Womb of Wisdom

By Glennie P. Metz

Not only is the physiologic womb a womans feminine core; it is the gateway from where we all come from, and to which we all return. The author reveals that the womb from which Lillimae was born was not just an outlet; but an entry into a place of creative potential and well-being. On July 9, 1960 she married Gerald, her teenage soul virgin, and delayed celebrating Gods design for their marriage bed for a short while. Over time they gave birth to special projects, personal healing and relating to each other in their collective womb. It was not until a diabolical influence in her life, followed by a supernatural encounter with the Un-Moveable Mover did she appreciate just how wonderfully and marvelous she is made, and the power of the Giver of life. Her delivery did not require the assistance of human hands to prevent a premature birth into a different kind of womb-an eternal one.
Lillimae submitting herself to a greater power than she had ever known allows her to embrace and trust her feminine creativity, balance and deepest relationships. As she matures in her positive family dynamics, workplace and church affiliations she receives and advances a fuller understanding of the beautiful and abundant life God has woven into the fibers of her and Geralds rules for living in their womb.
Womb of Wisdom brings to you the reader an awareness that the Un-moveable Mover who came into the world through a virgin womb, and will come again the second time, not as a baby to rescue His human creation by visible and invisible means.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jun 10, 2014
• ISBN: 9781493178698

Glennie P. Metz

Glennie Metz, Ph.D., is a nationally known and much sought after counselor and Bible teacher. Her ministry is focused on expository teaching of the Word of God, and principles of mind-body-soul health to multicultural communities. She has served widely as a seminar speaker, therapist, instructor, health care provider, and consultant in many nursing and mental health facilities. Dr. Metz and her husband John Metz are the parents of two sons and make their home in Suffolk County, New York.

Book preview

Copyright © 2014 by Glennie P. Metz,Ph.D., R.N.

Library of Congress Control Number:          2014903854

ISBN:          Hardcover          978-1-4931-7868-1

                   Softcover            978-1-4931-7870-4

                   eBook                 978-1-4931-7869-8

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Scripture taken from the King James Version of the Bible.

Rev. date: 06/05/2014

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

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Contents

Introduction

Part One Musings from Lillimae

1.     Alcoholism

2.     Stuck between Past and Future

3.     Examine Yourself

4.     Sinisterly Seductive Sister Deceit

Part Two Changed Path

5.     Communion with the Omniscient One

6.     A Challenging Voice

7.     Examine Yourself

Part Three Lillimae’s Confusion

8.     Is This Really Worth Fighting For?

9.     Saturday Night’s Ritual

10.   Parenting by Chance or Design

11.   Parenting

Part Four The First Worker

12.   Intimacy with the Omniscient One

13.   In the Still of the Night

14.   Alcohol Consumption

15.   Inferior Feelings

16.   Money Matters

17.   Finances

18.   The Obedient Response

Part Five Outside Looking In

19.   Lillimae Anticipates Graduation

20.   Frustrated Expectation

21.   Mama’s Compassion

22.   Space to Remember

23.   Bright Red Blood in the Bucket

Part Six Precious in His Sight

24.   Until We Meet Again

Part Seven The Dawn of Knowing

25.   Called to Serve

26.   Big Momma’s Wisdom

Part Eight Sixteen-Year-Old Married High-School Graduate

27.   Lillimae—Lost and Found

28.   Start of Something Good

29.   Knowledge Is Power

30.   Just the Two of Us

31.   Our First Apartment (July 1960)

32.   Marriage

Part Nine Married for Two years (1962)

33.   Our Womb of Life: Home-Birthing Place

34.   Two in One Flesh (Two Years of Honeymoon)

35.   Sunday: On Operating Room Call

Part Ten Two in One Flesh (Four Years of Honeymoon)

36.   Revealed Secrets… My First Year

37.   A Virgin before Marriage

Part Eleven To Every Season Turn, Turn, Turn…

38.   Financial Infidelity

39.   Share the Hurt with a Mature Friend

40.   Friendships

41.   Speak the Truth in Love

42.   Forgiveness

Part Twelve Sex Control—Chastity

43.   Fear Factor

44.   Six Stones in the River

45.   Living a Balanced Life

Part Thirteen Preacher’s Daughter

46.   Lillimae’s Nurse Story

47.   Auntie Ross’s Lack of Knowledge

Part Fourteen Peridena Made It Through The Storm

48.   Peridena Ross

49.   Graduation Day

50.   Secret Boyfriend (Minister Larry)

51.   Eating Like Slaves: Knowledge Is Power for Living

52.   Living a Lie

53.   Fruit of Unrighteousness

54.   At Last My love has Come Along

Part Fifteen Communion Service: To Eat and Drink Unworthily

55.   Stuck Between Truth and Error

56.   Omnipotent View

57.   Speak the Truth in Love

Part Sixteen Operating Room Scene of Humiliation and Exploitation

58.   Wisdom in the Workplace: Unity in Purpose

Part Seventeen Adventure to Live: Yet Labored to Death

59.   Lillimae and Gerald’s Great Expectation

60.   Omniscient Reflection of the Event (Look Out World, Here I Come)

61.   War in the Womb

62.   Omniscient Reflection of the Event: Umbilical Cord

63.   Dry the Tears from Your Eyes

Part Eighteen Necessity of Struggle

64.   Living in Dark Places

65.   Safe from Harm

66.   Rock-bottom Reality

Part Nineteen Suicidal Enemy within Lillimae

67.   Purifying Silence

68.   God’s Unfolding Plan: Repentance, Baptism, the Holy Ghost

69.   Waiting In the Upper Room for the Promise

70.   Attainment of Joy Unspeakable

Part Twenty Four Birthdays

71.   The Morning After

72.   Revisit Third Birth Site

73.   After the Dance before the Lord

74.   Obstacles and Opportunities

75.   Purpose for Living

76.   Becoming an Expression of Soul

This book is dedicated

To my Wonderful Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, who continues to empower me by his Holy Spirit.

To the memory of my deceased parents, Oliver and Albertha Williams.

To my precious Mama whose womb is where my soul, body, and mind, with God’s hand, solidified.

To my loving husband and godly father of our sons, grandfather to their children, and my best friend, John; for fifty-three years, you have proven to me and others what it means to love the Bible way.

Finally, to the wise and beautiful little girl who is alive in all women.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Writing this book was similar to the birthing process. It caused pain like I have never experienced, but the product is worth the protracted labor ensued! I have learned although a book may have only one official author, it has many contributors. I am grateful for my Loving Initiator, God, and supporters who were there to facilitate my final push to victory: the triumphant birth of the project.

Thank you, Lord God for knitting me together in the safety of my Mama’s womb for the required period of time. You gave me life and the strength to see this second project, Womb of Wisdom, to completion. Having ideas is one thing, articulating them into print is another; You, Lord, placed within my reach all the components essential to breathing life into this project.

John Metz, without your love as my spouse, patience, and compassion, this book and our two sons David and Marcus would have remained a dream. Thank you for your constant source of strength and support in making it all a reality.

Susan Burgazzoli, your unbounded enthusiasm was an inspiration for me when I felt like giving up the project.

Jeanne M. Roccaro, God brought you to me in the nick of time! Thank you for helping me shape my thoughts and written work into this carefully crafted manuscript.

Mother Gladys Leader and Bishop William G. Fields thank you for your prayers and Scriptural support when stress was high and patience low. Prayer worked!

Oliver and Albertha Williams, before your demise, in vision, you saw me on a specific journey and gave me roots from which to draw strength for living, loving, and giving myself to others.

Shirley Williams, Bertha Robinson, and Randolph Williams, before tragedy hit with your untimely deaths, we were a cohesive family unit. God knows how much I miss my siblings.

In memory of Grandparents Leuvenia and Moley Ellison, Aunt Lillie Mae Larkin, Uncle Ernest Ellison, Nephews Darain Keith Metz, and Clarence Pearson, Mother Rachel Metz, Mother Viola Williams, Mother Cora Roundtree, and my First Cousin Leola Fields. Each of you played a significant role in my life.

Raymond, Andrew, Michael, Aaron and Avery, and Jolie, each of you keep my grandmother soul open with your love. Thank you, Danielle, Evath, and Ursula Metz for parenting my great-grand and grandchildren the Bible way—for being godly examples to them.

Other people who helped immensely with intellectual, spiritual, material, love, and emotional support include my sister Gloria Pearson and my brother Glen Williams; my cousins, nieces, great nieces and nephews, James Fields and family, Arlene and Ernest Winford and family, the Refuge Apostolic Church family in Deer Park, New York. Aurelia and William Freeman, my life is richer because of your loving care. Pastors James and Barbara Metz, your prayerful support has always been a driving force in my life. Aunt Ruby Ellison, your faith in me was always evident.

Each of you in one way or another has made my life as a woman a truly enjoyable and spiritual experience. I pray my Father in heaven be glorified in this effort to glorify Him in written principles and practice for living the abundant life.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Dr. Glennie Metz received her A.A.S. and Registered Nurse Certificate from Bronx Community College and earned her B.S. in Nursing at Hunter-Bellevue in New York. She holds a M.S. and postgraduate certificate from Stony Brook University and New York State certification as a Psychiatric and Obstetric/Gynecologic Nurse Practitioner. She was granted a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from LaSalle University. Her early academic diplomas were earned at Public School 103, Junior High School 159, both in Harlem, New York, and Julia Richman High School where she received certification as a Licensed Practical Nurse at sixteen years of age. She completed a two-year course of study at Christian Writer’s Guild as a Christian writer and published her novel, the first of a trilogy, entitled Womb of the Morning.

Dr. Metz’s other professional accomplishments are as follows: clinical instructor at SUNY Farmingdale, New York, associate professor in the School of Nursing and Medicine at Stony Brook University in New York, and three bustling private practices as a nurse practitioner in Women’s Health for more than thirty years. Her dynamic practice, Image Illumination Counseling Services, as a Christian psychologist, provides her with a venue to aid women in becoming all they are designed to be by our Creator God. Also a visionary, she oversaw and directed Touching Tomorrow’s World, a bimonthly women’s support group, where women assist each other during stressful times in their lives.

Dr. Metz has for fifty-three years made significant contributions to the promotion of health and wellness to God’s human creations providing psychological and reproductive health care to minority and other populations as per her calling from God. Her travel to South Africa as a researcher, lecturer, and health-care provider reinforced her resolve to spread the Good News of the Savior in conjunction with health education, spiritual guidance, and support at every opportunity afforded her.

She maintains active membership in the American Association of Christian Counselors, the New York State Coalition of Nurse Practitioners Association of Long Island, Marriage and Family Counseling, Association of Women’s Health, Obstetrics and Neonatal Nursing and has served as a member of the Nurses Advisory Council to former Suffolk County Executive Steve Levy.

Most important, Dr. Metz has been married to Pastor/Elder John Metz for fifty-three years. Their partnership in ministry supports her position as his assistant and Spiritual Mother to the congregation at the Refuge Apostolic Church of Christ in Deer Park, New York.

She received the gift of The Holy Ghost/Spirit, which many call the second blessing, at the Greater Refuge Temple Church in New York City thirty-six years ago. She jointly parented two sons, David and Marcus, and supported in grand-parenting five grandchildren: Raymond, Andrew, Michael, Aaron, and little Miss Avery Metz. She glorifies God for Raymond and Danielle’s baby girl Jolie—her great-granddaughter. Each of them provides her with great blessings, love, and joy.

She continues to proclaim her primary goal in life to be all she is designed by God to be. And to that end, she expects to carry the message of God’s salvation through her writings, travels, seminars, lectures, and Image Illumination Counseling Services.

Her motto for life is Just do the right thing after exiting the Womb of the Morning and growing to maturity in the Womb of Wisdom.

INTRODUCTION

Has there ever been a time in your life when you needed an immediate answer for a problem or situation and you just couldn’t come up with a viable solution? A mountain of a crisis you just could not climb? A river that seemed impossible to cross? Even though you tried every resource at your disposal to overcome the obstacle, no remedy was ever forthcoming; questions remained unanswered.

These same scenarios were posed by gospel singers I listened to as a little girl. Always the answer was God specializes in things thought impossible, and he will do what no other power, nothing but the Holy Ghost Power, can do. At that time, I didn’t pay too much attention to the lyrics, or so I thought. Their colorful robes and their musical instruments garnered all my interest. Over time, it became apparent to me; to know better is to do better, in word and deed. As the Apostle James, Jesus’s brother, said, The Wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. Each of these characteristics is essential to living the abundant life.

If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God that giveth to all men liberally… (James 1:5).

Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou cameth forth out of the womb I sanctified thee… (Jeremiah 1:5).

Womb of Wisdom is born out of a sense of urgency, guided by suggestions heard repeatedly by seasoned authors, to write what I know I know my life! In this unpredictable adventure of my existence, I have found myself baffled in so many ways on so many occasions.

Early in childhood, I faced circumstances upon which the wisdom of God prompted me to behave in ways much more mature for my young years. Undoubtedly, God’s wisdom—the ability to assess correctly and pursue the best course of action not naturally obtained—was working in and through me without my knowledge of his presence. A curtain blocked my view of his nearness until insurmountable disasters aimed to destroy my destiny. At his appointed time, yet crucial to me, he pulled back the curtain exposing what had been outside my window, my womb, the entire time. With great physical force, I was thrust from my Womb of the Morning; experiencing pain, grief, wonder, joy, and dream revelations, I landed into my Womb of Wisdom.

My God of creation holds my being, knowledge, and deeds in his compassionate loving arms. He nourishes me with life-sustaining blood, caring, and protection from premature destruction. In this Womb of Wisdom, he provides everything I need. Until my full maturation, I am satisfied through a threefold unimpeded umbilical cord. Inherently, yet without conscious awareness, I desired to connect with the Creator, God, of the Universe; he used my lifelong struggles to connect with me!

Through each of these major challenges, some utterly tragic, my calling began to come into view. It was time for his wise implementation of his grand plan: to know him, love him, and serve him. This is his purpose for my life. It was only after overcoming all these adversities that I was triumphant: Mama’s abandonment, trauma in the cotton field, Mama’s breakdown, life in Harlem, Papa’s abuse of alcohol, Papa’s unemployment, Papa’s deception and teenage wedding, older child syndrome, parent’s divorce, debt resolution, death in the womb, death of a family member, abuse in the operating room, failure in school, and suicidal ideation and attempt.

In this book, I explore the deeper distances of my soul-mind, will, and emotions-in order to bring into the light the dark recesses of my psyche. A womb hauling huge hurt, frustrations, and disappointments with every accompanying loss and mental mechanism. Not realizing, I created my own barrier against the free-flowing river of love and peace in my life. It was not until the principle thing, the compassionate Womb of Wisdom, did I understand the course taken. Wisdom, the key to living a truly successful life, eluded me until I received and fulfilled God’s prescription for living in peace and love with people I encounter daily.

The way of true wisdom, as taught in the Holy Bible, is more than an arbitrary moral code; it is the essence of spiritual knowing and understanding. According to Scripture, King Solomon has the reputation of being the wisest person in the world, before the Lord Jesus Christ. He said, The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding; moreover, he said, Wisdom is the principle thing; therefore get wisdom; and with all thy getting, get understanding. His powerful declaration is something everyone needs to heed.

The womb, house, of this book is a haven created by God in which I reside, my source of wisdom. This dwelling place is where I remain implanted, protected, and nourished and where I am maturing as guided by his hand. Preparation for my Womb of Wisdom experience began after my first birth from Mama’s Womb where everything really started to come together for me.

Surely, there is only one first time for turning points in my life: the first time exiting from Mama’s womb; the first time I crawled, stood up, and walked on my own; the first time I attended a kindergarten class; the first time I graduated and received a diploma; the first time I earned my first paycheck; the first time I sat behind the wheel of a car; the first time I was kissed by a boy; the first time I said, I do, on my wedding day; the first time I experienced sexual intimacy with my husband, and most importantly, the first time I had a supernatural God—ordained spiritual experience. Essentially, the first time fears, losses, thrills, and joys of specific life events can happen only once. After I experienced them, they can never be first again.

Gladness and sadness, which accompanied each occurrence while navigating my Womb of Wisdom, revealed to me a significant difference between the acquisition of knowledge and godly wisdom. I received intellectual knowledge, information, from my natural everyday happenings, schools, colleges, and universities. Conversely, only God delivers wisdom. His wisdom is abundantly imparted to all his human creation in the Holy Bible and gives the believer correct judgments, balance, mercy, and justice.

My wisdom, as well as my faith, was immature early on but flourished over time. I developed self-confidence and a God-centered self-esteem. Wisdom informed my faith; faith and understanding sought more wisdom. Now, I strive to live right and peaceably before the face of God and mankind.

Womb of Wisdom is the discovery of hope, faith, trust, love, and forgiveness. Unfortunately, the good news is that bad news is merely a short detour to receiving the good news which unlocks doors to a victorious finish. The put-downs, hassles, decisions, concerns to severe problems in the workplace, and threats to my physical well-being did not prosper.

Every day gives me another opportunity to apply God’s Womb of Wisdom to both challenges and opportunities.

The purpose of this book is to make known that each of us has a destiny and we should be permitted to fulfill it. Achieving that fulfillment will not happen as long as insecurity and a poor self-image dominate. I believe this book will be a turning point in one’s understanding of the dynamics of specific behaviors observed in people of different ethical, religious, and Christian persuasions. You are encouraged to take a second look at what may appear real, yet be false and face your weaknesses and not hate yourself because of them. You will undergo healing and be free from sorrow to successfully start living as your God-ordained self.

As you discover the principles for living a victorious life which I have shared, may you begin to say in your heart, My Womb of Wisdom is very much intact, and no matter what the situation is, Wisdom is the principal thing.

PART ONE

Musings from Lillimae

(Age Fourteen Years)

It has been several years since my Mama made the brave decision to move to New York, leaving her sacred Alabama home and precious family behind. Her revelation in the cotton fields told her that she could forge a better life for all of us if she moved up North, and she bravely and single-handedly did so with the hopes of a brighter future embedded deeply and irrevocably in her heart and mind.

However, life always holds surprises, and this decision to relocate was no exception. Mama waited patiently for two years before securing a job in New York. Her sister, my Aunt Lucy Bell, was very supportive and offered lodging and emotional support to Mama, but over time, Mama’s patience wore thin and the strain and self-doubt took its toll. By the time Mama sent for Papa and me to join her up North, she had already sacrificed much of her emotional stability; the transition, different culture, and foreign lifestyle were costly ones, both physically and emotionally. She obsessed about her financial fears and limitations endlessly and eventually suffered a nervous breakdown. I witnessed men in white coats come to take my mother away to the hospital wearing a strait jacket. She remained there for a long time. This left lasting traumatic memories upon my psyche. I developed a nervous stomach that needed watching, and after she returned home, I worried a lot that Mama would have another emotional episode. While Mama was in the hospital, her boss hired Papa to work for his company, expressing his regrets for Mama’s illness and offering reassurances that her job was safe and would be waiting for her when she returned.

Mama wasn’t my only concern; I also worried about Papa. Back in Alabama, Papa was a respected minister and a highly sought-after member of the community. Our home was slightly above the norm for the community, and Papa could hold his head up high.

Here in New York, he was stripped of his dignity and identity and severely demeaned in his new locale. People ridiculed him for his religious beliefs, ethnicity, and the way he spoke. Desperately frustrated and searching for comfort and relief from his misery, he turned to alcohol and cigarettes as a means to deaden his pain and suffered the subsequent irrational thinking and behaviors that accompany these types of addictions.

This past Friday night, Papa came home drunk and smelling of cigarettes. He ran to the bathroom and began to retch and vomit violently. Mama, my brother and my sisters, and I were very frightened for him. We have never seen him act like this to such an extent, and we don’t know what to make of it or what to do. This is certainly not the Papa we know. What happened to our secure and carefree life in Alabama? What is happening to our family?

Mama finally managed to get Papa to bed, telling him that they would discuss things the next day morning. My siblings and I exhaustedly fell asleep; just before doing so; I reminded myself that God would help Mama deal with Papa’s problem.

That morning, Mama made us breakfast; Papa was still sleeping, which was unusual for a Saturday morning when we all usually eat together as a family, enjoying the luxury of not being rushed. Mama walked us around the corner to Aunt Lucy Bell’s apartment and then returned home to speak to Papa privately. I was nervous about what was going to happen and hoped that Mama won’t get upset and cry. I prayed that God will give Mama the strength and knowledge she needs to help Papa.

Alcoholism

Wine is a mocker, strong drink is raging: and whosoever is deceived thereby is not wise. (Proverbs 20:1)

What do most addictions look like, and what does the word mean to you? People have said that there is no such thing as addiction, and people who engage in addictive behaviors do not have a disease; they just refuse to exercise control over their actions. Others have said, if there is such a thing as addiction, it can only be to substances; while many believe that only drinking alcohol or gambling can be addicting. Let me share a definition that covers them all. To be addicted means that a person is unable to stop a repeated and compulsive use of an activity, behavior or substance despite negative consequences. With this definition, I believe that many of us are in trouble. This definition goes beyond what we normally associate with being an addict—being out on the street, penniless, and friendless. Many of us think of an addict as someone who is down and out and has lost everything—jobs, homes, and families. This mentality results in many people who are struggling in this area unable to give-up a substance or behavior despite its negative consequences. They believe that since they function well in their jobs, they do not have an addiction; yet they are wrong. It is very possible to be a high performer and still be out of control in how we use money, food, sex, alcohol, exercise, or many other things. In general, most addicts follow a two-step path: first, they begin with a behavior that brings them pleasure; after which, they become psychologically or physically dependent on the behavior or substance. Sadly, most of these activities that we become addicted to are things that God has designed to be a part of life, such as food, money, and sex. The problem comes when these things become so all-consuming that the person loses control and is now a slave of the behavior or substance. The Apostle Paul says much about addictive behaviors: All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient; all things are lawful unto me, but I will not be brought under the power of any (1 Corinthians 6:12). In other words, he is saying that everything is permissible for me, but everything is not beneficial.

Stuck between Past and Future

Eartha Mae Marcus

Eartha Mae found herself sitting at the kitchen table pondering over in her mind the Friday night’s drama. Is Ernest Lee losing his mind? What is to become of this family? Do we have a future together here? Our relatives, community, and friends consider us to be an upstanding and trustworthy family. We have never given them any reason to believe otherwise. If they only knew what has been going on in this home over the past few months, they would probably excommunicate us from our church and run us out of the community. I am so embarrassed and hurt by all that has come into existence since our coming together again from Alabama. Who would have ever thought that my husband and I would be having these kinds of problems in our marriage? Here I am sitting in this dimly lit room, feeling very dark in my soul, even to the point of feeling numb. This is very unnerving, to say the least! A thought of that time, five years ago, when the men in white coats took me away haunts me. I will never allow myself or anyone else to disturb me to the point of a mental breakdown again. I will remove myself from situations that cause me to ruminate on my past failures and disappointments as a way to hold my own; it’s easier than trying to fix everything and everybody’s problems. Unfortunately, I am still learning how to relate to the man who made a promise to love and be with me for the rest of my life. I know that I can’t commit suicide because I have been taught that people who commit suicide go directly to hell when they die. God knows, and I know that hell is not for me; it was prepared for the devil and his angels. I am not the devil, nor am I one of his angels, although I know at times