Living Between Two Worlds

By Benita Glickman

In Living Between Two Worlds, author Benita Glickman finds herself in a changing world, facing the dual problems of aging and illness while living in the midst of a global pandemic. Ailing at home, sheltering-in-place, she grieves for Joseph, her beloved, lifelong partner. At night, Joseph provides solace, support, and love through dreams and visions from the Other Side.

Feeling uplifted by his presence, Benita acknowledges the legitimacy of both worlds and begins to look toward life with a greater consciousness. The fundamental lessons she shares ring true. “Life is a celebration of who we are. We should love with our hearts, look back to learn so we can move forward, grow, and live better lives.”

Journey along with the author as she confronts her fears and sorrows. Celebrate her joys and prospects in what seems like, but clearly isn’t, a world of insurmountable chaos.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Archway Publishing
• Release date: Jun 14, 2021
• ISBN: 9781665704182

Benita Glickman

Benita Glickman, a retired language teacher, mentor, and consultant to Brown University is an award-winning poet, short story writer, and grief and spiritual memoirist. Her memoirs Greetings from the Other Side: A Story of Love, Loss, and the Afterlife; Then and Now: Snapshots of My Life; Living Between Two Worlds; On a Path to Spiritual Enlightenment; Spirits Walk Among Us; For the Love of Joseph; and It’s a Sign! are affirmations of love through loss, grief, growth, and healing.

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Copyright © 2021 Benita Glickman

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means,

graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by

any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author

except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Archway Publishing

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or

links contained in this book may have changed since publication and

may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those

of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher,

and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are

models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

ISBN: 978-1-6657-0419-9 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6657-0417-5 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-6657-0418-2 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2021904842

Archway Publishing rev. date: 06/07/2021

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Also by Benita Glickman

Greetings from the Other Side:

A Story of Love, Loss, and the Afterlife

Then and Now:

Snapshots of My Life

For Joseph—

Who looked at me

with warmth and affection,

listened to me with undivided attention,

and offered me comfort and protection

Who supported me through good times and bad,

accepted me unconditionally—

rarely got mad

Who always treated me with respect and concern,

and made me happy to reflect and discern

on truths as they arose—

always teaching, I suppose

so full of wonder and surprise

the most penetrating dark brown eyes

that captivated and mesmerized

The man I always wanted to see

The man who loved and cared about me

Joseph, you were my rock. You are my rock.

You’ll always be my rock. I LOVE YOU.

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Contents

Acknowledgments

Wite-Out!

Introduction

Part I: A Look at My Life

Chapter 1 New Year’s Day 2020

Chapter 2 A Bit of My Medical History

Chapter 3 Looking for Joseph

Chapter 4 It’s Not Death I Fear

Chapter 5 What is This Incessant Buzzing?

Chapter 6 Doctors’ Visits

Part II: Making Lifestyle Changes

Chapter 7 Cues and Clues

Chapter 8 Meditation, a Basis for Hope and a Better Life

Chapter 9 I Need Someone to Talk to

Chapter 10 Confiding in Sophie

Chapter 11 My Work Has Touched a Friend

Chapter 12 Exchanging Messages

Chapter 13 I Was Bitten by the Travel Bug

Chapter 14 Planning to Visit Israel

Part III: Messages from the Beyond

Chapter 15 Voices and Doves, Heaven-sent

Chapter 16 A Gentle Caress

Chapter 17 A Telling Dream

Chapter 18 A Night Vigil

Chapter 19 Our Lives are Written

Chapter 20 Israel’s Out of the Question for Now

Chapter 21 Two Visits from the Spirit World

Part IV: COVID-19

Chapter 22 The World Is Changing

Chapter 23 I Feel Sick

Chapter 24 My Guardian Angel Is Working Overtime

Chapter 25 The Embarrassment of Choice

Chapter 26 We’ll Get Through This in Admirable Fashion

Part V: Focusing on Life

Chapter 27 My Catch-22

Chapter 28 Turning to Joseph

Chapter 29 Baby Steps

Chapter 30 Dreams and Visions Don’t Always Shoot Straight

Chapter 31 Religious and Spiritual Growth

Part VI: Putting My Affairs in Order

Chapter 32 Preparing for the Inevitable

Chapter 33 Trapped

Chapter 34 I May Have the Virus

Chapter 35 The Hospital Visit

Chapter 36 My Final Send-off

Part VII: Communing with the Spirit World

Chapter 37 A Puzzling Visit

Chapter 38 An Unfinished Dream

Chapter 39 Sharing Memories and Celebrating Love

Chapter 40 Perfection

Chapter 41 Joseph Through the Ages

Chapter 42 Living Between Two Worlds

Chapter 43 ‘Going Bump in the Night’

Part VIII Our Changing Relationship

Chapter 44 Joseph, the Consummate Teacher

Chapter 45 Hope

Chapter 46 Sarah and Laura

Chapter 47 Happy Just Being Together

Chapter 48 A Night of Odd Occurrences

49 A Door to Heaven

Epilogue

Reminiscence of Innocence

Acknowledgments

My sincere appreciation goes to:

God, my spirit guides, my raccoon spirit animal, my angels, and all the forces of the Universe for accompanying me on this, my third writing journey.

Joseph Larizza, my late life partner and soul mate, for his love, guidance, and support on Earth and from the Other Side. I would be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge Joseph’s hand in all my books. He has presided over many of my writing sessions, providing me with experiences to write about, assisting me in selecting fitting words and thoughts, and prompting me to reread and revise passages.

My family members and friends who watch out for me and encourage me in my writing endeavors: Neil Josephberg, Jerry Josephberg, Cecile Hall, Pat Rogoff, Marla Toscano, Tanya Rosado-Barringer, Eva and Ray.

My loved ones on the Other Side, who watch over me and protect me: Bubbe; my parents, Mark and Esther Glickman; my sister, Myra Josephberg; my puppy, Bambina.

My social worker, Susan Cohn, for her ongoing concern and support.

My writing coach, Tanja Pajevic, for her invaluable guidance and continuing kindness.

My editor, Terri-Lynne De Fino, for her grammatical expertise, her genuine sensitivity, and her ability to make me laugh.

All my readers. I am truly humbled by your dedication to my work.

Wite-Out!

With determined force I unscrew the cap,

The bottle clearly printed in black and white.

The brush slathered with the smell of formaldehyde—

Caustic, irritating odor, will rub out what ought

Not be, offering change, promises to patch things

Now and forever, before the irreparable stains.

Carefully I slide the goo atop the side,

Wiping away excesses, guarding words

Almost uttered, not said nor set. Persistent,

Bold strokes cover mistakes completely,

Changing the future’s past forever.

Introduction

Growing up I looked the picture of health, but in my case, appearances were deceiving. Since childhood, I suffered persistent visual disturbances and an unrelenting heaviness in my head. I perceived these ailments as abnormal. The inexorable pain they presented, prompted fear, and I struggled with thoughts of death and dying.

At the age of twenty-seven, I met Joseph, the man of my dreams. We spent thirty-eight years together, the first twenty-three or so, blissfully happy. The commonalities of our interests and attitudes served us in developing a zest for life together, despite a twenty-year age gap and religious and cultural differences. We shared everything we had and everything we were. Our bond of friendship and love deepened. Time stood still while harmony permeated an air of tranquility.

Then Joseph took ill. He lived his last thirteen years completely bedbound. I lived those years watching his body and his mind deteriorate as he succumbed to the devastating effects of Parkinson’s disease. His arms flailed uncontrollably; his fingernails ripped at his flesh. As he weakened, his muscles atrophied; his body wasted away. The wisdom that once defined him, melted, lost somewhere within himself.

I suffered more than suffering was imaginable. Grief and despondency became a way of life. I aged rapidly, became easily confused, and emotionally strained.

Fifteen months later, still depressed and full of anxiety, I set out on a new journey. My close friends and I took short road trips and ultimately, a cruise to the Mediterranean. On my return home, I received news of my sister’s demise. The stitches of my healing heart ripped apart as grief reared its ugly head once more.

My journey was again altered six months later, when COVID-19, a deadly pandemic, broke out and swept across the globe. It knew no bounds; it didn’t discriminate; it sickened and killed millions. I was among those most vulnerable to contracting the disease, senior citizens with underlying medical conditions.

After thirty-five years of teaching in the New York City Public Schools, followed by thirteen years of serving as Joseph’s primary caregiver, I found myself sheltering-in-place, consumed with the fear of succumbing to the virus and dying. Once again, I grappled with my mortality.

Living Between Two Worlds, portrays my life during this turbulent time. A recent widow, disabled and aging, amid a pandemic. Prospects for my future are questionable in what has become a very different world.

Joseph visits me from the spirit world in dreams and visions. He consoles me, eases my pain, and provides strength. I’m delighted by his loving support, lifted by his gentle kindness. I find myself looking forward to his visits and the time we spend together. By virtue of the hope his messages offer, I put forth valiant efforts to grow stronger.

On my journey, I learn a few fundamental lessons that impact on my happiness and well-being. Seemingly insurmountable problems plague us for much of our time on Earth. It’s how we address them that’s paramount to the quality of our lives. The decisions and the resolutions that we make shape who we are and who we become. It’s important to use our time wisely. That includes learning a little each day, doing the best we can, whenever we can, for ourselves, our loved ones, and the world. Life is a celebration of who we are. We should love with our hearts, look back to learn so we can move forward, grow, and live better lives.

Thank you for choosing to read Living Between Two Worlds. If you’ve read my other books—Greetings from the Other Side: A Story of Love, Loss, and the Afterlife, and Then and Now: Snapshots of My Life—I appreciate your following, and I’m humbled by your dedication to my work.

I’ve written this memoir in the same format as the others. Each chapter begins with an original poem designed to create a mood and focus your attention on the vignette that follows. It’s my hope that as you, gentle reader, reflect on each poem and peruse each vignette, you’ll experience thoughtfulness and gain insights and a renewed enthusiasm for life.

Part I

A Look at My Life

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1

New Year’s Day 2020

                                       A car driven deep

                                       into the water’s abyss—

                                       Happy New Year!

W e went on a long road trip, the immediate family, in my sister’s car. Myra drove. My dad and I sat up front on the bench seat. I was holding Bambina, my puppy and constant companion of fourteen years, in my arms. My mom, my grandma, and Joseph—the love of my life—were seated in the back. I wondered where Myra’s husband, Neil, was.

Each morning, we got in the car and drove to destinations unknown to us. We explored new sights, had new experiences, took photos, bought souvenirs, and had great fun. The vacation seemed never-ending. We ate at fast-food dives for lunch and fine eateries and restaurants for dinner. Each night we stayed at a different hotel.

Driving on a desolate road, we were drawn to the setting sun just ahead with its brilliant hues of majestic purples and pinks. To our left, the serenity of a clear blue lake; to our right, a stately old hotel. Although it was still a bit early, we decided it might be a good idea to stop for the night. The crisp, fresh air and the beautiful scenery filled us with delight. And it certainly seemed convenient. There were no cars parked out front. The parking lot was well paved and shiny. The hotel lights were on.

Perhaps the guests are still out sightseeing and enjoying themselves, I thought.

Myra fixated on a corner spot adjacent to a wooded area, far from the hotel’s entrance. A perfect spot to park the car. She was a good driver, but for some strange reason, she was having difficulty maneuvering the car into the space. I handed Bambina over to my dad and got out of the car to help direct her. Satisfied that she had parked well, I turned to take a closer look at the hotel. It was eerily empty. I heard the locks of the car doors clicking behind me—open, close; open, close; open, close. Assuming that everyone was getting out of the car, I turned back to see what the ruckus was about.

What on earth!

I couldn’t believe my eyes. The part of the parking lot where Myra just parked had become part of a water mass. The car, with everyone in it, was whisked into the water’s abyss. I stood there, my feet riveted to the ground, my mouth agape. I had just witnessed the choppy waters swallow my family.

Suddenly, I awoke.

What a horrible dream!

I was so shocked by its disturbing nature that I couldn’t rise. Then it occurred to me that this wasn’t a dream in the conventional sense; it wasn’t something I’d wished for or something I’d feared might