Let This Be the Time: Spiritual Essentials for Life's Second Act

By Janet Schaeffler

The journey of aging is different for each of us, but no matter our path, the joys and challenges of getting older give us all a wonderful opportunity to keep growing emotionally and spiritually. In this wise and profound book, Janet Schaeffler draws on her own experiences of aging and the insights of many elders to help us all deal with twelve

• Language: English
• Publisher: Twenty-Third Publications/Bayard
• Release date: Sep 16, 2021
• ISBN: 9781627856560

Book preview

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Spiritual Essentials for Life’s Second Act

Let This Be the Time

Janet Schaeffler, OP

Contents

Introduction

Some Facts and Foundations

1

The Need to Live a Life of Meaning and Purpose

2

The Need for Love and Relationships

3

The Need to Ask and Explore Questions

4

The Need to Continue to Learn and Grow

5

The Need to Navigate Change and Transition

6

The Need to Cope with Losses

7

The Need to Be Grateful

8

The Need to Forgive

9

The Need to Give

10

The Need for Spiritual Integration

11

The Need to Let Go

12

The Need to Prepare for Dying and Death

Introduction

We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.

Joseph Campbell

For I know well the plans I have in mind for you—oracle of the Lord—plans for your welfare and not for woe, so as to give you a future of hope.

Jeremiah 29:11

As I was going through airport security, I told the TSA agent that I was 75. He smiled and said, Wow, you look great. He probably meant it as a compliment; yet it reminded me of our society’s perception—and misperception—of aging. How is 75 supposed to look? To feel?

You’ve probably picked this book up because something has occurred that tells you you’re getting older: creaking bones, a significant birthday, making lists to remember things, less energy, retirement, squinting to read the fine print, more doctors’ appointments, doctors who are younger than you, gray (or less) hair. Dick Van Dyke (in his book Keep Moving and Other Tips and Truths about Aging) said he became aware of his aging (at 94) when he was rejected for AARP’s magazine cover. At 94, Van Dyke was too old for AARP.

Many people mention how the awareness of getting older crept up on them. A friend of mine said to me, It was like I was cruising through life, thinking/feeling like 40 and suddenly I’m 70 plus. When I was employed from age 18 into my late 50s, time was just a page on the calendar, one year after another. It didn’t register with me very often that with each passing year, I was getting older. Suddenly it’s time to apply for Medicare! Friends started sending me supposedly funny emails about being a senior citizen, or how we act strangely and start breaking down in mind and body. I didn’t find them funny. Why are they sending me this stuff? I’m not old! So finally, around age 67, I realized changes in myself and succumbed to the physical fact that, yes, my body was aging—but not my spirit!

You, too (or you wouldn’t be interested in this book), know that this second half of life offers hundreds of opportunities for growth, discovery, and new meaning.

The journey of aging is a gift for each eldering person—and a challenge for all of us together. Richard Rohr reminds us that at the second half of life we have three options: to be the pathetic old fool, the embittered old fool, or the holy old fool. Which journey will we take? Because of God’s promise, are we empowered to embrace the journey of eldering toward a future full of hope (Jeremiah 29:11)?

As we explore this journey of the spirituality of aging, will we be able to proclaim the words circulated often via social media today (and attributed to several different people): Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty, well-preserved body. Rather our goal should be to skid into eternity broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, ‘Wow! What a ride!’ (Some versions include skid in sideways with chocolate in one hand, a glass of wine in the other.)

About this book

Since the journey of aging is different for each person, this book certainly doesn’t say everything. Hopefully, our view of and appreciation for the journey deepen each day as we listen to our own lives and as we observe and listen to the experiences of others.

The thoughts and reflections here come from my awareness of aging, from the insights of others, throughout the ages, and from privileged conversations and sharing with others. In preparation for this book, I invited several friends, family members, and colleagues to respond to a short survey about their feelings and experiences of aging. Their insights and depth of sharing—which you will find interspersed throughout the book—were a precious gift, enlightening and expanding my perceptions and experiences.

Part I of the book summarizes a few facts and foundations—some realities that are at the core of the journey of aging as well as this book. Because they are foundational, they will weave in and out of all of our explorations in Part II.

Within Part II we will explore twelve needs of people in their maturing years. Many of these needs are prevalent throughout all the stages of life. In the second half of life, they often take on a different, deeper hue because of time and perspective. All of these needs are interconnected; in reading about them—and reflecting on your own life—it will be obvious that they overlap and intersect with each other in multiple ways.

As I talked with others, read about the experiences and research of others, and reflected in my daily prayer, one imperative continually jumped out in various ways over and over again: Do it now! Don’t wait until…! Let This Be the Time (a song by Lori True). The time is now!

Picasso challenged: Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone. Meister Eckhart joyously affirms: And suddenly you know: it’s time to start something new and trust in the magic of beginnings. Psalm 118:24 proclaims: This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice in it and be glad.

Thus, as I was reflecting on and beginning to write about the various needs, I became aware that each need impels me (us) to do something, to be someone—right now; this is the time. The second part of each chapter, then, explores a significant call—The Time Is Now—that flows from each particular need.

In addition to The Time Is Now, each chapter concludes with To Ponder, Wonder, and Converse and To Practice, Celebrate, and Live. Perhaps these sections are the most important parts of the book because, hopefully, in your own reflections and conversations with others and with a new dynamic practice in your daily (weekly) life, you will review, question, and reassess; you will incorporate and strengthen new skills and new values. Pick and choose what’s helpful for you (and at another time, during another reading/reflection, you might want to visit with and pursue different ones).

Some Facts and Foundations

I am 65 and I guess that puts me in with the geriatrics. But if there were fifteen months in every year I’d only be 48. That’s the trouble with us: we number everything.

James Thurber

All aging is successful because otherwise you are dead. Living needs aging. There is no best or right way to age. Each of us will make different accommodations and find different meanings.

Ashton Applewhite

Everyone is different! One size doesn’t fit everyone. In many ways, it’s intimidating to attempt to write a book on the spirituality of aging, because there are many differences among today’s maturing adults. To group together 65-, 75-, 85- and 95-year-olds into one group makes as much sense as grouping together 5-, 15-, and 25-year-olds to search for an understanding of the young.

Various researchers and writers have identified several sub-groups within the second half of life. The Go-Gos, the Slow-Gos, and the No-Nos is a catchphrase that first appeared in financial advice articles on retirement. It has been humorously picked up by some churches and retreat centers in planning for senior adult ministry. Rick (in my survey) described them: The Go-Gos: you are still full of energy and vitality. Age hasn’t seemed to catch up with you yet, although there are signs. You’re still physically active, able to go almost anywhere—even though sometimes you sneak a nap before you do. The Slow-Gos: you’re slowing down and feeling your age. You still like to go but just not as long. You have been known to take a nap before you go to bed. You’re the life of the party—even if it lasts until 8 PM! The No-Gos: the only thing holding you back is probably your health. Your spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak; but your wisdom has not diminished. You’re a delight to visit, have a great attitude about your circumstances, and are a testimony to God’s love to those around you.

But one description doesn’t fit everyone. The first tenet of gerontology is that as we mature, we become more different from, rather than more alike, all other people. There is absolutely no way to give a concise description of all in the maturing age groups. Each person is unique; within the eldering population (which is growing larger by the week) there are multiple descriptions, numerous needs, and countless gifts. People within each group might have some things in common; yet each person is distinctive. The hallmark of any group of adults is heterogeneity. Adults are more likely to be different than the same. (A group of 60-year-olds is different from a group of 40-year-olds, and not all 60-year-olds are the same.)

Our attitude and language toward aging

A friend of mine went to the doctor because of pain in her left arm. After waiting a long time on the day of her appointment, the doctor quickly and superficially examined her and then said, Well, what can you expect? You’re 73, you know. Louise immediately responded, My other arm is the same age and it feels absolutely fine.

Might that real-life episode be symbolic, a representation of all that goes on today in every area of life regarding those who are growing older? Even though much research, increased understanding, and holistic practices are occurring today, there is still a long journey to travel to move beyond the heresy of ageism.

As with any prejudice, we are often unaware of all the beliefs we hold, all the things we inadvertently do and say. James Hillman reminds us: The main pathology of later years is our idea of later years. Society’s views about aging affect us; our views about aging affect us. We are passing our views on, which, in turn, affect society’s views. Among our society’s many preconceptions and prejudices about aging, I’m fascinated by the many words we use to describe getting older: seniors, the elders, the older generations, the aged, pensioners, golden agers, the elderly, senior citizens, the old.

In her book Elderhood: Redefining Aging, Transforming Medicine, Reimagining Life, Louise Aronson tells about a professor at the University of California, Berkeley, who, every fall, does an exercise with his new medical students. He invites them to write the