The Mental Pastor: Understanding Mental Illness of the Clergy

By Stacy E. Cupples and Shannon Cupples

The Mental Pastor is a work spanning eleven years of ministry and the sufferings of my own mental illness. This book focuses on the life and difficulties that come with it as clergy face their own mental illness and navigate God’s given ministry. This book focuses on the importance of the mentally ill minister to continue to serve, even if society says no.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Apr 15, 2021
• ISBN: 9781664225305

Stacy E. Cupples

Stacy is currently serving as a denominational leader in Northern Arkansas. He has served in ministry for over 25 years as a church planter, radio broadcaster, pastor and missionary. He received his Master’s degree from New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. He and his wife Shannon, who contributed to this book, were married in 1993 and have three wonderful grown daughters.

Book preview

Copyright © 2021 Stacy E. Cupples.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means,

graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by

any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author

except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

WestBow Press

A Division of Thomas Nelson & Zondervan

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.westbowpress.com

844-714-3454

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in

this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views

expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the

views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Scripture marked (NKJV) taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright

© 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked CSB have been taken from the Christian Standard Bible®,

Copyright © 2017 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. Christian Standard

Bible® and CSB® are federally registered trademarks of Holman Bible Publishers.

Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the Holy Bible, New

International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica,

Inc.® Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.

zondervan.com The NIV and New International Version are trademarks

registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.®

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation,

copyright ©1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission

of Tyndale House Publishers, Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-6642-2529-9 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6642-2531-2 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-6642-2530-5 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2021903915

WestBow Press rev. date: 3/4/2021

Contents

Acknowledgments

I         Introduction

II        The Stigma

III       The Rest of the Story

IV       Physician, Heal Thyself

V        The Dangers of Mental Illness

VI       Treatment for the Mental Pastor

VII     Most Common Illnesses in a Mental Pastor

VIII    The Mental Pastor’s Reset

IX       The Secret

X        Opening the Door of Acceptance

XI       Education in the Church

XII     Biblical Perspective

XIII    What Now?

XIV    Develop A Plan

XV     When Mental Illness Leads to Disruption

XVI    Her Perspective

Epilogue

Bibliography

Acknowledgments

Thank you to my loving wife, Shannon. Thank you for your patience, love, and understanding when I have not always returned it to you. Thank you for your support in writing this book and your addition therein as it opens up our lives to the world.

Thank you to my three girls, who have become amazing ladies. You have endured my moodiness and seen me at my worst, but you carry on with your love for me.

Thank you to my father, who has been my mentor through the dark days of ministry.

I

Introduction

This book is not a medical journal or compilation of statistics. This is a look at what many clergy suffer. This book represents the unknown, hidden tragedy of ministers in this country in this century. Hello, my name Stace Cupples and I am a mental pastor. At the time of this writing, I have served over 25 years in ministry. I hold a Master’s of Divinity degree from a prominent seminary. I served as a pastor in four churches, with two of them as church starts. My early ministry was at a hometown Christian radio station where I served as an announcer and production director. I currently serve as a Director of Mission in North Arkansas. Most importantly, I am the father of three wonderful young women and husband of an incredible wife. At this time, we recently celebrated twenty-seven years of marriage. I serve thirty-two pastors and churches and love every moment of it. Though my qualifications do not define me, nor do my challenges, I am mentally ill. From my Illness come challenges and victories, pain and joy, struggle and peace, and a unique perspective.

I am a mental pastor. These words should be considered significant. I do not use them in jest, nor do I believe these words too seriously. This is not a confession but instead a stated fact. I am a mental pastor. At least since 1998, I have suffered from some sort of diagnosed mental disorder. In 2004 I was correctly diagnosed with bipolar disorder and later, more specifically, bipolar 1. As I begin to write these words, I have suffered from a diagnosed mental disease for over sixteen years. I say diagnosed mental Illness because most mental disorders are not diagnosed or even recognized until sometime years after the initial symptoms begin. This was no different in my situation. My story’s importance is that I started my professional ministry career as a young college student in 1994, four years before my diagnosis. Most likely, I have been mentally ill for almost all of my professional ministry.

So, why would I reveal such personal information about myself? Today, hidden in the proverbial corners of pastor’s studies, behind pulpits, in church youth basements, choir rooms, chaplain’s quarters, parsonages, counselors offices, etc. are people struggling with depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, personality disorders, or some other disorder that may or may not be diagnosed. These are people who live mostly everyday lives and serve in mostly regular ministries. The problem is that they have a disease that consumes them. They have what Paul refers to as a thorn in the flesh. (2 Corinthians 12:7 NKJV). Each day the ministers, like 1 Timothy 3, must face spiritual and personal attacks due to their honorable calling. This is just expected by all who take up that call and follow down that path in full-time service. By the way, there is no such thing as a part-time pastor or minister of any kind. Those with a mental illness face an even more significant challenge than most. This does not downplay any challenges that all ministers have, but ministers with a mental disorder are a part of a complete classification. We have a different life with different struggles. This is a reflection of my heart and my way of saying, I may not know what you feel because everyone’s struggles are different, but that I know you struggle.

This book has a three-fold purpose. I should appeal to three different kinds of readers. First and foremost, this book is for anyone in ministry and faces the challenges of mental Illness. There is no doubt that you are feeling alone in your struggles. Although you may have support from those close to you and personal resources like counselors, it is a lonely road to walk. Many people mean well when they come up beside you, including your loving family, and say they are praying for you or wish they could help. The problem is that you just expect they could understand how you feel for just a moment. You do not want them to suffer, of course, but to just have a moment for them to feel how you do struggle. You just want people to understand. This book is for you.

Second, this book is for those of you who have a family member that is a pastor, youth director, women’s ministries director, etc. that suffer from an anxiety disorder, dissociative disorder or bipolar disorder, etc. You have been frustrated with knowing what to do. Maybe, you are at your wit’s end or just looking for answers. Sometimes it is just as simple as understanding how your loved one feels. I will share with you my story and how my family struggles through it. I may not have the answers to your problems, but you are correct in your feelings of frustration. There are other ministry families just like you. This book is for you.

Lastly, this book is for those of you who have people on your ministry staff or your pastor who struggles with a mental illness. You must realize this truth as you read the following pages. God called this person to serve in His church. He knew that your minister or staff member would have a disorder, just as He knew that many pastors die due to heart disease in this country each year. Their condition was in God’s plan for their lives, and it was not due to sin or the lack of faith. This book helps you understand what your pastor or staff member struggles with each day as they cope with their disease. This book is for you.

Very early in my ministry, I began to develop some bouts of depression and anxiety. My wife and I were married no more than three years when we started to recognize symptoms of what would later be a diagnosis as bipolar disorder. My struggles included anxiety, panic attacks, significant mood swings, over-the-top irritations, deep depression, and a sense of being out of control. I suffered both emotional and physical pain. Through these challenges are victories. I experienced the loss of sensibility but gained a unique perspective.

In my culture, the mentally ill are those in straight jackets in a padded room. Mental Illness was taboo and simply not discussed. The mentally ill were those with obsessive-compulsive tendencies. They are people who sit in the corner in a fetal position and rock back and forth, to which I can relate. A normal person could never be mentally unstable, a reality that struck like lightning. I became one of those people.

As I sit here with pen in hand, I am parked outside my psychiatrist’s office, waiting for my turn to enter his office. Even more troubling, we are six months deep in the coronavirus pandemic. This, of course, adds to this story. Never have I ever experienced such psychological tension. The world is under siege of a blood-thirsty and unseen enemy. As I sit here, I try to face the extra stress from such a force for harm. Once again, I will see a new medicine change and a series of the same questions. These questions include:

1. How do you feel?

2. Do you feel like hurting yourself or others?

3. Are you getting enough sleep?

4. Do you feel like life is too complicated?

This is the hymn of all clinically diagnosed patients. These are typical questions to be answered to determine what level of mental distress one might be experiencing. The regular doctor’s appointment consists of a greeting. How are you? I’m fine; how are you? Most of the time, the answers were lies. Next, we discuss my current well-being. Thin-dept here, the typical probing questions begin. Depending on the answers, a discussion of more in-depth problems continues from the doctor. Depending on your responses, a decision is made to receive a medication change or to leave as is. Then with the prescription in hand, we set up the next appointment. This is the same routine with some variations depending on the season or mental condition. The visit is simple.

Many appointments with doctors over the years have led to multiple medications. Some of these medications were very expensive and not always covered by insurance. Most medicines were added to an already extensive handful of pills for daily consumption. Some medication would be altered to increase or lessen potency. Some medication would be removed, and others added. These pills can be a benefit or harmful. The doctors have no way of knowing how each adjustment would affect me. Most changes in medication would need to be slowly removed due to the chemical reaction in my brain. When medicines are removed completely, the side effects would be more harmful than the previous adjustment. Dizziness, shortness of breath, lack of concentration, stomach problems, and restlessness are just some of the examples. Each adjustment was necessary to stabilize my condition or to see if it caused more harm. Not one person has the same physiology, so the doctors must do a hit and miss scenario. Hit and miss are better than aiming at no target. This procedure is a typical process and necessary to help live a life with a mental disorder. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this process. It is better to experience a lifetime of change than a life