Engaged & Depressed: Finding Comfort in Another Woman’s Arms

By Emma Jones

"She moved his hand away from her and slid her wet entrance over the tip of his cock teasing him at the edges.

"Mmmm, honey tell me," she purred as he moaned in agony.

"Ugghh I'm yours honey," he kissed her neck and squeezed her small firm butt with both his hands, pulling her into him but she resisted.

"Forever? No matter what?"

"Uhhh of course honey, no matter what. I love you!" he bucked up into her.

She finally sunk onto his shaft as they moaned together as he bottomed out inside her.

"Ohhhh Jonathon! I love you too!"

She started rocking, gradually increasing her pace. He groaned and gasped as she started fucking him harder, slapping their skin together until he almost got too worked up and then holding his full length inside her and gyrating. Her face determined and confident. She nibbled and licked his ear as she slid him all the way out of her and held him at her entrance until he bucked up into her in desperate need, then slowly slid down onto him again and gradually fucking him harder and harder again."

Continue reading more of this romantic erotic novel in the full eBook...

• Language: English
• Publisher: Emma Jones
• Release date: Nov 17, 2021
• ISBN: 9781005185701

Emma Jones

I am a freelance erotic writer who loves writing stories under various genres of erotica

Book preview

Engaged & Depressed: Finding Comfort in Another Woman’s Arms

By Emma Jones

Published by

Cougar Publications at Smashwords

[e-mail]

Copyright 2021 Cougar Publications

Distributed by Smashwords

All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher.

The author asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to any actual person, living or dead, events or locales is entire coincidental

Authors Note:

All characters depicted in this work of fiction are at least 18 years old or above. Names, characters, business, events and incidents are the products of the author's imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Contents

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

Part 1

Part 1. A Shoulder to Lean On,

No. No way. That's not what I came here for. he said.

Jon took a breath and tried to look at his patient reassuringly, It's a routine medical exam. It's not as bad as you think, and it's necess-

No! You're not comin' anywhere near my ass. Just gimme some pills or some shit.

You told me you're having trouble urinating, and at your age if you've never had a prostate exam before, you should actually have one regardless, Jon explained.

Forget I said it then. I'm peein' fine, he said crossing his arms stubbornly.

Jon sighed. Well I can't make you, but I want you to know it IS recommen-

Yeah that's right you can't make me, he interrupted. I know you're a newbie but you can't go shovin' your fingers at everyone who walks in the door. Goddamn waste of time like I thought. At least I get to tell my wife I was right. Can I get some percocets at least?

Wh... Excuse me?

Percocets, er, oxy-whatever. My buddy lends me some for when my gut starts hurtin' worse than usual. Works like a charm, at least for a while.

That is... not appropriate. Look if you're having ongoing abdominal pain we should at least talk about that, Jon said, not wanting to, but knowing he should.

Well... it HAS been getting worse. And um... I've been noticing some blood in the toilet every now and then, but it's usually just- hey DON'T give me that look you're still not stickin' your finger up my ass! he said, pointing at Jon's concerned face and leaning back.

Jon furrowed his brow and tightened his mouth, trying not to glare, and spoke carefully, I know you're not comfortable with that... today, and that's... fine for now, but I think I should ask you a few more questions, because honestly it's sounding like you might need a colonoscopy. Again, at your age...

I think I've heard of that. Is that like a scan? the man asked suspiciously.

It's a scope, a camera that they look inside your colon with, Jon explained.

The man narrowed his eyes, ...and how do they get the camera inside you?

Jon watched the door slam and stared at it blankly for a few seconds before turning back to the computer.

After the last patient had finally gone, Jon rubbed his hands over his face in front of the computer screen. He tried to breathe out slowly, calming the tension that had been building up steadily throughout the day. The whirlwind of patients was over, the clinic closing up, but he had a ton of chart notes to catch up on. Maybe he could make it home before 7:30 today.

Five weeks into his new practice as a rookie MD and it wasn't feeling any easier. He knew it would be tough, and he had tried to prepare and streamline things as best he could, but if he was honest with himself probably nothing really would have prepared him for being on his own.

Ten years of post-secondary education and I still feel like I know nothing, he thought to himself.

Deep down he knew that wasn't really true. He had done well in med school and residency. He passed his exams, not with ease, but with respectable marks. His preceptors were usually impressed and recommended him. It wasn't really the medical details of things that challenged him though. It was everything else.

It was the pace, trying to do everything that he knew needed to be done for these people in the short time given to him for each appointment.

It was the entitled, aggressive front so many patients put on, often demanding tests and treatments that were completely inappropriate. He knew it ultimately came from a place of fear and vulnerability, but that doesn't help much when a man's yelling at you that he'll sue unless he gets exactly the amount and strength of valium that he's entitled to as 'a goddamn taxpaying citizen'...

It was their skepticism in knowing he was new doctor, and the implication he would never be as great as Dr. Orson - the recently retired doctor he had inherited a lot of patients from. He had never met the man, and he was sure he was a fine doctor overall, but he probably couldn't work the EMR on the computer to save his life, and it showed in his abysmal notes on everyone's disorganized charts.

So, Jon went into most appointments essentially blind, but with patients expecting him to know their every detail. He was still able to get most people on his side eventually, and explain why they needed this or that, instead of whatever it was they were expecting. Most left reasonably satisfied, but it took so much time, and so much mental and emotional effort, that every patient seemed to drain more life out of him.

Okay, enough belly-aching, get the fuck to work Jon, or you'll be here till midnight.

He started typing away at the remaining notes and consults he had to finish.

Hey Dr. Davidson, I'm heading off unless there's anything else you need.

He looked up to see his assistant Beth in the doorway. She was in her early twenties, very good looking, with a peppy friendly exterior, but with a bit of a snobbish streak that slipped out on occasion. She was a waitress part-time as well, and her personality seemed more suited to that than a clinic assistant, but she did her job well. Very well, if he was being honest. Despite her somewhat ditzy personality she was always on the ball, and her tight organizational skills were the only thing keeping him afloat some days. She layered on the makeup more than he thought she needed to, and dressed a bit more provocatively than a lot of women in the workplace, but she was obviously free to do so, and he wouldn't dream of mentioning anything; he just worried about a girl with her body grabbing too much attention from some of the sleazier male patients.

He realized he was staring blankly at her and finally remembered to speak.

Oh, uh no I'm alright, thanks Beth, he replied, turning quickly back to his computer, worried his staring had come off as creepy.

Okay, you sure? You're always here so late and I like, kinda feel bad, she said, looking at the wall and fidgeting with the hem of her miniskirt.

Yeah, I'm sure. It's been a long, rough day again, but don't worry about it, you can head home. You were a great help today as usual, so thanks, he responded, wondering why she was lingering.

She smiled at his compliment and stood awkwardly for a second as if she wanted to talk more, but another doctor came up the hall behind her.

Hey Jon, how'd clinic go? Doug interrupted.

Beth said a polite Hi Dr Pauls, with a slightly annoyed look, and left silently.

He took her place in the doorway without acknowledging her.

Most of the other GPs the group practice were nice enough, but they were a little in-their-own-world. At least the one's he'd gotten to know so far. It was a mix of 5 other men and 2 women, but he was the youngest by far. The closest to his age was almost 10 years older than him, and as far as he could tell so far, the guy's entire lives outside of the clinic consisted of golf and poker, two things he couldn't help but find painfully boring. The women were friendly and down to earth, but wrapped up in their school-aged families whenever they weren't at work.

Oh, hey Doug. Yeah it was busy enough that's for sure, still working on keeping up with the pace, Jon said.

Yeah you'll eventually get used to it. Damn computer's not giving you trouble is it? he asked.

No actually that's one thing I think I'm okay with Jon replied honestly.

He didn't know why these guys were so fixated on that. They kept offering advice and tips for the computer system that he didn't need. In fact many of their tips were flat out wrong, and he'd actually helped a couple of them realize they'd been mis-charting stuff for years. What he needed advice on was how not to spend an entire hour filling out ridiculous insurance forms while work piled up, and how to tactfully hang up on a phone call from a hypochondriac.

Tough luck on your first go at the poker table on Saturday hey? Doug joked.

Yeah, like I said I'm not much of a player, Jon said, trying to smile through a tinge of bitterness.

They had cleaned him out mercilessly. Thankfully the buy-in wasn't horrid, but it was still a kick in the nuts. He had figured he'd give it a try and attempt to bond a bit with these guys, but in the end he couldn't help but feel taken advantage of. Mostly he was pissed off at himself for caring at all about a game he didn't even like.

Well if you want in again sometime just let me know. You had a couple decent hands. You might eventually get better if you can stop us from leaving you bankrupt, he said, laughing at his own joke.

No I think I'm good, thanks though, Jon said politely.

Just not much of a card player I guess? Doug asked.

He actually was, he loved playing bridge with his grandfather when he was back home, and lots of other games. Just not poker, or gambling in general. He preferred board games actually, but he knew that wouldn't be manly enough for their crowd.

Just more of the D&D type, he ventured, against his better judgment.

Doug made a neutral face that clearly gave away that he had no idea what Jon was talking about.

No worries, see you tomorrow Jon. Don't work too hard, He smiled and left.

He didn't resent them, they were just different people, with different interests.

Jon was a nerd at heart, and had long since come to terms with it. He liked it that way. He had always been into sports, but never came close to identifying as a jock, considering himself more of an 'athletic geek' and disconnected from that crowd. However, as time went by med school and residency took over more of his life, anything more than jogging and a bit of strength training fell by the wayside, and now he missed the camaraderie of his old teams. Doug and the rest of these guys acted like jocks but didn't seem like they'd played a sport in many years, if ever. Preferring to argue about stats and trades that he could only feign a passing interest in.

What he missed more than his sports teams were his old nerdy friends. They'd lost touch through the last few years as medical school swallowed up his life. Back in the good old days they'd always have some new board game to try out, the more obscure the better. Or a really bad sci-fi horror flick from the 60's to get high and giggle at, and then debate the scientific merits and plausibility of whatever premise it had, the more ridiculous the better. The last straw was when he couldn't even make time for the occasional online game after he moved cities for residency. They eventually stopped asking him if he was free.

He occasionally sent a text or email checking in with one or two of them. They seemed like they were doing well. He made it seem like he was too.

He broke out of his reminiscing trance. Okay back to work.

He tried to focus as best he could but sleep had been an issue recently as well. So many doctors tried to pretend they didn't need sleep, but he knew they were still as human as anyone else. No one gets completely used to it, and it wears you down, as he had experienced firsthand rotating through his residency. What he hated most now was that he had no excuse. He wasn't up all night at the hospital anymore, he was simply lying in his own bed trying to shut his brain off and he couldn't do it.

The stress will fade, he kept telling himself, just power through and you'll find your groove.

They were his fiance's words. They didn't feel any more reassuring now than they did when she had said them.

He was about to close out of a note when he suddenly caught the prescription name out of the corner of his eye. It wasn't the one he had wanted. He must've mis-clicked the next one down. Fuck. It was still the same general type of medication but in another class. Not a horrible mistake but still... Stupid and careless. He must've been in too much of a hurry to notice.

It had already been forwarded to the pharmacy. It was the one that most of his patients used, just beside the clinic in the same strip mall. He picked up the phone and dialed.

Hi, it's Dr. Davidson, can I speak with a pharmacist please?

He waited impatiently through the godawful elevator music as he was transferred.

Hello, a friendly female voice finally answered.

Hi, this is Dr. Davidson, from the Creekside clinic.

Oh hi! I'm Carly. I'm one of the pharmacists here. It's good to put a voice to your name finally, I've been seeing it more and more, she said.

Yeah, I just started at the clinic. It's uh, good to meet you too Carly, he said, a little thrown off by her congenial tone. Then he asked himself why, and felt almost sad that he was so unused to a normal friendly conversation.

...How can I help you Dr. Davidson? she said, sounding amused at the few seconds of silence.

Right, sorry I need to change a prescription I sent in. I made an error, and I'm hoping it hasn't been filled yet, he said, his voice sounding flustered despite himself.

Oh no problem just let me log in. Might take a few seconds.

Sorry, it was a stupid mistake, but I'm glad I caught it.

Pssshh, no worries, happens all the time, she reassured him casually.

Really? he said, doubtfully

Oh yeah, I get a few a day at least. Yours couldn't have been that bad a mistake otherwise I would've caught it and called you.

That's... good to know, he said, still a little embarrassed.

Don't worry I got your back, it's what I'm here for.

Thanks, he said, feeling gradually more comfortable.

It's taking a long time to log in just bear with me. I was signed off getting ready to leave.

Oh, sorry to keep you, he said.

She giggled, Quit apologizing, I'm just doing my job.

Okay sor- he caught himself and couldn't help but chuckle as he heard her snort in laughter.

How do you like working at the clinic so far? she asked, with a giggle still in her voice.

Oh, well it's... a nice clinic, really modern, well designed, he said, not wanting to gripe.

Yeah they just renovated it last year, she replied. It's nice the construction's finally done so I got my parking spot back.

Yeah I bet.

Kinda stressful just starting out? she asked.

Yeah, he replied automatically without thinking, It's uh, just a lot of work, there's always a lot of patients and it's tough to keep up. Plus adjusting to all the ins and outs of all the practical things, when you're new it's... yeah it's a bit stressful, he admitted.

No kidding, I get it, she said. For what it's worth you've already got a good reputation.

Oh?

Yeah, well I mean, myself I can tell you know what you're doing, you've already corrected a lot of antiquated crap that Dr. Orson had people on, and the way you're really meticulous about dispensing instructions, and you've done a lot of careful tapers. I can just tell you put a lot of thought into it. Unlike some doctors, believe me.

Thanks, he said, smiling and feeling the first gratification in weeks.

Plus so many patients are beaming about you. They say you're such a nice man who takes the time to talk to them and explain things. All the old ladies are conspiring about how to set you up with their granddaughters. And, the people who don't like you, are the one's who I'd be concerned if they did. Honestly, I've been wanting to stroll down there myself and meet the new hotshot doctor in town and find out what all the fuss is about.

He couldn't help but laugh, That's good to know, thanks. Try to steer the old ladies in another direction for me if you can though okay?

She giggled again I'll see what I can do, but I can't promise anything.

It felt good to be smiling on the phone for once.

Okay it looks like I'm all loaded up, what's the patient's name? she asked.

He gave her the info.

K. She hasn't picked it up yet but... there's nothing wrong with this prescription, she said, sounding confused.

Yeah it's not the medication I wanted though.

He explained to her the change he wanted to make.

She laughed, Mr. perfect here making sure guidelines are strictly followed I see. You were sounding like you'd given the woman cyanide or something.

Thankfully we don't have an auto-template for that so my ham-hands are spared, he joked.

Hey at least you're using templates. Even with a mis-click here and there it spares more mistakes then it causes. Most of the other guys down there keep typing theirs in by hand still. The spelling mistakes I tell you..

Seriously? The template menu is literally at the top of the prescription box.

Right??

He told her the dose and duration to make the prescription out.

Well thanks Carly, it was really nice talking to you.

Yeah you too Dr. Davidson, maybe I'll see you around.

Yeah. It's Jon by the way.

Bye Jon.

Bye.

He hung up the phone. Dumbfounded at how good he felt from just a simple conversation. God, she sounded cute, and just had this reassuring, soft, friendliness like they'd known each other for years. She had taken 5 weeks of built up inadequacy and soothed it out of him for a brief few minutes like magic. Maybe he was just starved for normal human contact, he thought.

He needed to get home to his fiance.

Elaina. She was the one he should be opening up to. That hadn't been easy lately. She'd been caught up in her own work, but seemed to find it much more satisfying despite being even busier than he was. She had already texted him that she was picking up supper, so she'd probably beat him home. She always seemed annoyed when that happened; implicitly, or sometimes explicitly, judging him since he only had a clinic, while she also had hospital patients to take care of. He worked through the last few charts as quickly as he could and headed out the door.

Elaina was the reason they had moved here. She was a nephrologist and had searched a long time to find the perfect spot to set up practice. The assumption was that he, as a family doctor, could pretty much work wherever they ended up, while openings for her were harder to find. It was technically true, but he had felt kind of pulled along for the ride, without much say in the matter.

She had settled on this small city, with a decent sized regional hospital and fairly middle-class population. It had a very suburban feel. It wasn't a long drive from two larger centers should they feel the need to escape to a metropolis, but too long to commute. Jon had done a lot of work with inner-city clinics during his education, taking electives and extra training in that type of work, hoping to eventually make it a large part of his practice. He was more than a bit disappointed when he found out where she wanted to move to, and he did make a case for looking elsewhere, but ultimately her needs were more important.

He had met her in his first year of residency, when they were on the same hospital rotation. She was a few years ahead of him, and as a senior resident she seemed like she was on another level and frankly, out of his league. It was she who asked him out, to his surprise, the day after the rotation was finished.

He had always thought she was beautiful, and had initially assumed she had a boyfriend or husband already. She had a fashion model type of body, with tall skinny legs, narrow hips, and a torso to match, a long slender neck and a defined jaw line. Her medium length straight black hair was usually kept in a tight bun. Her eyes were beautiful and piercing.

Before she asked him out he had thought she hated him, because she was always grilling him with questions during rounds, and would go to him more than others to do this or that on the wards. It turned out that's just how she expresses her attention on someone. Her piercing eyes, always seeming to be on him, weren't annoyed with him, but were actually carefully assessing and calculating whether she wanted him. Turns out she did.

He always thought she was a woman that could make what some men called a resting-bitch-face, look sexy. He tried telling her that as a bad joke once. She didn't take it well, coming back over to him every hour through the evening with new retorts on why that wasn't true and why he was an asshole for saying it. He knew he wasn't the only one that thought it though. She had a reputation in the hospital, especially among the men. The wicked-hot witch of the wards was one name thrown around. The way they talked about her, it sounded like she had been asked-out by every man in the hospital, and turned down each one. When he eventually told the other guys on his next rotation that they were dating and that SHE had asked him out, he was met with disbelief until word got around that she had confirmed it.

Their relationship developed slowly. A series of highly scheduled dates whenever their limited time-off synced up. The first time he met her at an upscale restaurant and saw her fully dolled-up in a cocktail dress he almost left. He felt like a hobo walking up to the queen's dining table, regardless of his new suit and haircut. She radiated class and elegance, looking like she deserved to be on the arm of some billionaire play-boy, not his awkward nerdy self. They stayed together though, despite him always thinking she was one bad date away from dumping him.

The sex came after a few dates and it was something else. The same unstoppable effort she put into being the best in everything else, she put into being the best in bed. So, it was her version of perfect. Which was still amazing. A determined progression through positions and moves that she had planned beforehand, trying to give him as much pleasure as she could.

It always worked. Too well at first, actually, and he was really embarrassed his first couple of times with her, when he climaxed fairly soon, but she acted like she didn't know why he would be. He quickly learned that she refused to take her own pleasure into account, and would never answer him when he almost begged her to tell him what SHE wanted, and what would make HER feel good, other than the satisfaction of driving him wild. It took quite a few times before he finally got her to orgasm. She always seemed to fight it, and acted embarrassed afterwards, but in those few precious moments when she was cumming he discovered a passionate, delicate girl clinging desperately to him like he was life itself. It was incredible.

Eventually he learned a few of her kinks and what set her off and their sessions became a competition of who could make the other one cum. She almost always won but his score count increased more and more. He wondered afterwards how rare orgasms had been for her up to that point, but she would never talk openly about it, other than to admit that she'd never had as many as with him.

Despite this, their sex always seemed to lack a true emotional quality. She was beautiful, her body was incredible, and they did it often, so he really shouldn't be able to complain, but sex always seemed like a procedure. A very well done procedure, but still, it never felt like a natural spontaneous love-making between two deeply connected people.

She shocked him again when after 8 months she asked, or more told him, that they should move in together. It made sense after all, since it was so hard to see each other with their work schedule. She made it seem like a simple logical step, but he already at that point could sense a real emotional longing buried deep behind those piercing eyes. The thought of not seeing him as much was unacceptable because it would be unbearable. It ironically made him see her firm, determined exterior as a passionate and intense desire for him. She put so much of her Type-A effort into scheduling and running their relationship because losing his love and affection was unthinkable.

He probably wouldn't have stayed with her, had he not discovered this deeper underpinning to her domineering ways. She never admitted it of course, but he was sure it was there. It came through on the few nights they were able to fall asleep in each others arms on the couch after she had found the perfect movie for them and the softest blanket to snuggle up under. When she looked at him expectantly over top of the delicious breakfast that she had gotten up early to make for them the next day. He could always, just barely, sense a very human vulnerability there, and he cherished it.

Then things changed in the last half of their final year. Her nephrology program was longer than his family medicine stream, so despite her seniority they would graduate at the same time. They had started to have conversations, and eventually arguments about where they would work afterwards. It got to the point where he was beginning to seriously question the long-term viability of their relationship.

He remembered she had walked up to him silently, with a serious look on her face, and he steeled himself for another of her long-winded rehearsed explanations of why her plans made more sense. However, all she did was look at him, open her mouth in a rare hesitation, and then speak the words:

I love you.

He remembered the words sneaking into his brain before he could register their meaning, then exploding like a bomb smuggled into a building. Her expressionless face didn't change, but his eyes welled up with tears and he said back what he suddenly realized he had been wanting to say for so long.

I love you too!

He kissed her and hugged her close. Tears rolled down his face. She never cried, but she kept her arms around him, clinging to him for minutes on end, which was rare, compared to her usually brief hugs.

He never questioned whether she meant it, but he wondered, much later on, if there had been some tactic behind the move, because he ended up agreeing to her plans not long after this.

A month later he proposed to her. He remembered blubbering in tears again after she said yes, while she stood cool and collected, but her beautiful eyes shone into his with pride and happiness.

She seemed to find a new level of devotion towards their relationship after that. She used the word fiance at every opportunity. They shopped for houses, started to make plans for the wedding, though they hadn't set a date yet. She organized their lives and worked hard to keep everything perfect, because he was her man. It was a simple, obvious, unchanging fact, like anything else. It mostly felt good, but it became overbearing at times, and she was developing more and more of a jealous streak when it came to him being around other women that she considered attractive.

Still, he always felt like she was out of his league. She never indicated anything of the sort though. She had actually joked before that he would be her trophy husband, or her arm-candy. He knew he was decent-looking. She, and a fair number of other women throughout his life had convinced him enough of that, but he was never able to find any true confidence from it.

He knew he ticked the boxes; good-looking, tall, athletic, doctor, pushing 30 but not yet balding or greying, above-average penis, tolerable foot odor. (He secretly, only-half-jokingly wondered if Elaina had exactly that list squirreled away in a box somewhere from when she first met him, with comes from money crossed out at the bottom). Despite all the facts, he was just naturally self-conscious.

It was part of his job as a doctor to question and doubt and decipher, and he couldn't help doing that everywhere, including to himself, over-analyzing and picking apart everything he did and said. Sure, he could put on the front of a suave, confident, totally-has-his-shit-together caricature of a doctor, when the need arose, so whoever's anxiety he needed to quell in that moment could trust him with their life. It was a thin veneer though, and he honestly couldn't understand how anyone could do it every second of their life, let alone believe it.

Jon knew too well that life was uncertain. The universe was uncertain. Nothing was ever completely ruled in or ruled out, only a rising or falling level of probability. To live in denial of that was to lie to yourself in false reassurance. He had tried to talk to Elaina about this stuff a number of times but she was too facts-driven to care. Everything was a chemical equation with a clear solution to be found, and he and his philosophizing were impertinent to that.

He knew psychologically it wasn't good to wallow in self-doubt, and so far, he was always able to pull it together and get the job done when he needed to. The more stressed, the more sleep deprived he became however, the more it creeped in and threatened him with an existential crisis.

Maybe the uber-jocks of the world have it right, he thought as he stared down the street in front of him. Just stick your head in the sand and wag your dick around pretending like you got the whole world figured out.

No, he quickly thought again. Just find your balance like you know you have to. The day I start acting like that is the day I should get in a Corvette with a leather jacket and designer sunglasses and drive myself off a cliff.

He pulled his Toyota into the garage of their new home. It looked out of place rolling up to the sprawling monstrosity of a house they had bought. She had told him to trade up to a higher-end vehicle a number of times, and even started car-shopping for him, but he had a soft spot in his heart for the thing. It was only a few years old, still nice enough to look respectable, and ran well. He'd had it since the start of residency, and it was one of the last things connecting him to his old life.

The house was beautiful, but felt impersonal. He knew it took a few months before any place started to feel like home, but he had a hard time believing he'd ever feel comfortable here. He hadn't grown up dirt poor, but definitely lower-middle-class. He had learned very early on to always be careful with money. This house and their lifestyle was very quickly becoming everything he wasn't. The price tag seemed insane to him, but with both of them working now, he eventually conceded that the math worked out. The mortgage was easy to approve. He just felt that it was a lot of debt to go into when he still had student loans being paid off.

He had to admit it had some very nice features though. The high ceilings, the huge windows, a nice large deck with a spectacular view of the rest of the city in the valley below and a huge hot tub. Elaina was disappointed there was no full sized pool, but he couldn't fathom why they would need that in addition to everything else. She had already suggested tearing up the small garden and putting a pool there instead, but he had been a bit excited to try out his green thumb. There was more space than they could use. Four bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, a huge finished basement with a den. He wondered why all the space when they had no plans for kids.

They had talked about it a few times. He had said that he did want kids eventually, and that it didn't really matter when, knowing that no one's ever fully ready. She was much less enthusiastic, eventually conceding 'maybe', far off in the future. Really he suspected she was just afraid of saying no, and starting another argument. So, they had no plans of growing into this place as any kind of family, but she explained how they could each use a room as an office, and keep one as a guest room. He had suggested they could get a dog, but she quickly rationalized how they didn't have the time to look after one, and the problem of the messes it would make.

Yep, the house was perfect.

He couldn't feel less at home.

He went to check the mail before going inside, and saw his neighbor Tabitha weeding her flower bed. She was a tiny young woman, much shorter but not quite as skinny as Elaina. Though she looked like she weighed absolutely nothing, she had a bit more accent to the curve of her body, as he found his eyes lingering on her backside as she bent over the flowers. He broke out of his careless staring and chastised himself for it, then decided to say hi to feel less creepy.

Hi Tabitha, he said politely.

She startled and popped up suddenly straightening her sun hat and tank top.

Oh! H-hi, Jon! she stuttered. She invariably had this bubbly nervous excitement whenever she talked to him. Long day at the clinic?

Yeah. There's been a lot of those unfortunately. The flowers look great.

She blushed and gave an embarrassed smile. Aw thanks. It's a struggle to keep them nice, or at least as nice as everyone else's around here. I don't know how they do it.

Honestly I think most of them just 'cheat' and hire gardeners for it.

She giggled Maybe. I like gardening actually, I'm just kinda self-conscious. Elaina had pointed out a few dandelions that had snuck in.

I never would've noticed, Jon reassured her. Hey thanks again for the carrot cake the other day that was really thoughtful, ...and delicious.

Aw thanks. I'm glad you liked it. It was the least I could do to welcome you guys here. Can you remind Elaina to bring my pan back though? she asked timidly. I thought maybe you guys were still eating it, but it's been a week.

Oh! Yeah of course I thought she had already. Anyway, I'm already late getting home so I'd better head in. Take care.

You too. Stop in any time! she gave a friendly wave and nervously turned back to her work.

Jon walked in the house to find Elaina organizing the take-out food on the kitchen counter.

Hi honey, sorry I got caught up with paperwork and phone calls again, and Doug got talking to me for a bit. He took a plate of food and they sat down at the huge solid wood table.

Well, I'm getting used to it at this point. I still don't know what takes you so long. Do you think you need a different assistant? she asked.

No Beth's fine. The clinic runs smoothly enough, he reassured her

I still don't like that girl, something about her rubs me the wrong way.

You've only met her a couple times.

It was enough. She just doesn't seem... professional enough. I don't like the way she looks at you.

She's worked at the clinic for over a year already, as far as I can tell no one else has had a problem with her, he tried to reassure her.

Fine, she shrugged, not seeming satisfied.

I'm just.. not quick enough with visits, and documentation. I'm still trying to do too much I guess. It's getting harder to focus recently too, he said.

Oh?.. she sounded concerned. Something distracting you?

Just, my sleep hasn't been the greatest. I'm just way more stressed. It's a different kind of stress than being on the wards. It's hard to explain.

Oh, she replied, seeming to have expected a different answer. Well like I've told you it comes with the territory honey, she shrugged. I still don't get why this is suddenly an issue for you.

Like I said, it's different than the wards. When we were training there was always that light at the end of the tunnel, even with the hardest rotations that there was an end in sight. I just figured starting into my own practice finally would be a bit more freeing. It's felt like the opposite.

You'll get used to it, everyone does, she reassured him lamely. Honestly I'm wishing I was busier.

You're 1 of only 3 nephrologists, you're on call every 3 days, he said in disbelief.

It's every 2 right now until Debra gets back actually, she added, but it's a smaller hospital than what I was used to, and consults don't come as often. I'm not billing as much as I had hoped. The clinic's nice and full, and the dialysis unit's consistent, but still.

We're doing fine for money, he countered. Hell I've been wanting to cut back on my clinic numbers, but the wait times would get out of hand.

Honey, we need to save up for the pool, she reminded him.

Yeah about that, I was thinking we could wait a year, just try a small garden and see if we like it.

We aren't going to entertain guests with a garden, she said.

Depends on the guests, he shrugged. Also what guests?

I want us to start hosting parties honey, we talked about this, she said with a sigh. We're new here, and we're staying long term. We need to network and socialize. She left out the obviously but it was clear in her tone.

He dreaded the idea, but agreed anyway.

Besides, she said. If you keep a garden I don't know if I can trust anymore that you'd only be growing vegetables in it.

He sighed, It was ONE TIME, one joint, I couldn't sleep. I'm not smoking up regularly I promise you. he stood up to start clearing the table.

Where did you even get it? she asked angrily.

It was left over from a long time ago, I found it stashed away. It was stale as hell if that makes you feel any better.

It doesn't. Why would it? she crossed her arms angrily.

He facepalmed, and sighed. He looked back at her, with her crossed arms pushing her breasts up, her hips leaned to the side, and her eyes piercing a hole through him.

God she was sexy when she was angry. It sucked that she was never horny at the same time though. One time in an argument he had tried to kiss her and lift her on to the kitchen table knocking a few dishes to the floor. It was the only time she had ever slapped him in the face. Then screamed about the broken dishes. She hadn't talked to him for a full day after that.

He tried to switch gears. I could grow you some flowers, he said, and smirked apologetically.

She rolled her eyes, I don't need flowers. She turned away and walked towards the kitchen. Ask Beth, maybe she does.

Oh COME ON!

He left her to clean up the dishes herself, knowing he'd just dig himself a deeper hole if he remained in the room.

He found a beer and sat out on the deck to cool down.

A beautiful sunset washed across the sky. Why was his life seeming like such shit? This should be the culmination of years of work, finally paying off, yet here he was, fighting off a crushing depression and losing.

He had long since done away with any illusions that medicine was anything close to the flashy, exciting bullshit they showed in the movies and TV. Even before getting into medical school he had fairly realistic expectations of what most day to day life entailed.

He was mature enough now to know that he wouldn't want endless 'excitement' and adrenaline either, because those situations meant people fucking dying. Only a certain percent of lives could come back from the brink, no matter how many right moves you made, and he felt like he'd have to be a sociopath to want to see that non-stop. Each to their own, he supposed, and even the ER guys had their own type of drudgery.

He always knew there would be drudgery. He knew there would be bad days, but still... everything felt so soul-sucking, so thankless, so hopeless when the root cause of so many problems was beyond his control. He knew he should still be finding satisfaction in the things he WAS able to change, but he just couldn't.

He knew he was so privileged, with money, intelligence, his health, a beautiful fiance, so what if she was frustrating as hell to talk to sometimes. He dealt with so many people who had real, terrible problems.

Especially during his time back at the inner-city clinics. People with literally nothing struggling to survive day to day. Many of them were miserable, and they had so many legit reasons to be. Some of them though, still seemed genuinely happy. A war vet with one leg, who was always all smiles, lightly bumping people with his wheelchair and making a beepbeepbeep as he backed up to make them laugh. An immigrant father beaming with pride at his daughter's grades now that her vision was finally fixed, talking excitedly about saving up to buy an old cheap computer...

Here he was, feeling broken and empty, while people like that could find meaning and peace in their lives. The guilt of it ripped him apart even more, and he fought away tears, sitting alone in the cool breeze.

Dusk was setting in as he sat there contemplating everything. The screen door eventually opened and Elaina stepped through, a glass of wine in hand.

Netflix and chill? she asked.

He raised an eyebrow and smirked. Do you know what that means?

Yeah it means, turn on Netflix and then.. the 'chill' implies sex right?

It all means sex, he corrected her.

Can't it be both? she asked.

He laughed as he stood up and put his arms around her. You're too cute sometimes.

There's a documentary I wanted to watch. she said flatly.

Sure, let's go downstairs. Sorry for raising my voice earlier, he said. Today was just a tough one.

I know honey, she hugged him briefly. Don't worry, you'll be fine.

They curled up on the couch and silently watched the documentary. He couldn't really focus on the subject matter though. Too many thoughts were still bouncing around in his head.

Two hours later it finally ended and they headed upstairs, and passing the kitchen jogged his memory.

Hey honey before I forget, Tabitha mentioned we still haven't given her pan back.

Oh. Why were you talking to her?

Because... she's our neighbor. I ran into her out front working with her flowers.

Ah yes, in that huge gaudy hat she insists on wearing. With the amount of time she spends out there you'd think those things would look less overgrown.

I think you're being a little harsh honey. Anyway, the pan?

I think I threw it out. It was old and scratched from what I remember.

Why would you throw out a metal pan?

It looked cheap to begin with. If she's that hard up I can buy her a new one. Or better yet just hand her the ten dollars she'd need to get a better one, she said calmly, turning away. He sighed and followed her up to the bedroom.

They climbed into their massive, plush king bed with dark baroque wooden frame and headboard. It still felt like he had snuck into some rich miser's castle.

He turned off the light and crawled under the covers while she put her book away.

How long until I finally fall asleep tonight? he thought.

He felt her move up next to him and rub her hand over his chest, sliding her thigh over his.

Want some help falling asleep? she whispered close to his ear.

He smiled. Yeah, if you want to? He rolled to face her and kissed her.

That doesn't matter I just want you to feel good, she whispered back.

He closed his eyes, thinking she would never get it. Elaina, please I don't want to have sex with you if I know you don't want it.

I want... to feel you wanting it, she purred in his ear as her hand found his cock. I want to feel you needing it... Loving it... She started to stroke him with each word. That's what I want. she smiled and kissed him again as he groaned.

Hnnng okay I'm convinced, he smiled and chuckled.

He ran his fingers through her hair and kissed her deeply as she stroked his engorging cock harder and started to moan.

Mmmm I can't wait until we're married, she said moving his shirt up to slip it off. He did the same to her and exhaled as he slid his hands over top of her round perky tits that fit perfectly in his palms.

I can't wait till it's official, she continued as she slipped the waistband of his pants down. When you'll be all mine.

He slipped hers off and moved his hand between her thighs and gently explored.

And everyone will know that you're all mine. Completely, she moaned as his fingers moved over her quickly moistening pussy.

Hnnng! All mine, forever, she breathed heavily in his ear.

She moved his hand away from her and slid her wet entrance over the tip of his cock teasing him at the edges.

Mmmm, honey tell me, she purred as he moaned in agony.

Ugghh I'm yours honey, he kissed her neck and squeezed her small firm butt with both his hands, pulling her into him but she resisted.

Forever? No matter what?

Uhhh of course honey, no matter what. I love you! he bucked up into her.

She finally sunk onto his shaft as they moaned together as he bottomed out inside her.

Ohhhh Jonathon! I love you too!

She started rocking, gradually increasing her pace. He groaned and gasped as she started fucking him harder, slapping their skin together until he almost got too worked up and then holding his full length inside her and gyrating. Her face determined and confident. She nibbled and licked his ear as she slid him all the way out of her and held him at her entrance until he bucked up into her in desperate need, then slowly slid down onto him again and gradually fucking him harder and harder again.

He kissed her neck passionately and massaged and caressed everywhere he could reach over her smooth back, her hard ass, her long slender thighs.

Eventually he rolled her onto her back. She looked like she almost wanted to protest, but relented and looked up at him with satisfied pride as she panted along with him and he grasped her thighs for dear life and pumped into her.

She closed her eyes and her moans heightened in pleasure as he slowed down and drove deeper. He thought she was getting close but she suddenly stopped and told him to get on his back again. He eagerly listened and she climbed on top, this time facing away from him, and sunk down on him again.

He watched her ass and the curve of her back rolling in waves as she slid over him and grasped his thighs for support.

She rotated and angled him into every part of her, squeezing her pussy over his cock as he bottomed out again and groaned. She started fucking him quicker and harder again, digging her nails into his thighs and he moaned out as his crescendo built. She looked back at him with a satisfied smile. Her face seemed so far away and he loved the feelings she was giving him, but he wanted her closer to him when he came.

That became less of a problem when she suddenly bit down on his toe.

OW! Goddammit! he blurted out instinctively and his foot jerked away, and his knee came up and hit her in the chest.

Ah! she exclaimed stopping and bringing her hands to her chest and pushing his knee away.

Sorry honey. He said sitting up and leaning forward to see if she was okay.

I thought you might like that but I guess that's a no, she said breathlessly.

He wrapped his arms around her and brought his hands over top of hers on her chest.

Are you gonna be okay? he said, kissing the back of her neck.

I think so. We can...mmm, we can keep going.

He was still inside her, and he pulled her back up against his chest as they sat on the bed. He started rocking into her and caressed her breasts as he held her firmly against him. Her body moved up and down as he thrust into her and she felt precious in his arms as he held her tightly. His fingers slid over her hardening nipples and he caressed one hand down her torso to find her clitoris.

Ahhh! she moaned out.

He quicked his movements and she threw her head back and twisted around to kiss him.

Mmmm say you're sorry again, she said, biting his lip.

Ughhh I'm sorry honey. I love you.

She moaned louder as he pushed her body up with his cock.

Ohhh Jonathon!

He was getting quickly worked up again but was getting strained.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and tipped her forward onto the bed. Her face hit the mattress and he lifter her hips into him and fell ontop of her. He kept his arms wrapped strongly around her waist as he panted into her neck and started pistoning in and out of her. She grasped the sheets in her hands and started moaning more quickly.

He kept an arm around her and moved his hand to find her clit again and started to tease and rub.

Her cries became more frantic and he put every bit of determination he could into keeping up his movements to bring her to climax.

Ah! Jonathon! No! Oh! Jonathon!

Elaina!!

Ah! No! NO!! Stop Jonathon!

He pulled out of her, feeling disappointed and confused.

Sorry. Was I hurting you?!

No it was good I just... I didn't want to... Here. come here.

She laid him down on the bed and took his throbbing member into her mouth. Looking up at him with those beautiful electric eyes. She very quickly got him to orgasm and he jolted in pleasure as he shot his load into her mouth, crying out her name.

She smiled and raised an eyebrow in almost arrogant satisfaction as he panted through his aftershocks.

She straightened up and tickled his toes, then walked over to the bathroom to spit everything out.

He sighed as he relaxed back onto the pillow. He supposed he should have known better. She never liked cumming when he was in control. Sex always seemed like a power struggle between them, and one that she was never willing to lose. He didn't mind really. Losing always felt just as good as winning to him, and if it kept her happy then so be it.

She finally came out of the bathroom and they curled up under the sheets together, pecking kisses and sliding their hands over each other as they relaxed.

I wish you worked at the hospital. I miss seeing you on the wards.

I hated the wards, you know that. The clinic's not all sunshine and roses but hospitalist work just makes me cringe.

She sighed If you insist. I just always remember back when we first met.

She nuzzled into him

I remember you were such a tall handsome slice of a man, but so scared and vulnerable looking.

He chuckled I WAS. First year rotations were intimidating as hell.

I remember, you worked so hard to make up for it. You were diligent, you jumped to do whatever I needed, whenever I wanted it. You were like my dutiful little pet, it was perfect.

He smirked. Well those days are over.

She raised an eyebrow. Are they?...

He wished he could be certain if she was joking or not.

I remember enjoying having you there, but I didn't realize how I really felt about you until I heard the nurses start to talk about you. Wondering if you were single. The thought of any of those little bitches getting their hands on you made me sick with jealousy.

He smiled Well I guess you won in the end.

She looked at him seriously You're damn right I did. She kissed him again and nuzzled in to him and closed her eyes.

He did the same, but it felt hard to relax.

He could never be sure with her. Was he loved or owned? Was he cherished or trapped? Maybe it was all of the above. Did he care? Did he like it anyway?

He tried to tell himself he was overthinking it and worked to settle his mind down.

An hour and a half later he finally found sleep.

**********

Two weeks later,

Okay Garrett, well I'm glad to hear you're starting to feel better, so like we planned we'll titrate up your dose slightly and we'll follow-up in a month. Is the pharmacy next door okay again? Jon asked.

Yeah for sure. Thanks again doc, I really appreciate it, Garrett replied with a courageous smile.

Yeah no problem. Just remember to keep that appointment with your counselor, and keep going with that mindfulness stuff okay? he reminded him.

Yeah you got it.

Jon smiled as Garrett left the room. He was a good kid, it was nice to see him improving. He was 20, going to the local community college. He had come to him a month ago as one of his first patients, hopelessly depressed. Not quite suicidal, but if he had been left to spiral down much longer he guessed he would have been. The antidepressants and the counseling were thankfully working. They didn't always.

These last two weeks had still been tough, but he felt that his own downward spiral was leveling off, and maybe even starting to improve. There were more second or even third appointments with patients which seemed to always go more smoothly and easily than the first. He realized Carly was right and he was actually winning most of them over. He still was stressed. Elaina was still uncaring, his days were still longer than they should be, and he was almost always the last to leave the clinic, but he didn't feel like he was out of control as much. Thank goodness, or he would've ended up like Garrett, or worse.

He clicked on the prescription after double checking it. An error message came up. He checked the web connection and it was still reading fine. Clicked again, nothing.

He picked up the phone. Hey Beth can you come help me with this computer, it's not sending the prescription out.

She walked in after a couple minutes. She was wearing a well-fitted button up red collared blouse, with the top few buttons undone to reveal a maybe slightly unprofessional amount of cleavage. No that wasn't fair, other women dress essentially the same, just with the size of her chest, it was more noticeable. Why was he even thinking about this?...

Hey Dr. Davidson. What's the issue?

It's just showing me this error message, some kind of connection issue, I can't make it send.

Well you're the whiz kid with these things honestly, I don't know if I'll be much help, but let's see.

She leaned over and put one hand on his shoulder and other over top of his hand on the mouse. He could feel the warmth of the side of her chest, fractions of an inch from his cheek. He gulped and leaned away slightly.

Yeah, it's just not connecting. Everything else is, so that's kinda weird, she said seeming disinterested. If you want you can print it out and I can just old-school fax it, or run it over later I guess, she offered.

No it's just a simple dose increase, I can probably just phone it in.

K sure, she slid her hand off of his on the mouse and squeezed his shoulder before letting it go. Do you work out?

Her question caught him off guard. Uh, yeah a bit, but not that often any more, kinda hard to find the time... why?

You're lucky, it still shows. You know my boyfriend works at a gym near here, he could probably get you a sweet deal on a membership, she said.

I'll... think about it. Thanks Beth, he said politely, turning back to the computer, watching her saunter away out of the corner of his eye.

He told himself Elaina was