Tour of Insanity: Fantastic Things to Do with a Dead Body: Planning Your Life After Death

By Kelly Mitchell

There are 15 people buried underground for every 1 person living. The living are outnumbered and the dead are killing us. Kelly Mitchell takes a Tour of Insanity in the business of dying and discusses alternative methods to dispose of your dead body in a way that leaves the world better than you found it. This book provides practical solutions for your final disposition as well as the insane history surrounding what has been done with bodies and what is being done with bodies. You may never drink tap water or take your kids to a park again. You’re welcome.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Nov 16, 2021
• ISBN: 9781665540889

Kelly Mitchell

My background is a field of educational and experience carnage. My curiosity latches onto a topic that piques my interest and I immerse myself in the research of that topic and once the smoke clears, there is often a certificate or a degree in my hand. The accidental casualty of a forever learner.   My dark sense of humor guides me to write satirical works in opinion pieces, fiction, nonfiction, SciFi, and erotica. Inspiring thought, debate, and laughter in my work is my passion. If you do what you love, it's not a job, it's a dream-and here I am killing it. Originally from the small town of Fremont, Nebraska I am the survivor of extreme culture shock after moving to Las Vegas, Nevada. Things are open after 10 pm and they sell beer on Sundays - it was emotional. I earned a Bachelor's Degree in Criminal Justice but never actually entered the field (carnage). I ended up owning a collection business specializing in HOA Collections. For those that don't know, HOAs (homeowner's associations) is a world fraught with controversy that I was able to thrive in. Writing was always the gravity that kept my turbulent world together. Restless in my career and life, I found solace in writing and being seduced by the power that the right words can have, became a full-time author. If you enjoy my pieces or don't, I am happy to field questions and debate topics. You may always find me lurking at Starbucks or at www.musingaroundlv.com.

Book preview

2021 Kelly Mitchell. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 10/07/2021

ISBN: 978-1-6655-4072-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6655-4056-8 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-6655-4088-9 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2021920805

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

CONTENTS

Preamble

Chapter 1 Ashes to Ashes

Hindu - The Oldest Religion & Reincarnation

Abrahamic or the ‘No Burner’ Religions

Aztec Ritual Sacrifices

Cannibalism with the Fore

Chapter 2 Eternity Wasn’t As Long As I Thought

Taj Mahal Travesty

Tri-State Crematory

Tsunamis & Earthquakes in the Indian Ocean

Lost Cemeteries

Rome’s Subway

The London Tube

Poltergeist Philly

Sweet Home Chicago

Florida - Just Wow

A Walk in the Park With COVID

Chapter 3 Toxins Last Longer Than An Eternity

Mummification with the Egyptians

Short Story of Embalming - Long Effects

What Are You Drinking?

Chapter 4 Things You Can Do With A Dead Body

Green Funerals

Burial Belts

Blossom Into A Tree

Body Pods

Diamonds Are Forever

Oceans Eternal: Be A Reef

The Haunting

Light It Up

Be Artsy

I Need A Hero

One of These Days Alice

Do Like Han Solo

Cloning

Donating Your Body To Science

Chapter 5 Losing Our Past & Who We Are

The French Catacombs

Mutter Museum

Body Worlds Exhibit

Commemoration with Celebration

Setting Up Your Family Tradition or Celebration

Chapter 6 Having ‘The Talk’ With Family

Forever Missed

GatheringUs

Kudoboard

Now For Something Completely Different: EnGraved

Life After Death

Sources Cited By Chapter

PREAMBLE

When my son was 9-years-old, I found him standing in front of our fireplace staring up at our beloved dog’s urn and pondering over the profound questions of life and death, or so I thought. As my middle child, he is analytical, advanced in his mental age and has a dark, sharp blade of a mind.

He looked at me for a moment, his eyes full of questions. The innocent, curious look on his face was always disturbing. I imagine the accused at the Salem witch trials felt less threatened than I did when this look was on his face.

My boy has a long, tumultuous history of making my single friends feel uncomfortable by telling them all about why they are single. He is the type of kid that when you engage in what seems like simple conversation, unexpectedly nose dives and takes a drastic complicated turn - spiraling off the plot.

These are the types of conversations in which you walk away questioning your once unshakeable convictions and wonder how the hell that happened. The boy then shows his frustration at your weakness to adequately explain things to his satisfaction - it’s humbling.

I braced myself for the impact of the uncomfortable conversation to come, and he didn’t disappoint. I looked up at the urn and looked at the boy, raising my eyebrows in an invitation to fire away - and we were off.

Boy: That’s Toby, isn’t it.

Me: Yes. (That’s right momma, short and simple. So far, so good).

Boy: Why did you put her in a vase?

Me: (OK. There’s the fishing question of entrapment. Think carefully, woman). Because we love her and want to keep her with us always. This way, we can admire the vase and reminisce about the fun times that make us smile and warm our hearts.

He gave pause as he processed what I just said. I saw the little wheels turning, and I thought to myself: You did good, mom. You delivered a heart-felt, thoughtful answer with an endearing sentiment-mastery level. No way he can turn this around and make me the asshole. I was wrong.

My inner thoughts lied to me. On his face, I saw the wind-up for the pitch. His lips pursed and his keen eyes settled in a raptor-gaze on mine-I could tell he was onto something. I slapped my inner monologue for acting like a noob. The boy shook his head in disapproval at my inadequate answer, pointed to the urn containing our dead dog, inhaled and blasted me with:

So, that’s it then? We live, work, and play in our lives, and for what? We end up in a box on someone’s fireplace? Our life story in a vase ending up at a garage sale for 25 cents? Or, accidentally broken when the rest of our family dies, and no one is left to care for us? I know it’s just our bones and not our soul, but that’s messed up and seems selfish. I expected more.

And there it was—the curveball. STRIKE! Expected more?!?

He waited for my response and huffed at me when my shoulders slumped in defeat and I didn’t give him one. This conversation was above my paygrade at the moment, and I thought it best to wait till I had an informed answer for him. This topic was going to take some research on my part to catch up. He spun on his heel and walked away, throwing his tiny hands in the air from frustration and disappointment, an action that deflated my ‘bravo mom’ balloon (again).

I realized the boy wasn’t wrong. He was alarmingly correct. Here I was, rethinking my philosophies and questioning my beliefs - damn this kid. Ending up in a vase on a fireplace wasn’t appealing to me either. On the other hand, the thought of being underground in a casket was equally chilling because I am claustrophobic.

The question became: What is appealing and would make me