It's a Dog's Life: Kirikiri Prison Diary

By Femi Akintunde-Johnson

The painful recollections in the first ten chapters of 'It's A Dog's Life: The Kirikiri Prison Diary' could easily have been avoided if we had handled our success with more maturity and patience.
Incidentally, the major situations and events of these memoirs occurred within a couple of weeks in September of 1999. From the giddy heights of running the most successful general interest magazine in Nigeria...to standing before a no-nonsense high court judge, to being bundled into a Black Maria...searching for a manageable accommodation in Nigeria's most notorious penitentiary, the Kirikiri Maximum Prison .... for eight day!
The frank and honest portrayals of emotions, intrigues, unheard of 'snapshots' of great tragedy and despicable acts of man's inhumanity to one another are painstakingly captured in this detention real-life thriller.
Special artistic illustrations are included to highlight the powerful emotional rollercoaster of the adventure, made even more vivid decades afterwards.
Generally, we hope that these memoirs will connect with our readers in a way that enriches understanding of human relationships, and permits the flow of both spiritual and emotional connections necessary for mutual growth, regards and appreciation.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Femi Akintunde-Johnson
• Release date: Nov 4, 2021
• ISBN: 9781005944445

Femi Akintunde-Johnson

Virtually everybody calls him FAJ... he's been a writer and avid reader since age 11...with a number of journalism, entertainment and other awards confirming he is in the right place. So much to share and engage after 35 years of intense dalliance in the creative industries...during which he founded and published a number of magazines with national spread, and two books, narrating slices of a peculiar life.As he grows older, the itch to write and share more suggests we will be seeing more of his books, God willing. By the way, he is a football addict, crazy about his wife and three children, and lives happily in Lagos, Nigeria. You can reach him on @TheRealFAJ or [e-mail].

Book preview

It’s A Dog’s Life

My Kirikiri Prison Diary & Other Memories

It’s A

Dog’s

Life

My Kirikiri Prison Diary

& Other Memories

Femi Akintunde-Johnson

Illustrations By Kehinde Akintunde-Johnson

([e-mail])

It’s A Dog’s Life

My Kirikiri Prison Diary

& Other Memories

Copyright © 2021  Femi Akintunde-Johnson

All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted for commercial purposes without written permission of the publisher; except for brief quotations in printed reviews, for education and enlightenment.

Published by Basic Skills Academy 

([e-mail])

Lagos, Nigeria

Cover image: From Canva - Designed by FAJ

Dedication

THIS book is dedicated to my wife, IreOluwatunde, whose selfless and long-standing devotion to, and support for my vision and passions are surely beyond the call of our vows...even before our relationship was officially consummated on August 8, 1991. It's also dedicated to my children, IreOluwatomiwa, Oluwatamilore and Oluwatemilorun who were virtually born into my journalistic struggles and tempestuous lifestyles. They all coped admirably, and have shown me great love and understanding that only the God Almighty could have stimulated and established.

Table of Contents

Dedication

Table of Contents

Introduction

CHAPTER 1

IN THE BEGINNING

STRANGE FRIENDS

CHAPTER 2

ON MY HONOUR

BETWEEN DUTSE AND KB

THE VOICE OF GOD

END OF THE BEGINNING

CHAPTER 3

IKEJA COURT 6

BLACK MARIA

CHAPTER 4

BLACK MARIA (2)

KIRIKIRI PRISONS

TRIP TO BAD CELL

CHAPTER 5

BEDTIME AT BAD CELL

PRINCE OF PEACE

BLOCK 2 DOWN

CHAPTER 6

BLOCK 2 DOWN (2)

SETTLING DOWN

CHAPTER 7

RAT ATTACK

SLUGGISH MONDAY

CHAPTER 8

RETURN TO K'S PLACE

BLOCK ONE

CHAPTER 9

WATERING HOLES

FIRST OFFENDERS

OGBOLOGBO

NEW BUILDING

BAD CELL

CHAPTER 10

SEND-OFF

BEFORE D-DAY

THAT THURSDAY

HOMEGOING

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

CHAPTER 11

30 Minutes With Burna Boy... Five In The Rain

Unwanted New-Year Visitor

Nostalgia:

Giant With Dove’s Heart

(Tribute to Mummy at 80)

Two Years Later... Last Dance Of The Grand Dame!

Oh! Grandma!: Memories That Linger...

Introduction

THESE recollections are painful, especially when with hindsight, you realise the circumstances could have been avoided, or handled more maturely. Incidentally, the situations and events of the main section of these memoirs, 'The Kirikiri Diary', occurred within a couple of weeks in September of 1999. We had just settled down to embrace the success of ounding, editing and publishing another general interest magazine, then called National Encomium. It was an instant success. The riotous and acrimonious genesis was both the elixir for its success, and the source of our anguish and disillusionment for many years.

We left FAME Weekly in May, 1997, no one was sure of the future; but with overwhelming majority if staff editorial, production, marketing, advert, etc, sworn to swim or sink with my partner and I, it was a great energiser to us, and a searing distemper to the other party. Therefore, in their vengeful and high-powered ambition to crush us for what we believed were exaggerated indiscretion and blatantly false allegations of malfeasance, we were pursued vigorously to return what we did not take.

It was within the disruptive campaigns to thwart our progress and deflate our reputations that two years after leaving Fame, forsaking all entitlements accrued after six years of hard labour, we found ourselves in one of the most dreaded prisons in Nigeria, if not the most dreadful. 

No spin on any time spent in any sort of official correction centre can remove the devastating crush of co-mingling with hardened criminals and other unfortunate characters - especially when you believe you're being unjustly persecuted with perceived connivance of the state apparatus.

What you're about to read was recorded and published in a ten-part series between October and November, 1999; so there's no possibility that the recall process of names and happenstances could have been eroded by time and age. As we say on Lagos streets, the facts and figures of my detention experience was served on gbona felifeli (piping hot).

Perhaps, in reading these Kirikiri 'episodes', you may pick some lessons on life, relationships, and examples from the brief portrayals of individuals caught in the vicious web of crime and punishments, and their valiant struggles to overcome or moderate acute depression and prevalent calamity.

But there is more: four scattergun pieces wrap up this collection of memories of my recent past. First is a write-up in 2016 after watching for the first time the performance of Burna Boy on the stage of the Freedom Park during the 80th celebrations of his granddaddy, Benson Idonije.

My attention was recently drawn to a June 26, 2016 Facebook memory template by avid media scholar, Kola Ade Odutola, who wondered if the piece was prophetic or not. In his quaint 'half-talk', Odutola left the statement hanging on the imagination. He was apparently referring to the rather gratuitous fact that five years or so after projecting warmly to the maturation of Buna Boy's great potential, based on that rainy day's performance, Burna Boy has now collected one Grammy award, and two nominations, apart from sundry other national and international awards, signposting his illustrious trajectory. 

Another piece is on the sweet four-part remembrance of my mother-in-law, who stood as a capable mother for me since my own died in 1996, Mrs. Teresa Sikeade Willoughby (nee Obasa). She died, in spite of great care and devotion from all her children, on November 7, 2017. She is one who greatly impacted my life and family - and it's easy to see why when you go through the virtual love-notes here. We still have fond and fecund memories of her.

'Nostalgia… Revisited" is a rewrite, with current postscripts, of my heavily adumbrated autobiography first captured in 'Footprints: Interventions in Nigerian Entertainment' (2011). It rehashes my journey into the arts and entertainment world from as little as a truant 10-year old, or less, in Ebute Metta area of Lagos State. And somewhat winds itself speedily to my sojourn into the media and publishing: a brisk trip from the 70s to the 2000s in a few pages.

The last bit is a shifty one. It attempts to recreate the danger, and the near calamity, of that fateful day in January of 2019 when a serpent smuggled itself into my son's room...and this is not a metaphor. How a snake snuck into an urban house without a bush or forest in sight is both befuddling, and frightening.

Generally, I hope these memoirs connect with my readers in a way that enriches our relationships, and permit the flow of both spiritual and emotional interactions necessary for mutual growth and understanding.

CHAPTER 1

IN THE BEGINNING

MY trouble started in a rather funny but painful scenario. On Thursday, September 9, 1999 (9-9-99?) as I alighted from the car, I heard the whining of my three-year-old German Shepherd (she's called Kizzie). I decided to give her some attention since the ardour of preparations for the REEL (movie award) video formal launching had eaten up most of my free time.

  Few minutes to midnight, I went to Kizzie's pen, unlocked the cage so she could roam the compound, her kingdom. Then I noticed her food plate was missing. Still holding her collar-leash, I bent deep, straining to look under the big iron 'cage' and WHACK!!! Her very thick long tail wagged my left socket (my big eyeball). I almost fainted with pain.

In case you are wondering what's the big deal about a wag in the face; Kizzie is about two feet tall, on all paws; and over five feet tall when she stretches up to peck my chin (from snout to hind legs). When she's excited, she wags her tail remorselessly, hitting the