Li’l Red Riding Through the Hood

By Renee M Harden

Hi, my name is Lil Red. I’ve been through more than some and less than others. All the same I’ve been through what is known as life on life turns as we all have. My story is my story, no one can take away or ADD to it. God saw me through it all so that I can tell it. God is my ultimate authority. Thank you God for all that you’ve done for me. If I went through and got through, so can you. This tale is about a young girl who got lost in the world and then she found God. This is an adult story about sex, drugs, lust, disobedience, and pain but before it’s all over, faith and God takes over the life of the little girl who became a God-fearing woman.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Feb 28, 2021
• ISBN: 9781664161238

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

Through the Eyes of a Child

S ummer Breeze by the Isley Brothers is ringing in my mind.

I love riding my bike! I feel so free! The sun is shining! It’s just God and me. The Lord is my shepherd and I shall not want (Psalm 23).

Hi, my name is Reba, but my friends call me Red. I was born in Cook County Hospital on December 30, 1964, in Chicago Illinois. Chi town! Also known as the Windy City, named after all its shady politicians.

The year is 1969. My father’s name is Richard, and his friends call him Dick. My father told me that he was scared to come to the hospital when I was born because I was so small. The real reason: he was scared of going to jail for having a heroin baby. You see, my mama, Ernestine, and my daddy shot drugs. I guess I always was riding high on some kind of cloud before I was even conceived.

Yes, Jesus loves me, / yes, Jesus loves me, yes, / Jesus loves me, / for the Bible tells me so. I came to know Jesus as a child growing up on the west side of Chicago. My grandma Suki took me to church every Sunday as I remember, and I just knew Jesus loved me.

My grandmother was a nice freckle-faced lady whom I called Mommy. She had freckles all over her body. She was a pretty lady, about five feet three, with long red hair. She kept her hair in ocean waves—it was so pretty and silky. My grandma had frown lines between her eyebrows. They made her look so mean, but I swear she was the nicest lady I ever knew. She didn’t curse much, although she did say damn every once in a while. One thing I definitely know is that she loved me, and I loved her so much.

My granddaddy’s name was Sir Ian Diamond Salva. My name is Reba Diamond Salva. All I remember about my grandfather is that we would be in the garage together. He’d be messing around with his car, and I’d be talking to him about those two coonskins that were hanging up on the wall in the garage. Nowadays, I wonder why the coon’s skin was showing instead of the fur. The skin was all bubbly and nasty-looking. Yuck!

I remember playing in the backyard, making mud pies, picking dandelions, and trying to find four-leaf clovers.

There was a green pole on the side of the house that I would twirl on all the time. One day, I fell down and knocked the wind out of my stomach. I fell down on the concrete by the basement door while doing my acrobatic swirls on that old green pole. I’m sure the next day I was back at it again. My cousins John and Jason sometimes came over to play. John enjoyed burning ants with his magnifying glass.

Sometimes, my daddy and granddaddy would be fussing. They were fussing about Daddy burning holes in the mattress with his cigarettes. I recall Granddaddy taking me and Mommy to Michigan where they owned some land. I remember Granddaddy trying to teach Mommy how to drive on an old dusty road and how she swerved as if something was coming toward us, but there really wasn’t, so Granddaddy started fussing at her. I wonder if he was fussing at her for not being able to drive, even on an old dirt road in the country. I remember other children being there; they were my cousins. We used to pick blueberries for my grandma so she could cook some of her good ol’ blueberry pie. She was known for making delicious pies. I remember sleeping with her and Granddaddy smack-dab in the middle of them. I remember loving them both, and then one day, Granddaddy was gone. He had gone to heaven.

When I got older, I learned from my cousin Jason that my granddaddy was friends with Margaret Taylor Burroughs, who founded a prestigious black museum in Chicago called the DuSable Museum. Granddaddy and Mrs. Burroughs played cards together. Granddaddy was also a member of the Communist Party. That confused my daddy, who was more into black unity than any Communism.

Well, after Granddaddy died, it was just me, my grandma, and my daddy. Mr. Lang and Mr. Thurman were roomers in our home. Mr. Thurman was short with salt-and-pepper hair. He kind of stayed to himself. I would visit him in his room sometimes and look at TV with him. I really used to like commercials back then. The Armour hot dog commercial was one of my favorites, "Hot dogs, Armour hot dogs. What do kids put on Armour hot dogs? If you were born in the sixties like me, you would remember that song. What about this one: How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? The world will never know."

Mr. Thurman had lots of those naked books sitting on his radiator; they were called Playboy and Hustler. When my cousins Jonathan and Jason came over, Johnathon and I would sneak into Mr. Thurman’s room and look at his nasty books. They were so vulgar. Vulgar was a word my grandma used a lot.

Anyways, that’s when Satan started slipping into my world. Whenever Jonathan came by, he’d always get on top of me and rub his penis on my vagina. We were both clothed though. I didn’t really feel his penis on my vagina, but I knew that we weren’t supposed to be doing this because we would always be hiding so that no one would catch us in the act. As he was rubbing, he would always say, Ssssss, ah, ssssss, ah. That, along with looking at Mr. Thurman’s nasty books was probably the beginning of my lust issues.

One time, John wasn’t over, and I went into Mr. Thurman’s room all by myself. I took one of his nasty books and hid under Granddaddy’s old desk that was in the dining room. I started looking at the pictures. Mr. Thurman must have noticed it missing and started calling my name really loud. I was so scared. I just remember getting the book, running up the stairs, and giving it back to him. Shortly after that, my grandma must have asked him to move. Mommy had heard him screaming my name out loud. She must have noticed how scared I was. Well, Mr. Thurman’s room was empty after that.

Mr. Lang was a very nice man. Mr. Lang was tall and slim with gray hair. He seemed to love me, and I loved him too. I would always climb on his knee. His knee used to be hard to my vagina, but that was all, no lust there.

Mr. Lang always kept candy, popsicles, and bananas. I preferred the Snickers candy bars rather than the Milky Way that he always kept in his top drawer. Mr. Lang also liked Coca-Cola, and me too!

One day, he brought a pigeon home. He liked feeding the pigeons. I wanted to keep the pigeon, but we had to let it go free. That made me feel very sad.

My daddy was a Muslim, and he said that the white man was the blond-haired, blue-eyed devil. I don’t know if that’s true or not, but that’s what Daddy said. My daddy would always chase me or play hide-and-seek with me. I would sometimes hide under Mr. Lang’s covers on his bed. My daddy would always find me. Sometimes, Daddy let me stand on his feet while he danced me all around the house. I had so much fun with my daddy and Mr. Lang.

One night, my daddy and I came home from the show. I was on his neck playing like I was asleep. Daddy took me in the house and laid me on my grandma’s bed. I was still acting as if I were sleeping, so they started taking off my clothes so they could put my pajamas on. I was naked and feeling funny, so I started laughing. Mommy said, I knew you were awake, and we laughed. Those were the good ol’ days.

One time I told Mr. Lang to open his mouth and close his eyes and he would get a big surprise. When he did, I squirted some stinky air into his mouth from my baby doll’s bottle that I had put milk in. The milk had spoiled. Mr. Lang frowned up his face as if he were in pain.

One time, a little boy named Bobo came over to visit me. Bobo was just three years old. I remember because my grandma always teased him, asking how old he was, and he would always say, "I’m free years old," and we would start laughing. Anyways, I coerced Bobo to come with me behind grandma’s couch that was in her bedroom. I got on top of Bobo. We were both clothed. That’s when Mommy caught us. She made Bobo leave. She then got a switch from the side of the house and spanked me with it. I cried and climbed under the bed, and I went to sleep hiding myself, like Eve hid herself from God in the garden.

I was told that one day, I had put my kitty in the oven, and when my grandma opened the oven, kitty jumped out at her. I always wondered what happened to that cat. I’ll never forget the smell of burnt feline.

When I asked where the cat was, Mommy said it had gotten sick and that she had put it in a box and took it to the hospital. Well, I never saw that cat again. I can also remember a lady telling my grandma how pretty I was and my grandma telling her that I was pretty b.a.d. I was in kindergarten, but I could spell three letter words. I was very devious, but I loved to have fun. I can remember one day my grandma was going to church and my daddy and I stayed at home. I had a choice to go to church with Mommy or stay home with Daddy; I chose to stay at home. Well, it was getting kind of boring, so I asked my daddy if I could go to church with Mommy. Mommy had already left, and Daddy, being half asleep, said yes. So I left, all by myself.

The church was all the way at the end of the block. When Mommy and I got back, my daddy gave me a good whooping. Evidently, he didn’t remember telling me I could go. That was the first and last whooping I’d ever gotten from him. Later on, when I was grown, he tried to chastise me, but I fought back. I had been using drugs and being disrespectful to him. I’m sorry, Daddy.

My babysitter lived down the street from us. Her name was Dreea, and I liked her a lot. She was fun and full of joy and laughter. She seemed to love life, and she liked boys. Dreea was cool, and she wore a natural. I think that she considered herself a part of the Black Panther Party, because she had black lights in her room, pretty pictures of black panthers, black balled-up fists, and men and women with big black Afros that seemed to glow in the dark. My grandma always straightened my hair, but I really wanted it natural. Dreea had a sister named Judy. Judy washed my hair and greased it. She put foam curlers in it and let it dry. She made me a natural, better known as an Afro. I just loved it! But when I got home, I remember my grandma trying to straighten those curls out of my hair and how much it hurt. My grandma preferred my hair straight. Dreea had a boyfriend named Marvin. I can recall going over to her house one day and seeing Marvin there. He knocked on her bedroom door and told her that I was visiting. She told him to let me in. Well, to my surprise, she was lying in the bed butt naked. All of a sudden, a funny feeling came over me. I had never seen anyone naked before, except on those nasty vulgar books of Mr. Thurman’s. When I think of it now, it was the same feeling I had when I looked at Mr. Thurman’s naked books.

Nighttime was always the right time because I got to cuddle with my grandma in bed. First we’d say our prayers, Now I lay me down to sleep, etc. Then, we’d play a game. One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go! Then we would race to see who would get in bed under the covers first. I was a thumb-sucker and a navel-rubber back then. I was also a booger-eater. Something about the saltiness of them just drew me deeper and deeper. Anyways, Mommy and I would be in bed together. I would put my right arm around her neck and my thumb in my mouth, and somewhere in between, I would be rubbing my navel. Oh! I felt so comfortable! Sometimes I would get on my knees with my booty sticking up, pushing air in and out. I was five years old then. It didn’t seem to bother Mommy at all. She was the sweetest person that I’ve ever known.

Mommy played the piano, and she would teach me different songs. One time I had to sing for the members of the Brownie club. I wanted to be a Girl Scout one day. Anyways, Mommy played the piano while I sang. The song went something like this: "Mary Jane told me this morning, something that made me afraid. / She said I’d have to marry a man, or be a lost old maid. / I’m so worried I don’t know what to do. I have a secret, and I’ll tell it to you. / I don’t love any man but my daddy, and he’s already married, can’t you see? / Oh, if Mama, hadn’t married Daddy, Daddy might have married me." Unforeseen, I never became a Girl Scout, and if Grandma didn’t make that song up, it’s got to be the oldest song on record because I never heard it again.

One year, all the Brownies had gotten a chance to go on a week visit to some stranger’s house in the suburbs. My strangers were white. They consisted of a mommy, a daddy, a little girl, and a baby. They were very nice. The daddy would go to work every day on his motorcycle, and when he returned, he would always give me and his daughter a ride on the back of it. Whenever the little girl and I would take a bath together, I would show her how to put her head underneath the water holding our noses so we wouldn’t drown. On the last day, we roasted marshmallows and said goodbye. I cried because I loved them, and they seemed to love me too. I never saw them again, but I recall them sending me a letter of remembrance.

One time, Mommy and I went on a vacation. I’m not sure who we were visiting. I think it was her friend Prince Ethell. Grandma always joked about when Prince Ethell called. Now, with Prince Ethell living in one time zone and us living in another, she would always call in the daytime of her zone and the nighttime of ours. Prince Ethel would always call and ask my grandma, What are you doing? My grandma would always say, Sleeping, what do you think? That made me and my grandma laugh.

Anyways, while we were on vacation, I was at the beach almost every day. The neighbors took me with them when they took their children. Incidentally, that’s the first time I ever noticed people of different colors living together. The black neighbor man whom I went to the beach with had a white girlfriend. One day, I went too far out in the water. Today I believe God was there telling me what to do. I believe the devil was there too. This is what happened: I went so far out that my nose and eyes were underwater. One voice in my head told me to just keep walking, and I would start heading up and out of the water. Another voice said just stand still or I might end up walking further out into the water. I stood still. The white lady might have saved my life that day. She must have seen the top of my head while I was standing in the water, and she came to my rescue. Today I know that God is the Great I Am. He is always present, and I know he watches over me. I was about six years old at that time, because I remember a little boy asking me how old I was. He didn’t believe that I was six, but Grandma told him that I was.

The next day, I couldn’t go to the beach. I couldn’t imagine why, could you? Anyways, I went bike riding the next day with the little boy next door. We were riding way up high on a mountain. The little boy rode me on the back of his bike. I remember the path being very narrow. Nothing but mountains on the left of us and valleys on the right. I remember looking down in the valley and thinking that polar bears must live down there. Of course, they didn’t, but when I think back, God was watching over us then, because we could have easily hit a rock on that narrow path and fell down the hill, into the valley. There wouldn’t be any hope for us then, no hope at all.

I also remember going to New York. Mommy had a brother and sister-in-law who lived there, Uncle Carl and Aunt Lorraine. All I remember about that is going to the carousel right next to the ocean. I had to reach up and grab the golden rings. The rings were too far up for me to reach, but I remember having so much fun with my grandmother. Then I remember all the fun coming to an end when my grandmother had a stroke. I prayed to God that she wouldn’t die. She was paralyzed on her whole right side. Daddy took me to see her every weekend at the old folks’ home. He would always start an argument with her and then get put out. They’d let me stay though. I would cry because I wanted her to get well so bad. She’d tell me not to cry, wiping my eyes with