australia

Personal Growth

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1

A Cat Can’t Fly

One day towards evening when it was getting dark, two friends Ben and Jacob saw something in the distance. Ben thought that it was a bird while Jacob claimed that it was a cat.

To resolve their dispute they decided on the following experiment. They would throw a stone at the object. If it flies it must be a bird, but if it remains still, it is indeed a cat.

As soon as the stone made contact with the object it flew away. As Ben was about to claim victory, Jacob turned around to him and exclaimed, You know, my dear friend, it is the first time I have seen a cat that flies.

'Personal Growth' is about enhancing and improving our personality. We constantly try to develop, refine and work on our character. But our personality is often influenced by our mindset - our perceptions and interpretations of ourselves, others and the world around us. Our perceptions become our reality and we respond accordingly. When we try to grow and improve, we must first be willing to let go of our current mindset, and be prepared to see things in a different way.

Once we accept that the cat is really a bird then we can take the next step.

Letting go of our attitudes and mindsets needs courage and humility. But it is strength not weakness.

Be prepared to challenge yourself and question your own thinking.

2

Effective Treatment

Question:

I have come to the realization that I have a real temper problem. I lose my cool quickly and fairly often. With the smallest provocation I fly off the handle, scream and shout and say things that I later regret. Sometimes I can be quite abusive, humiliating those around me. I really need to work on this problem. What do you suggest?

Answer:

Fixing a personality defect or a character flaw is no different to treating a physical disease.

There are five steps in dealing with physical illness:

The first and most critical step is to recognize that we are ill.

We don't have the necessary expertise ourselves, so we go to the doctor.

The professional makes a diagnosis.

Based on an accurate diagnosis the doctor prescribes the appropriate treatment.

Just focusing on the specific sickness is ineffective. We need to develop a general health plan. Healthy routines of eating, exercise, rest and stress management, affect our general strength and help prevent future disease.

Dealing with a character deficit such as 'out of control anger' is no different.

You have to recognize that you have a problem (you have done that already - congratulations, you are on the way to recovery).

Don't do it alone. Discuss it with a mentor or a good friend and if necessary with a competent therapist.

Although the ultimate goal of self-control is obvious, it can only really be sustained with a good diagnosis. You need to understand why you are so easily provoked, what are the red flags that ignite an outburst and what are the times that you are most vulnerable.

With a good diagnosis your mentor or counsellor can help you develop a good action plan. This will include learning how to recognize the onset of an angry mood and the strategies to make sure it doesn't explode.

You need a general health plan. Sometimes we fail in specific areas because we have lost a general positive focus. Developing a good plan of growth where we ensure that we are involved in activities of kindness, spiritual growth and personal study all create a stronger person that can fight specific weaknesses with strength.

You have already completed step one. Only four to go - good luck.

3

Unclogging the Throat

Question:

I attended your series on Forgiveness. The lessons you teach about letting go of resentment, acceptance and freeing yourself are all wonderful. But even though I fully understand these ideas I still cannot find it in my heart to change my feelings towards some of those people that have wronged me. This is extremely frustrating. Any suggestions?

Answer:

Like many of us, you suffer from a condition called 'narrowness of the throat'. The Kabbalah teaches that the physical design of the human body reflects the spiritual and psychological makeup of the soul. We possess two powerful forces that govern the human experience - intellect and emotion. Intellect and cognition live in the brain while emotions and feelings are expressed in the heart.

Each of these forces is different and important. The intellectual mind is cold and aloof, with objectivity and maturity. The heart on the other hand is subjective and involved, infusing life experience with passion, excitement, determination and ambition.

Here is the problem. In order to implement a lesson or a value it needs to travel from the detached mind to the involved heart, with a transformation from a theoretical idea to real feeling. But because intellect and emotion are so different, the transition is often unsuccessful. As it travels from the head to the heart it gets stuck in the 'narrowness of the throat'. This is a common condition.

4

To Move You Need to Chuck

Recently we moved into a new home. We spent a week packing boxes and labelling furniture. Part of the moving process has been to decide what needs to come with and what we can now throw away. Suddenly it has become apparent how much junk has been accumulated over the years that is not necessary nor appropriate to take to the new venue. Old files, outdated documents and broken equipment are just a few examples of the many things we have chucked out over the last few days.

When we were doing this, it dawned on me that this process is symbolic of life's journey. Every so often, we may be inspired to improve and move to the next level. We may want to strengthen our relationships, bring more spirituality into our lives or just become a better human being. We are tired of where we are and we want to move to a better space.

However, it is then that we need to realize that for the new 'venue' to work we need to leave lots of old stuff behind. If we are to take everything with, we will be in the same mess. Throwing things away is a critical part of packing. To move forward we need to discard old attitudes, banish resentment from old disputes, give up and throw away old baggage. Once we make a break from the past we can successfully move into the future.

But if we only do this once in ten years the mess becomes overwhelming. Every few months we should reflect and dig deep into our own soul and clean out the garbage that is cluttering our lives and preventing us from moving on.

5

Is Your Cup Overflowing?

In Jewish tradition all important events are marked with a blessing recited over a cup of wine. For a Friday night Shabbat meal, a wedding or a circumcision, a cup is filled to the top and the blessing is recited. In some communities the custom is not just to fill the cup but to make sure that the wine spills over and the cup overflows. This particular custom actually represents an idea that is at the core of personal growth.

The Sages teach that when wine enters the secrets come out. Alcohol removes inhibition and causes the individual to reveal that which would otherwise be private. This can be embarrassing and dangerous, but there is a very positive side to it as well. In the spiritual sense, this phenomenon is a symbol of