Against All Odds: No Retakes, No Manuals, Real Life Lessons

By Sujata

Legal life Manual. Do you live in the Jungle with Animals? Or live in civilized Society?

If in the latter this book is for you. Are you a victim or a survivor? Survive and Protect yourself from gender discrimination, culture biases, belittling within home, educational to professional workplace, mental, verbal, physical, emotional, exploitation, rape and all kinds of sexual abuse. Trapped or stifled in unhappy marriage, parent child discord, years of working with bad bosses, compromise on a daily basis. Are you a prisoner of the moment.? Do you want to run away, feel suicidal? Politics of the Universe, society. Don’t let it shackle you.

When you are pushed to the wall. Push back. When you have nothing to lose then give yourself that one chance and take a courageous step. Don’t give up. It’s hard, very hard but courage and self-belief will open doors. Gather inspiration from my journey and trust me you can do it. All of us can be leaders, all we have to do is nudge that dormant factor. Giving in easy. Tenacity and resilience are words to describe that one moment when you decide to take action even if it is swimming against the tide or Against all Odds. No matter what the problem, I am your partner to overcome the challenge and turn it into a steppingstone to progress. Leader’s walk the talk and should be accessible to make a difference in people’s lives. Money cannot do that. Care can. Do You care for yourself or others? I care for others.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Partridge Publishing Singapore
• Release date: Nov 5, 2020
• ISBN: 9781543761016

Sujata

Sujata has accumulated a wealth of experiences during her life leading to insights & knowledge that cannot be coached or taught in a class. She has been a mother, wife, journalist, consultant, activist, leader, and businesswoman domestically and internationally. In sharing her story, Sujata strives to provide readers of all backgrounds in any part of the world with real life examples on how to deal with the unpredictable nature of everyday life.

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Copyright © 2020 by Sujata.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

www.partridgepublishing.com/singapore

CONTENTS

Foreword

Preface

PART I

ANGELS ENDURANCE DARKNESS

Chapter 1 Early Life Learning

The biggest tutor is tragedy

Paternal Grandparents

Maternal Grandfather & Parents

Chapter 2 Journey of sacrifices and building of character

Chapter 3 Rebellion and emergence of new evolution of character

Chapter 4 Supernatural. Paranormal or Just Angels and Spirits- Miracles

Chapter 5 Career evolution

Chapter 6 Ironies of life/Caregiver

Chapter 7 Calls that haunt forever

Husky

Chapter 8 Corporate Politics and Angels

Zuby the special soul

Chapter 9 Akash

Chapter 10 Light in the dark – breakthrough

PART II

BETRAYAL RAPE ANGELS

Chapter 11 The Act

Chapter 12 Allies and Investigations

Investigative Officer – Inspector Rajiv Chavan

Mr Sadanand Date

Mr. Rakesh Maria

Chapter 13 Meeting with GOD – Spiritual experience

Ivan Tarrago & Montse

Father Jaume Aymar

Chapter 14 Angel to the rescue – ray of sunshine in the clouds

BLESSINGS

Chapter 15 New Beginnings – Entrepreneurial Journey

Chapter 16 The Trial

Vaibhav Bagade – SPL PP (Special Public Prosecutor)

Double Blow

Chapter 17 Hand in Hand – Light and Dark

Deven Bharti – Rarest of Rare Human Excellence

Chapter 18 Business Management lesson

Chapter 19 Court, Gang bashing, Building Politics

Sabotaged

Chapter 20 New Beginnings, Challenges and Angels

Theodore and Marilou

Mr Atin Bhutani

Chapter 21 Face off, Politics, Isolation

Chapter 22 Yash

Chapter 23 Court case again, Saving a life, death

Dr Pramod Tripathi

Chapter 24 Final, Closure, Rising to the occasion

New Trauma Sign

Rape survivor speaks

Break down

Mishti

Voices of Appreciation

Conclusion

Praise For The Author

About the Author

Images

FOREWORD

Dear Readers,

When I was being given the honour of writing a Foreword for the book on the life of Sujata, I wondered how would I be able to write a Foreword for a person whom I know from the past couple of years only. Pondering over it, I gathered my thoughts about meeting her from day one and getting to know her as days passed by.

Getting to know her eventually turned out to be less of a task as she came across a balanced and composed person with immense experience of life, human characteristics, a lady who doesn’t shy away putting her thoughts into words in the most subtle yet strong manner at any given situation yet coming across as a girl next door (nothing like in her early fifties).

Getting a peek into her life, I realised what Grit to Great means. A living example - Sujata The Lady

Coming from a distinguished background, raised by a single yet strong mother to a teenager head over heels in love with her now husband to being a housewife until beginning a career from scratch after becoming mother of three children. The story to me was no less than a Magical Realism.

While Magical Realism is often defined as what happens when a highly detailed, realistic setting is invaded by something too harsh or strange to believe the flip side of her life is no less than fighter up in arms to protect or bring justice to her daughter. That’s Sujata -The Mother.

A human being is a living example of transformations as and when situations bend you and make you walk its way often breaking you in the path but few people like Sujata have it in them which she must have inherited from the distinguished background she comes from & from the upbringing where you look up to your mother singlehandedly bringing up three daughters in a male driven society.

In the process of knowing her life throughout, I walked away being able to know, to learn so many things from her walk of life which I shall preserve for the rest of my life and would Live it UP

Against All Odds

Proud to have a co-existed with you, even though you came into my life so late. As the saying goes, ‘better late than never’

Harish JP

Entrepreneur & Social Activist

September 2020.

Some people have a knack of seeing others not as what they are, but what they can be. Some people have the art of putting words in others mouth, so that they rise in their self-image. Some people are adept in the art of relentless persuasion till they can goad out the best. There are only a handful of people in the world, who practice all these arts with aplomb – Sujata is a shining star amongst them.

Now just imagine what a person, who can goad others to outperform, can do with herself – almost everything she sets her mind on. So this can be a designer wedding of a daughter, with celebrities lined up in a few days. Everyone can be enjoying themselves to the hilt, while she is content to do her ushering duty at the entrance – getting her satisfaction from the metamorphosis. Or this can be pursuing relentlessly of a court case, with the fury of an injured tigress, until she can get justice for a daughter who was wronged and see the culprit in the docks.

Or it can be booting a business plan, which involves purchase from a European country and setting up shop in yet another country – all this without previous experience and with everyone around her shuddering. Or it can be establishing herself and her son in Singapore, against all odds – when the sword of perform or get out Waa always hanging over her head.

Women of such resolute determination, substance and inner confidence are the ones who have changed history. In this case Sujata has certainly changed the history of her family and the near ones and in the process raised the bar for what a woman can achieve in spite of the odds around her. Her autobiography was perhaps the inevitable outcome of her larger than life personality.

Since she is penning this autobiography so early in her eventful life, and since she remains indefatigable and has adventure flowing in her blood, we hope to see a sequel autobiography soon – a first of its kind in the world – matching this unique lady of steel.

Mohan Tambe

Distinguished Alumnus IIT Kanpur &

Managing Director Wobli Technologies

September 2020

PREFACE

Whatever I am today, the good, is because of what I inherited from my parents. Those two personalities were built to last. They had all the right mix of humility, kindness, strength of overcoming obstacles and challenges and serving people all around. This is my homage to them as I am blessed to have such values and principles in grained in me even though they were there for a short period of time. My way of saying thank you for being there as a blessing and regrets if I have not lived up to their standards. They will always shine as a moral compass for me.

I would like to thank the following for their contribution to inputs of the family tree- CS, RR, KR, JS. Front cover photo credit -Silke Dietz. Photograph of Sujata in various stages of evolution and back cover picture to Lotus. Yash photos to AYP. To my husband and my children -Lotus, Lightening, Conscience and Soul for being brave and courageous to tell this tale of extraordinary trauma and courage as it involves their personal life and the challenges faced.

A special mention of gratitude to Conscience for his gracious patience, being my editor, for encouraging me to complete this book and always being there, never losing balance or perspective and Partridge Publishing Team -Jen Robins and Kathy Lorenzo for their patience and understanding that this was no ordinary project and appreciating that this sensitive, inspiring and life changing story that needs to be told.

In life there are no manuals or retakes. At a given defining moment you need to deal with it. Your choice, mindset and actions will determine your personality and evolutions. Society will watch as a fence sitter and put you in designated brackets. There are some who manage against all odds to reach a moment of realisation despite all the negativity, judgements and indifference that fail to define you. Only you and your actions define you.

This inspirational journey is for all those who have suffered despair, cruelty, indignity and survived to tell that tale full of scars and for those who have lost their lives and spirits and for those who are in a prison of circumstances and do not see a light at the end of the tunnel. Stories need to be told. It may save a life, give courage or at best a learning for those whose conscience is dead and needs awakening.

Rape is not only one of the most heinous crimes but a stigma for the victim and their families. It is not only about lust but also about power, control, humiliation. Many judges have rightly said that while the murderer kills the body the rapist kills the soul.

Justice Krishna Iyer one of the higher court judges of India has observed in a very famous case of Rafiq v. State (12): A murderer kills the body, but a rapist kills the soul.

While a murderer destroys the physical frame of the victim, a rapist degrades and defiles the soul of a helpless female". – Justice Arjit Pasayat (one of the higher court judges of India)

Justice

This book is a true story to share and inspire all those who go may go through this horrific crime and still take the extreme courageous step to not only report the crime but to seek the arduous traumatic journey for getting justice. It also serves to aim as a learning and a handy tool for those who need guidance of how to navigate the entire process of seeking justice and the relevance not only of the first steps but of having the strength of perseverance, patience, time, resource and mental space. The author hopes that the Judiciary and the lawmakers will make changes in the laws for sensitivity of victims and their families and allow them to be heard in first person rather than be mute spectators. There are contradictions in the laws which make the process a deterrent for the victims to come forward. The laws are more pronounced to be in favour of the accused. Irrespective of age, gender, strata there should only be death penalty for this crime. Unless mindset and biases change, society as a whole will continue at all levels to subject the victims as accused for a lifetime. I encourage people who have the time to seek practical learning of the working and functioning of courts by attending open courts which no theory or degree can teach you. In that context I would like to thank the judges for my acquired wisdom which is one of the positive takeaways of hours spent in my six years of attending courts.

Part 2 of the book is dedicated to the Mumbai Police department who are the country’s best. I cannot thank them enough. As you will see no matter your inner strength in circumstances like this you need the strength and support from an external source, and these were the Angels sent to my rescue. I had the privilege to meet the finest and best of the dept across ranks who were generously endowed in their career with medals, honours, awards earned. But the greatest testimony of their humane, compassion and unstinting moral characteristics demonstrated in what some say is of minor importance considering their valour and bravery in complex crimes some which are of national importance. In this case they didn’t make a distinction or bracket the crimes according to mindset’s and biases instead treated it with the same dedication and utmost sensitivity that this crime deserves. They serve as exemplary examples of what humane characteristics of kindness, compassion, empathy are defined. These aspects and values often go unnoticed and unreported and it needs to be highlighted for people to follow such role models and imbibe genuinely these principles in daily life. It is my privilege and honour of knowing and introducing some of the finest cops and not just cops but humane and sensitive cops who are examples of human excellence beyond the uniform, profession or designation!

This book is also dedicated to all the rape victims and their families as a solidarity and understanding of what they went through. Some didn’t get justice even though they took courage to come forward and not brush it under the carpet. I would like to say that I am always available to give my support to anybody who undergoes such trauma in any which way I can from counselling to advising and will continue to fight for justice for others. A special mention and thanks to Singapore Airlines for being the most humane organization and beyond excellence in customer care.

Sujata

September 2020

Singapore

PART I

ANGELS ENDURANCE

DARKNESS

CHAPTER 1

Early Life Learning

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Picture of Parents

The biggest tutor is tragedy

I remember distinctly the early hours of that fateful morning when curiously most tragedies happen or have happened in my life span so far. The dogs were howling, and we were woken up. It was a festive day -celebration with colours. I was ten. My father died of heart attack at age 41. He was a very healthy man except for being a chain smoker. When he wanted, he could go off smoking for months at a stretch. When he had his first heart attack, he drove himself to the hospital. The government doctor misdiagnosed and said that he was suffering from gastric trouble and sent him home. Result in the next 2 days my father had another 2 attacks before he finally went to the hospital and the doctor into whose care he was admitted in was to be our family doctor subsequently, said if he could survive for 13 days he would go home. He died on the 13th day which was a holiday as it was the colour of festival (Holi). The doctor who misdiagnosed was later suspended from his job, but we had suffered an irreparable loss. Since then I go to the hospital only when it’s a must and don’t believe blindly what doctors say. I believe in engaging and doing research before I submit to a course of action.

We had been promised that we were to visit him that day to see him in hospital. I was looking forward to it in anticipation. It didn’t happen. We did not get to say hello – when are you coming home? Or goodbye. We didn’t get to say how much we loved him. I remember his body being brought home and being put on ice as we had to wait for immediate relatives to come for the last rites. I remember tip toeing silently to go and kiss him on the forehead. His skin felt cold and clammy. Just a month back he had got me 2 dresses for my birthday which were the last birthday gifts from him. Fifty years later I still have one of the dresses. It was Red and white. Red has always been one of my favourite colours.

At that point of time while dealing with our loss I couldn’t make out the beginning of changed behaviour amongst contacts that was associated with our altered status and designation. And the learning was to remain lifelong repetitively at various stages of life. The Aunts and Uncles, what happened to them? Those who used to visit so often, some of them who called my father Sir, now no longer visited. Some were even cold and looked away when we came across them. There were hushed whispers and sly glances, but in this tragedy the angels were there even though I didn’t realise their significance or presence at the time. Although my father was a senior suppertime scale officer and had some money the IAS association collected money and donated it to my mother. Many known people didn’t give either. The last rites money was paid by my mother and his only sibling his older brother. My father wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

When Ma and my two Uncles-fathers older brother and mothers younger brother went to the river to immerse his ashes the boatmen refused to take money when they came to know who it was as they remembered him from when he was posted there as a collector. He used to often swim and smoke there on the banks. While there he used to chat with the boatmen and solved their problems anyway he could. Ma insisted that they take the money as he would have been very upset and so they relented reluctantly and took the money.

While my mother singlehandedly struggled to bring up 3 daughters, she was blessed as she got a Government job on compassionate grounds and a house to stay in, which was for her lifetime well throughout retirement. People back then were kind. Kindness which is a diminished quality in today’s day and age.

The decision to help the widow with 3 daughters was taken by the then Govt at that time. Subsequently over a period of time during her retirement age with new government administrations coming into power and the eroding of kindness and values there was an attempt to take away her home, her rooftop which she fought tooth and nail to hold onto until the very end. Everything takes a toll on your health. She developed diabetes, blood pressure, heart disease. She did have the best doctor to take care of her. All comes with a challenge. Choices in life are so often forced on you. You have to listen to your conscience even if it means that you may stand alone. The doctor was a prominent figure and the local high-ranking politicians’ wife who was a good family friend till then had differences with the doctor. She wanted my mother to ditch the doctor, her personal physician. Mother refused to follow that diktat. Result, years long friendship had a fallout which was literally carried to the grave. Several years later I bumped into this gentleman who said I knew your mother. He said fondly how she was a very helpful person, she helped me with a transfer posting back then which I needed desperately, he recollected. She always gave generously, and nobody ever went emptyhanded from her place.

My mother was an only daughter amongst 3 siblings, but she had been to boarding school throughout. She had two brothers one of them, the elder brother went abroad and never returned. He got married and settled down there. The Irish nuns did a very good job in instilling the fighting spirit, independence and survival instinct, being methodical and disciplined which now at this hour of tragedy stood her in good stead. From being a pampered daughter, wife, she now was to work in an office with just a school degree/certificate. She was not even a graduate. Learning the hard way, we were very firmly told at an early age about two non-negotiable goals. Basic minimum Graduate Degree to be attained and being financial independent.

My father was a very senior bureaucrat IAS (Indian Administration Service) officer. 1949 batch shortly after Independence. He had the medals, the degrees, etc but more importantly he had character with the right essences of kindness, fairness, values and morals. As testimony to the facts there are people who remember him for these very actions based on the above qualities. The medals like other material endorsement of academics lie in the closet.

He used to hobnob with his juniors, staff and socialise with them. Even now the living junior colleagues in their 70’s and 80’s remember him to be a very kind and compassionate man. On a dark pouring wet night 7 puppies were born in the drainpipes. He rescued them and built a safe haven in the backyard with stones and bricks. When a suggestion was made that what are we going to do with all of them long term and that it would be prudent not to take them in, he challenged with the scenario of if tomorrow something happens to him would we cast him away? When my mother got married into this highly educated academically qualified household where her father -in- law (my grandfather) was a professor in a university, proficient in 13 languages, authored text books, was a freedom fighter, mother- in- law (grandmother) was a magistrate in the juvenile court, she felt conscious that she was not qualified enough for such a household. My father’s response said it all. I didn’t marry you to discuss Shakespeare. He loved to travel long distance interstate and we remember those long drives. He loved his cigar and loved to bathe in the rain.

Paternal Grandparents

My paternal grandfather passed M. A. in English and Bengali with a first class. He got Premchand Roychand scholarship in 1925. He was a professor of Rangpur Carmichael College and Calcutta University. He became inspired during India’s non-cooperation movement in 1921 by Gandhi. He was jailed during the 1942 movement. He was honorary secretary from 1944 -64 in Harijan Sangha West Bengal Committee. He became a member in the General Assembly of India in 1946 and was also elected in Bidhan Sabha of West Bengal during 1952 -57. He got Padmashree in 1967. He also set up a Department at Shanti Niketan at the request of Tagore. Tagore conferred the title of Kavya tirtha on him. While in Rangpur he met and fell in love with my grandmother. My grandmother was honorary magistrate in the juvenile court.

He knew 13 languages. His grammar textbooks were being taught for quite some time in the local language. He was a member of the constituent Assembly. His books in different languages were donated to the libraries after he died. Muslims took shelter in his house during partition riots when the streets off Calcutta ran red with blood. When the mob came to his house he came out and said they would have to kill him first. No one dared touch him or his guests.

Paternal Grandmother was a gold medallist in Bengali and took a drop for a year in college so that Grandfather would not be behind her. She was the 2nd of five sisters and one brother who was the youngest. Her elder sister who was a renowned beauty was married of early to a man much older to her in Allahabad. Her husband died suddenly when she was very young and her mother in law was supposed to have ill-treated her so badly that she killed herself. Grandmother was left with the responsibility of looking after all her younger siblings. They became Brahmo Samajis because of the atrocities their sister had suffered. In fact, Grandfather said he would look after all her siblings and only then she agreed to marry him. One of Grandmothers sister had taught my maternal grandmother, so they were very happy at the alliance of my parents.

Maternal Grandfather & Parents

Maternal Grandfather was a part of 6 brothers and 2 sisters from his father’s first wife. His father was a civil engineer besides belonging to the zamindar category. My grandfather was the second eldest and after him was a sister. He took care of his younger siblings by bringing them up, educating them, getting them married etc. Two of the brothers were Engineers, 1 of them was an Engineer taught at IIT Kharagpur and helped set up the first computer at ISI (Indian Statistical Institute). The youngest of the brothers was a Physicist and Engineer who authored several books on his subject. He was very fond of his elder brother i.e. my grandfather and helped his brother in looking after the siblings by giving away all his share of property to my grandfather and used to later on send him regularly from his earnings.

My grandfather was in the Civil Service and retired as the District Magistrate. He was offered a posting in the capital city of the state he belonged to but declined as he loved the hill station that he lived in. He translated Rabindranath Tagore’s poems in English verse in 1956. We have been close with the youngest brother of my grandfather. He is survived by his wife my Great Aunt and her two children. My Great Aunt is a social worker and a board member of a well-known, reputed trust/NGO that has been working for the deprived section of the society for over 4 decades. The son is a pre-eminent architect presently advising the Indian Government Central Advisory Board on the design and preservation of various cultural landmarks and archaeological sites including Tibetan Buddhist art and culture. The daughter is a scientist who has won the young scientist award many years back.

They are the surviving family from my mother’s side. Of course, I have my younger Uncle my mothers’ younger brother’s wife and two kids as well, but I am not close to them. It takes two to Tango.

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We were not taught how many times to wash hands or to pray but how to be kind humane and just. I used to have stained teeth when I was small till a long time into adulthood when finally, they were capped. Back then while growing up when the siblings made a mention of the stained teeth, we were admonished firmly in no uncertain terms never to comment on a person’s physical attributes. From letters exchanged between my parents apparently I was born in an unearthly hour and would in the initial months cry during the night and my father to lighten my mother’s frustration said that I was going to be a party animal which is a far cry to what I have turned out to be. There was never any regret on either of my parents’ part that they had three daughters.

Nor was there every any want or desire to have a male child. He was a doting father and husband. And a highly respected colleague among his fraternity. When he died the one stress that we are aware of was that he was at logger heads with the minister as he was not going to sign on the dotted lines as was being asked to. Kind but principled.

My personal lesson was an incident that I remember crystal clear 49 years after at the time of writing this book. We had visited someone’s house and I had picked up a watch from that place and come home with it and then forgotten about it. However, it was discovered, and questioning happened. When angry he could be very angry. And we were petrified. None of us were in cahoots or had knowledge of who picked up and it was a surprise to everybody. One is born with an intrinsic sense of right and wrong, fear etc. The first response is not to admit it and so we all denied it and kept glancing at each other with a question in the eyes. When the verbal questioning didn’t yield results, he gave us the thrashing of our life till the admission came. I remember that as a culprit I got more and was literally black and blue and couldn’t sleep on my back for many days. But I knew forever not to take ever what’s not mine.

The key point is that I never had negative feelings about my father’s action. They say time heals. Does it? I don’t know, have felt his loss deeply all these years.

Let’s get back to mother. At that moment when she lost her husband and was left alone, we never got to know until many years later after her death of how she dealt with her trauma only by reading her diary. It took her a month to say yes to the job offered by the Govt.

She did everything. Handled her job, got us educated, never let us feel materially that we didn’t have a father. We were given a comfortable life but taught to be self-reliant as well. She led by example. Even though she was working with a full time job and had the luxury of having the gardener and household help she did things by herself with strict precision and passion. A strange combination one might say but she was a stickler for perfection, cleanliness personified and kept an eagle eye on the task completed. She loved gardening and she used to do a fair bit herself when at home. She was a graceful dancer and I remember the record player with timeless classic music albums and how we used to dance a talent and interest passed down to two generation. I too picked up the western as well as learned an Indian classical dance form. Life is not a bed of roses and everything goes hand in hand and not all was music and dance, it was also stormy atmosphere where she had to deal with three daughters who were spirited, feisty adolescents growing up in an environment which was small town mentality, conservative and had elements right out of Agatha Christie, Mills and Boon books.

We all loved to read and writing and drawing skills were present in all of us. Apart from being Members of the British Council Library we were always buying books. My area of interest was always on human behaviour and psychology which is the core of how we operate on a daily basis. Fiction, murder mystery, paranormal, ghosts, spirit, unexplained happenings, alien, UFO on one hand and Baking recipes, desserts different kinds of cooking on the other hand contributed to my library collection. Needless to say, we were dubbed the anglicized Indians. We spoke English at home, wore frocks and pants went to see English movies and most importantly knew how to speak our mind.! Even in those days we had pen friends who were abroad. We were also dubbed as angry, temperamental, unconventional women who went to convent school. During my adolescent days when I was unhappy or troubled, I learnt to pray in the chapel. We were befriended by kind nuns and the archbishop was a great support to Ma and us. I remember the cross and rosaries that we collected and there was a mini Altar at home. I used to wear the saree and all its trappings that go with it much ahead of my time. All the girls wore it only on school leaving day. I was always the frail type and averse to sports and physical exercises. Ash my friend who I was fond of had a sense of humour and witty disposition – she always made me laugh, reminisces that the classmates were always envious that I got away at not participating in the physical exercise class! Ma had learnt to fight her way through myriads of injustice, being labelled, put down on one hand and on the other hand she had her fair share of admirers and a handful of people who supported her and were faithful and loyal. It all comes with the territory of being beautiful.

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House where Sujata grew up

We lived in a bungalow which was about 3500 sq. foot and the total plot size was about an acre and the surrounding huge space was made up of multilayers of garden space.