Sisters We Are

By Lori Trotter

This is the story of two sisters who discover when they are older that they were both victims of their father, how they overcame that feeling and how they were able to live their outside of the shadow.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Nov 22, 2020
• ISBN: 9781663211835

Lori Trotter

Lori Trotter is a well-known poet in the Dallas Ft. Worth metroplex where she lives with her husband, her two daughters and her granddaughter. This is her first work of fiction. She has also authored a book assisting families of Alzheimer’s patients (Navigating Murky Water, a Caregiver’s Guide to Dementia.

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Copyright © 2020 Lori Trotter.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means,

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any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author

except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, names, incidents,

organizations, and dialogue in this novel are either the products

of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in

this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views

expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the

views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

ISBN: 978-1-6632-1182-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6632-1183-5 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2020923370

iUniverse rev. date:  11/19/2020

CONTENTS

Victory

Prologue

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

VICTORY

When you stole my innocence you did not steal my inner essence that in fact was left intact and my ability to trust was just put on hold because as my life began to unfold it was revealed to me that what you did to me was not sealed to me.

I found that when you stole my treasure for your pleasure it was a measure of your self worth and not mine and would not define me or undermine me.

In my quest for a solution to your moral dissolution it became my resolution to far from put it behind me keep it in front of me in plain sight so the fright that I felt would dissipate and the hate that threatened to devour me became a means to empower me as I dredged up forgiveness and pity for one as sad as you for one who could never understand that your action could never find a sanction.

As I faced the facts of these acts I learned it was easier to live with my sorrow for the person you had become and feel victorious in the gloriousness of finding who I was meant to be.

And no one or anything will ever take that from me.

Lori Trotter 1/2020

PROLOGUE

The two sisters looked at each other as their Dad lay dying. The tears they shed were complex, they tried to sort out their emotions. The older, shorter one hugged her sister. It was plain she was grieving for her sister’s sorrow. As the medical staff around them observed them they felt some confusion. This did not appear a normal grieving process. This is your father? a kindly nurse asked.

The older one replied, while still clutching her sister, He was my stepfather. Her biological father.

The younger one began sobbing harder. Yes, and I don’t know how to deal with this. Because now I must deal with the death of the man who fathered me. And now I’m just confused. I don’t know how to feel.

The Hospital Chaplain gently asked about funeral arrangements. The younger sister, the one who had come to see her father every day during his long illness, stopped her sobbing. She looked up at the chaplain with steely eyes.

There will be no service. The undertaker will come and take him away. He will be buried next to our mother. Maybe she can plan something for him from heaven. We will not. Our duties to him are over. The hospital staff in the room gave a collective gasp.

CHAPTER ONE

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Jacki came home from school and automatically checked the kitchen counter. At just 10 years old she was still very short and had to stand on her tiptoes to find what she was looking for. Aha! There it was! The brown paper bag with the name Jackson written on it. She knew that if the brown bag was there her mom’s friend, Jonathan, would be coming over that night. She liked Jonathan. He was a pharmacist at a local chain store. He was pleasant and very nice to her. Mom had never had a boyfriend before and Jacki found that whole concept exciting. Once the brown paper bag had been close to the edge of the counter and she had peeked inside. She could see that it was a bottle of some kind of alcohol.

Once she had asked her mom, Lilly, if she thought that she would marry Jonathon. Her mom said, "I don’t know. We are just dating right now and mind your own business little girl!

Jacki had grinned. She knew mom’s words belied the flush that had crept on her mom’s normally no nonsense cheeks. It had just been her and her mom for a long time now. Even when she was married to Jacki’s step-dad it felt like it was just them. He had traveled a lot. When the divorce had happened last year, Jacki had been clueless. She didn’t realize what had happened. Suddenly her mom went to work and Jacki came home in the afternoons from school with her mom gone.

She didn’t mind, though. Her mom always left her an after school snack. Then she was to do her homework, do whatever housework her mom had planned for her, and then practice her piano. By that time her mom would be home. Jacki felt very grown up wearing her house key around her neck and letting herself into the quiet house. She called her mom every day when she came in to let her know she was home, and began her routine. It was fun. Still…she wanted a father

She was the only person in her fourth grade class who didn’t have two parents. It made her feel odd and strangely apart. She listened to her friends talk about their families and she loved visiting them, especially in the evenings when their fathers would be home. She loved hearing the deep voices and seeing the respect the families gave the fathers of the household. Of course she loved her mom, but she dreamed of a day when there would be a man at home. A man to help her mom with the car, a man to reach stuff, a man to take her roller skating or horseback riding. Jacki had her own horse and she and Lilly would go to her friend’s ranch on the weekends. There were always many people at the ranch and she would stare enviously at the other children who had dads to lift them up onto the horse and walk around looking important. Jacki shook herself. Maybe Jonathan would become her dad. Her mom had told her that Jonathan had two children, a girl and a boy. As an only child she longed for a brother and a sister. Would they have to move to have extra bedrooms? She didn’t dare ask her mom however.

What would she call him? Daddy Jonathan? No, that sounded too long. Maybe just Dad? Jacki hugged herself in anticipation. Someone she could call Daddy. She had simply called her step dad Steve when he was even around. He was a stern older man, always nice to her but a bit foreboding. He had never been around children before and Jacki and Steve had taken a while to become comfortable with each other. Now he was gone. And now there was Jonathan. Tall, young Jonathan with two small children. Fifth grade was definitely looking better than fourth!

The three of them sat around the TV that night watching Bonanza. It was Jacki’s favorite show. She loved watching the brothers interacting with their Dad. Jonathan and her mom drank from the bottle in the bag and mixed into their orange juice. Jacki drank orange juice. Her mom had once let her have a sip of the alcohol. Jacki had made a face and spit it out. No wonder they mixed it with orange juice.

When the program was over, her mom said, Time for bed, young lady. Call me when you’re ready to be tucked in.

Jonathan smiled and told her good night and pleasant dreams. Obediently Jacki began getting ready for bed. She raced through her nighttime ritual and as she laid her school clothes out for in the morning she thought, Maybe if I leave them alone enough, they will get engaged. Then maybe sometimes Jonathan can tuck me in. After her mom came into kiss her goodnight and say her prayers Jacki shut her eyes very tight and crossed her fingers. She had her own, private prayers. And that night, the nightmares didn’t come.

Two months later when school was out. Jacki was even more confused. They were moving! She was sad to leave the house that had been her home for the last five years. And they were selling the piano! But, as her mom had said, Jacki never really played the piano a whole lot except for when she took her lessons and she was getting tired of it.

She was glad though that they were moving to a little farm on the outskirts of town even if there were no animals. Not even chickens. That was fine with Jacki she didn’t like chickens any way. Her mom said it was just for the summer.

She had a new dachshund puppy she named Stubbs because his tail was short. At first Stubbs rode in the basket on her bicycle but soon she could put his leash on the handlebars. She rode carefully so Stubbs could keep up.

The other good news was that Jonathan was moving with them. Jacki loved the farm house. It was kind of fun with Jonathan there. He slept in another room on the back porch in a sleeping bag. And every day Jacki would get up and heat the ground meat her mom had left out for Stubbs. She wandered around the farm, looking at the empty chicken coop. There were apple trees and she and Stubbs gathered the apples. In Idaho the asparagus grew wild along the irrigation ditches so she and Stubbs would pick the green crispy stalks and bring them to her mom in the kitchen.

While Lilly and Johnathan were at work that summer Jacki found a lot of things to do to keep herself busy. She still at least had her parakeet Tweety and she spent a long time teaching him how to talk. Tweety learned how to say lots of things and Jacki was very proud. Soon Tweety was saying, Here Puppy Puppy just like she had called Stubbs when he tiny.

Jacki knew school was starting again in a few weeks and once more they would be moving. This time back into town. Jonathan and her mom had taken her to see the new place. Jacki had grown fond of the farm but she had always known they would not be there long. She was looking forward to her pretty new room with a walk-in closet. Jonathan would once again sleep on the back porch. Jacki didn’t understand why they made such a big deal about telling her this. They kept telling her that if anyone from school should ask to be sure to tell where Jonathan slept. Jacki had no idea