Cold Cuts

By Pete Tenace

Joe Tenace is a comedic television writer whose show has just been canceled when two airplanes slam into the Twin Towers in New York. Although he is initially worried about his parents who run a deli in the city, he is comforted knowing they live in Brooklyn, far away from the Towers in Manhattan. But as days go by and Joe and his wife, Claire, hear nothing, they decide to pack the car and head from California to New York with their teenage son, Tony.

Soon after Joe arrives with his family at Foggia's Deli and learns his parents were in the wrong place at the wrong time on September 11, he realizes it is up to him to continue his parents' dream. But that may not be as easy as it sounds. As he battles persistent internal demons, Joe embarks on a journey of self-discovery that leads him down an unexpected path where he must determine what is truly important in life.

Cold Cuts follows a California funnyman's quest to reacquaint himself with his roots and learn to run the family deli in New York after his parents are killed on September 11, 2001.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Archway Publishing
• Release date: Apr 24, 2019
• ISBN: 9781480862593

Pete Tenace

Pete Tenace has always loved telling stories. He was inspired to write his first novel, Cold Cuts, after hanging out with a television writer at a local bar. Pete currently resides in Hermosa Beach, California.

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

The California coast stretches some 840 miles along the Pacific Ocean bestowing some of the most breathtaking views in the world. The real estate values are as steep as some of it spectacular cliffs bordering the oceans gentle lapping on the sand. Many families make their home there. Some have transplanted from other more severe climates and other surroundings to enjoy the temperature climate the ocean gives. Others have lived for years by the sea tending friends and jobs sweeping along through life like the tides they are so close to.

Joe Tenace had been living in the South Bay for the past seventeen years with his wife, Claire and their son, Anthony. The South Bay is a sleepy little area with close crammed beach houses and apartments high in demand and price. Living at the beach had always been a dream of Claire’s. What were originally three and four bedroom homes, were now three and four units. Single family homes of the fifties were out priced by large and small apartment complexes from as far as Santa Monica to San Pedro, their favorite place to live was still in the South Bay.

The first home they bought was a two-bedroom, two and a half bath condo in Redondo Beach. The first floor had a garage and laundry and next to that was an entry staircase. The second floor had the kitchen, living room and a small den. Upstairs were the bedrooms and bathrooms. The reason they bought it was because it was advertised with an ocean view. The view was there alright, but it was in the bathroom. All you needed to do was to get in the tub-shower combination, open the 16inch high by 36inch long window then stand on the rim of the tub and stick your head out. You could turn to the left and you would see some of the Malibu hills and some of the ocean. Of course, across from you less than 6 feet away, would be another window in the opposite condo, which had been sold with the same view. Looking out of their shower window, all they had to do is stick their head out and turn it to the right. You would be surprised what some real estate companies would do to sell or rent property. If you learned to read between the lines, you could keep from wasting a lot of time looking for a place to live. For example, cozy would mean less than three hundred square feet, or just a few blocks from the beach could mean at least a mile. But the best one was ‘quaint’. This would mean a bootleg unit not built per any building or fire codes.

The most important thing their condo was it had was a real double car garage. At the beach, parking was at a premium. If you have ever gone to the beach in the summer time, you’ve probably heard that friends don’t let friends park at the beach; beware of the meter maids. There was a tradition in almost all the bars by the beach. Some pubs would have big red lights flash throughout the place to let everyone know the meter maid was there, while others just yelled out, Meter maid!

Occasionally, Joe would like to have a beer or two while unwinding from a long day at work. Sometimes he would stop at any of the pubs between work and home. Burbank to Redondo Beach had many different types of bars. His favorite style was the little neighborhood bars. After awhile, Joe had them down to a science but mostly he would stick to his neighborhood.

One day at home after having a few beers and enjoying his bathtub ocean view, he left some backwash in his long neck empties and forgot to throw them away. The next morning Claire was half-asleep when she got in the shower. She always washed her hair first. On that morning, she got shampoo in her eyes and with her head under the shower head, she grabbed for more shampoo but picked up one of the empty beer bottles with backwash in it and poured it over her head. Joe could hear her scream so loud he hid under the blankets and pretended to be asleep until she got dressed. What started out as a mistake actually made her hair easier to manage. But Joe would never hear the end of it.

Joe met Claire in grade school back in New York, but they really didn’t become close friends until high school. She was a cute little half-Italian and half- French brunette with blue eyes. She and her friends used to go down to the delicatessen that Joe parents owned. Joe worked there as a part time busboy and dishwasher. Claire loved to tease him and he hated it, but he sure liked her. They went steady for almost three years in high school. As a matter of fact, they got married after high school. Their parents thought they were too young, but in their hearts, they knew it was right.

They both had wonderful dreams for their future. Claire wanted to be a chef and had dreamed of going to a famous culinary school, in San Francisco or maybe Paris, ever since she was a little girl. She loved to cook. The thought of owning her own restaurant with fresh food coming in every day and having a great wine collection was had always been on her mind. Coming from an Italian and French background, this made for an interesting culinary combination. Her father loved his pasta and her mother loved her pate’. It was not hard to tell where she picked up on her unique style of cooking.

Joe wanted to be a standup comedian and travel the comedy circuit all over the world. He wanted to be a headliner. He was kind of funny. All through his childhood, he knew how to tell a funny story and when to give it a punch line. He had a great bunch of people to try his new material on; all the customers at his parents deli. Sometimes his comedy stuff wasn’t that funny and he would catch a little hell from his father, but he learned very quickly. When he was in the back kitchen washing dishes, he would practice on a mirror he placed on the wall. His dad would sometimes see him and just shake his head as he walked by.

For a while, after high school, Joe was still doing odd jobs, trying to break into show biz and working in the deli, even though his parents dreamed of him of going to college. Joe’s father learned not to push him too hard. Joe was determined to be comedian no matter what.

Joe and Claire made a great team when it came to thinking things out. So, one day they decided to put their heads together to figure out where to get the best breaks for the both of them. They decided that they would have to move to California. That’s where the breaks are, they thought. It seemed people who lived in California had to move to New York to follow their dreams and people in New York had to do the opposite. To Joe and Claire it seemed the best way to start their future.

So they wound up moving to California. Claire’s uncle sold Joe a beat up old Chevy pickup for three hundred dollars. The salt rust was the only color left on the sides. It looked like a two tone, but the engine ran good. They didn’t own much, but they packed up and headed for the west coast not knowing what city they were going to hit first. Fate was going to tell them where they would wind up. After four days of driving and sleeping in the truck they finally made it to California. Somewhere outside of San Bernardino, Joe saw a sign that said Los Angeles. So that’s the way he went, straight to Santa Monica.

They found a little single for two hundred dollars a month. This included utilities because the unit was built behind a garage and was connected to the electrical meter for the front house. It was clean and furnished with a combination sleeper-couch, breakfast nook, and the smallest bathroom they had ever seen. Joe was doing odd jobs all over town, from cleaning up construction debris to being a waiter at a few cafes. There was plenty of work if you were willing to do what it took. But Joe was still looking for his big break. Sometimes he would travel to do one-night stands and fill in where he could. There was very little money but the exposure could make you or break you.

Claire had been going to chef school in Santa Monica. Getting good grades, she excelled and found herself helping out at restaurants with catering jobs and large dinner parties. Again, it was not much pay but she learned how to cook in volume without spending a lot of money.

As the months rolled by, Joe and Claire found out they were going to have a baby. To Joe it seemed expecting a baby made them want to stay closer to home. Joe found himself not taking the big, high exposure gigs out of town as much. But he did find himself landing part—time jobs as a comedy writer with some of his buddies at the local studios. Claire found herself involved in having her baby as well. She missed a little bit of school; actually, she missed a lot of school. They found out that Claire was having of some problems with her pregnancy. The doctor explained to them both that first time pregnancies could be difficult and that she had to be careful or spend the rest of her pregnancy in complete bed rest. Joe decided to make sure he was there to take care of her and lend support.

So, September 11, 1988 Anthony was born. He weighed in at 8 1/2 pounds. All Joe saw was a messy little wrinkle screaming and kicking, but he fell in love at first sight. Mom and dad were both very proud. Joe couldn’t help asking ask the doctor jokingly if he could add a few extra stitches. He knew that was one of the oldest jokes around but felt he needed to say it anyway. The doctor looked over at Joe and said, If I had a nickel for every time I heard that …

Claire pretended not to hear, she just wanted to hold her new son. Joe leaned over Claire and kissed her on the forehead. She grabbed his shirt and kissed him back then whispered in his ear, We need a bigger place. Joe said, I’m all over it.

After getting kicked out of the delivery room the proud new father headed for the waiting room. There he called his parents and told them the great news, then called Claire’s parents and did the same. They were all happy and sent their love.

As young parents, they wound up moving five times but never too far from the beach. The ocean was what made it all worthwhile. The beach walks, the salt air and the sunsets were enough to keep Joe sane. He learned to surf and taught his son to share his passion for the sea. Tony also learned to ride a mean skateboard at an early age. Like most beach rats he dressed, ate and lived the fads of the times. He was a surfer, no mistaking him. Now, in high school Tony wasn’t like his father. He didn’t want to be tied down with a steady girl. He was very independent and loved to be able to come and go as he pleased. In fact, there were a lot of girls that chased him around but to no avail. He liked to workout in his garage but when in his room he would dance. It started out as exercise but then evolved into a passion. He learned by watching old Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly movies then moved up to Flash Dance, Saturday Night Fever, All That Jazz and any other dance movie he could find. He even had some old parquet floor tiles he got from one of his friends’ father who owned a hardwood floor shop. That way he could arrange the tile in any design he wanted to fit the type of dancing he liked and when he was done he would slide it under his bed. That way, no one was the wiser.

CHAPTER 2

Claire was consumed with her duties as a mom. Between her husband and his multiple jobs and her handsome handful of a son there never seemed to be enough hours in a day. While always intending to finish her degree, she became a pretty much stay at home mom. This never changed her love of cooking and she studied at home with books and TV shows that she could find time to watch. In the early days before the food networks, she only got Julia Child and the Galloping Gourmet. She thanked God for cook books. She would do little odd jobs, a little catering, a little of this a little of that working for friends, nothing real big.

Joe landed jobs in Burbank writing on one sitcom after another for the local television networks. Once in a while, he would get a special but nothing that came to be a big hit. He also started a novel that he had hoped would be a best seller, but as many others, he had started it too wound up coming to a halt. Call it writers block or just lost interest.

He still kept in touch with a few of his stand up comedian buddies that used to be in the same circuit. He wrote jokes for them, too, once in a while.

But right now there was nothing funny with Joe. He found himself on the freeway trying to get home from work every night. And let me tell you he got off at 5 p.m. and he would not even be half way home and it would already be 6 p.m. In the early days he used to like to drive home and think up comedy and jokes. But with the frustration with all the traffic, nothing seemed funny anymore. He found himself screaming all the way home.

Hey, get the hell out of the way, you jerk! Where the hell did you get your license from? A guy who makes a living selling fake I.D.’s out of his trunk?

Jesus, this is just brutal! Bumper to bumper and it seems to get worse every day!

Just because you have your turn signal on doesn’t mean you get to take my space on the road, Joe thought to himself. I thought it meant I would like to change lanes when it was safe to do so. Boy was I wrong.

By 6:45 p.m. give or take a few minutes Joe would just be getting home. The remote control for the garage door opener wasn’t working too well and he thought it was broken. He hoped it was just the batteries or a loose wire so he banged it around hoping to fix it. He was just not a mechanical kind of guy. Lucky for Joe he has a parking permit to park in front of his driveway. After so many parking tickets it almost seemed that they could have bought another condo. The permit was designed for temporary parking and Joe paid the city $25.00 for it after he was told that the California vehicle code did not allow the blocking of any driveway. The beauty was that this permit was issued without an expiration date. It seemed someone had forgotten to type it in when they issued it. So Joe had it laminated and is still using it to this day (even when he gets the stink eye from the meter maids) it seems that in the South Bay getting tickets has been all out war between residents and these damn meter maids.

He gets in the house and runs upstairs, takes his jacket and his tie off, takes his shoes and his socks off, jumps in the shower opens the window and pokes his head out. That’s Joe’s way of unwinsding. And right behind him in the bathroom is Claire. She hands Joe a bottle of beer and the0n grabs the two empties that were there from the day before,

Figuring there was not enough beer in there to wash her hair. So Joe was just trying to be quiet and relax.

Joe looked down between the two buildings and saw Tony riding his skateboard. They had a nice ramp there the kid is just awesome. He got some good sidekick jumps and all kinds of good stuff. So as Joe finished his beer and enjoyed watching his son riding his skateboard, he leaned his beer bottle up on the niche where the shampoo and cream rinse is and gets up out of the shower walks into the kitchen and asked Claire,

What’s for dinner?

She gives him a French fancy name like poisson a la champignon casserole or some dumb name like that, and it translates into English as Tuna Surprise. So Joe looks at it, lifts the lid and looks at it and says

Jesus, I live less than a mile from the beach and I gotta east fish out of a can! The other thing is my parents own an Italian Deli, and I am getting egg noodles! What’s a fella to do?

So Claire yells downstairs and says Hey, Tony it’s time for dinner.

And ya know Tony is a growing boy, so she didn’t get much argument there.

Tony gave his skateboard a couple of hard pumps to get more speed as he told his friends Gotta go.

They could hear Tony running up the stairs and his skateboard hitting the stucco wall outside as he hit the door. They were sitting around the dinner table eating Tuna Surprise when Claire asked Tony, Let’s see tomorrow you are gonna be 17 years old, what do you want for your birthday?

Joe looks at Tony and says Ya you don’t need anything big, you’re a grown man almost, ya know you might get a nice shirt or a tie for when you’re out there looking for that new summer job.

Tony looks at Joe and said Dad! I was thinking more like a new surfboard or a skateboard.

. N0, Claire says, you just got a new surfboard last birthday and a new skateboard just before summer.

You have to learn to take care of your things little better.

Tony says, Well, they wear out a lot, Ma!

And Joe just shook his head while eating his Tuna Surprise. Thinking to himself, Boy, I wish I could have gotten half the things he gets when I was a kid.

After dinner Tony grabbed his plate and Joe and Claire grab theirs and they all went and put them in the sink. They didn’t mind doing the dishes together, it gave them a little extra time to be together, and they kind tease each other. It wasn’t a real necessity but more of a habit, a nice habit.

The next morning Joe woke up to his alarm, Joe liked the old fashioned bell to wake up to; it reminded him of his childhood. He rolled over and Claire wasn’t there, she was probably out jogging which she liked to do in the morning. This gave her a chance to plan her day while exercising. Tony had definitely gone to school. Joe jumped in the shower. He looks at the bottle of beer that he left in the shower and thinking to himself with a grin there is just enough for Claire to do her hair. He hung his towel on the rod to dry and headed for the closet butt naked. He stopped at the mirror and glanced at his slow growing beer gut. Thinking he needed to start jogging with Claire, then with a deep breath he sucked in his gut and said to himself maybe later so he got dressed and ran off to work.

He spent a little over hour screaming and yelling at all the people cutting him off and passing him and doing whatever. It seemed strange that whatever lane you get in, it’s the one that comes to a dead stop and all the other lanes start moving. This would tick Joe off.

He made it to work with no bumps or grinds, which is always a plus. Joe got into his office, sat down, someone came into his office to tell him Hey, uh, we’re gonna have a meeting in about 10 minutes.

Joe grabbed a cup of coffee, tried to get some of his paperwork done, some of the jokes he had laid out in his head down on paper and he is the second to the last guy to walk into the meeting. They sat around this table and in came the producer.

When he walked in Joe could see he had no coffee or any paperwork with him. That only meant one thing the show was cancelled. This was nothing new to Joe. It was just one after the other, after