Jimmy Jack: the Alcoholic Teacher: Spend a Year Behind Bars with Jimmy Jack, a Former Christian Minister, Public School Teacher, Psychotherapist, and Musician

By Jimmy Jack and Raychelle Schaudies

Jimmy Jack was a respected citizen with a hidden secret: He had been an alcoholic since his early teen years. Despite obtaining three Master Degrees and being wildly successful in several fields, it was not enough to keep him sober.

After getting a DWI, Jack served twenty-one months of a four-year sentence in one of the most out of control and violent prisons in the state of Texas. In Jimmy Jack: The Alcoholic Teacher, he narrates his journey and describes how his prison experience literally saved his life. He tells how he, as a genuine Christian with real-time faults and attitudes, was simply trying to survive and come out of the horrible situation a better person.

Jack documented his story, and the stories of other inmates, by writing two pages each day for 1 year. In this memoir, he entertains with humor, teaches about the healing power of Jesus, demonstrates how a respected member of society navigated incarceration, and offers hope for a better tomorrow.

• Language: English
• Publisher: LifeRich Publishing
• Release date: Aug 13, 2020
• ISBN: 9781489729682

Jimmy Jack

Jimmy Jack is a successful former minister, teacher, psychotherapist, and musician. He holds three Master Degrees and three undergraduate degrees. Jack was a perennial Teacher of the Year in the Texas Public School system, sought-after therapist and public speaker around the state. He is currently a popular guitar teacher and performer, and has written and recorded hundreds of songs.

Book preview

DAY 1

I ’ve been in jail now for almost a month, so I begin by telling you how I got here. As was my custom on every fall Sunday, I attended my rich friend’s Dallas Cowboy party. As a lifetime alcoholic, I knew better than to drink. But I had convinced myself that as long as I kept it to a few beers, everything would be alright. Self-deception is a curious thing, but I guess we’re all subject to it from time to time. The problem with being an alcoholic, is that self-deception can kill you, or send you to prison, as the case may be. When my good friend Jerry came to see me the other day, he said he had never seen me act the way I was acting. Since I have no memory of it, I had to take his word for it. He said I insisted on driving, and they did everything they could to stop me. He told me, I should have just knocked you out. I said, why didn’t you? He said because he thought I’d be mad at him. I told him that next time he had permission to cold cock me. But of course, if there is a next time…oh God, I can’t even consider such a thing!

So here I sit, my worst nightmare having come true. And all I can think to do is to come clean with my story as a lifetime Alcoholic. The days of denial, and hiding it are over.

Since becoming a full-time musician 7 years ago, I’ve had varying degrees of professional success, as well as success staying sober. Now before you blame it on my life as a musician, let me say…I had trouble staying sober as a minister, a school teacher, and a therapist as well. In essence, my addiction has haunted me ever since I took that first sip of beer at age 14. By the time I was 16, I was a full-blown alcoholic. And here, at 60, I sit. It’s not like I haven’t tried to quit. I have, many times. I’ve actually been sober 25 of the last 30 years, with about 5 major relapses to my credit. And each one, it seems, have resulted in a DWI. I even went through substance abuse treatment a few months ago. It was my 3rd or 4th time. Each time I completed treatment before, I got from 5 to 10 years sobriety out of it. I assumed that would be the case this time. Boy was I wrong. So, what the heck has happened to me. Let me think…

Ok, I developed a painful, yet nonfatal stomach disease called ulcerative colitis. And for a while there, the only thing that helped the symptoms was marijuana. So, I told myself I would only smoke pot, and only because of the pain. What a joke that is for an addict! I did this successfully for a couple of weeks, but every time I went into a 7/11, that beer called out to me. And once I drank that first beer, it was all over.

So here I sit, with a 50,000-dollar bond, facing 2 to 10 years in prison. And really, I have no chance of getting out of it. I mean crap, I don’t even remember driving, the arrest, anything. So, I’m definitely sunk!

I’m thinking now of my first 3 DWIs almost 20 years ago (although one of them was reduced). Officially, my 3rd one happened 12 years ago. On that one, a felony, I served 15 months on a 3-year sentence. This being my 4th, I’m facing at least 4 years, and more likely closer to 10 years for my second felony.

So, since I’m definitely screwed, here’s my idea. I’m going to report to you something of my experience every day. I’m thinking 2 pages a day for 1 year will be enough.

When I first entered this 25-man cell, they informed me I was an OG, or made man. Wow! I did not know that! But since everyone seems to respect me, I’ll just go with it. I already love my cell mates, and have led about 5 of them to Jesus. So maybe this won’t be such a bad experience after all.

DAY 2

T he first guy I met in here was a guy named Rob, a truly amazing guy. Rob is 6' 2", 40 yrs. old, and about 230 lbs. of solid muscle. He has great hair, an energetic magnetic personality, and is super smart. He knows everything about the law, and has several manila folders full of every kind of documentations that inmates seek. He was my first real friend, and he has calmed me down considerably, telling me my situation may not turn out as bad as I think. It didn’t take me long to realize he treated every new guy this way (so much for the specialness). But still, this guy! A graduate of Nebraska he’s obviously got something upstairs. For example, he just went to the law library, and figured out the password to the copier and the computer, and fixed both machines within the hour we were there. I asked him how he figured out the password. He said it was JAIL, but there was an exclamation point instead of I (so, JA!L). I’m sorry, but in my book, that’s pure genius. Who would’ve thunk it? Rob, that’s who! I mean, I have 3 master degrees, and I would’ve never figured it out in a million years. He also is a football coach of his sons, is on the board of directors at the YMCA, and is a very committed father. But then there’s the other side. He’s a meth addict, has 5 young girlfriends, and is somewhat of a thief. He’s a complete contradiction. But hey, nobody’s perfect. Especially in here!

He tells me he just snorts a little meth every morning as a pick-me-up. This amazes me, cause the dude has bouncing-off-the-wall energy.

As I get to know him, the charm of this awesome man begins to fade. After he’s released from this county, he has warrants in 10 other counties he has to answer to. They range from theft of the elderly, to simple credit card theft. But obviously, this guy has some serious Jekyll and Hyde stuff going on.

Concerning his love life, he believes that since he’s honest to all of his women about his infidelity, that what he does is all right. But who am I to judge? I remember having 5 women at a time in my 40’s, but hey, look where it got me. It all seems completely twisted in retrospect. But hindsight is 20/20. I think Rob knows Jesus a little bit. I can only hope he will make a stronger commitment to him by the time he’s 60.

DAY 3

U lcerative colitis is acting up today, which means I won’t be able to eat. It also means I’ll be bleeding out of my rear end. Yay! The fun times in jail have begun! My free world doctor wanted me to have a colonoscopy right before this happened. Guess that won’t be happening now in here, things are way different. They have a doctor that comes to see you, but he could care less whether you’re okay or not. After all, we are scum of the earth. They also have failed to give me the medicine that I need. Surprise surprise! The last time I was locked up, a guy had a heart attack and died on the spot, while the guards laughed, thinking he was only faking. Unfortunately, this is not my first rodeo with jail, and I’ve seen a lot of weird stuff. This is one of the reasons I’m doing this. A bigger reason is so that people from all backgrounds can learn more about this corrupt system, and perhaps develop a different perspective on the disease aspect of alcoholism and drug addiction. For instance, when I was an elementary school Kid, I always felt there was a cloud over my head, which made me feel sleepy, and which also made everyone think I was lazy. Thusly, as a teenager, alcohol and drugs were a big relief to me. They got rid of the cloud. Little did I know that I was beginning down a path of addiction that would last my whole life. I believe I was a full-blown alcoholic the first time I ever drank beer. I remember at age 42, when I got my first 3 DWIs, they diagnosed me with severe depression, and prescribed Prozac. It was like whoosh, the cloud was gone for the first time in my life. I’ve been taking some version of that medicine ever since. Of course, it never really helped my substance abuse issues, because once you develop that disease it never leaves. Ever!

Then there are all the cultural influences. Being a child of the sixties and seventies, the things I gravitated towards weren’t the best. I can remember in fourth grade being obsessed with cigarettes and naked women. Especially cigarettes. Somehow during that 4th grade year, I had in my possession a pack of Benson & Hedges cigarettes, and a Playboy magazine. I remember being at the park one day, smoking a cigarette and reading my Playboy, when I noticed in the distance an adult figure about a hundred yards away, walking towards me. I was so sure they were after me I threw the magazine down, stepped on the cigarettes, and got on my bike and raced home. They were probably just out for a walk in the park, and didn’t even see me. It’s kind of like when I used to run from the wasps, because I thought they were chasing me. But really, I was just in their way, as they chased after that twig. I remember jumping out of a moving car, because there was a wasp on the windshield. I was really a big pussy now that I think about it. Irrational fear of wasps won’t ruin segments of your life, destroy your marriage, ruin 4 careers, or give you a stomach disease. But alcoholism will. And so here I sit, thinking about nonsense, locked in a cage, and sharing my life with you. Lucky you!

DAY 4

L et me explain a little bit about the difference between jail and prison. And by the way, just because you’re a substance abuser, it doesn’t mean you’ll ever be in one of these places. I feel sure that the majority of substance abusers will never see the inside of a jail or prison. So, before you go thinking you’re better than me, perhaps you can just consider yourself fortunate. The interesting thing is that 95% of the people that I meet in these places are alcoholics or drug addicts. But even if they’re not, they’re in here for some sort of activity that involves alcohol or drugs. They were either using drugs and got a DWI, or they were selling drugs, were robbing somebody trying to get money to buy drugs, or they participated in some sort of violent behavior that they wouldn’t normally have done had they not been under the influence of drugs. I’m telling you, if it weren’t for drugs and alcohol, these jails and prisons would be almost empty. That’s a fact. But this incarceration thing is Big Business. Someone’s making a lot of money off of us. We are the Pawns. they are the great Chess Masters in the sky. But anyway, jail is where you go after your first two DWIs. When you commit your third one, it is no longer a misdemeanor, but a felony. Therefore, when you get the third one, you’re more than likely going to spend time in prison. Jail is where you go after you’re arrested. If your crime is a felony, you will eventually be transferred to a prison. and that’s a place you don’t want to be. And unfortunately, that’s the place that I know I’m destined for. I got my third one 12 years ago, and spent 15 months on a 3-year sentence in prison. So that’s why I say that this is not my first rodeo. I know I’m going to prison. I just don’t know for how long. A 3 rd degree felony carries up to 10 years in prison. So, the most time I will serve would be 10 years. The least would probably be 4, since they’ve already given me 3. So, 4 is my best-case scenario. However, if they decide that you’re a habitual criminal, they can give you 20, 30, 40, or 50 years if they want to. There are seriously guys serving huge sentences for having four 4 or five DWIs. So, I’m not in a very good situation, to say the least. I realize that there’s a lot of people who are going to have no sympathy for me whatsoever. Drunk drivers have killed people, and I have no problem going to prison for what I did. But spending 20 or 30 years in prison, because I Might have hurt somebody (even though I didn’t), it just seems a bit harsh to me. So be offended if you want to, but understand that I have a disease that is so very difficult to overcome. People say, why don’t you just call Uber? You obviously don’t understand the mind of an alcoholic. You can start drinking thinking that you’re going to call Uber, and once you’re drunk all bets are off. It’s a terrible thing. The disease is physiological, psychological, emotional, and spiritual. But the reason it is classified as a disease is the physiological aspect of the deal. It has to do with a chemical imbalance in your brain. It’s not your fault that you are an alcoholic. However, it is your responsibility to do something about it. I’ve been sober 25 of the last 30 years through the strength of Jesus. I’ve been anything but perfect. But had I not had those 25 years of sobriety; I wouldn’t be alive talking to you today. My disease is very real and serious. I am as bad an alcoholic as was ever invented. So, get mad at me if you want. But when you’re sitting in here with me, perhaps you will reconsider your judgment. It’s so easy nowadays to get a DWI. The worst I’ve ever been in my disease was ages 16 to 22. The cops never took me to jail when they pulled me over (drunk) back in those days. They waited till I was a respectable citizen, doing my best to stay sober, to put me in the cage. I got my first DWI at age 42, after my 6 years of marriage ended. In high school when I was really out of control, I got stopped hundreds of times dead drunk. I didn’t even know what a DWI was. So, it’s a different world we live in now. And if you think you’re above it, you better not get too cocky. You too could end up where I am this moment. One thing I’ve learned is that the judicial system is Big Business. Judges, prosecutors, defense attorneys, communities, police, jailers, private citizens who own some of these prisons, they’re all in it together. So, you better be careful, because they will get you if they can. For instance, the prosecutor here is married to a defense attorney, so they’re making big bucks on both sides of the ledger. I’ve actually never met a defense attorney that I thought was honorable. Every one of them has screwed me six ways to Sunday. It’s all about winning and losing, and competition and money. And we’re the poor suckers that make the whole thing work. A sweet old man came in the other day who is serving a 40-day sentence for a Dui. In talking to him, I realized that he really got pulled over for dwb, driving while black. They tested his blood and found traces of Ambien, and gave him a DUI. That’s why he’s in here. So now Rockland County makes about $200 a day on this guy. And if he would have taken probation instead of the 40 days, they would have made a heck of a lot more money off of him. I love these people in here so much. I can’t help but think a lot of them are victims of a corrupt system. Sometimes my heart is so full of compassion. I hope it stays that way. And I hope I’m able to convey that to you in the coming days.

DAY 5

W hat happens in these jails is that people come and go on a regular basis. But there is usually a core group of guys that are stuck playing the waiting game of sentencing; and I’ve become part of this core group.

My good buddy Brad left this morning to spend four months in state jail (I don’t feel like explaining State Jail to you. Just look it up.) This dude was really a good guy. He was 35 years old, former High School football player, construction guy, salt-of-the-earth type, a Christian. He was a short guy with big arms and a barrel chest. He has a mean streak and doesn’t suffer fools easily. This is my kind of guy.

I will say this much. The kids in state jail are known for fighting, because their sentences are definite, and they can’t lose time for bad behavior. He should fit in quite nicely there. But I feel sorry for the guy who challenges him. It ain’t going to be pretty. But dang it, I’m going to miss him. He was a part of the Core Group, and now he’s gone. I’m sure I’ll never see him again.

And my new best buddy Rob is fixing to get shipped out any day now. It’s going to suck without him here. I’ve learned not to get attached to anybody in here. And trust me I won’t. But some guys are just fun to talk to. He was talking about his gorgeous 25-year old girlfriend last night. He said that she is crazy. I said why are you with her? He said because she’s super-hot. I asked what kind of crazy she was. Is she schizophrenic, bipolar, or what? He said she’s all of these things and more. But her hotness overrules it all. I hate to say it, but I’ve been there and done that. And up until I was 50, a girl’s hotness overruled almost anything. But now I actually prefer girls with personality. Might as well shoot me! Maturity can sneak up on you. At age 47, Rob’s still chasing the beauty queen. I was too when I was that age. I’ve tried some psychology on him, suggesting that maybe he was too good for her. But I don’t think it’s going to work.

I remember when I was 32 I had a 22-year-old girlfriend that was absolutely the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. But she had no personality, and we had nothing in common. But it didn’t matter. I kept her as long as I possibly could.

There’s another guy named Corey who bunks next to me. He’s a really smart guy who’s in here for unpaid tickets. He also got caught with a little marijuana. Marijuana laws seem to be loosening, whereas DWI laws are getting stricter. The interesting thing about Cory is that he’s 28, and has a 56-year-old white girlfriend. I’ll let you guess the color of his skin. He mentioned how great of an influence I’ve been on the way he perceives things. He said I changed his life for the better. I told you I love these people. I love seeing them attend the prayer circle. I might have to join them one of these days.

DAY 6

I ’ve been having these dizzy spells for the last couple of weeks. When I walk, the walls slant back and forth. And when I’m sitting down or laying down, I’ll just black out for a few seconds. It scared the heck out of me the first few times it happened. But now I’m getting used to it. That alcohol abuse has really screwed my system up something fierce. My good friend Carl is recovering from brain cancer. He had the same symptoms I’m having right now. I told the medical staff here about what I was experiencing. They told me to drink more water. Sounds like sound medical advice to me. The guy who got a DUI because Ambien was in his system was described by me as an old man in yesterday’s report. He graduated high school in 1977, and I graduated in 1976. So, what does that make me? He stays on a top bunk about 6 feet away from me. This is not a good thing, because he tends to spit as he talks. And he can talk non-stop for hours if I let him. And I do let him. He just engages me at the wrong times, and thusly I drift off into my own personal hell. However, I do try to pick out the highlights, so that he knows that I’m actually listening. One thing for sure; he is touched by my compassion towards him. I actually made him cry today, and I also made him cry yesterday. And all I really did was listen to him. Yesterday he spoke of his abusive father, and his ultra-sweet mother, who died of cancer 28 years ago at the age of 56. He loved her so much and misses her greatly to this day. Helen, my brother’s first wife, died of cancer at age 48. I’m sure my three nephews will be similarly affected for the rest of their lives. Today’s emotional story was about his grandad, who helped raised him. He said when he was a teen, he and his Grandad had a disagreement, and when the elder man tried to make up, he pouted and refused his grandad’s apologies. The next day his granddad died of a heart attack. Unresolved issues can lead you to drinking. I love listening to other people’s unresolved issues. It keeps me from thinking about my own. All I know is; I’ve made him cry twice in two days. I’m a seriously good counselor! I should be. I have a Masters in Counseling and Human Development. I guess nothing ever really goes wasted.

There are two teenagers in here who are seniors in high school. They’re scared to death, and they should be. Although I haven’t seen any violence yet, the last time I was incarcerated, I saw a lot of bloodshed. So, I know it’s going to happen. I’ll be sure to report it when it does. The bad thing is, is this incarceration is probably not going to keep these kids from being out of control. My best friend Gary and I would not have graduated had we not move to a high school that graduated everybody. Hooray for that High School! The school who graduates everybody! If Gary and I would have grown up in these times we would have been in juvie hall the whole time. They didn’t have that in the 70s. The 70s let us run wild and play pool all day at the pool hall if we wanted to. I guess the authorities in those days felt guilty about all the teenagers that they had killed in Vietnam. So, they left our generation alone. I went to three high schools in 3 years, and it wasn’t because my parents moved. Perhaps there were just a bunch of other high schools who wanted me. Yeah right. I was just a dumbass kid who was out of control. Sometimes it takes a long time to grow up. And sometimes your early habits follow you all the way to age 60. I’m glad that Jesus still has a plan for my life. Maybe by the end of this book, I’ll figure out what it is.

DAY 7

J ust as I was thinking this cell was particularly peaceful, an older

Hispanic drug King came in last night and shook things up. A

youngster was walking around after lights out last night, and apparently was making too much noise with his shoes. So, Escobar the Kingpin told him to quit making noise with his shoes or he was going to knock his teeth into his brain. That’s a good line! I’ll have to remember that one. Needless to say, the youngster got in his bed and shut up for the rest of the night. Intimidation it’s a big part of establishing yourself in jail or prison. But the difference in incarceration intimidation, and the kind of intimidation that people use in the Free World, is that in jail, when you call somebody out like that, you better be ready to back it up. Because people will call your bluff in a New York Minute.

So today, I heard Escobar the kingpin singing out loud. I have not spoken to him yet, so I came up and told him that I too was a singer, and that I thought he had a very pretty voice. He was so happy with my comment, that he told me that if there was anything I needed anything at all, just to ask him and he would give it to me. This is my form of intimidation. Kill em’ with kindness, and then when you need them to protect you, they’ll be there for you. My mama didn’t raise no dummy!

Just now, another old man threatened a youngster with violence. Me I’m not interested in fighting. But I will give you an hour of free counseling if you’re nice to me.

Last night, a guy came in, age 60, who drives a delivery van cross-country for a living. He got caught with 25 Adderall pills and a little bit of marijuana. He must be like me; still not over the habits of our youth. He actually had a prescription for these pills at one time, but because he didn’t have his prescription bottle, now he’s facing five to 99 years for a second-degree felony. These pills are designed to make kids with ADHD calm down. But they also allow truck drivers to stay awake. So now he’s looking at about 10 years in prison at the minimum. What does the State want him to do, fall asleep while he’s driving? I’m telling you this system is screwed up! This guy’s name is Paul. I noticed he was having trouble breathing and I asked him what the problem was. He said he had emphysema, and another serious breathing disease. He also said he still smokes. It’s the one habit that he can’t seem to shake. For some reason, this made me laugh. So, you have emphysema and you keep smoking knowing that it’s fixing to kill you. Addiction is a b****. I smoked and dip snuff off and on since I was a teenager. But for some reason tobacco never got a hold of me. I could always take it or leave it. I was more or less a social smoker and dipper. If you were smoking, I would get one from you. But I rarely ever bought a pack of cigarettes myself. But it was a whole different story with alcohol and drugs. The first time I drink beer when I was 16, I got drunk. And I got drunk every time after that. I’ve never had a social drink in my life. I envy people who can drink socially. I wish I could. I suppose my relapses through the years have been attempts to be a social drinker like everyone else. But I always fail, get a DWI, and end up in jail.

I’ve already told you that I’ve been sober 25 out of the last 30 years. I’ll break it down for you. For the 15 years I was teaching school, I was a user for two of those years. For the ten years I did therapy, I was a user two of those years. And for the five years that I was professional guitar player, I was using one of those years. I probably had five major relapse has in the last 30 years. And when I relapse, it usually lasts about a year before I get ahold of it. I’ve been very fortunate to have a deep relationship with Jesus throughout the entirety of the time I’m describing. Can Jesus cure me for good? Yeah, he always cures me forever until I decide to turn away from him and try to be a normal drinker like everybody else. He always lets me do what I’m going to do. I’m telling you; once you get this disease, it never ever ever goes away!

No one has a more devastating addiction than I do. But conversely, no one loves sobriety more than I do. And for whatever reason, the disease always reaches up and bites me at the worst possible times. So here I sit, having to reassess everything once again. I guess it’s kind of cool that you and I are going to go through this process together.

DAY 8

W ell Rob is still here. One of the 10 counties who are supposed to come get him are due here any day. Can you imagine having charges in 10 different counties in Texas at the same time? And this is my best friend were talking about. What does that say about me? I worry about him, because he states flatly to me that he is not going to change when he gets out. He has a lot of money, and a high-powered lawyer that gets him off of most of this stuff. But if he’s not going to change, then the bad things are going to keep happening to him. I know my behavior and thought processes have changed dramatically over the last 10 years. I feel that when you’re incarcerated, you need to find out the real reason why you’re here. What is God trying to teach you? He has you in here because he loves you, not because he’s trying to punish you. Despite the fact that I’ve spent five years using alcohol in the last 30, and have obviously not been perfect, I still feel I’ve proved that I do, in fact, know how to stay sober. I always felt that 12 years ago, when I was locked up, that the reason I was locked up was because of all the wild sex I was having with so many different women. In the last 12 years, I haven’t had sex with one woman. The Lord has completely changed my heart in terms of how I view and treat women. But before my incarceration 12 years ago, I was simply out of control. I remember having sex all night with a girl in a hotel room, and then baptizing her in the hotel hot tub. I’m pretty sure the Lord Jesus does not appreciate that level of inconsistency. I’m just glad I don’t do stupid stuff like that anymore. Jesus can’t use me when I’m sleeping around with different women all the time. He also cannot use me when I’m drinking or using drugs. So, I’m not saying I’ve conquered either one of them. But like every Christian, I suppose you could say I’m a work in progress.

Probably the worst time of my life, in terms of sexual immorality, was when I was married. My wife and I, who was 15 years younger than me, got into the swinging lifestyle. Now she looked like she walked right out of the pages of Playboy. Consequently, every beautiful girl in Dallas wanted to sleep with her. So, for about 3 years of our marriage, we went to Dallas every weekend and fulfilled all of our fantasies. We were in a very rich crowd which included famous Cheerleaders, and other people that I will not name. We would invite a different girl into our bedroom every Friday and every Saturday. Then we would teach school during the week, and on the weekends, we would travel to Dallas and do our thing all over again. A marriage is a contract between a man and a woman and God. And when you deliberately inject immorality into the mix, the marriage is going to blow up. And the breakup of my marriage certainly happened in dramatic fashion! People used to joke after The Break-Up, that if a person is going to ruin their marriage, they may as well do it the way I did it. But it’s not funny when it ruins your life and separates you from your five-year-old little girl who you can’t live without. That’s been almost 20 years, and I think I’m still suffering the ramifications of the decisions I made during that 6-year marriage. Believe it or not, I was sober through most of that swinging time. I relapsed at the very end. Here’s how it happened: I remember sitting in a fancy apartment in Dallas one night. My wife had gone upstairs with a beautiful woman, and I was sitting there on the couch. I looked on the coffee table, and noticed there was a big ball of cocaine there. I licked the end of my finger, put it in the bowl, and then licked the cocaine off of my finger. Then I did it over and over. That was the beginning of my relapse, and the end of my marriage. The whole thing caused a lot of pain, not only to us and our daughter, but to my family and hers. If you think I’m going to go into detail about my marriage, you’re wrong. That’s a book that’ll probably never be written, which is a shame, cuz I guarantee you, that one would be a number one New York Times bestseller.

By sixth grade I was truly obsessed with cigarettes alcohol and girls. I had 17 girlfriends my 6th grade year. I was the school’s best musician, and the high point man on the basketball team. I even went with the head cheerleader, a girl named Bonnie. I was so in love with her, I would sleep with her picture. We had a band called The Green Mist, and sang a song called Gloria. I switched the words of Gloria, for the words and letters that spelled out Bonnie. I was so in love with her, and such a dork. One night she wanted me to kiss her on the lips, and I kissed her on the cheek instead. So, she broke up with me the next day, and I was devastated. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever loved a girl as deeply as I loved Bonnie. Sometimes I think she is quite possibly the only girl I’ve ever actually been in love with. Whatever the case may be, at least that one was pure. But my obsession with women lasted all the way until I went to prison at age 48. Having been set free from that obsession, I consider it one of the greatest things that’s ever happened to me. But the alcohol addiction has never left me, and never will. Surely this hell I’m going through now will cure my tendency for relapse. For good this time. Surely.

DAY 9

I t’s early in the morning and everyone is asleep. This tank sleeps all day, and stays up all night. Sounds like a recipe for failure to me.

A guy just came in who was busted for having Seroquel without his prescription bottle. He is completely distraught and has a $30,000 bond. You would think that they would let him go as soon as his wife brings his prescription bottle up here. But it’s never that easy. Common sense is not a flower that grows in everyone’s garden. And the judicial system is full of crap.

A black dude came in last night, and immediately started mouthing off to everyone. I’m afraid this isn’t going to end well for him. The craziest guy in here is a guy they call Garza. Serious issues! He yells and runs around the tank all day like Ernest T Bass of The Andy Griffith Show. He is loud, annoying, and very funny. He’s also, like everyone else, every respectful towards me. So that’s all I care about. Yesterday he thought it was too hot in here, so he called the guards on the speaker. You are only supposed to use the speaker in emergency situations. You know, like if somebody’s getting beat to within an inch of their life. So, he actually said into the speaker that someone was getting beat to within an inch of their life! But all he really wanted was to discuss the air conditioning situation. Well, he got their attention all right. About 10 of them came rushing in there with full combat gear on. That Garza is a funny guy! But the guards have no sense of humor.

There are now four 60-year olds in here. There’s me, the drug kingpin who we call Escobar, Bill the trucker, and my favorite a guy named Sam. Sam and I have the most in common. He was an athlete growing up, and is a good friend of several ex-Cowboys. He’s obviously a huge Cowboy fan like me. He even used to go fishing with Whistling Ray. You’d have to be a Cowboy fan to know what I’m talking about. We also both like I Love Lucy, The Dick Van Dyke Show, Andy Griffith, Bewitched, Jeanie, The Munsters, The Adams Family, Hawaii Five-O, Mannix, Hill Street Blues, etc. He just has 30 more days left to finish his sentence, for driving under the influence of Ambien. I wish they just let him go. But I do kind of enjoy having him here.

Now that I’m 60, I realize how stupid I was when I was 50. And when I was 50, I realized how stupid I was when I was 40. And when I was 40, I realized how stupid I was when I was 30. And when I was 30, I realized how stupid I was when I was 20. So, I suppose when I’m seventy, I’ll realize how stupid I was when I was 60. But right now, I don’t think of myself as stupid. My mother is a hundred, and I wonder if she thinks that way about how she was when she was 90, and so forth. I doubt it. But the bottom line is, is you will never be as stupid as you were when you were a teenager. You were smarter before you became a teenager, and you were smarter after you left the teenage years. So being a teenager is absolutely the stupidest you can possibly be. But as someone who taught teenagers for 15 years in the Texas public school system, I love my teenagers with all my heart. Of course, now they’re 40, but I still think of them the way they were when they were teenagers. And the love they gave me back then, that they still give me even today, is something I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world. Not sure how I got off on that subject, but I guess since it’s my butt, I can let my thoughts flow anyway I want to. And you’re just going to have to deal with it. So there!

DAY 10

S tay out of it and mind your own business! That’s the best advice I can give anyone who enters one of these places. It’s important to understand this while you’re in jail. But when you go to prison, it can be a matter of life and death. There are certain rules in prison, and ways that people relate and get along. And if you don’t understand the rules, you could end up leaving on a stretcher.

Being in prison in the state of Texas is serious business. The guards yell at you all the time, and treat you like a piece of crap. But it’s the inmates that you have to really look out for. There’s so much mental illness and violent psychosis, you really have to know what the rules are. If you don’t, you’re going to end up a bloody mess. For instance, if you’re walking along, and you go through a door, and there happens to be someone behind you (even if he’s 20 yards behind you), you better stay and hold the door open for him, because if you don’t, you might get in a wreck. You never want to be accused of showing disrespect. Also, if you run into somebody by accident, and don’t say excuse me, you could end up in a serious mess. These seem like common courtesies in the civilized world, but in jail and prison, it’s much more critical. Failure to observe these common courtesies could actually cost you your life.

The last time I went to prison, I spent 15 months on a 3-year sentence. But you don’t spend all of it in prison. That time, I spent seven months in county jail, and eight months in prison, for a total of 15 months. I’m sure something similar is going to end up happening this time. There’s no way I’m getting out of this, because I don’t even remember being arrested. I was drunk as a big dog. And so, they got me dead to rights. So, we’ll just see how much longer than 15 months I have to serve this time. I know it’s going to be more, and maybe a lot more. That’s what makes this so hard. The fact that you don’t know what is around the corner is difficult. But I do know I’m at their mercy. I’ve decided to quit trying to bond out this time. They set my bond at $50,000. So, to get out I would have to come up with $5,000, or 10% of the 50,000. I’d rather just accumulate time, because I know this is going to count towards whatever sentence they give me. So, I ain’t going nowhere. I may as well start racking up the days, weeks, and months towards my ultimate sentence. The worst thing people do in cases like mine is take lengthy probations. When they give you 10 years’ probation, they’re setting you up for failure. You’re better off just taking 3 or 4 years in prison, and getting it over with. I’ve barely started this journey, but I already know that I’m going to prison, and that’s exactly what I want to happen. Because for one thing, if I’m not locked up, I’ll never finish this book! I’ve always wanted to write a book, but there’s no way I would have ever have pursued it had I not been locked up. It’s going to take me a year to finish it, so I hope I’m in here at least a year. I’m sure I will be. I just hope I’m not in here too much longer than that. This book thing is kind of like the music thing that I’ve been doing the last 7 years. If I would have never pursued my music career, it would have bothered me the rest of my life. That’s why I dropped everything at age 50, and just went for it. One day I just packed my stuff, and said I was going to move to Dallas and play music for a living, and work with the homeless on the side. And that’s exactly what I did. I starved for a year, and after that I was making around $1,000 a week doing my thing. It’s given me a great sense of peace, and a sense of accomplishment. If I would have never done it, it would have bugged me forever. I sort of feel the same way about this book. I thank Jesus for this incarceration for so many reasons.

When I got my first couple of DWIs, I was teaching school. When I got my next one, I was a psychotherapist. This one I received while living the life of a musician. Hell, people expect me to get thrown in jail as a musician. But it was much harder to explain as a school teacher, and a psychotherapist.

I’ve had over 200 guitar students in the last 3 years. And the sad thing is: I just abandoned them! So, to all my students, I’m sorry about that, but I am a musician, right? And for some reason, the power of Jesus has me completely and totally at peace. The last time I was totally stressed out 100% of the time. Now I feel like I’m at the right place at the right time. See, I told you I am way more mature at age 60, than I was at age 50. This whole thing is turning out to be exactly what I needed, whether I like it or not.

DAY 11

T he worst thing about coming to prison is not necessarily the loss of your freedom. The absolute worst thing for me anyway is the total loss of privacy. You really have no power to take away my freedom because Jesus has Set Me Free no matter what situation I’m in. But from a personality standpoint I’m the kind of person who’s very social during the day but at the end of the day I like to be alone. I cherish my alone time and I feel I must have it at least a little bit every day. In jail or prison no such luck. Also, the system is designed to give you as much aggravation as possible and tonight I’m aggravated. It’s 3:30 a.m. and the whole group has been yelling all night in this Echo chamber of a warehouse. No Sleepy pie for me. I’m up riding because he’ll call is fixing to happen in a minute and breakfast is right after that.

New arrivals are a constant as are those who are leaving. All of this apparently requires yelling by guards and the loud responses from inmates. Court is at 8 a.m. and phone calls start at 10 a.m. 11:30 is lunch. One is the time you get to wash your clothes. Since everybody stays up all night by about 1 everybody’s up and yelling again. The Grand Canyon has never echoed the way this place does. 3:30 p.m. is pill call again. 4:30 is supper. Yelling is now at a maxed-out volume. By now the TV is on blast people are playing Spades Domino’s and other games. Everybody’s getting out there, serve food and starting to make their jail specialty spreads. 9 p.m. is pill call again. 11 p.m. they let you use razors for 1 hour. At 1 a.m. we get to change out our jumpers. And… we’re back to 3 a.m. pill call. Although ear plugs are essential, they only slightly dull the Roar.

And the bad thing about having no privacy and being a person who everybody respects is the fact that no one will ever just leave me alone. Everyone wants my unpaid counseling. I swear to you I would charge them if they had any money. But there’s no money in jail or prison. Currency is usually in the form of soups or other commissary items. So I listen and I listen and I listen. Right now, I am thanking that if I had a gun which one of these guys would I kill first. Probably not the most appropriate thought for a Christian man. But sometimes they just really get on my nerves. So, I got one by one in my mind. Would I kill him? Nop. What about him nope. Now I’m really annoyed because I am realizing that I couldn’t kill any of these guys because I loved most of them too much. So now my game is ruined and I’m more pissed off than ever. I’m hardly ever like this but this should give you some sort of an idea of what it’s like to exist and try to cope in this environment on a day-to-day basis. I’m just frustrated and annoyed and patient in need of privacy and I have no gun. But this mindset is not just a product of being in jail. I get fed up with people in the world 2. But at least I can escape and be by myself in the Free World. I think being like this in the Free World causes me to drink. Drinking is always a good Escape for about 30 minutes. Then the sickness and consequences consume me. I feel sure that the mere fact that I don’t have the option of drinking in here probably accounts for my greater levels of peace. So, does that mean it would be better for me to stay locked up? Unfortunately, the answer to that is probably yes for the time being. I need some sobriety time behind my belt so I can get solid again. I feel sure I’m going to be provided the time that I need to get well. I Praise Jesus for saving my life and locking me away so I can recover. I can only hope that I can find a way to transfer everything I learned in here and live up to my potential when I get back out. I feel sure that’s my purpose for being here. And this knowledge allows me to deal with it in Pace.

DAY 12

T his current incarceration kind of reminds me of church camp as a high school student each summer. The mentality is about the same: kids running around acting crazy, trying to get away with stuff like stealing food from the kitchen. I remember during church camp we would act completely unchristian all day, and at night we would get serious about Jesus in the prayer circle. For me if I would have never gone to church camp, I may have never known Jesus was real. The only time I ever experienced Jesus in high school was the one week I spent in church camp. I certainly never encountered him going to church three times a week. As soon as Church camp ended every year it took me about 30 minutes to start drinking smoking pot and chasing girls again. So much for a lasting commitment. But hey at least I experienced Jesus and somewhere in the back of my mind knew that he was really real. The the same thing is happening to these guys in here. They are meeting Jesus for the very first time and it’s experiencing the realness of how Jesus can work his way into your heart. Then when they get out, they’ll start acting the same way they always have. But at least they will have experienced the Creator first hand. And that’s something you never really forget. This might be the only time these guys are actually exposed to our Savior Jesus. Speaking of exposed, I was attending one of the many nondenominational churches that a certain hotshot pastors in Dallas. I really thought I’d found a good church home until I tried to take my homeless friend Stevie with me and because of the way he looked the cops escorted him out of the building. Needless to say, I never darken the door there again. Nor will I ever. This is why I’ve always had such a huge problem with organized religion. Because of organized religion people have misconceptions about who Jesus really is. So, when people think of Jesus, they’re not really thinking about the man himself. Instead they associate him with some bad experience or misconception that has developed in their heart about him through the years. After leaving the that church, I joined a 12-step church in Dallas. Jack, a recovering substance abuser is the pastor. He’s one of the most genuine and dynamic preachers in our Brotherhood. It was because of him that I first got sober in 1989. And since then I’ve been sober 25 out of the last 30 years. But this church caters not only to substance abusers but also people who have sexual addictions or gambling addictions or whatever your addiction is they welcome you with open arms into their fellowship. And the greatest thing is, they just loved my homeless friend Stevie to death. Every time I would bring that smelly creature in there, they would hug on him like he was the coolest person they had ever seen. So, if I’m going to attend a church, they’re going to have to be real. But the Churches that I grew up in were anything but real. Now don’t get me wrong these are some of the most wonderful smartest people in the world. The walk I’ve already told you if it weren’t for church camp each summer, I may have never ever met the real Jesus Christ. Nowadays I encourage people to attend they non-denominational church of their choice. Even though there are a lot of good Churches, like several in Abilene who aren’t buried into the close-minded structure of the past. Imagine being a prodigy drummer like I was in elementary school and having to attend a church who did not believe in having musical instruments in the church service. It’s taken me a lifetime to get their doctrine out of my system. I’m a musician and I like to sing about Jesus with my guitar. But according to them it’s a sin. So, although I love and respect so many of the people who attend the Church, I no longer consider myself one of them. But I learned so much growing up in the Church because of how strict they were about understanding the scriptures. And a lot of the acapella music that I learned as a child has made its way to the strumming chords of my guitar. And I Praise Jesus for all of that music that has stuck in my head all these years. But the worst thing about the Churches is that they literally thought they were the only ones going to heaven. Let’s just hope I put in enough time with them as a child to get me through the back door.

DAY 13

I ’m reading a book about a young girl who converted from Islam to Christianity while living in a radical Muslim country. While at church there were three bombs placed in different parts of the church building. One blew up really close to her and she was basically pronounced dead but came back to life. American Christians forget the fact that there are places in the world where you can literally lose your life based on your belief in Jesus. Understanding this fact and also understanding that the early Christians faced persecution and death one must ask themselves if you personally would be able to die for the sake of Jesus if the situation presented itself. In the West 2 confess Jesus May mean embarrassment or ridicule in certain circles but certainly not death. So fortunately, that’s about as bad as it gets for us.

Speaking of Jesus, I continue to be filled with peace and joy the majority of my time in here. This is quite an unexpected development. The power behind this phenomenon is obviously the Holy Spirit of Jesus which lives inside me. This is the kind of personal reflection that you don’t get in the real world. The potential for spiritual growth during incarceration is unlimited. But you have to be and that mindset. And a lot of guys in here are.

Other than the Holy Spirit the faithful prayers of my mother and the great example that my brother Bob and sister Jan have set through the years another reason 4 my positive frame of mind. My sister is having her own battle right now with cancer and there’s a good chance she my pass before they release me. Life goes on in the real world even a ours comes to a halt. Also, one of my ex-high School students 13-year-old little girl is probably going to pass while I’m in here. She has an incurable form of cancer. These are things you can’t do anything about when you’re locked up. My mother is 101 years old and I fully expect her to be around when I’m released. As healthy as she is she is the last person I’m worried about losing. If a family member passes while you’re in jail or prison they will actually let you go to the funeral. But guards have to go with you and it would seem to me to be quiet an embarrassing situation. So, no matter who passes in my family I will not be attending with a bunch of guards at my side. I would never embarrass the family that way.

Unlike most of these guys I come from an Impressive family. Seems everyone in our family is either extremely successful, educated or both. Some are millionaires and most are living comfortably. My mother is an amazing lady and truly the greatest person I’ve ever known with Integrity unmatched. She’s a great lover of people which is evidenced by a hundred or so Christmas cards she receives every year. She still drives and picks up these old ladies in their 70s to go play bridge at the Country Club every week. She’s very proud and even told me not to bother to come to her 100th birthday party if I didn’t cut my hair and dress a certain way. So, we agreed I would come to the family dinner and skip the actual party. A lot of people saw it is some sort of a scandal but her and I were perfectly cool with it. We are very close and know each other extremely well. A funny thing happened when she went to get her driver’s license the day she turned 100. She took the driving test and passed it and when she got out of the car the whole DPS station gave her a standing ovation. From here on out she has to take her driving test every two years. I fully expect her to take it and pass it at age 102. After that we’ll go to years at a time. Like I’m telling you I’m very peaceful but there are things like my student’s 13-year-old little girl being sick with cancer that really bother me. It’s her only child and I know she’s fixing to die. I had been talking to Jennifer through text messaging before I was arrested. And now it’s like I just disappeared and I hope she understands someday that I did not abandon her. It’s, like all my guitar students and all my performances and everything I had lined up. All of a sudden, I just vanished in thin air. I don’t have anybody’s number because you don’t remember numbers anymore the way you used to. So the fact is, I can be no benefit to anyone about situations that happened on the outside when I’m stuck in the cage. But the truth is we’re all terminal and Jesus died to defeat death. The worst thing Satan can do to you is kill your Earthly body. So, if I ever have the opportunity to be a martyr for Jesus, I’m going to take it. And I bet you $5 that I’ll be just as peaceful in that moment as I am Behind These Bars today.

DAY 14

I ’m noticing that a bunch of these kids do quite