Getting Through Cancer: A 32-Year-Old Woman’s Journey and Her Quest for Life’s Meaning. Based on a Personal Story

By Gabrielle Koh

At the peak of her career, Gabrielle was only 32 when she was admitted to a hospital. During her 11 days stay in the intensive care unit (ICU) and oncology ward, she underwent a whirlwind of activities: PET CT scan, endoscopy, biopsy and more. Her stay in the ICU caused her to reflect on her life, question mortality and decide on changes for a better future.

At the end, she was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma—a type of blood cancer that no one, including herself, expected to have.

She struggled to stay alive and cope with the challenges that cancer brought. Besides having to overcome personal struggles, she also has to learn how to handle the impact that cancer had on the people around her.

After completing her treatments, she thought she was done with cancer. However, it turned out that cancer still had lessons to impart to Gabrielle.

To manage her condition, she started chronicling her cancer journey. This book chronicles her transformation from a random person climbing the corporate ladder in search of higher position and pay cheque to a cancer patient battling with lymphoma and finally into a survivor overcoming depression

• Language: English
• Publisher: Partridge Publishing Singapore
• Release date: Sep 22, 2020
• ISBN: 9781543760156

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Copyright © 2020 by Gabrielle Koh.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

www.partridgepublishing.com/singapore

To my family and friends,

Without your support and encouragement,

this book would not have been possible.

To all the health-care professionals at the

hospital where I received treatment at,

Thanks for keeping me alive and putting up with my

antics. Without you, my folks might have lost their

daughter in 2017. I admit that I was not on my best

behavior at all times. Since I cannot promise you that

I will behave myself in the future, for the benefit of

all, it is the best to simply accept me as I am.

To Dr. Red,

Without you, I might not have started on this

book since the idea for it originated from you.

To Dr. Minion,

YOU ARE VERY CUTE

(an inside joke with my oncologist)!

To you, the readers,

Thanks in advance for allowing me to share my story!

To protect whatever is left of my privacy and that of my family, friends, and doctors, I am using a pen name and have changed some names and details.

Also, I do not want to get into trouble with any person or organization, especially the hospital where I am still receiving treatment at.

Honestly, the last thing I need is a sticky situation, including a lawsuit. My life is complicated enough. I do not need more. Thank you.

CONTENTS

Chapter 1 Introduction

Chapter 2 The Beginning

Chapter 3 Pre-Operation

Chapter 4 Pre-/Post-Operation

Chapter 5 D-Day

Chapter 6 Post-Operation

Chapter 7 Oncology Ward

Chapter 8 I Am What? What on Earth Is Lymphoma?

Chapter 9 Into the Unknown

Chapter 10 Outpatient

Chapter 11 Chemotherapy AKA Getting Drugged

Chapter 12 Support Group

Chapter 13 Radiation Therapy AKA Getting Roasted

Chapter 14 Transiting from Greenhouse to Concrete Jungle

Chapter 15 Fear of Recurrence or Relapse

Chapter 16 Sabbatical

Chapter 17 Broken

Chapter 18 Would You Be My Valentine?

Chapter 19 You Mean, There Are Lessons?

Chapter 20 Medical Professionals Are Humans

Chapter 21 Closing

Chapter 22 Acknowledgment

1

INTRODUCTION

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At my medical social worker’s suggestion, I started writing about my experience with Hodgkin’s lymphoma and depression in mid-2017. The idea of turning it into a book has never occurred to me until Dr. Red suggested it and after I received numerous positive feedbacks from the World Lymphoma Day 2019 event, where I shared about my cancer journey with members of the public.

My writing was also inspired by Mr. Adam Kay’s million-copy bestseller, This Is Going to Hurt, where he used his diary entries to share with the public on what it meant to be a doctor working for the National Health Service in the United Kingdom and the public’s misconception about their profession.

Additionally, I was left in awe after reading Ms. Jessica Lynne DeCristofaro’s book, Talk Cancer to Me: My Guide to Kicking Cancer’s Booty. Besides being a Hodgkin’s lymphoma survivor, she is also a blogger who goes by the name of Lymphoma Barbie. Her book and website chronicle some of the struggles that she went through during and after cancer and offered some tips and tricks on how she managed her situation. After reading it, I wished I had obtained a copy of her book and found out about her website earlier.

It is my hope that my honest sharing through this book would help you, the readers, get a glimpse into our world and obtain a better understanding of what some cancer patients, survivors, and their caregivers had to go through.

To my fellow patients, survivors, and caregivers, it is my hope that you would find this relatable. Always remember that you are not alone in this.

Lastly, I would like to raise awareness that contrary to popular beliefs (including what I used to believe), a cancer journey does not end when one transits from being a patient to a survivor. Instead, it is more of a continuous road trip and a quest for life’s meaning until your last breath.

Throughout the chapters, I would be sharing some of the interesting discoveries and lessons that I learned such as below mentioned:

Lessons

1. The big C is daunting. However, you are not alone in it.

2. A cancer journey is a continuous road trip and a quest for life’s meaning.

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2

THE BEGINNING

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Photo: View from an isolation room in the A & E

Awake. The ceiling looked unfamiliar. Looking out of the only window in the room, I saw an empty plot of land. I surveyed the room, and a wash counter and cabinets occupied a corner. A flip clock hung on the wall in front, just directly above a small radio that still played cassette tapes (something that the younger generations had probably never seen before). A piece of transparent glass panel occupied almost half of the wall on my right. Various humongous machines occupied the space behind my bed. The constant beeping sounds from the machines on my left made it impossible for me to ignore their presence unless I had lost my sense of sound, sight, and touch. In fact, they had contributed to my first night’s restlessness and insomnia.

Dressed in a green top and bottoms that resembled what my deceased grandmother used to wear, I was lying in a strange bed with an intravenous port sticking out of my right foot. A blood pressure cuff was on my left calf, taking blood pressure at (God knows) regular intervals and making me very uncomfortable.

This was neither a dream nor a nightmare. I was in a hospital’s intensive care unit (ICU).

Just less than twenty-four hours ago, I was admitted to the hospital as my chest X-ray showed opacification on the upper right lung. Fearing a possible case of lung infection or tuberculosis, I was isolated. Seeing the medical staff hold up my X-ray to discuss made me panicky. The puzzled looks on their faces after reviewing my blood tests raised the alarm further. They finally decided to send me for a PET-CT scan and informed that they would speak to me the next morning.

Just when I was starting to like my isolation room,¹ where I got the whole room to myself, a team of doctors from different specialties walked in. I thought they were in the wrong room as it had only been forty-five minutes since my scan. "We found a mass in your right chest. We need to perform an emergency surgery