A Field Guide to the Jewish People: Who They Are, Where They Come From, What to Feed Them…and Much More. Maybe Too Much More

By Dave Barry, Adam Mansbach and Alan Zweibel

From three award-winning and bestselling humor writers comes a hilarious guide to everything you need to know about Jewish history, holidays, and traditions.

Immerse yourself in the essence of Jewish humor and culture with A Field Guide to the Jewish People brought to you by Dave Barry, Adam Mansbach, and Alan Zweibel.

Join them as they dissect every holiday, rite of passage, and tradition, unravel a long and complicated history, and tackle the tough questions that have plagued Jews and non-Jews alike for centuries.

Combining the sweetness of an apricot rugelach with the wisdom of a matzoh ball, this is the last book on Judaism that you will ever need. So gather up your chosen ones, open a bottle of Manischewitz, and get ready to laugh as you finally begin to understand the inner-workings of Judaism.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Macmillan Publishers
• Release date: Sep 24, 2019
• ISBN: 9781250191977

Dave Barry

Dave Barry is the author of more bestsellers than you can count on two hands, including Lessons from Lucy, Dave Barry’s Complete Guide to Guys, Dave Barry Turns Forty, and Dave Barry Is Not Making This Up. A wildly popular syndicated columnist best known for his booger jokes, Barry won the 1988 Pulitzer Prize for commentary. He lives in Miami.

Book preview

A JEWISH LIFE

THE NAME OF G-D

Bear with us here, because this gets very complicated very quickly. You might want to limber up first with some stretching exercises or a nice dry martini.

According to Scripture, G-d definitely does have an actual, proper

name. But—here comes the Jewish part—you are not allowed to say it. Or write it. Or know for sure what it is. We only know the consonants, which are written JHWH or YHWH. This is because Hebrew didn’t have written vowels back in the day; you just had to figure out what a word was based on the consonants and the context, which presumably led to all kinds of wacky miscommunications, e.g., No, no, you owe me forty CENTS! or How did you not understand that I wanted you to SHUT the door?

JHWH is known as the Tetragrammaton (which would also be an excellent name for a super badass Transformer) and its ambiguity is highly convenient because The Name is considered too sacred to be uttered. Thus, when you read JHWH, you are supposed to say Adonai (meaning Our Lord in Hebrew), which is kind of like trying to pat your head and rub your stomach at the same time.

JHWH derives from the Hebrew verb HWH, meaning to be, and is explained in the Book of Exodus as I am who I am, which was also the motto of PPY, sometimes written as Popeye.

To give you some idea of how seriously all this is taken by the type of Jews inclined to take stuff like this seriously, let’s say you’re a professional sofer, or scribe. Before transcribing any of the divine titles or the Tetragrammaton, you must prepare mentally to sanctify them. You may have a special Sanctification Preparation playlist you listen to on your way to work, featuring music by Jewish artists such as Drake, Madonna, and Sean Paul. You may even listen to it while walking through a long, winding corridor, like an NBA player entering the arena. That is how we imagine it, anyway.

Then, once you begin writing a name, you cannot stop for any reason until it is finished. You cannot be interrupted while writing it—not even to greet a king, should one happen to stop by your cubicle. Some Reform rabbis hold that you are permitted to take one brief pause to check Twitter, if your mentions are really blowing up.

If you make a mistake, you may not erase it; instead, you must draw a line around the word to show that it is canceled, and the whole page must be put in a special burial place for Scripture (despite some similarities, this place is not the same as a bookstore). All of which is to suggest that perhaps you ought to consider going into another

Reviews for A Field Guide to the Jewish People

[beth flowers · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Hilarious if you have ever tried to follow along in the prayerbook during a service or been exposed to Jews in a friendly way. Useless if you want dirt to slander them. These are some funny guys, who are still incredibly accurate about many things (which they mark).