The Sacred Seven: A Guidebook to Unlocking the 7 Desires God Has Placed in the Heart of Every Woman

By Kris Reece and Gloria Gaynor

As a woman, you have seven specific desires that were placed in your heart by God. Getting these desires fulfilled is your birthright--so why do they continue to go unmet?

If you're wondering why your longings to be cherished, to feel beautiful, and to be financially secure haven't come true, you've likely been going about gett

• Language: English
• Publisher: Corinthians Press
• Release date: Apr 1, 2017
• ISBN: 9780996517225

Kris Reece

Kris Reece is dedicated to helping women live and love the life that God has purposed for them. Having spent most of her life living outside of the will of God, she is all too familiar with the pain and disappointment it brings. She knows first hand how frustrating life can be when you settle for less than God's best. As a Christian counselor, personal development coach and speaker, Kris spends her days empowering and equipping women to build a beautiful life out of their broken pieces. She holds a Ph.D. in Christian counseling and a masters degree in theology. She is also a certified Christian life coach. Kris has a private practice in Watchung NJ and lives in Hillsborough NJ with her husband Jean Paul. Together they have three children.

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The Sacred Seven

A Guidebook to Unlocking the Seven Desires God Has Planted in the Heart of Every Woman

By Kris Reece

Foreword by Gloria Gaynor

Table of Contents

FOREWORD 4

INTRODUCTION 6

What Is Desire? 17

How Desires Die 41

The 5 Attributes of Every Desirous Woman 57

The Desire to Feel Fit, Attractive, Beautiful, and

Sexy (FABS) 76

The Desire to Feel Cherished 103

The Desire to Raise Children Who Stand Out 132

The Desire to Have Genuine, Rewarding Friendships 157

The Desire to Enjoy Financial Security 183

The Desire to Be At Peace 214

The Desire to Feel Secure in Who You Are 245

How the Enemy Pulls Us Off Track 273

How to Stay on the Path to Your Desires 288

Acknowledgments 310

FOREWORD

If only it were easy to name your desires—your true desires, not what society, tradition, your family, or your friends say you should want.

Unfortunately, it can be very difficult to determine what you really yearn for, especially if you don’t pinpoint your desires before life gets in the way. It can seem silly to spend precious time figuring out your personal passions…until it’s too late—or it seems it’s too late.

In this thoughtful and insightful book, Kris Reece explains how every woman has seven basic desires of the heart. Better yet, she shines a clear light on the path you can use to achieve your seven desires: God’s path.

In doing so, Kris offers much-needed relief from that feeling that you’re lost. This relief comes in the form of an easy-to-follow road map for discovering and fulfilling your God-given passions as a woman.

Kris can empathize with feeling adrift and unfulfilled. In these pages, she shares stories from her life—and the lives of her clients—to illustrate how she has learned to navigate the rough waters of personal growth and change and come out a winner. She also provides step-by-step instructions that are universal, yet can be applied to your individual circumstances.

As I read The Sacred Seven, I felt I was having a conversation with a knowledgeable and loving friend. I found myself becoming more introspective, my responses to the questions Kris poses less ego-driven. I found answers and long-term solutions to my emotional aches and pains. There are no temporary Band-Aids here.

With Kris’ guidance, you’ll be able to look at yourself and your circumstances objectively. You’ll learn to see yourself from across the room and give yourself the advice you would give your best friend. And, you’ll be able to move forward with integrity and with the help of our Lord and savior, Jesus Christ.

I believe this book will enrich the life of any woman who reads and heeds what it offers. I believe in its ability to teach, uplift, encourage, and bless any woman who takes its guidance to heart. I believe this book is under the influence of the Holy Spirit.

Gloria Gaynor

Jesus Lover and Grammy Award Winner

INTRODUCTION

Growing up, I had a gaping hole in my heart. I was desperately looking for love, which was in short supply in my house. Although I was very aware of the longing in my soul for more—more attention, more love, more happiness—I had no idea how to get it.

As a middle-schooler, trips to my best friend Sherri’s house were everything to me. We grew up in the same apartment complex, playing together for hours—roller skating, talking, and sledding down the steepest hill in our neighborhood. When Sherri moved, I was crushed. Though she was only one town over, at that age, she was 1,000 miles away. My daily confidant was gone.

The one bright spot in my life then was that I still got to go to her house for occasional sleepovers. Sherri’s parents had bought a real house—a big one, not an apartment like my family’s. Her house had a den, which I thought that was the coolest place ever, and a pool. Boy, did I love going there! During my summer visits, we had the house to ourselves all day while her parents were at work. We spent most of our time making chocolate cakes and calling boys. Those are some of my fondest childhood memories. But that summer was also the beginning of my realization that others had more than me—and that I didn’t like that.

Many of the people around me, including Sherri, looked so happy. I didn’t dare ask what made them so joyful, as that would have made it obvious that I didn’t have everything they did. And deep down, I was ashamed of how sad I was. So instead of asking, I did my best to guess the source of their contentment and enjoyment. If I could guess, then I could copy it— or so I reasoned.

As I moved through my teenage years it seemed that everywhere I turned someone else had more, was able to do more, or enjoyed life more. I became increasingly aware of how little I had.

To my naïve mind, it seemed clear that the one thing all the happy people had in common was stuff. Whether it was the latest toy, or the fanciest designer jeans, or money to go to the pool or to buy treats at the store. Me, I had to earn allowance for a week before I could afford even a bag of chips.

I wanted so much to be happy that I would do anything to find that feeling. I pressed on toward what I thought would bring me true joy: being adored, having money at my disposal, having friends constantly fighting for my attention, and being successful in a career. I fantasized about being a famous fashion merchandiser (I really wanted to be a designer but I hated the drawing part). Once I break free from this town, I’m going to make something of myself. These words were my mantra, and I clung to them tightly.

By the time I was 33, the world was my oyster. People constantly showed me attention because of my appearance. My hairstyle was always the latest trend, my clothing custom made, my makeup always applied to perfection. I loved their affections. I remembered how, when I was growing up, I envied those girls who demanded all the focus; now that was me. I grew used to the attention, expected it in fact, and got it almost everywhere I went

Money was no object for me. This was a far cry from my early childhood years of taping fake designer labels on my no-name jeans just to feel included. I could buy what I wanted when I wanted, and I did.

My marriage to a successful financial advisor brought security. The age difference only proved that I was with a man of wisdom. Large parties and prominent social gatherings were the norm, only interrupted by frequent travelling.

My business thrived. A pioneer in my field, I was the talk of the town. The only worry I had was who was trying to come in that day to copy my concept. My daughter was growing into a beautiful young girl that any mother would be proud of. Minus a few annoyances here and there in my life, I had it pretty good.

Yet I was miserable. My old friend, sadness, never truly left me, although I did my best to ignore it.

If I had everything I longed for, why did I still feel so bereft? Was there something wrong with me? Depression perhaps? Maybe discontent? Or perhaps everyone else was to blame. Could they be responsible for my happiness?

How I Got Off Course

When I first learned to drive I would get so upset if I got lost. And I got lost a lot—my sense of direction was off-the-charts awful. It was so embarrassing! This was before GPS and cell phones. Back then, you had two choices: You could consult a map or ask for directions from the nearest gas station.

As little skill as I had in finding my own way, and as much as I hated reading maps or asking for directions, at least I knew I needed help. Many gas station attendants and strangers on the street got me back on the path I needed to be on in order to get where I wanted to go.

Now I realize that there is only one thing worse than being lost: being lost and not even knowing it.

In life, there are many possible paths you can take. I don’t know about you, but I hate making wrong turns. To me, having to turn around is the biggest nuisance: Finding the right place to make a U-turn is a nightmare, especially here in New Jersey. If you miss a turn or take the wrong road it may add another 20 minutes onto your travels just to get back to where you started.

As frustrating as taking the wrong road while driving can be, once you’re back on track you quickly forget about the inconvenience.

When you set out to travel somewhere by car, you always desire to take the path that will get you to your destination. The same is true when you make choices in your life: You choose a path because you believe it is going to take you where you want to go. The destination determines the path.

No one intentionally chooses a path they know will turn into a dead end. But sometimes, the further you go, the more lost you become, and the darker and more hopeless it gets.

This is precisely what happened to me. I knew I was lost when I realized I couldn’t even answer the question What is it that you want? It was time to admit that I couldn’t even tell you where I was, much less where I wanted to go.

It took me several years to discover the true problem: It wasn’t the fact that I didn’t have a destination in mind—I wanted to be admired, to have money, to have plenty of friends, and to be successful, remember? The problem was that my desires got distorted somewhere along the way. My desire to be admired and noticed was actually a desire to be truly loved in disguise. My desire for money was really a desire for security. My desire for adoring friends was a longing for true connection, for someone to notice and care about the real me. My desire for success was really a desire to live a life with purpose and meaning.

I buried my true desires under fake impostors. As a result, I spent a lifetime thinking that money, appearances, and success were my tickets to happiness. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Instead of having it all, I was empty. My money was useless, and once that was no longer a priority in my life, there went the so-called friends, too. There had never been a true connection. Everything was built on surface things, including my marriage. The man I married for security actually wound up using me for money—there’s an ironic turn on a desire unfulfilled. The only thing wonderful I had was my daughter, but I knew if I didn’t start teaching her some valuable life lessons, she would travel in the same shallow direction.

That period of my life was a rude awakening for me, but one for which I am so grateful. I awakened to the fact that I was spending my life trying to fulfill the true desires of my heart in all the wrong ways.

Do You Know What You Truly Want?

Have you strayed so far from your heart’s desires that you don’t even know how you ended up where you are? Have you given up on your heart’s desires and not even realized it?

So many women have wandered off the path of their desires—the desires that God implanted in them—that they can’t even begin to identify what those desires are. You’ll know this is you if you catch yourself saying things like, You can’t always get what you want, I have to count my blessings, or worse, some riff on if: If my kids were just... If I had only married my childhood sweetheart… If only I could get out of this house… If only my boss would treat me right... If only I could make more money. Do any of these sound familiar?

Or maybe the thought of naming your true desires overwhelms you, so you keep them all wrapped up under a bunch of gottas: I gotta take care of my kids. Yeah, it’d be nice to have what I want, but I gotta keep this job, how else will the mortgage get paid? I gotta stay strong otherwise everything will fall apart.

So many of us live our lives snared by the ifs and gottas. Even if you take the time to stop and assess your desires, the pain doing so brings up is too great, so you likely stuff them back down with soccer practice, work deadlines, and dinners on the table. You go about your day-to-day lives so consumed by demands that you don’t even realize that all of your desires are slipping away.

Or, perhaps you don’t suppress your desires. You don’t hide them. You go after them with fervor. You search for the man of your dreams, push your way up the corporate ladder, take exquisite care of yourself. But the problem you create—and I know, because this was my approach—comes from not addressing what your true desires are. So you try to fill the holes in your soul with unproductive, self-centered, often harmful methods.

You know her, or perhaps you are her: The married woman who searches for love by having an affair and then blames her husband for never being around; the woman climbing the corporate ladder with no regards for the toes she tramples; the woman spending all of her time at the gym and the plastic surgeon who believes that love can’t be found outside of perfection.

These cases are not few and far between. I work with women all day long, and I see the pain that pursuing desires in destructive ways can create. I see firsthand what happens when women chose the wrong path to their destination.

It’s not easy to help a woman see that her methods are faulty, to get her out of justification mode and to dig deep into the big questions—what her true desires are and how she can actually get them met.

It took me years of bouncing back and forth between justifying my actions, denying my desires, and flat-out lying to myself before I got tired of being a pinball machine. I finally admitted that the paths I had chosen had only led to dead ends, and that I was not happy. I had thought that the marriage, the business, and the money were bringing me happiness, but I finally saw that it was all a protective mechanism. I acted happy in an effort to hide my misery.

Why? Because I was so far off track from my true desires that I had no idea what they were. Worse, I had no idea who or where I was. I knew I was in for a long journey, but I also knew I had no choice. I couldn’t go on like this. My life wasn’t horrible—in fact, from the outside you would have thought I had it all going on. But on the inside, I was dying.

The problem with wearing a mask of happiness is that someday, all facades wear off. People begin to see through your phoniness, and that causes inconsistencies in your life. Perhaps you seem happy one minute and you’re in a foul mood the next.

Ultimately, the mask leads to profound disconnection.

Here’s the good news, nay great news: The path from this isolated, disconnected state to having your heart’s desires met isn’t as difficult as you think. And let me tell you, it’s worth the voyage.

If I’ve described you in this introduction, hang in there with me. We’re going to head out on a journey of discovery. During this time I pray you begin to see just where it all started to go wrong and allow God to come in and do His redemptive work. He can and truly does desire to fulfill your desires.

God’s path will take you to your tomorrow. I pray you will walk His way with me.

How to Use This Book

I wrote The Sacred Seven for two reasons:

1. Love for all my sisters. Everywhere. I realize I probably don’t know you, but I have a burning desire to see you and all of God’s princesses empowered and equipped to be all that He created you to be. I love to walk by your side on a journey you might otherwise have thought impossible. I love to see you set free from mediocrity and your lives be transformed.

Aggravation. Yes, I confess, frustration. It exasperates me when, day after day, I see women who are longing for the desires of their heart. But instead of following the right path, they are swayed by the ways of this world and taken on a journey that leads to disappointment and futility every time. I get as frustrated as I do because of my first reason—the love I have for you causes my heart to break for the troubles you go through. I understand firsthand how difficult it is to live in this world and try to get your desires met. I know how demoralizing your attempts to get what you want can be. I spent too many years of my life searching in all the wrong places. I spent too many years of my life following a dead-end path. That’s why I wrote this book. My desire for you is to not have to waste the time that I did to achieve the desires of your heart.

How This Book Can Help

I hope this book opens your eyes to see that there is a better way—a more productive way—to achieve your desires. I wrote it to be not only an inspiration but also a practical guide to help you get on the right path to fulfilling your sacred seven.

I want this book to be the catalyst that changes how you think, as well as how you approach your faith.

Maybe you will read it from cover to cover and take in all the inspiration and practical solutions it has to offer. Maybe you will use it as a reference guide and only pick the desires you are struggling with the most. There is no wrong way to engage with this book.

I wrote it to flow well from one chapter to the next, but each desire stands on its own and its benefits can be captured exclusively. So dig in however you feel will provide you the most benefit. Maybe you even want to use it as a study guide with a friend or a group. The action steps in this book are much more fun when performed with a trusted accountability partner.

Where I’m Coming From

As you journey through these chapters, you’ll get to know me and discover I have nothing to hide. I lay everything out there—the good, the bad, and the ugly. One of my most favorite sayings is, The wise learn from their mistakes. The wiser learn from others’ mistakes. My prayer is that you learn from my mistakes and save yourself the time and heartache I had to endure.

As you read, my approach to life and problems will become clear. But I should tell you right off the bat that I’m a no-nonsense gal. If you’re looking for guidance from a high-pitched, sweet-talking woman who says Awww every thirty seconds, I’m not your person! I’m not a flowery, sugary-sweet kinda woman. I won’t dumb down what I need to tell you and deliver it in pretty metaphors that leave little to no impact on your life.

I’m a direct, heavy hitter. In fact, some of what I say in these pages will hit you right in the gut. I don’t mean for it to hurt, but it may sting a moment. But I won’t leave you with that burn. I’ll come alongside you, give you a great big hug and say, Come on, we can do this together.

I’m not going to beat around the bush, over-analyze, or sugarcoat. I believe in getting to the heart of the matter and finding a solution.

If you allow me to walk this journey with you, I will be honored. And together, we will get you on the path to fulfilling the sacred desires of your heart.

Getting Started

To begin your journey, well, start from the beginning. The first few (along with the last few) chapters are written for all women with unmet desires. My hope is that these chapters will prepare your heart and mind to receive all that God has in store for you. Then dig in to the desire that speaks to you most—I suggest not just reading that desire and moving on, though. Rather, use it as a starting point and a constant reference guide. Take what you’ve learned and begin to apply it. Then, when you are comfortably in a different place, come back for more. Take all of your struggles to the Lord and ask Him to heal you completely until you have achieved the desire of your heart.

It will feel overwhelming at times. It will feel as if you take two steps forward and one step back. That’s normal. Keep persisting. Press on, beautiful sister, toward all that God has for you.

CHAPTER 1

What Is Desire?

Have you ever wanted something so bad you

could taste it?

When I was a little girl, that something was a special treat from the ice cream truck, which made a daily visit to the community pool. I thought about that ice cream the entire time I was in the water. Fred, the driver of the truck, would come around three o’clock every day. As soon as I heard that tinny music, I jumped out of the pool and raced to get my money and hopefully be the first in line.

The hot pavement made waiting feel like torture. Of course, I could have just grabbed my flip-flops, if only I remembered! The excitement of knowing the ice cream truck was coming was so overwhelming that I forgot them every time.

When it was finally my turn to order, I could hardly stand the heat on my feet any longer. Despite the discomfort, the first bite of that treat was just as delicious as I had expected. Desire fulfilled!

Of course, now I look back and wish my current desires were that simple. But my ice cream craving didn’t seem simple back then. It seemed as though I would die if I didn’t get that ice cream bar. My stress level climbed to a 10 in an effort to beat everyone else to the truck, so much so that I even forgot to protect my delicate feet from the blazing hot pavement.

Your desires have likely changed too since those childhood days of longing for something delicious and rare. But the fact that you have desires that NEED to get met hasn’t changed at all. Some of these desires are so strong that you still may feel as if you’re going to die if they aren’t satisfied.

There are different approaches to fulfilling desires: Maybe you become laser-focused, obliterating anything that gets in the way of meeting your needs. Or, maybe you pursue you desires only to have them unmet. Perhaps life hasn’t been too kind, and such constant disappointment has drained you of all hope.

If the latter describes you, hear this: You aren’t doomed to be unfulfilled. Your reactions to situations play a greater role in the achievement of your desires than the situations themselves.

The Rolling Stones released the song You Can’t Always Get What You Want in 1969. It followed their first megahit, (I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction, from 1965. It makes you wonder what they were going through in their lives, doesn’t it?

Do either of these songs ring true for you? They did for me for a big part of my life.

Growing up, I had a need for love that just didn’t get met. I tried and I tried and I tried, but I couldn’t get the love I so desperately wanted. Then I gave up on trying to get it…at least from my parents. I didn’t give up on looking elsewhere, though, and I found that boys were all too eager to give me their attention. This ultimately led me down a road that didn’t provide any satisfaction or the true affection I was seeking. But at the time, it seemed like my best option.

I see this same tendency to try and fill a good desire in an unproductive way over and over again in my private practice as a Christian counselor. I once worked with a woman named Sally whose hope for having a baby was fading. She had spent months in fertility treatments, years in prayer, and countless hours in tears. She and her husband, Justin, had been so hopeful, so patient, but when they came to me their hope and patience was dwindling. Justin’s performance at work was beginning to slip from all the stress, and Sally was falling into a depression. It was then that Justin said, We can’t do this any longer. Sally knew that Justin was right but couldn’t quite let go of her plan. After several more days in prayer and tears, Sally realized that she needed to change her outlook. She remembered that the Lord withholds no good thing from those who love Him (Ps 84:11), so she reasoned that if it were God’s plan, her dream of becoming a mother would happen. Her job in the meantime was to save her failing marriage and her diminishing emotional health.

Sally’s attitude change led her to get the help she needed to recover from her depression and spend much needed time with Justin without the pressure of biological clocks, ovulation times, and mechanical sex. Her eyes opened to seeing the damage that she alone caused through the pursuit of her desires. Yes, wanting a baby was a good desire—but a good desire with a wrong plan can lead to disaster.

A good desire