Delirium

By Kathryn Woodby

Delirium is a psychological thriller that focuses on mental illnesses. Jackie is the main character and you will be taken on her journey which is surrounded by tragedies. Everything that takes place just shows you what the mind is capable of and it’s a very scary thing to see. You even have some poetry to read. While the book in based on fiction, some scenarios are true. I’ll just leave you to wonder.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: May 6, 2019
• ISBN: 9781796032024

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

VIOLATED

Darkness falls in the middle of the day;

Trying to escape, she can’t get away.

Crying on the inside, smiling on the out;

People thinking she’s happy, to them there’s no doubt.

Traveling in circles, no end to be found;

Screaming and screaming, not making a sound.

In a moment, innocence lost;

Innocence worth millions, yet there is no cost.

Taken so violently, a fight to the end;

Little did we know, he was just a friend.

Soaked in blood, a frightened look on her face;

Like many memories, this she can’t erase.

Bring on the happiness, please come back!

But happiness is a feeling she may forever lack.

Jackie, short for Jackeline, is a beautiful 35-year-old woman with much drama in her life. As a young teenager she experienced something very traumatic. At 13, she thought it was time she really started socializing and having a good time. She asked her parents if she could go to a get together with her friend Amy and Amy’s older sister Jan. Ever since Jackie was around nine, she had episodes where she was a bit too much to handle. She would come home from school and literally trash her room and even break things throughout the house. Her parent’s, Mr. & Mrs. Patterson, took her to their family doctor who didn’t know what to make of Jackie’s actions, that there really wasn’t a medical reason for it. He gave them valium to try and said if that didn’t help, they’d have to consult a psychiatrist. The valium did calm her a bit but ended up causing a drug addiction to drugs of this type. She would take anything that would, in a sense, help her escape from reality. She’d get pills from friends at school and would steal medication from her mother sometimes as Mrs. Patterson took medicine for anxiety. Jackie was eventually diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder (BD) by a psychiatrist. He told Mr. & Mrs. Patterson that the medical doctor putting her on valium was one of the worst things that could have been done for her.

To some, BD is basically a self-destructive illness. It harms the part of the brain that controls your impulses. Life can become that of addiction after addiction after addiction. This could include addictions to drugs, sex, gambling, excessive spending, stealing, etc. Many people have a difficult time getting the depression aspect of the illness under control. Some even get so depressed they go as far as to commit suicide. From what I understand, many actors and actresses have been stricken with the illness. You hear about the suicides of those stars quite often. Jackie was having terrible racing thoughts. She couldn’t think one thought through without another one jumping in the way. Dr. William Egelman, the psychiatrist, put Jackie on medication that he hoped would slow down those thoughts and would maybe help her think clearer. Her constant confusion was extremely difficult for her. Something had to be done, her grades were failing in school and she was becoming more self-destructive than ever. So, at age 13, her parents were a little reluctant to allow her to go out with her friends to that party, but then again, welcomed an evening free from Jackie and the stress for a few hours. They thought, What could go wrong if she’s with an older person? Little did they know; things were about to go terribly wrong!

For a while Jackie had a good time at the party; hanging out with Amy, having a few drinks, and just chit chatting with kids. They were older than her, but she never did look or act her age. After a while Amy and Jan got separated from Jackie. She just waited by herself in the kitchen area and continued to drink. A guy named Zach, or so he said, joined her and struck up a conversation. He seemed like a nice guy. Her new friend kept pushing the drinks on her. The more she drank, the more lightheaded she became. He had put something in her drink. You always have to be careful where you set your drink down. Zach said that some fresh air might help with the lightheadedness and asked if she wanted to go for a walk. He put his arm around her as they walked out the door and into the woods beside the house. Jackie was in no condition at that point to resist his intentions. They could hear the music blasting. He knew no one would hear her scream. Zach had obviously done this before because he seemed like a pro. He threw Jackie on the ground beside a big oak tree, hit her, and viciously raped her. She was crying and screaming but her screams were not heard and soon she passed out. He left her there bleeding profusely. She came to, in pain, and after what seemed to be hours, a young couple that was strolling through the woods found her. There was so much blood that they thought Jackie had to be dead. They called 911. The ambulance and the police showed up within minutes. While the paramedics took care of Jackie, an officer took statements from the couple that found her, and then went to the party to see what everyone else knew. All the kids secretly started stashing their drinks and paraphernalia in hopes of not getting busted for anything. It was bad enough that the party was unsupervised. The officer described the girl to some kids and asked many if they had seen her and if they had, did they know who she was, and did they see her with anybody. Several said they thought they saw her talking to some guy in the kitchen but had no clue who he was. They didn’t even know Jackie that well. When asked what this guy looked like, the officer was told that they thought he was tall with brown hair. They had been too busy dancing and just having a good time to notice anything more. By then Amy and Jan had rejoined the party and were trying to find out what happened. They heard the description and knew the young girl that was raped had to be Jackie, plus they couldn’t find her anywhere. They felt terrible that she had been left alone. They told the officer who the girl probably was and anything else they could think of, which like the others, wasn’t very much. The police would just have to wait to see what the doctor finds. The doctor did a rape kit and got DNA but the police said it wasn’t a match to anyone in the system.

Mr. & Mrs. Patterson arrived at the hospital shortly after they were called. Jackie’s little sister Ronee was left at home with a sitter. Even though Ronee was younger than Jackie, they were best friends. They could talk about anything with each other. Amy and Jan were also going to the hospital. Jackie’s parents tried comforting her but was having a difficult time doing it. She was entirely too emotional, and rightly so, with all the nurses, police, friends, etc. all hovering over her throwing questions at her when she didn’t have answers. Her parents asked her friends all the normal questions such as, Why did you leave her by herself? and Do you know who this boy was? They didn’t have a good answer but it was obvious they felt bad about the whole thing. Jackie answered almost all the questions asked by the police, as best she could, saying that she remembered being at the party, having a few drinks, talking with a boy, feeling a little weird, and she remembered being hurt. The one thing she couldn’t remember was what the boy that hurt her looked like. It may take some time but she would eventually remember. No one seemed to know anything more to tell the police.

The police continued to investigate, especially a detective named Detective Santino, for years but the investigation was in vain, at least for now. The detective stayed in touch with everyone concerned about Jackie’s memory because once she remembered more, they only had a period of time before the rape statute of limitations would run out. However, they did have about 20 years on sexual abuse to a minor, to begin after the child’s 18th birthday. Det. Santino wanted to catch this guy really bad though, and Jackie remembering would be the key to doing it. He wanted to arrest him before he did the same thing to another young girl, and possibly even worse.

Jackie had to spend a few nights in the hospital because of possible internal bleeding, but mostly because of her emotional state. Kathy, a therapist on staff, was trained in dealing with rape victims and made it a point to go to her room to check on her. It was apparent to Kathy that Jackie was blocking out the boy’s face and for legal purposes, if nothing else, she tried to help her regain her memory. She asked Jackie and her parents if it would be possible for her to have a few more sessions with her over the next two weeks, of which they all agreed.

After Jackie was released from the hospital, she saw Kathy a few times and continued to see Dr. Egelman. Kathy was an excellent therapist and Jackie was fascinated at the fact that she could speak three different languages. She may have been good but her sessions with Jackie didn’t seem to help at the time in any way. Jackie wasn’t really comfortable talking to anyone about the experience, maybe due to embarrassment.

Kathy didn’t give up though. Neither did Jackie. They pushed on until Jackie’s stress level was at least manageable. As long as she was able to talk things through that troubled her at the time, as well as taking her prescribed medication of course, she was able to maintain. However, Kathy may have helped her with her everyday stresses but she never could help Jackie remember the face of the boy that stole her innocence. She ended up working with Jackie for a few more years and through it all they became good friends. She stopped counseling her after something wonderful happened to Jackie. I’ll tell you about that in a few minutes. Jackie had decided that just talking about everything wasn’t going to make her memories break the surface; it was going to have to happen naturally. However, if things didn’t come to her that simply, maybe Dr. Egelman could help those memories break through by hypnosis or by some other means. Either way, she was probably going to struggle through the pain that life had to offer. At least for now.

MASK OF EVIL

The mask of destruction is toying with my soul;

In the river of darkness, I have no control.

Drowning in blood, no one can see;

Only the man in the mask knows where he will be.

A monster among us, he stalks in the night;

But we’re not safe, even in the light.

We face the tears, there’s no laughter within;

A cry in the wind let the terror begin.

CHAPTER 2

VOICES

Inspired by the night with the lightning and the rain;

A desire to escape, for which I place no blame.

Rising to a climax;

I’ll explode without a prayer.

The day draws near and still the thunder rages;

An unexplainable pain has me running for cover.

Who am I to stay and face it?

Like a coward I must hide.

Scared for my sanity;

Voices inside are speaking to me.

The chosen ones tell me what I am to do;

But to do these things would be unforgiveable.

A month or so went by. Jackie had been getting sick at school but she didn’t say anything to her friends, the nurse, her parents, and the therapist, or even to Dr. Egelman, thinking it was just stress causing this to happen. She had started menstruating when she had just turned 13 and wondered why she didn’t get her period that month, thinking maybe it was just the stress causing that too. Finally, she went to see the school nurse. Of course, the nurse checked her out and after hearing her symptoms knew right away Jackie was pregnant and discussed it with her as delicately as possible. Even though Jackie didn’t remember the boy from that terrible night, people had talked to her about what she had been through, and so she was aware that there was a possibility of pregnancy. Now her parents had to be told.

Immediately, the Patterson’s started looking for a couple to take the baby after it was born. Neither believed in abortion but felt Jackie was too young to raise a baby. They also weren’t sure how she or anyone of them would feel about a baby who was conceived out of something as dirty and vile as rape. As she got further along, they took her out of school and tried homeschooling. Jackie was okay with that because she hated school with a passion. She liked her friends though, so she tried to keep in touch with them. After nine long miserable months, Jackie finally had the baby. It was an extremely tough delivery after being in labor for about 9 1/2 hours. She’d change her mind one day, but for now, she said she’d never go through that again.

Jackie’s parents had found a young couple to adopt the baby, gave them a little money to help raise him, and told Jackie to say her goodbyes. The only things she found out about the baby was that it was a little boy, and the nurse told her she heard his name was going to be Mitchell. Jackie knew she and the baby would be alright as long as her child was going to be raised by a couple that really wanted him and that would love him. Her parents said that was the case.

After a day in the hospital Jackie was released and she attempted to carry on with a normal life even though she had to continue seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist as though her life wasn’t normal at all. When she went back to school, kids treated her differently. The girls were pretty standoffish, acting as though she had done something terribly wrong. Maybe it was the fact that they heard she gave the baby up for adoption. Who knows? The boys were constantly hitting on her as if she was now promiscuous or something. Jackie really didn’t want anything to do with boys, at least not then. My God, she had been raped by one!

Later on, a boy named Brett enrolled in school and just happened to be in a couple of classes with Jackie. In science, kids were paired up with each other to work on a project. Brett and Jackie were paired, just what they both hoped for. Each of them thought the other was cute, and of course, there was a little flirting going on. One day after school he asked Jackie if she would go to a movie with him sometime. She wanted to but was a little afraid. She wasn’t too trusting at the moment. Plus, she didn’t think her parents would let her go out with a boy, especially after her last experience with one. Jackie told him she’d think about it. He was satisfied with that answer; at least it wasn’t a no. She went home and fearfully talked to her mom about the invitation. Mrs. Patterson said she’d talk to Mr. Patterson and then they’d think about it. Of course, her mom talked with her saying, You’ve got to be really careful with boys these days. They seem to be after one thing and that’s it. You’ve already been down that road and I don’t want you to get hurt again. You need to think twice before even considering it. You think more about it, and I’ll talk to your dad. Not sure what he’ll say though. Just sleep on it and we’ll discuss it more tomorrow. I love you. Jackie had already thought about these things, and was pretty sure now she wanted to at least try to trust Brett. Plus, he didn’t know anything about what had happened to her, or she didn’t think he did anyway. He probably really did just like her because she was nice to him and wanted to get to know her better. She had decided she wanted to get to know him better too.

The next day Mrs. Patterson told Jackie that her dad said the only way he’d let her go to the movies or anywhere else with a boy right now is that if they went with another couple. This was actually reasonable. Now she had to break it to Brett and hope he would say that that was cool. She thought about it and decided she’d ask Amy and Amy’s friend Josh to go. That is if Brett still wanted to. Turns out he was good with it, so they set it up for that weekend. Of course, she would have an early curfew but at least she’d get to spend a little time with him away from school.

The weekend came and Jackie was a nervous wreck. Amy came over to her house to help her get ready and to try to keep her calm. Amy had been a much better friend to Jackie ever since the night that Jackie was raped. She had felt so bad, and in part, blamed some of it on herself.

Mr. Patterson took the girls to the theatre. He surprised Jackie by going in to meet Brett before he left. She was