Servant of Evil

By J.R. Gonzalez

Detective Kenneth Galang was a haunted man. He wanted to die when his family was ripped out of his heart. The killers came to his home looking for him but found his wife and daughter instead. He wanted to die, but if he did at his own hand, he would never see them again. That was the belief that was drilled into him all his life.

Detective Galang lost everything. His best friend is brutally murdered simply because he is the best friend. At the same time, hes haunted by a man who is killing young women by ripping their hearts out while they are still alive. The man is daring Detective Galang to stop him, taunting and sending clues all along until they finally come face to face, knowing that only one of them will walk away from it.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Feb 14, 2018
• ISBN: 9781543479690

J.R. Gonzalez

This is the sixth book by J.R. Gonzalez, who with each new book is proving that he is a master of horror; this book is a very worthy addition to that collection, originally intended to be part of a short story book, this book follows in the path of his last book, "The Wolf Man" and will be followed next by a story called "Nocturnal" which will reveal what happened to Carl Lingstrom after leaving that cliff side in his third book, "The Lingstroms." J.R. lives in Los Angeles and all of his stories take place there or end up there.

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Copyright © 2018 by J.R. Gonzalez.

ISBN:      Softcover      978-1-5434-7970-6

      eBook         978-1-5434-7969-0

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 01/22/2018

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Contents

Prelude: An Explanation of Sorts

Chapter One Turn Out the Lights, the Parties Over

Chapter Two Spaniard Caravan

Chapter Three Mr. Herndon asked for help

Chapter Four Schoolgirl Charms

Chapter Five Everything’s better with chemistry

Chapter Six The Doors of Perception

Chapter Seven You can’t take it with you.

Chapter Eight Denial ain’t just a river.

Chapter Nine Hypnotism and other quirks of medicine

Chapter Ten Friends Don’t Let Friends Burn

Servant of evil

Don’t you know we all feel pain

The rest of us just found a better way

Cause nobody can hide from all the rain

Servant of evil

He’s not the only one calls for you

Serving that evil

It’s the easiest thing to choose

Servant of evil

Gotta go your own way

Empty is any promise made by the devil

One day you’re going to have to pay

-J.R. Gonzalez

Prelude: An Explanation of Sorts

As usual, I was sitting alone, but instead of being alone at home, this time I was alone at precinct headquarters, but it seemed as though wherever I went I was still alone, this was a perfect example, it was a damned party and everyone was drunk; it struck me that no one was minding the store.

At any rate, it seemed that I was the only one in the city not caught up in the revelry of the new year and I was sitting there trying to think of a good reason to stick around; I wanted so badly to leave because I guess it was just another place where I felt I didn’t belong.

Then I started thinking about what led me to this point in the first place, not just the party, but being a cop, a policeman, an officer of the law.

If you knew anything about me as a kid, that would come as a huge surprise as I was pretty wild and pretty much did whatever I wanted as I grew up, I thumbed my nose at the cops where I grew up so they all knew me by name. Not because I was in trouble a lot, my father would kick my ass (when he was around) so I couldn’t, but I was running under the radar and none of them ever really knew what I was up to, they only saw what I wanted them to see, a boy has to have his secrets after all.

There was a time, a friend that escaped came back to the old neighborhood driving a really nice Chevy Nova, a convertible that he bought with his own money but forgot to get a driver’s license or even to learn how to drive before he bought it.

We were laughing and talking about the old days and some of the guys we grew up with, having a good time and not really worried about anything when the light changed and he made a left turn, in front of a squad car with two angry white cops inside when the light gave them the right-of-way.

He was pulled over and given a ticket, which even I would admit that he deserved, but the cops went beyond teaching him a simple lesson that day; he threatened us with his Shillelagh because we were just kids and it made him feel better about his life to think he scared us.

It made us both angry but we knew better and held that in check, he was just small-minded and I knew even then that not all cops were like them, but at the time it sure seemed like it, they carried a badge and a gun and the judge was more likely to believe them than two kids with no adult supervision.

Even after that dubious start to our reliving our child hood, we went to get my mother from work and then out for pizza and pool while we shared out memories. One that my friend didn’t seem to like was when we were twelve, he was a rather large individual, and we playfully referred to him as Freddie Blassey which would make him angry and he would chase us all over the place.

It was the name of a professional wrestler at the time, and I thought it should have been a compliment but he never saw it that way, it was fun running from him until you got tired and he finally caught up.

Maybe it was because I grew up with my friend Freddie that it didn’t bother me, but it sure seemed to bother the officer who seemed to be more focused on my friend than me, which normally would make me happy but I liked Freddie and was worried for a few moments before they finally let us go when he realized we weren’t afraid of him and his stupid club and we were smart enough not to feed into his line of bullshit.

As rebellious as I thought I was, I never set out to deliberately hurt anyone nor really went that far outside the law, no felonies or serious crimes on my record as they say, but they also say that sometimes need a crook to catch a crook.

For me the problem was, since I was one of the new guys on the block I didn’t have much pull, and they say that shit rolls downhill so I was forced to stay, It will be good for your career to be seen here tonight! the chief told him before he signed off duty for the night.

Just as I was thinking about those things, the door burst open and out of a newly-developed habit I reached for my service revolver which was still hanging from my locker, about four feet away.

But it turned out to be just Nathan and Estella; she was one of the new dispatchers and started about a month ago, there were rumors about her being a little wild but nothing I saw until now. I didn’t mind wild, it gave things life but it was the first time I’d ever seen this close up like this, I felt a bit embarrassed.

He was a beat cop that worked the West side most of the time, but came with something of a playboy reputation, with greasy European features and dark hair, along with a smile that even Eric Estrada would have envied.

When we first heard about her and the others going through training he told everyone he couldn’t wait to see what she looked like and now it looked to me as if he didn’t waste any time. I knew him from the academy, he was a year older and graduated early because he was smart but when he was honest about it, he admitted to having a photographic memory; he knew things he saw but never understood what made them what they were.

I could see her clearer now as she got closer, I could tell that she was older than she wanted to be, she still held her beauty well; it showed more on her face, at the edges of her eyes and the corners of her mouth, her body still looked fit yet she claimed that she never worked out a day in her life. The wrinkles showed more at that time because of her makeup which was smeared under her eyes and in the corners.

He was young and still wild for a cop, but he was well-liked by the brass and those above him, they cut him slack because of that but he knew the limits they expected yet he was working his way through the female staff of the precinct, and if the rumors were right, she would be the fourth notch on his belt in two months. For a moment, I wondered where he was on her belt but as I was thinking I shouldn’t say anything about it, I was certain that they were not going to hear me anyway by the looks of them.

Hey Joe, do you mind? he whispered and then winked at me confidentially; She wants to do it in the shower and won’t take no for an answer! he said and then laughed as if he actually thought to say no to her. He stood back and looked at her again, admiring the latest trophy in his case or a new car, some big deal in his life anyway, some things I guess I just wasn’t meant to understand.

I hated being called Joey and they all knew it, but at least it was better than when I was in the 87th where they called me Jo-Jo and thought nothing of the way it pissed me off.

It made me happy that I didn’t have as much interaction with those guys anymore, now that I was finished with my training and found my Home as opposed to being a precinct whore and going anywhere they sent me, different places each day; never the same faces on either side of the badge, it was frustrating.

The different scenery and duties was good for one thing, it was never the same, different streets, different types of crimes and even different types of criminals but I didn’t like not knowing where I was going to be after I clocked in.

It could have been worse though, it could always be worse, that was something that I was reminding myself a lot these days.

The one good thing about the 87th was that I made my first bust while I was there, got my feet wet anyway when I caught a peter-pumper that was sitting in his van near the beach and touch himself while young children and families were walking so close by and unaware.

I was off-duty at the time and walking on the path that led down to the shore line when I saw him, and like everyone else I might have walked by and not noticed what he was doing but it caught my attention when I saw the towel propped up to the rear window and call it a side-effect of my job but I wondered if it was just to change into something to swim in or go home, or something that my gut told me it really was but since I was becoming something of a snoop I wanted to make sure before I left.

From where I stood at that moment, I could see his silhouette well enough that I knew for certain he was naked from the waist up; not a big deal when you think about how close to the shore he was, yet he was clearly not putting anything on and his body and the vehicle were both shaking from his strokes.

He was watching the crowd as they walked by, those women and children oblivious to the sickness being perpetrated so close by. I looked at the rear plate and couldn’t read it because he smeared mud on it to obscure it and I got mad, I felt my blood boiling in my body and my heart pounding hard in my chest.

I know that there are some that saw things like these as minor crimes, he wasn’t out where they could see him, he wasn’t flashing them but there were kids out there for God’s sake and kids were my soft spot; I stopped reading the newspaper because there were so many stories kids being murdered or molested and I would break down and cry for them though I didn’t even have so much as a picture in the newspaper to identify them with.

The other thing was, during my training they offered us some basic courses in psychology to help us understand some of the criminals we would be dealing with and the crimes they would stain our souls with and fuel our nightmares with images we could never imagine on our own.

They taught us that there were those that would be happy doing this, maybe forever and never go onto other ways of expressing their sickness on the rest of us, but they almost always escalated to more brazen crimes, some eventually becoming violent when nothing else sated their perversions.

That told me that it was better to stop him now then to let him go and later read that he did something far worse to one of those poor kids walking by, I was thinking of this as preventative medicine.

As I was walking to the rear of his vehicle, he was still looking to his right and never saw me though I was watching his face in the mirror, hoping he wouldn’t make any sudden moves or try to run me over while getting away. Too late he saw me; my gun was out and I was ready to shoot him through the head if I heard the engine turn over and he almost managed that before I made him stop.

He must have been used to these kinds of narrow escapes I was thinking, but I was also thinking that he wasn’t going to get away this time, I had him by the short hairs and wasn’t going to let go until I heard the steel door of his cell clang shut.

Police! I shouted at him loud and clear, loud enough that several people heard me and some of them screamed, not knowing what was going on but seeing the gun and knowing it was serious.

I saw him cringe in fear as I shouted for those people It’s alright, I am a police officer, in the performance of my duty! I told them though they didn’t react so I wasn’t sure they heard.

Shut off the motor and toss the keys out NOW! I said to him nice and slow so he would understand that it wasn’t a polite request.

He still thought about it for a moment, so I raised my gun to eye level before closing one eye and focusing on the spot just below his hairline. As I waited for him to toss out the keys I said, I wonder while he was still slow to react.

This is a thirty-eight-caliber gun I’m pointing at the bone behind your ear, and I don’t think you’ll mind excusing me but right now I can’t remember what that bone is called! I said as I tapped on it with the barrel of my gun.

You know the one I’m talking about, right? I asked him, again speaking nice and slow so he’d understand. But I was wondering, do you think the bullet would penetrate that bone and enter your skull or just bounce off into space and leave you with one nasty fucking headache! and then I pushed harder.

"Especially from this angle, I said, and pushed harder into the bone for emphasis, knowing how much that hurt, What do you think? I asked him again and then cocked the gun as a last warning.

"I am not asking you to move, and I will not be telling you again to toss out the keys when he finally tossed them out and I yanked the door open and tossed his boney ass out into the street.

Don’t even think about moving! I warned him, though cars were still flying by close enough to rattle him, I was trying to remember what was next in the manual when he spoke to me.

Can I please put my pants on? I feel naked without them! he said, looking over his shoulder at the cars whizzing by so close he felt the pull as they passed him.

Pull them up real slow, and don’t bother getting up, just do it from there! I said, still holding my weapon on him, I stepped a bit closer to make sure there was no weapon there when two things happened at once.

First, someone called the police because they didn’t believe me when I told them I was an officer and a patrol came screeching to a halt just behind me.

The second thing was that I remembered being off duty and not in uniform, my badge was in my wallet but I wasn’t going to make any sudden moves either, just because I was the good guy didn’t mean they would see that from where they were, I almost laughed thinking I forgot my white hat.

Then I heard one of them yell Freeze! while the other shouted at me to drop the gun and I heard their guns click into firing order as they waited for me to do what they said. As they focused on me, I wondered if they were pointing at that same bone as I did, and made a mental note to find out what that bone was actually called.

Uncocking my own weapon, I pointed it up, and then slowly put it on the ground as I tried to tell them what was going on and then showed them my badge. They put their guns away slowly and told me to be more careful next time I’m not in uniform before they took him in, but as they were leading him away the bastard actually smiled at me, as if this was just a formality and he didn’t need to worry about a thing.

Now, you would think that since I caught him literally with his pants down and such an easy bust, a slam dunk and see you much later man; but then you don’t know the legal system with all its checks and balances and the quirky way things get turned around in that courtroom.

His lawyer argued that he was merely changing into his bathing suit to join the others frolicking at the beach and that I embarrassed and humiliated him in front of everyone and then threatened to shoot him and they were demanding a public apology.

He even managed to somehow bring a few eyewitnesses that were supposedly passing with their children and saw his ass, they were allegedly traumatized as well and after a few days it seemed as though half of the city was there with their hands out waiting to sue the department.

That bust turned out to be both a blessing and a curse because it followed me everywhere like the proverbial albatross but it led me to where I was now because they didn’t want the notoriety and transferred me out as soon as they could.

When most of the guys I was training with were still hoping for a bust to get it rolling and under their belt so they could get off the streets, I was on those streets doing what they wanted, but with the extra weight of the captain giving me incentives to keep my mouth shut about the peter pumper and let it all die down, something that it seemed it was not in a hurry to do.

It wasn’t such a great way to start my career, but I still thought that this was such an absurd turn of events that it wasn’t going to stick and he was going away for a while, yet he got off with probation, I argued that it was going to get worse and how things like this lead to more serious crimes but my argument held no merit to them, I didn’t have the legal pedigree to say I was a doctor and there were no facts to back me available.

I was brought back to where I was by Nate asking me again, I looked at her and she was weaving to her own beat, too drunk to even know what was going on and I was sure that would have fallen but for his hand around her waist and yet he almost dropped her as they walked past me.

She looked back at me once and sort of smiled, even with her make up running down the side of her face and her hair so messed up birds would have a hard time nesting in it if they had a mind to and I laughed because she still looked a bit sexy to me, though it might have been what the smile was saying, but I wasn’t going there either.

I saw where they were headed and thought I should least try to warn him, Are you sure Nate? I said, If you go that area the Sergeant came in and caught you there with her? I asked.

The Sarg? he said and then laughed, He’s in the captain’s office, and I doubt he wants to ne anywhere else for a while, he’s probably asleep in the chair, dreaming he was the cap! he said and then laughed and almost dropped her again. He put his finger to his lips and shushed me as if we were in on a big secret, a conspiracy to not embarrass the brass but then he started nodding his head at me and then waved me away, impatient for me to leave all of a sudden.

I finished dressing and started towards the exit, and I didn’t turn around because I was pretty sure they were already kissing and groping at each other, I shook my head and tried not to laugh before I went out into the cold of that night.

That being settled, I was pretty sure I settled the issue of whether I needed to stick around or not, they were all into their own form of debauchery and they hardly noticed me as I left, though a few of my friends did ask me to join them and I almost did, I didn’t think I wanted to play those kinds of games, I guess I was raised old school and wanted to at least know her name before I took off my pants.

I’m not trying to pretend that I was some kind of saint or that my morals were better and firmer entranced than theirs was, I am more than capable of my own dirty deeds but I guess I just didn’t want to air out my dirty laundry in front of the people I was going to work with and for, I learned long ago that you don’t shit where you eat.

As I walked out the front door, I wondered what would happen if there was an emergency and some of these guys were called out, it was New Year’s Eve after all, there were already gun shots and the sounds of parties everywhere and guns and liquor is never a good mix; all these people celebrating because they made it to another year of doing nothing with their lives.

It was 1967, they killed our president a few years before and the war in Viet Nam was still raging, people dying in another far-off land for some obscure cause, the new president was losing control of his people and there didn’t seem to be a lot of other things to be celebrating besides making it to another year of the same.

Mundane lives was the term that popped into my head just then, and I didn’t like big words, and cared even less for the people that used them but it was there just the same. As if my life was better than theirs, I knew that wasn’t true, my life at that point was pretty sad, even pathetic; there was a word that jumped out too and boy did that one feel like it fit me just right.

But as I stepped out into the street, I almost knocked over a woman passing on the sidewalk, I was about to apologize to her, I didn’t think I hurt her but I did knock her off her track a bit though she never slowed nor seemed as if she noticed.

All she managed was to turn her head towards me, as if to acknowledge me but she was in too much of a hurry for anything more than that; she quickly went about her business with that dismissal of me.

I heard a scream at that moment, it was so filled with terror or pain that it took my attention from this woman, I felt the terror in the victim’s heart so strong that I felt fear gripping my heart as well.

My first reaction was to turn back towards the building with all the policeman in town having fun and likely in no mood to try to find their pants and respond to something like this; I knew I was alone when I saw another woman run by in the far hallway, she was chasing another man who was holding her bra high as he ran and she was freely bouncing all over the place.

Leaving them behind, I turned back to the street just in time to see a car speeding off down the block and ran to the nearest squad car, hoping that I would find one with the keys in it; the captain was all over everybody about doing that, he was worried about liability and covering his ass, but there were a lot of guys that didn’t see the need to carry the keys inside, they were the only ones that would use the car for that shift and no one was on record for stealing a cop car in over twenty years, when it used to be part of an annual frat hazing qualifier where you wouldn’t know the secret handshake or get the neat little decoder ring.

The first car I tried was locked, something even rarer these days, when I tried the second one, the keys were on the floor right in front of the driver’s seat; I sat down and turned on the ignition at the same time and then quickly backed out as I was fastening my seatbelt, turning my car in the direction that another car left so quickly towards.

I could see it now, almost two blocks ahead of me and headed West; I knew he turn South in a few more blocks and head for one of the on-ramps that were all over Los Angeles nowadays, except of course, when I needed one.

There was no way I was going to let him get a bigger lead on me because I didn’t want to have to call in the Highway Patrol, I wanted to be the one that handled it, I could call it in as Officer in pursuit and they would have to let me stay on it, federal or not, at that point they couldn’t take jurisdiction.

When I stepped hard on the gas, I almost spun out of control, the rear-end started sliding crazily my left and then back to my right before it caught; I must have hit a greasy puddle or maybe some black ice that everyone was talking about; hard to see and yet it was very easy to spin out before you could manage control.

I was distracted by what I thought was that same pedestrian, she was caught in my headlights and looked very enticing in the darkness even though I didn’t like the spiked haircut, I would have to admit that it looked good on her because it accented her features more, really brought them out while not being exaggerated with it, cool enough to be around the town and yet she could manage that same look in the board room of any office building in town.

What made her stand out more than her obvious beauty was that she seemed to have been standing there, waiting for me to see her; as if she knew I was going to be there and she could distract me enough to help him get away but I dismissed that thought because I didn’t want it to work, I stepped on it again to close the space between us and he seemed to be caught behind someone that was moving slow because the lane was too narrow for more than one car in either direction.

But as soon as he cleared that car, he sped around him as if on fire and I was glad that there was not a lot of traffic out there to clog it up any more than it already did; that slow driver helped me stay close but another might draw a bullet to help them get away as I would stop for the civilian, to aid him and allow others to take up the chase.

As I followed that direction I didn’t turn on the lights or siren because I didn’t think I’d need them to stay close, I wanted to follow him as far as I could to see what he was doing and hopefully to save whoever screamed like that.

To both my surprise and delight, he turned away from the freeways, going South for a few blocks and then East, slowing down as he entered the business part of town. I knew that in this area there were no homes; it was mostly storefronts and some warehouses where they assembled furniture from the frame up, we weren’t very far from skid row.

Suddenly his lights went out and he made a really quick right turn, so I slowed even more, following as far back as I could while keeping him in sight, I saw him turn into a long driveway that swept around what I assumed was his house and far back and away from the road.

As I watched him speed up, at first, I thought he was going to slam into a solid wall, if I didn’t see him pull into the driveway I never would have known there was a house there, it was hidden between some palms and these natural-looking rock formations which I could see when I got closer they were manufactured though very realistic.

I could tell that the driveway was meant to be hidden, that from this side you couldn’t see it until you were right on it, but I couldn’t see the driver anymore though there was still a lot of dirt kicked up as he sped past, I was hoping I wouldn’t run into anything going in blind, said a quick prayer and then stepped on the gas again, felt the back tires spitting out a bit of gravel and then they caught and the car leapt forward.

It was funny, I took this street a lot of times when the other way was jammed or there was something going on and traffic was higher than normal, and from all the times I drove by there I never thought anyone actually lived in this area, it always seemed deserted any time of the day or night.

It was so clean there wasn’t even graffiti on the walls even though it covered an overpass for the freeway and that was only three blocks away, but dismissing that, I pulled my car over sideways so that he couldn’t get out this way, it never occurred to me that there might be another way out but I guess I really didn’t have much time to think about it; I tried for the second time to call for back up but no one answered and all I heard was static.

That made me realize the time and I could see them all watching the television and counting down the end of the old and the beginning of the new. I checked my gun and then took the shotgun before I followed the path into the house, all the time I got the feeling that the house was watching me, and then I dismissed that as ridiculous but then thought that didn’t mean there wasn’t someone in the house watching me, giving me that feeling.

As I got closer, I tried to look into the windows without getting too close and getting in trouble, it was too dark and there didn’t seem to be any lights on inside the house either, noting was going to help me, even the moon was hidden behind some clouds when I looked up there for help.

I looked again but thought that the windows didn’t seem like they were made of regular glass because they were too dark, I thought maybe they were painted black from the inside, it was the only way they could be that dark and impenetrable.

The other thing was, the closer I got to the house, the more it seemed to be abandoned, it felt empty and dusty-old, yet I knew for certain that I was being watched, if not from the house then somewhere nearby, I was sure of it. It was about that time that I realized that there were no night sounds either; I couldn’t hear the freeway which was really close by, no crickets, nothing that you would expect to hear, it was deadly silent and I didn’t like that it came to my mind that way.

There was a single string of naked bulbs that ran from the main house to what looked like a barn or some kind of shed, if it was a garage it was the back-end of one, the big door would have been on the other side, making me wonder if there was another way out after all.

I finally worked up the nerve to walk past the house and to that barn, though I wasn’t sure why but my gut told me that was where they went, and not into the house.

On one hand, I was thinking that this was too easy, and that in the movies this was where they would spring the trap set out for our intrepid hero but I didn’t think either of those labels fit me and that whoever I was trying to rescue was going to die of old age waiting for me to save him or her, I kept looking behind me because I couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched though nothing moved behind me.

As I neared the barn I heard another scream, this time it was louder and more urgent; more insistent and filled with the promise of pain, or at the very least its kiss on her soul. I knew that I needed to hurry but my training told me to make sure and not rush ahead, to make sure of my footing and make sure I didn’t take any chances that I might not survive.

Two dead makes no sense! I remember them telling me, If they need to rescue you while you’re trying to rescue someone and you both die, so just remember that at least one of you needs to be able to get help or report what happened!

I was thinking about all of these things when I finally got close enough to check the door, it was so old and cracked that it almost seemed as if it would fall off if I pulled too hard, I tried to peer between the slats of wood to see what was going on but it was not much help.

It was enough to see a door closing on the far side of the room, there was just enough light that I saw someone carrying a small bundle, there was movement in that bundle, as if they were trying to escape but the man carrying it hardly seemed to notice.

Finally, I pulled on the handle and the door opened immediately with a loud rattle, I turned back to see if anyone heard and was coming to check it out when suddenly the lights went out; an un-natural darkness covered the area and I couldn’t even see my hand in front of my face if I extended my hand more than a few inches, everything was as quiet as a tomb, and again, I felt tremendous fear that I thought of that word instead of something nice, like a library.

I stepped inside anyway, thinking if I let go of the door it would fall off and bring more people to investigate, I just tried to remember the layout of the room so I didn’t trip on a chair something in the dark and stepped forward.

That was when I was hit on the back of the head, it felt like a sock filled with sand or something, the only thing for certain was that I was going to have one hell of a headache when I came to.

Sometime later, when I opened my eyes it wasn’t because I wanted to wake up, but someone had me by the hair and was shaking my head impatiently, they couldn’t wait to speak to me though they never said a word.

I opened my eyes slowly and started blinking several times while I tried to adjust to the light and I felt as though my head was incased in cotton because everything felt and seemed to be off somehow, maybe I was feeling the effects of a slight concussion because I couldn’t seem to focus on anything my head hurt so badly it felt as though it was split open in the back and I tried to reach back and feel it when he slapped me hard across the face.

It was not clear if he was either trying to make sure he had my attention or because he was trying to help me focus but now I could see a small child on the other side of the room; I could not tell her age but she looked old enough to know that we were both in trouble and yet young enough to still feel there was hope for us and we might escape.

She was sitting on a chair almost directly across from me and looked dirty, as if kept her in a basement or someplace that didn’t get cleaned a lot because people normally didn’t go there. She was wearing jeans and tennis shoes that were scuffed, with an over-sized t-shirt that said, See you at the Pike! and nothing else that I could see but a faded identification sticker on her right shoulder.

I kept willing her to get up, though her hands were tied at her sides she was not tied to the chair, her feet weren’t tied together but duct tape covered most of her face and obscured her features; I felt her fear then as it joined mine.

As hard as I concentrated and told her to get up, she kept shaking her head at me, it was clear to me that she was too afraid of him to try and save her own life; that left it up to me and I didn’t feel as confident as I should have, I was not worried about me, I was thinking of her and hoping I could do something for her, she was a little girl after all and deserved to be at the mall having ice cream with her family or whatever little girls liked to do these days.

Looking into her eyes I saw something else; the innocence of a little girl who thought that maybe she could escape, he was not focused on her at the moment and it was a small window of opportunity that was about to close but it was there. The thing of it was; she felt that if she escaped and left me there it would not feel right, even if she went and brought back an army of help it would not be in time to save me as well, I felt that she was mistaking my sense of urgency as fear for my own life.

I wasn’t in the least thinking of myself anymore, I was worried for her and didn’t know how to tell her that without bringing him into it, I couldn’t think straight with so many sharp points poking inside my head, I tried to shake it off but that hurt even more.

Whoever was doing this to us put a rag in my mouth so we couldn’t speak, my only option was to try and convey messages that it would be alright, that somehow we would both get out of there alive, yet I didn’t feel it and knew that my message fell far short of what I wanted; instead my message was telling her that it would not be a happy ending tonight.

Maybe she finally got that message because I saw her shoulders sag and then start to shake as the tears began to flow, her entire being sagged under the weight of that and she shifted her gaze downward; I felt she didn’t want my feelings of despair to infect her feelings of hope and escape to see another day and was so frustrated at letting her feel that way but nothing was working in our favor.

I was still trying to think of something I might be able to do for her, some way to at least calm her when he stabbed me, I felt a sharp blade going into my shoulder and tried to scream but the sound was choked off by the filthy rag in my mouth, I turned as much as I could away from him but he moved with me and stayed just out of my sight.

Then he twisted the blade in my shoulder to make me stop moving, leaning forward as if we were old friends he softly whispered into my ear; Don’t worry little trooper, I’m not going to kill you, I just wanted you to know what she was going to be feeling for a while and that you can’t stop me, you’re going to have to live with that reality for the rest of your miserable fucking life! he said.

Or, I could push a little harder and to my left until I go straight through your heart! Would you like that better? he whispered as he caressed the hasp of the blade, then he tapped on it; the pressure was not much but it resonated through my bones and made me want to scream again but I choked it off because I didn’t want him to have the pleasure or add to her fears.

Though he was whispering the entire time, it sounded so menacing and so deadly that I thought he was right and we would never be able to catch this one, I couldn’t help myself and looked down, I thought it was over even though he said he was going to spare me, I thought I could actually see the blade piercing my heart and I died choking on my own blood.

I could do that for you! he said, I could end it all now, but I want you to see my nightmares, the visions I get night after night, I want you to know what is in store for you if you ever come after me again! he spat the last part out and then he ripped the blade out and shoved me aside.

As much as that hurt, I tried to turn as I fell, in slow motion I watched the knife being torn out of my shoulder and the blood spatter on the far wall, it was more like an icepick; it was once a blade but he honed it down to almost nothing though I knew the pain it both promised and delivered.

I tried to struggle against the restraints but it was no use and only drew laughter from him, and then he came back to me, either to make sure I couldn’t wriggle free or because I reminded him that he wasn’t done with me, I wasn’t sure but held my breath while I waited to find out, all the while I was sure he was going to kick me into submission or just beat me senseless.

He went to my left but I couldn’t see what he was doing until he leaned towards my face and then shoved the blade back into my shoulder, pushing until he hit the bone and then he snapped the blade off with a laugh as I tried to stifle my scream of pain but it was too painful and I couldn’t hold it back.

I watched as he walked across the room and picked her up, chair and all as if it were nothing though the chair was nailed to the floor, I could hear the wood protesting as he yanked at it and turned away from me with her.

He opened the other door without looking back at me, and as I watched, she tried to fight him then, she was trying to run to me; her eyes pleaded with me as if I could do her any good at that point, as if I could save her if only she could get to me and to hide behind and save her from him.

I felt so ashamed that I wanted to turn away from her and yet I didn’t want to let go, I focused on her eyes again; trying to send something hopeful to her when she disappeared behind the other door.

Maybe it was my imagination at that point because I thought I hear as he savagely tossed her across the room and then stopped and turned back to me one last time, as if to say, Are you sure you don’t want to watch? and he winked at me, leaned forward and closed the door with a triumphant smile on his face that burned its way deep into my soul.

I knew that if I lived after this, I would never forget that face nor would I stop chasing him until I caught him, no matter how much he tried to scare me with his superior attitude, I was the guy wearing the white hat after all; but I owed her that much at least, I would never forget her either.

As I heard the door close, I tried to escape again because I knew I didn’t have much time if she was going to have a chance and even though he said he was going to spare me, that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to have fun with me as well, I could see that he enjoyed doing that, causing pain to others I mean.

I knew that it wouldn’t be much of a life if I didn’t at least try harder to save her, and then I felt the bonds give a little, giving he a shred of hope once more; but then I realized it wasn’t my luck or any mistake he made, it was that he left them loose enough that I might think I could save her after all.

I was torn between knowing what he was doing and wanting to at least try to save her, even if it meant we went together, at least she would know I tried with all I could; I began to rock back and forth in the chair and felt it give a little more with each push forward, with each turn I cursed my slow reflexes because it seemed to take forever.

That broken blade was still in my shoulder and hurt with each turn as well, but I was past caring about that by then; though it felt as though his thumb was in there now, pushing back at me and laughing when I tried not to scream.

Any thoughts I had of that pain or anything else was torn away when I heard another blood-curdling scream come from the other side of that door, reminding me to get off my ass and do something.

That scream wasn’t the scream of a child anymore, instead it was of someone that feels the pain that should never be a part of their world; someone that has been through or witnessed a thousand wars, saw the worst that one man can do to another and it was too much to bear, she couldn’t take anymore.

It was the scream of someone that knows they are about to die, the last vestige of her strength railing against him and the unfairness of her demise at such a young age; I felt her curse at me from the other room, through the walls and plaster between us, it was all my fault because I could do nothing for her, I could not save her.

What the fuck kind of cop are you anyway? she shouted at me, Chicken shit! Only worried about saving yourself! she shouted at the top of her lungs.

I rocked harder at the chair and I felt it give, I thought that a few harder pushes like that and then the next time I pushed forward I pushed as hard as I could and felt it slip away from the floor; I was leaning so far forward that I fell to the floor face first and broke my nose because I couldn’t raise my hands to break my fall.

Then I pulled at the ropes and tried to breathe through my mouth but it was hard with that rag, I felt I was choking now; I tried to focus on the room but it was swimming in front of me. I finally felt the ropes give way and reached up, pulling the rag away and finally taking deep gulps of air in and coming back to where I needed to be.

The coppery taste in my mouth made me retch, I wanted to vomit but fought hard against it and staggered to my feet, it took an enormous amount of strength and time while I swayed back and forth on my feet; I must have looked like a punch-drunk fighter but I couldn’t help it.

It was so near and so agonizingly far away from me and I fell twice before I finally got close enough to reach the door; as I reached for the doorknob I remember hoping that the quiet on the other side didn’t mean I was too late when the entire world exploded around me.

I felt myself being hurled across the room by an unseen giant hand, the knob still turning in my hand as I flew back, the heat burned my clothes as I was swept away by its force, the only thing that saved me from the shrapnel and fire of the blast by the door that was in still in front of me that I was too slow to open.

I woke in the hospital three and a half years later and when I opened my eyes I saw a nurse over me and two others, at least one of them a doctor that were quietly discussing my condition as if I was under some microscope; a bug to be studied and categorized.

Where’s the little girl? I asked them though my voice was hoarse and hardly above a whisper they heard me and jumped, I guess they didn’t notice I opened my eyes and turned my head, they were so busy taking notes and making sure they covered everything.