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Dear Old Book: Diary of Myrtle Utley
Dear Old Book: Diary of Myrtle Utley
Dear Old Book: Diary of Myrtle Utley
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Dear Old Book: Diary of Myrtle Utley

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I was always curious about the diaries of granny. The family told stories that were passed down generation to generation but the actual diaries in hand will tell the true story of her life. She had faith in God that sustained her through her hardship in life. She lived through historical events that will encourage others to stand firm in their beliefs. Her deafness was no obstacle to her as she wrote the diary books. I hope the readers will be enlightened as they read this book.
LanguageEnglish
PublisherXlibris US
Release dateAug 7, 2020
ISBN9781664120693
Dear Old Book: Diary of Myrtle Utley

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    Dear Old Book - Myrtle Simpson-Utley

    Copyright © 2020 by Myrtle Simpson-Utley.

    All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

    Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. [Biblica]

    Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

    Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

    Rev. date: 08/04/2020

    Xlibris

    1-888-795-4274

    www.Xlibris.com

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    Acknowledgement

    The Co-author would like to acknowledge the help of the following who were willing to take the time in composing the diary of Myrtle Charlotte McWain-Simpson-Utley. Thank you, family member, especially Yvonne Mills and Leta Belle Gorham for giving me the diaries of Myrtle’s, Connie Brown-Acosta for helping me with the typing and gathering family history. Thank you, Carla Phillips, for sharing history of Lafayette Carpenter and all other family members that helped with this writing.

    Dedication

    This book is dedicated to the family of Myrtle Charlotte McWain-Simpson-Utley who cherished the diaries of her written life. Within the content it holds the character of hard work and perseverance to pass on the history of years to come.

    image%201.jpg

    Myrtle Charlotte McWain

    Born: April 24, 1880

    Date of this picture is 1895 when Myrtle was

    15 years old.

    Contents

    Acknowledgement

    Dedication

    Introduction

    Chapter 1 Myrtle’s Young Life

    Chapter 2 Life with Lafayette

    Chapter 3 Life without Lafayette

    Chapter 4 Life with Mr. Simpson

    Chapter 5 Life as a Single Mom

    Chapter 6 Life with Mr. Utley and Joe Gill

    Chapter 7 Poetry of Myrtle’s Life

    Epilogue

    Notes

    Introduction

    Myrtle Charlotte McWain begins her life on April 24, 1880(the birth date is noted in Myrtle’s diaries; however the death certificate has a date of April 20, 1880) with her place of birth Whitesboro, Texas. Her parents are Isaac McWain and Mary Ann McWain. Myrtle lived her first fifteen years of life in Whitesboro, Texas. Her father Isaac McWain was a farmer of a farm he purchased for $300 dollars. Both he and his wife Mary worked the homestead. Myrtle did her share of work on the farm and went to school for a short time She married at the young age of fifteen years old and divorced and remarried several times as she grew older. Myrtle had six children from these marriages.

    Myrtle went to school as a young girl, but her education was short lived. Because she only completed the grades required until she was 15 years old. Myrtle seemed to comprehend her studies well, absolutely loved reading and writing. She commenced to write daily diaries of her life from the age of 14 years old. Myrtle’s reading of the newspaper and books helped her become a better reader and writer. Her young life at home ended as soon as she married at the age of 15 years old.

    Myrtle McWain and Lafayette Carpenter met in Whitesboro, Texas where Myrtle and Lafayette married in the year of 1895 and then the two of them moved to Lapeer, Michigan. At this time, they started their family with the birth of Ovaletta and then Thelma. Myrtle lived in Michigan and a short stay in Canada until she came back home to Whitesboro, Texas in 1904.

    A year later after Myrtle was home in Whitesboro, Texas she divorced Lafayette Carpenter and then married ER Simpson and they were married for 19 years and birthed four children to this marriage. Nina, Bennie Ola, Max and Woodrow and they also were farmers where the entire family did, their share of work on the farm.

    After the death of her husband Ed Simpson in the years of 1925, Myrtle remarried a kind man Ed Utley in the year of 1927 and shortly after their marriage she endured the horrible fate of losing her son Max to death from a gunshot wound. Trouble seems to follow Myrtle during her life on this earth, but she continues to lean on God for guidance. Ed Utley also proceeded her in death, but Myrtle was lonely for male companionship and she thought that she had met a new love of her life.

    Myrtle met Joe Gill on a bus trip to Oklahoma City, Oklahoma when she was going to visit daughter Ola. Myrtle thought that he was the grandest man that sweep her off her feet and would give her a beautiful home to settle in with all the comforts. However, this relationship ended because his grown children and her deafness did not allow the relationship to flourish. Myrtle must move again.

    Now Myrtle is well into old age, she has resolved to live the rest of her life without a male partner in her later years of life. She now spends her time with friends, church, crocheting and quilting in the community of Whitesboro, Texas.

    Chapter One

    Myrtle’s Young Life

    Myrtle writes that she had always wanted to write her diary so that it could be put in book form. Now that she is 74 years old on April 24, 1955, she was born in 1880, the only daughter of Isaac McWain and Mary McWain they named her Myrtle Charlotte McWain. Her mother had two daughters from her first marriage when she married Isaac McWain. Myrtle had three brothers, Dan, Fred and Ben and her half-sister were Gertrude Tate and Ida. How I loved Gertie as we called her short for Gertrude. Sister Ida married and moved to Kentucky before I was old enough to remember her.

    Now I am going to copy most of this from my composition books that I wrote so many years ago. I commenced writing my diary when I was 14 years old. My first teacher’s name was Miss Lou Belcher and one day she told the girls in her class about a diary. She said, it would be fun to write down all our fun and troubles throughout life. I guess I was the only one that listened to her because that night I began my diary at about 1894. Of course, I had to write it over many times. At the age of 14 years old I began to save my books, all I needed was an education to know how to write using correct grammar, but I never got an education.

    When my parents were married, they lived about 7 miles south of Whitesboro, Texas in a log cabin. My father split rails for a living. Brother Dan and I were born in that log cabin without a floor and mother cooked on a Dutch oven outdoors. Then my father got $300.00 dollars back pension pay, and he bought a farm of about 80 acres about 2 miles just east of Whitesboro, Texas. This farm is where Myrtle spent her childhood days.

    Granny Moody said, I was the ugliest one she ever saw. My family had me so nervous about being ugly, my brother Dan said, Just point a finger at Myrtle and she will cry. My Grandmother McWain was different than Granny Moody she would rock me and sing songs, tell me stories, and tell me I was a pretty girl.

    My mother’s mother (Gran Moody) would ride over to my house about once a month on her little horse. She wore long riding skirts and rode on a side saddle. Granny always brought apples and oranges, but she would almost starve us before Granny opened her carpet bag and gave the fruit to us.

    Granny Mc gave us what treat she brought right away when she came to visit. She lived over near Center School about 7 miles. Granny Mc had a cellar filled full of canned fruit. It would do one good just to take a smell because she canned her jars with lots of spices. I loved to go visit Gran Mc but was nervous around Gran Moody.

    Gran Mc was married 3 times. The last husband was a dutchman, jolly and sweet as could be. He called me Paddy or the Pat. This husband came from Scotland and Granny Mc was from Canada. Gran Moody was from Missouri and she and her 2 husbands had migrated to Texas in a wagon train about the year of 1878.

    She went to Briar Chapel to school about a half a mile down a dirt road. I was a sickly kid and ugly as mud my folks would say.

    Miss Lou Belcher would let me ride behind her on horseback every morning to school because she passed right by our door. Miss Belcher lived 3 miles north east of Whitesboro. Oh, how I did love Miss Lou. She wore the prettiest aprons tied with a ribbon.

    I was nearly 9 years old before I ever saw inside a school because I was sick with chills, fevers, and awful crazy headaches.

    We did have wonderful times at school. At noon and on pretty days we would all do down in the woods. When I was older, we went away down on the beautiful creek with the big rocks, we played follow the leader and jump from rock to rock. In the winter when the water was frozen, we all went skating or sliding rather on the frozen water because no one ever heard of skates.

    One time a lot of us girls fell through the ice and all had to go home to change our wet clothes. Another time the boys run a pole cat under the school, and we all had to go home because of the smell.

    I had several different teachers when I was in school but none as smart as Miss Lou. One teacher was a tall man nobody loved, the boys took a rock from under the log step and made that teacher mad. So, he got his whip and started after my brother Dan, he ran out the door and the poor old teacher rolled on the loose step and almost cracked his head. The girls in the class got upset and cried when the teacher fell. The school was dismissed after the teacher fell. I remember another teacher a woman was a cross old maid; she was going to give me a whipping because I could not say the word water plain. I had a lisp and some words were hard for me to pronounce. When she started for the whip my brother Dan and other boys told her no you will never whip Myrtle. The boy’s intervention stopped the teacher from giving Myrtle the whipping.

    Nearly all my girl school chums had their ears pierced so I wanted mine pierced too, but my parents forbid it. So, when I was 12 years old, I could not bear the thought of not having pierced ears like my friends. One day when my mother out working in the garden and my baby Benny was asleep, I decided I would pierce my own ears. So, I got a darning needle and threaded the needle with some string soaked in grease. Then I got up in a chair to see in the looking glass, the looking glass was high on the wall just for grown up people. I was never allowed to look at myself in the looking glass, mamma called it vanity. Today I stuck that big needle right through my ear lobe and tied the string and then cut the string to ready for the other ear lobe when my brother Fred seen me piercing my ears. He said, I am going to tell Mamma, so I stuck the needle and thread through my ear in a hurry. When my Mamma came in the house, she looked at me and said, Well I guess you have been punished enough you vain little thing so they made me suffer with sore ears for a month. I guess that means Myrtle’s parents would not give her any antiseptic for her ears to heal. Finally, Papa bought me some ear bobs, they were flowers and I was so proud of them little bits of gold roses.

    When I was young there was covered wagons and I have counted as many as 12 to 15 in a Wagon Train. On the covered side the wagons they had the words all going out west or bust.

    There was also Peddlers of men carrying big packs of books, other goods of ribbon, lace, beads, pins and pretty trinkets, my eyes would bug out and my heart flutter wanting to get some of the goods. But my parents did not buy but a few things. Some Peddlers would give me a red ribbon for my black hair that was a straight as a horse’s tail. Then some Indians came along and called me a papoose.

    I did not like the Indians calling me a papoose so at night I would sneak a glass of water into my room up in the loft to braid my hair. I would braid my hair in pig tails so it would waive the next morning for school.

    Mamma would call me early in the morning to get up and milk cows before school, sometimes I would milk up to five cows. While I milked the cows, my brother would feed the horses and pigs. Then we would eat breakfast, the boys rushed off to school, but I had to stay behind to churn the butter. Oh, that churn will I ever forget it? My boney arms would almost burst, but I had to churn no matter if I were late to school. My teachers never scolded me for being late to school, they knew I was the only girl at home and supposed to always help my mother.

    There were Gypsies camped between our house and the schoolhouse just beyond the bridge. I thought the bridge was the biggest bridge in all the world. I would go tiptoeing over the bridge holding my breath because I was afraid of the Gypsies. They had big dogs and they ran in pairs. I always prayed like Gramma Mc told me to pray. Gramma said everyone has two angels, one walking by your side and for me to call on the white angel at my right to hold my hand and I would always go softly over the bridge.

    Brother Dan fell out of a tree and broke his collar bone, the other boys had to carry him home. My girlfriends and I used to bend the sapling trees down and ride them for horses. After school we used to go home with each other to spend the night.

    Jim Gilliam told Dan he could bend him down with a hair from my head and that Dan would not be able to rise until the sun rose the next day. Of course, we all watched, and Dan got right up, so Jim told Dan you are your father’s son.

    When us friends were together, we told tales and riddles until our parents made us go to bed. Those were the happy old days.

    Myrtle used to sing a lot, my chum Maggie Ramsey’s dad often asked me to sing for them. I visited sister Gertie after she married and lived in Gainesville, she would take me to opries, and I learned a lot of lovely songs. So, my brother and I would invite a few friends and we would pull off a show at the jam. I would sing and dance as the boys pulled off a western act. They might shoot it out with grape juice for blood. I would sing After the Ball is Over, Nellie Gray and Down on the Sewanee River. I remember one-night Mr. Ramsey and his hay hands hid out in the dark to see our show and they said the show was exciting.

    One time a lot of us boys and girls went possum hunting, and a man followed us when we were away in the deep woods. He hollered like a panther, so Dan grabbed my hand and we ran through the cotton patch and I was so scared. The next day we were told that a man pulled the joke on us.

    We often met neighbor kids on the branch back of our house and we roasted eggs and sweet potatoes. We had lots of fun!

    Lafayette Carpenter

    Birth: June 9, 1878--Death: May 27, 1932

    image%202.jpg

    Myrtle Charlotte McWain-Carpenter

    Birth: April 24, 1880—Death: November 24, 1964

    image%203.jpg

    Chapter Two

    Life with Lafayette

    I Married A Stranger in the Year of 1895--A boy from Michigan—Lafayette (Lafy) Carpenter

    My dad fell in love with this boy because he was from Michigan. Papa told me marry a northern boy and you’ll do alright. So, in about three weeks after I had met him at a singing, he asks me for my hand, and I laughed at him. Mamma saw my pull my hand away and laugh. So, she said, wasn’t he proposing marriage? I said, yes he was. In about a week I told the boy that I would marry him, and dad hired him to help with the corn, we made molasses in a big pan outdoors. He stayed around for a few days then we went to Sherman in a buggy. My dad accompanied us on horseback to Sherman. Gee Whiz, I did not really want to marry, but I did marry Lafy in the Sherman Court House on August 25, 1895 on a Wednesday. I really thought that my dad just wanted to get rid of me, because I really did not care for boys at this time. Anyway, the next morning after we got married, we hired out to pick cotton, we picked cotton until Christmas and then moved to Michigan.

    I never saw my mother alive again; she died the year I was married, and my baby was born next August 1896. We named her Ovaletta Carpenter, my first wee lamb. I Myrtle was only 16 years old when my first baby was born.

    I was not happy in Michigan, but I loved all of Lafayette’s people. His stepmother was exceptionally good to me, he had a lovely old grandmother, Aunt Nora, and several other Aunts. Lafayette and I lived in the country, I did not meet many people and did not go many places this year. So, when my mother died, I came back to Papa and the boys and Gran MC also lived with us. When my baby was a few months old brother Dan brought home a wife, so Grandma went to her own home to live with Grandpa. Now my baby is eight months old and her daddy came to Whitesboro. Papa had sent money to Lafayette for him to come to Whitesboro. Papa deeded me Grandmother Moody’s home, the f arm that had belonged to my mother’s mother, so we moved in it. We were close to the grain that I tended all the time but Lafy was not a cotton farmer. He was still just a boy when we got married so Lafayette was so homesick and cried every day to go home. He cried worse than I did when I was in Michigan. We finally sold my only home I ever had or will ever have again and went back to Michigan in the year of 1897.

    Diary of Myrtle Charlotte McWain-Carpenter

    Number 4 & 5—dated from 1901-1903 I will begin this story from this date, since the first few diaries of numbers 1-3 are missing.

    I would think that the diaries missing are about Myrtle’s time in Michigan starting from 1895. At this time Myrtle and Lafayette had been married 7 years and 2 children born form this marriage. The children’s names are Ovaletta and Thelma. Earlier diaries were about Myrtle’s life on the farm in Whitesboro, Texas. Journals of Myrtle’s life has been noted in the first part of the book, these journals were given to me by a family member (Yvonne Mills—ER & Maye’s daughter, Aunt Virginia, Ovaletta youngest daughter) that had the facts.

    Diary Date December 1901

    Well Fred and I have had a lovely visit the past few days, he is a dear boy. He thinks Michigan is too cold for himself. Fred bundles up to ears and then goes downtown, the sun is shining a little bit, and everything is glistening in the snow. He says he hears crazy folks salute each other with isn’t this a lovely morning or what a fine day. Fred says he cannot understand how they can be so cheerful when he is freezing plum to death.

    That he got some ice skates and went on down to the lake where he saw a lot of folk’s ice skating. Fred had skated on roller skates, but ice skates were entirely a different game. He caused a lot of laughter from the skaters as he took hard falls and was yelling like he was a wild cowboy and saying get out of my way everybody. Fred said I am from Texas I will ride this bronco or bust. He said that he got busted worse than any bronco ever busted him in Texas and he finally learned to skate good.

    On one cold day Fred could not go out in the weather, to amused everyone he told tall tales of home which I could never get enough of because I was so homesick. He said, Myrtle you remember Bessie Gilliland? Yes, I said she was such a pretty girl especially around the town of Whitesboro, Texas. Anyway, all the boys are crazy wild over her and Bessie has gone astray. Astray means she is not doing the right thing as a nice girl. Oh! Fred Myrtle cried, then Fred replied yes that is what they say he declared (people are saying). But Myrtle she is the smartest girl, she can play the organ and sing so sweet.

    The Shadow of the Pines:

    While wandering in the shadows of the Pines, my

    love and I, talking of our future by and by

    Then some angry words were spoken said in such a hasty was.

    And my sweetheart turned and left me all alone,

    wandering in the shadows of the Pines.

    Oh

    Come back to me sweetheart

    And love me as before

    Come back to me sweetheart

    And Leave me never more.

    It is time to venture outside so Fred can take his first sleigh ride. The sun shone bright, but it was bitter cold. We went 3 miles out in the country for the sleigh ride to Fred’s fathers house (not sure if this man is Fred’s birth father). As we arrived Mamma came to meet us with a warm greeting mostly to Fred and then she invited us to go inside the house to sit by the warm fire. While we waited the children were preparing dinner then mamma excused herself to help prepare the last preparations for dinner. Then she said to Fred we got dinner ready early the children wanted to take you for a skate. If you are warm enough you all may go right now for an hour and we will have dinner on the table when you come in from the skate. Well Fred bundled up a bit I could see he dreaded going for the skate.

    The group had barely gotten out of the house when mamma said to Myrtle, I am sick come quick call Del her husband. I ran to the barn and got him to let Lafy go for the doctor. He went for a woman and I ran back to Mamma, she said hold my hand Myrtle and in a few moments the baby came a little girl born on Christmas Day. Mamma named the little girl baby Edith. This was my first experience as a mid-wife. I had the baby all dressed and everything done when everyone got back to the house. The doctor looked at me and said well I guess I’ve got a patience any how (I looked so faint) Doc put me to bed after he gave me a hypo (a shot) and ordered me to be quiet. Fred and the children were gone just an hour, and this had happened, so they had their Christmas dinner with out 2 of us.

    But along about 4 o’clock I felt better and insisted on going home as I was in no condition to do anything here at this house. On the way home Fred commenced to say, Dog gone my hide if I ever heard of anything like that birth darn it’s just like a cow giving birth. If I ever get married, I hope my old woman want pull a stunt like that. I nearly died when I came in and heard a baby crying and I knew it was over, I be darned I did not know whose it was. I thought maybe it was yours Myrtle since you were laying there so white. I laughed and said not yet, Fred said I hope not for a long time. I smiled to myself and thought to myself he does not know that I am with child. After I got home, I could hardly walk so I sit in a chair and Fred drags me from room to room to do my work. Fred helps me as much as he can. Fred got a job here in Michigan shoveling coal and he said it was harder than picking cotton so he throwed it up (quit the job).

    December 27, 1901

    Monday morning, I sent Lafayette for old doc Hathaway to see me today. Doc gave me a lot of medicine to take said for me to be incredibly quiet. I am suffering dreadful, just as he was going out Fred came in and said who was that old duffer? I came near slamming him on the bean, then Fred said what is he doing here? I laughed till I cried and said Fred you do not know that was my doctor. Doctor Fred said as he scratched his head. What on the earth do you want with a doctor? Why Fred do not you think I need one, I cannot walk a step hardly. Oh yes, he said but it surprised me then I told him I would be sick in a few days. Fred looked thunder struck and said, Why sis you are not as big as my fist. Well anyhow Fred there is a baby coming, Fred looked so sorry and was so kind to me.

    December 29, 1901

    Now two days later I can hardly sit up and am dreadfully sick. I made a mistake took the wrong medicine. I took morphine tablets every 20 minutes instead of other tablets that were to be taken every 4 hours. I am so sick that I got the tablets mixed up and now Doc says he cannot do anything for me. Fred has now gone for Mrs. Blair; the Doc and a nurse is coming.

    So fair well for now.

    January 1st (approximately 2 weeks later)1902

    Mrs. Blair came in the house and took my book and pen away from me she talked so kind and kissed me and tucked me up in bed. The Doctor came and did all he could to ease me then he left but came back 3 times that day till he had the rich neighbors taking notice. So, Mrs. Lockwood came over to inquire, then the Presbyterian preacher’s wife came over and Mrs. Merriam, Lafayette boss’s wife came as well. Mrs. Merriam was the sweetest of all a large built motherly woman. She came in took her arms and help me close to her breast as the tears streamed down her cheeks. Mrs. Merriam said, Oh poor little motherless thing my heart goes out to you for my mother is dead too and I have had to suffer without her, but you are not. The women all stood around my bed and ask the doctor what they could do for me. The doctor replied, well you all can see how poor they are, and she needs a good warm blanket and a wool union suits, more gowns and a little assistance in nursing her and will need a lot of care if she lives. The women left the house except for Mrs. Blair she stayed by me so faithful.

    The rich women got busy to find someone to come to the house and care for Myrtle. Also, to do the work of the house and care for the baby. The girl was paid by the rich women. Ovaletta was in school all day.

    Mrs. Merriam came back with an arm load of cloths for the children and a new bed quilt it must of cost $5.00. The quilt was white sateen with big red roses on it. Mrs. Merriam said, look at the pretty red roses and try to get well. The preacher’s wife brought a lovely blanket and a lot of other things too. Well I do not know how many days I lay there in the bed I hardly knew anything. But I felt the first labor pains and it was just Lafy and I at home by ourselves. Mrs. Blair had gone home to rest and Nellie Hatch (girl hired to help me) went home every night. More about Nellie later in the old book. Well Lafy ran to the phone to call the doctor and ran 5 blocks to get the nurse and Mrs. Blair. The doctor came first to the house and went right to work to deliver the baby. Everything was done before Lafayette and women got back to help the doctor. I was so under the influence of morphine that I never suffered a dreadful bad. They were came running in to help the doctor, Lafy kissed me so did Mrs. Blair and that is about all I knew. I could hear them talking but to save me I could not say a word I was so numb and dead, and I believe they thought I was dying. The nurse lifted my eye lashes and looked into my eyes, the doctor said to the nurse you will need to watch mighty close Myrtle is almost gone. Next, I heard them talking about the baby, the doctor said it is a girl (baby number 3). Oh, how little she is cried Mrs. Blair. Yes, the doctor said it weighs about one pound. Will it live ask everyone? The doctor said it might live but I hope not it would be in a world of trouble. Then the doctor turned to Lafy and said what about its Carpenter? Do we save the baby or just let it alone?

    Lafy said, do as you think best doctor. The doctor and Lafy talked and talked and decided to let nature talk its course if it were to live I would anyway. So, they never dressed the baby just rolled it in a blanket and put it on a chair close to the stove. I could hear the little thing moan and moan, but no one would touch it. I tried to tell them to save the baby, to bring her to me but I guess all I did was moan to and the nurse gave me medicine and held my hand all night long. The baby cried so pitiful for four long hours and they gave up the ghost. I heard the nurse say the baby is gone, poor baby. I came to (aware) enough to talk that morning and I cried over my dead baby; everyone was so kind to me.

    Then I heard digging in the back yard, I ask Mrs. Blair what were they digging? Mrs. Blair said, they are digging the baby’s grave in the back yard. The baby is so little, and Mr. Carpenter cannot afford to buy a lot in the cemetery. I began to cry so Mrs. Blair said, don’t cry dear it will rest just as well there anyway Mrs. Lockwood owns this lot. Mrs. Lockwood will always take care of the baby now be quiet and go to sleep. Oh God how my heart aches for my little baby. I just know it was murdered by the doctor and nurse and by Lafy and me. Lafy made me take all kinds of stuff to get rid of the baby. The baby is dead and gone, I wonder if we will be held accountable for this little life. I lingered on for days between life and death, the women who cared for me brought me dandy foods to eat and was so good to me that I will never forget them.

    But I had problems the women knew nothing about as Lafy begin to flirt with the hired girl Nellie. He would come in the house singing to Nellie darling and would not pay any attention to me. Lafy was in the kitchen with Nellie. She was a bad girl even tried to flirt with my brother Fred and he would push her away.

    Finally, Fred told me Myrtle that he was going home, if I stay around that girl Nellie I want be fit for my sweetheart. Oh Fred, how can I give you up my life is so sad and dark. He said I know that you are sad, but I need to go home soon and now that you are out of danger I need to go right away. So, Fred pack to leave that night, he came to Myrtle’s bedside to kiss her goodbye and Fred said sis do not cry so. I wish I could take you with me, but you will come home soon enough. Lafy has promised that when you get well you will be able to come home. Now be brave and get well. I wish you could see outdoors tonight the northern lights are shining so brightly, well goodbye God bless you and he was gone. I cried myself to sleep that night.

    The next morning when I got up out of bed, I ran Nellie out of my house. I could hardly walk in the kitchen yet but was feeling good enough to run off Nellie. Ovaletta is in school and Thelma is playing on the floor. I must lay down to rest, oh what a lot of heartaches and suffering I have had yet I am still alive.

    January 2, 1902—May 31, 1902

    Backwards turn backwards

    Oh, time of your flight

    Make me a child again

    Just for tonight,

    I am so weary of toil and of tears, toil without recompence

    Tears all in pain

    Take them and give me my childhood again.

    I am so weary of dust and decay

    Weary of fighting my soul with a mess

    Weary of sowing for others to reap

    Rock me to sleep mother, rock me to sleep.

    How that old song rings in my heart. I wonder if

    ever a soul was so tired and weary as I am.

    I can be up again but very weak and nervous. If my baby had of lived, I would have named her after Bens little sweetheart Iva Utley. But she is gone and how my heart aches. I gave all the cloth to mamma Carpenter for baby Edith.

    Well I want to write about my rich neighbor that was so good to me. The preacher’s wife I know now it was just charity. While I was so sick, she said when you get well Mrs. Carpenter come to our church. It was a block away from my house so last Sunday I went to church. I ought not to have got out so soon I know but I had been shut up so long and it was only a little piece to go. I took Ovaletta and Thelma of course we sat on the back seat. The preacher’s wife sat right in front of us. Thelma was only 2 years old and she said out loud momma pretty church. I said hush dear and be still. When the music began, she said, Oh pretty music Mamma as she clasps her little hands. Then the preacher’s wife turned to me and said you will have to take that child out, leave the other one but take the baby out, we do not even allow even a dog in church. Take her to my servant and then come back to church. That made me so hot and cold about church that I just got up and took both of my children out of that place. I could not keep the tears back and as I was leaving the doorman Mr. Merriman ask why I was leaving the church? I sobbed I was turned out of the church by the preacher’s wife. He looked so surprised and said surely not Mrs. Carpenter. Yes, I sobbed she said they did not even allow dogs in the church let alone a baby. I added this part of the speech because that is exactly how I felt.

    I went home and cried again until I was sick. The next day Mrs. Blair and Mrs. Hinman was at my house and in came the preacher’s wife Mrs. McDaniel, she went right to subject at hand the church incident. She said we cannot have anything disturb the meeting and that the congregation were wealthy class of people they have servants to leave their children with when they come to church. Now we would love to have Ovaletta in our Sunday school class but the baby (Thelma) is too young. You can leave Thelma with my servant if you like. I said no thank you Mrs. McDaniel I did not know about your church and I have been to churches where babies are welcome. I wonder how your group will manage in heaven the Bible ways heaven is made up of baby’s. Mrs. McDaniel tossed her head and said Oh I want argue the point with a sick woman. She also said you should be still in bed and out the door she went for home. Myrtle was awful mad by this time and knew she was wrong to go to that church because the whole group was aristocrats and Myrtle was just a poor little no body. Mrs. Hinman heard the whole conversation and turn to Myrtle to say try our church next Sunday and bring the baby too. I guarantee you we will not turn you and the children out. So, I tried her church of the old Methodist, the church welcomed us and begged us to come back again.

    Now you see the difference in the two churches as the Presbyterian is incredibly quiet, and the Methodist is not so quiet as you can see the children are welcome. It was the first time I ever went to a Presbyterian church and guess it will be the last time I ever go again they are too high and mighty (the rich class indeed) I wonder where their servants will be when they get to heaven. I have an idea the servants and babies will be there first and am doubtful that the parents will be there at all.

    I just got a letter from Fred saying that he got home all right but had found that

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