Zion’S Saving Grace: A Journey of Fear to Faith, Heartbreak to Hope

By Denetria Moore

We all have times when someone disappoints us. But what do you do when God disappoints you? Just like Job, you worship.

Zions Saving Grace is a look inside a mothers heart as she wrestles with her son being born to die so that others may live. For five years, author Denetria Dee Dee Moore and her husband tried to get pregnant. All they wanted was a son. They rejoice when they discover they are having a son, but happiness turns to sadness when the parents learn they will lose him. Moore shares her experiences as they come to terms with their sons fate. They wrestle with the question, What do you do when it is God that you need to forgive?

Zions Saving Grace is a journey of fear to faith, heartbreak to hope, sadness to joy, patience to triumph, and grief to grace. It is the story of true worship. This book will encourage you not to give up on Gods grace and to continue to walk by faith, not by sight. You will smile again. God is a Spirit: and they that worship Him must worship Him in Spirit and in Truth (John 4:24).

• Language: English
• Publisher: Archway Publishing
• Release date: Dec 21, 2017
• ISBN: 9781480856684

Denetria Moore

Denetria Dee Dee Moore is the founder and executive director of Girl Talk, Inc., a 501(c)3 nonprofit. It exists to empower girls to become their best selves through the prevention of teen pregnancy and increasing the likelihood of educational advancement. Becoming a mom at nineteen, Girl Talk inspires girls to make positive choices for their futures and reflect what God did in her life. She lives in Knoxville, TN with her husband, Kenny Moore, worship leader of a local church, and daughter Tailynn.

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Copyright © 2018 Denetria Dee Dee Moore.

Interior Graphics Credit: Liza Hutchinson

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ISBN: 978-1-4808-5667-7 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4808-5692-9 (hc)

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Library of Congress Control Number: 2017918988

Archway Publishing rev. date: 12/20/2017

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Table of Contents

Acknowledgements

Life after Loss

From Determination to Disappointment

From Disappointment to Determination

From Fear to Faith

From Faith to Fear

From Heartbreak to Hope

From Hope to Heartbreak

From Heartbreak to Healing

A Letter to My Son

From Grief to Grace

There is Purpose for the Pain

Acknowledgements

First, thank you to my amazing husband, Kenny Moore, who always supports my dreams. You are my rock. I could not have gotten through this process without you. There were times when you wanted to break down and cry, but you put my needs before yours. You listened. You were my shoulder to cry on and my refuge when I was weak and scared. To my ladybug, Tailynn, thank you for being such a trooper through all of this. I’m so proud of you, and love you dearly. Thank you to our family and friends who stuck by and continue to walk with us during the hardest time of our life. I specifically want to thank two churches that are dear to my and Kenny’s hearts. My home church, Overcoming Believers Church, and the church where we currently worship, Cokesbury Church Knoxville: you all stepped up and walked with us our entire journey. Thank you all for the meals, the gift cards, the phone calls, the text messages, the Facebook comments, and most of all, your prayers. Zion had an anointing to bridge cultural gaps and bring people together. He got that anointing from his earthly father. Two communities came together for one purpose, to be the hands and feet of Jesus, and to lift up our arms when we were weak. We cannot say thank you enough. Also, thank you to the people who invested financially to make this book possible. Paul Jones, Ellie Kittrell, Cammy Kromer, Shun & Willie Watkins, Chrystal Armstrong Brown, thank you for your significant investment to make this book possible. You guys ROCK! We love all of you!

Life after Loss

This book exposes the darkest time of my life, the journey of my baby boy, Zion Kennaniah Moore. It is comprised of Facebook posts sharing my baby boy’s journey in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit at the University of Tennessee Medical Center. It captures the strength and fight that he conveyed to his followers, my feelings as he fought for his life, and my husband’s and my journey of faith. Let his fight, his endurance, his strength, and his life encourage you and become a source of hope in the midst of darkness. Let Zion’s life reveal how God can get the glory out of any situation and any dark place.

Zion means dry place, highest point, City of God, and Heaven. Kennaniah means, Established by God. Zion’s journey reveals God’s glory in the midst of the dry place. The dry place produces faith. We need faith to reach the highest point, Heaven; and it is all established by God.

Expressing my grief helps with the healing process. This book is for people who are experiencing, have experienced, or will experience navigating life in the NICU with a sick child. The purpose of this book is to let people know that there is life after loss. It is also for those who have lost a child or loved one and are wondering if you will ever smile again. Feeling the emptiness of a broken family, feeling the hopelessness of your child fighting for their life, or experiencing the greatest fear a parent could ever face can leave you hopeless. It is such a dark, helpless, and lonely place, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. This book is for the hurting. It is full of heartbreak, triumph, joy, sadness, faith, and raw emotion. This book challenges the modern ideology of Christianity that says, Have it all together and don’t be vulnerable.

This book is for those who are afraid to express their true feelings and fears. It is my hope that the bravery of this book will empower others to become real about where they are spiritually and emotionally. This book is to challenge us to be real in our relationship with God and to bring things to Him as raw as we can without all the pressure of feeling as if we have to have it all together. The Bible says that we can come to God in Spirit and in Truth. Out of truth, God births deliverance, and through deliverance comes freedom. When I began to be truthful and honest with God and others around me about where I was spiritually and emotionally, my healing began. My healing and freedom came and continues to come through worship. Worship is my lifeline.

I pray this book speaks to someone who feels like they have to hide their pain from others because they are afraid of being judged or condemned. My healing came and continues to come through the raw expression of my pain. I express it through singing, writing, crying, which are all forms of worship. It was not until I was completely real and raw with God, that He was able to begin the work of healing my broken heart and setting me free from depression.

He is turning my sadness into joy daily. I am on the journey of redefining who God is to me. He is turning my Grief into a story of Grace. Let the journey begin.

After Nathan had gone home, the Lord struck the child that Uriah’s wife had borne to David, and he became ill. David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and spent the nights lying in sackcloth on the ground. The elders of his household stood beside him to get him up from the ground, but he refused, and he would not eat any food with them. On the seventh day the child died. David’s attendants were afraid to tell him that the child was dead, for they thought, While the child was still living, he wouldn’t listen to us when we spoke to him. How can we now tell him the child is dead? He may do something desperate. David noticed that his attendants were whispering among themselves, and he realized the child was dead. Is the child dead? he asked. Yes, they replied, he is dead. Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the Lord and worshiped." 2 Samuel 12: 15-20

And behold, a great wind came from across the wilderness and struck the four corners of the house, and it fell on the young people and they died, and I alone have escaped to tell you. Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head, and he fell to the ground and worshiped. Job 1: 19-20 -New American Standard Version

From Determination to Disappointment

My husband and I got married on May 24, 2008, and we became a family of three. He inherited the gift of a daughter, my first-born, Tailynn. When we got married, all we wanted was a son to complete our family. We tried and tried to get pregnant. After 5 years of praying, fasting, and believing God for a son, on April 29, 2013 my husband and I found out that we were pregnant! Our world changed. We were so excited to be welcoming our new addition, and we had to share it with the world!

She’s having my baby! was the Facebook post from my husband on April 29, 2013. So many of our friends and family had been waiting with us to get pregnant.

Then here comes the drama… At my 8-week ultrasound, my OBGYN had to deliver some challenging news. My amniotic fluid did not look quite right. It was too low. We were told that we were at risk of having a miscarriage or the baby having some chromosome and/or cardiac abnormalities. We prayed and sent out prayer requests to our closest friends and family. We went back to the doctor the next week believing God to work a miracle, and He did! God sustained our baby’s life. On the next ultrasound, the fluid looked fine, and we heard a heartbeat.

At 18 weeks pregnant, we had the baby’s anatomy scan done. I could sense that something was not right because the ultrasound tech, who was usually quite playful and talkative, suddenly became very quiet and focused. It was then that we found out that our baby’s long bones and rib cage were delayed in growth. Our OBGYN once again had to share some unfavorable news. We were then referred to a High Risk OBGYN.

At our High Risk appointment, we found out that the baby had a type of skeletal dysplasia (a.k.a. dwarfism) and that his feet were clubbed. The doctor speculated the type of skeletal dysplasia it could be, but the specific type was unknown. They told us that they would not know for sure until he was born. We prayed and believed God that everything would turn out all right. We went to each ultrasound appointment dreading what the doctor might tell us next. At every appointment, the