Stealing Freedom

By Vivien Patterson

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm then and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.”
Galatians 5:1

But what does this freedom really mean?

In her book, Vivien Patterson describes a personal journey which spans many years. It involves overwhelming family tragedy and loss, but gradually leads her to discover the true nature of freedom. She believes that most of us misunderstand freedom and that frequently we chase after an impostor who masquerades in many forms, leaving us feeling cheated, disillusioned and trapped. However, true freedom she states implies being rescued. It is the most precious of all gifts offered by the Rescuer and an integral part of our inheritance in Christ. She sees this freedom as being linked implicitly with redemption, wholeness and well being. As we embrace it, we find we have the potential not only to honour God, but to be true to ourselves in all our relationships.

This is the freedom she has discovered in Christ and this is her story.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: May 31, 2019
• ISBN: 9781973659792

Vivien Patterson

Vivien is married to Trevor Patterson and they have four grown up sons. She is a retired teacher, who has worked alongside women eperiencing the trauma of divorce and more recently, with women who have alcohol related problems. Until she retired, she divided the year between time on the Isle of Man and time in England, where she and Trevor worked with Bible students at Capernwray Hall in their joint role as pastoral carers.

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Copyright © 2019 Vivien Patterson.

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Unless stated otherwise, all Scriptures are taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture quotations marked KJV are taken from the King James Version.

WestBow Press

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

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ISBN: 978-1-9736-5980-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-5979-2 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2019904182

WestBow Press rev. date: 05/31/2019

Contents

Foreword

Introduction

A Personal Word

Acknowledgements

1. Recollections

2. Rugby, Tears and a Revelation

3. A Lesson in Relinquishment

4. An unexpected encounter

5. Stanley and Haggai

6. Harry and an elderly Aunt

7. Lorna and the Ironing

8. Christmas and the Supermarket

9. Thoughts about a well-worn journal

10. Chocolate cake and an untimely visit

11. Songbirds

12. A New Undertaking

13. Role Play

14. David and an important question answered

15. Love by proxy

16. A Man in Crisis

17. A Time for Confrontation

18. Some Kind of Closure

19. A Change of Scenery

20. The Stauros Foundation

21. Those You have Given Me

22. Restoration

23. Full Circle

24. A Special Privilege

25. Moving Our Tent Pegs

In memory of

Mary.

One day I shall see her again.

Foreword

Auntie Vivien…will you walk me to school please? You will have to read the rest of the book to understand the impact of those special words spoken to the author; words that speak of the faithfulness of God, of restoration, freedom and healing. Vivien relates to us her journey in life, meeting in her travels tragedy and family traumas including suicide, mental disorder and separation from loved ones lasting 30 years. These have not been her only companions. For God entered her life in a personal way while she was in her late teens; a decade later she met her husband and in ensuing years, four sons were born. Her joy filled marriage, friends and ministries have combined with those pains of the past to teach her, as she puts it, what it means to live in the reality of God’s presence each day and to be increasingly aware of the freedom that brings.

This book is an honest and open-hearted account of the author’s experience that touches everyday life with its ups and downs, its fears and even despairs. There are practical insights and personal stories, tinged with humour, that will ring true to the reader and provide real encouragement to journey on, with faith placed in the One who truly is our freedom.

Issues surface that we all may face whether with God, oneself or others. Does God inflict such painful circumstances upon us? Where do our loyalties lie in family life? That the Lord wants, through His grace and love, to answer our questions or to speak into our situations is made so wonderfully clear, whether using a husband, friend or Christian author, but the priority of God’s Word in its daily challenge and power to meet the need is paramount. Above all, this book points us to the sufficiency of Christ for life, for living, for being or for doing no matter what the circumstances, to free us first for Him and then for others.

We can’t expect the Lord to live out His life in us, if we don’t give Him our lives in which to live.

The challenge of freedom which is evident in this quotation from Watchman Nee, is the same challenge which is clearly and vividly presented to us throughout the book.

Mark Thomas

Managing Director (Retired)

Capernwray Hall

Introduction

The hardness of God is kinder than the softness of men and His compulsion is our liberation.

C S Lewis

There is a creative energy born out of suffering and pain, which can transcend the human condition. When channelled positively, this energy becomes a powerful compelling force, which God in his infinite compassion longs to release through His children. It is essentially a creative energy birthed in God’s sovereign love, springing from His heart and nurtured by His Holy Spirit. It has the potential to deliver us from our inability to journey on, unable to do so because our hearts have been crushed and our spirits overwhelmed by the cares of this world. Once the raw reality of pain has run its course and we embrace completely this God given energy, we are able to enter into that realm of healing and wholeness which is totally liberating. There, we become fully alive and there, the enemy can no longer steal our freedom.

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed

John 8:36

A Personal Word

I would like to invite you, my reader, on a journey. It is a personal, intimate journey, during which I share my heart with you, my joys my pains. It is a journey which I have to share – indeed I long to share, for I cannot contain the reality of it any longer.

So I offer you my story. My prayer is that God will take these words which He has given me and use them to encourage your heart, so that you and I might travel a little further towards that place of complete security and freedom in Christ.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm then and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

Galatians 5:1

Acknowledgements

I am very grateful to Lynda Neilands, Pam Johnston, Kim Lee, Sue Gilmore, Dave Jackson, Martha Bastke and Mark Thomas for their expert advice and encouragement which they have willingly given to me whilst I have been undertaking this venture.

My special thanks to my wider family and my friends in Bristol, Northern Ireland and the Isle of Man.

I would also like to thank my four sons, Robert, Andrew, David and Richard for the richness of life they have brought me and of course my husband, Trevor. His integrity, constant love, loyal support and humour have kept me grounded throughout the years.

1

Recollections

There’s nothing wrong my dear. Go back to sleep. My mother’s voice penetrated the stillness of the night for I had been wrestling with sleep for several hours. The following morning, I studied her haunted, tormented face as she told me that she had come into my room during the night to kill me.

I had steeled myself to do it, she explained. I was going to use the chopper from the garage. I was worried that the police were watching me, so I came into your room to check that you were asleep, but you woke up. So I waited, but I must have fallen asleep myself. I had to kill you, my dear. You will not be able to cope with the persecution, you see. I must protect you from that fate.

Several hours later and after consultation with the police, social workers, the GP and the consultant psychiatrist, I found myself signing papers in order for my desperately sick, widowed mother to be admitted under section to the local psychiatric hospital in Bristol. During that day, I overheard words such as ‘paranoia’, ‘manic depressive’ and ‘psychosis’ being used by the professionals. A diagnosis to this effect was later confirmed. However, that was in 1967 and I was just 22 years old.

One of the drawbacks of living with a person with a severe mental disorder is that the symptoms are potentially contagious; the paranoia which torments the patient also affects close family members. Being constantly reminded that people were watching me eventually caused a conditioning effect, bringing uneasiness and chipping away at self-esteem. Certainly my ability to form normal healthy relationships was impaired.

After the incident described, leading to my mother being hospitalised for six months, she came home. With the help of medication, she trod a very delicate line between a kind of normality and increasingly strange behaviour. At the same time, she aimed to hold down a very demanding secretarial post, her intelligence never having been in question. Aware of my responsibility to care for her and conscious of a very real and deep love for her, I struggled at juggling my career as a teacher with supporting her as much as I could. Whenever her illness caused her thinking to become distorted, I tried to speak truth into her life.

However, the abnormal was slowly becoming the normal for me. This hit home the hardest whenever I left Bristol during the summer holidays to work in youth camps. It increasingly became difficult to readjust from one environment to the other. It took years before I discovered that it is almost impossible to redress the balance and rationalise with a person whose mind has succumbed to the devastating effects of mental illness. So it was only a matter of time, on the advice of her consultant psychiatrist, I moved from the family home to a small flat close by. It offered me a measure of independence and protection, yet I was on hand should she need me.

It was to that flat one cold Saturday morning in December 1969 that my mother ran in her bedroom slippers and without her coat. She banged on my door, uncertain of catching me since I had planned to go to Birmingham for the weekend. She’s done it, she’s done it! she screamed. Mary’s dead! She’s killed herself!

Mary was my only sister and we had no brothers. She trained as a nurse in Bristol and married Jonathan, a fellow Bristolian on a rather cold and wet November day in 1965. I was a student in Birmingham at the time and travelled home to Bristol for the wedding, very much looking forward to being her bridesmaid. Mary and Jonathan began married life in the north of England. They were very happy and after two years, Mary gave birth to their first child, a son named Paul. In terms of my mother’s illness, I could not have managed without my sister. She was extremely supportive and being a nurse, she probably had more insight into my mother’s condition than I had.

About a year after Paul’s birth, Mary and Jonathan moved to a little village near Gloucester, partly so that they were nearer Bristol and could offer more support during any impending crisis with my mother. I appreciated their help so much. Mary was very wise and balanced in her thinking and we spent many hours discussing the situation and the best way to cope with it. Jonathan continued his career working for a local firm in the Gloucester area.

After the birth of their second son, Ian, Mary changed. We now know that she suffered from severe postnatal depression. However, in the sixties, the illness did not have anything like the focus or high profile that it has today. There was far less recognition or understanding of the symptoms and little professional expertise available. As a family, we were certainly aware that Mary was ill because her behaviour became increasingly irrational. But we didn’t really know how to cope. We just hoped and prayed that it would pass. She was weighed down by oppression and had become severely introverted. We had heard of the baby blues, but this was extreme. About a month before she died, she overdosed and was admitted to hospital. However, the following day, she discharged herself. As a precaution, Jonathan removed all medication from the bathroom cabinet and the keys from doors. She was due to see a psychiatrist, but two days before the appointment, she sent Jonathan to the village shop to buy washing powder and encouraged him to take Paul along, as the two- year-old would enjoy the outing with his father. When they returned, Jonathan heard Ian crying in his cot. Sensing something was wrong, Jonathan found Mary in the bedroom. She had chosen a violent death.

Her funeral was a blur to me; I remember very little. In the weeks that followed, Jonathan and I drew very close. We wept together, we clung to each other and I witnessed his anguish as in silence we cleared up the bedroom where Mary had died.

After her death, Jonathan and his two little sons went to live with his sister Gill, who was married with a young family of her own. She was a wonderful substitute mother for Paul and Ian. She was extremely warm and